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Child visitation with Oral Agreement?

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bakeller

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Louisiana

My ex-wife and I have a 12 yr old son. We live in seperate states and for the past 8 yrs have had an oral agreement concerning visitation and child support. Last year she became angry with me and refused to let me have any contact with him beyond letters. I quit sending her the money we had agreed upon. She contacted me this week (via e-mail) saying she would be willing to let me start seeing him again, if I agreed to start sending her money again.

Neither my ex or myself can afford lawyers or an extensive legal battle. Is it ok to continue working through an "oral" agreement? If we do come to an agreement, is it "legally" ok for me to stop sending her money if she refuses, again, to let me see my son?
 


CSO286

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Louisiana

My ex-wife and I have a 12 yr old son. We live in seperate states and for the past 8 yrs have had an oral agreement concerning visitation and child support. Last year she became angry with me and refused to let me have any contact with him beyond letters. I quit sending her the money we had agreed upon. She contacted me this week (via e-mail) saying she would be willing to let me start seeing him again, if I agreed to start sending her money again.

Neither my ex or myself can afford lawyers or an extensive legal battle. Is it ok to continue working through an "oral" agreement? If we do come to an agreement, is it "legally" ok for me to stop sending her money if she refuses, again, to let me see my son?
What state does the child live in
I wouldn't. I'd apply for services throuhg that state's CSED....She could come back and say that you haven't paid her anything and without proof, you could be on the hook for some scary retro support. (I qon't be able to tell you if the applkicable state does pursue retro support until you say which state the child is in.)
Are you legally this child's father? Are you on the birth certificate? Did you sign an AOP/ROP/legitimize the child?
A child support and custody action can be done prety simply pro se (without an attorney). We can give you links to sites that can help you, but again, depends on the state child lives in, since that state has jurisdiction.



Typos are blamed on my stupid bum hand and I'm not fixing them unless they result in misinformation.
 

bakeller

Junior Member
Thanks for the quick response. I am his natural father and I am on the Birth Certificate. He currently lives in Kentucky.

Thanks again.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Louisiana

My ex-wife and I have a 12 yr old son. We live in seperate states and for the past 8 yrs have had an oral agreement concerning visitation and child support. Last year she became angry with me and refused to let me have any contact with him beyond letters. I quit sending her the money we had agreed upon. She contacted me this week (via e-mail) saying she would be willing to let me start seeing him again, if I agreed to start sending her money again.

Neither my ex or myself can afford lawyers or an extensive legal battle. Is it ok to continue working through an "oral" agreement? If we do come to an agreement, is it "legally" ok for me to stop sending her money if she refuses, again, to let me see my son?
You're asking for trouble. If she ever goes on state aid, you're going to be ordered to reimburse the state for at least part of what they spent. All of your payments to date would NOT count as child support because they were not court ordered. Rather, they are gifts.

If you and your ex reach an agreement, then you can put it in writing and submit it to the court for approval so that it becomes a permanent plan. That would protect BOTH of you.

I agree with Ohiogal - it's odd that you were able to get divorced without ANY instructions on visitation, custody, and child support. Go back and re-read the documents.
 

CSO286

Senior Member
Kentucky will only set retroactive support back to date petition was filed or back to birth of child if under age four (4) in paternity cases.
So, according to the info I found, because your child is twelve, you would be on the hook for support only back to date of filing.
My advice to you--after you've gone over your divorce decree and found that (for whaterver reason) CS and parenting time aren't addressed--is to file a motion to modify your divorce to address CS and parenting time.

The seniors will hopefully correct me if I'm wrong about doing it as a motion to mod, or if you'll have to begin a new action for CS and parenting time.

My guess is, that it would depend on where you divorce was done. Seniors?

Good luck.


Typos are blamed on my stupid bum hand and I'm not fixing them unless they result in misinformation.
 

bakeller

Junior Member
My ex and I were divorced 10 yrs ago. We had a custody agreement and Child Support setup. 8 yrs ago she tried to leave the state without my consent. I took her to court (cost me $$$). The judge told us to each submit our current salaries so that Child support could be setup. She immediately fired her lawyer and left the state. I didn't have the money to continue fighting and since she was still letting me talk to and have visitation with my son, I didn't worry about it. I went to the court house when she quit letting him contact me and there is nothing on file regarding our case. I talked to the DA's office where the case was originally filed (louisiana) and was told that it was "essentially" a "Private Party" matter and the only thing I could do was "re-file" and "start over"
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
My ex and I were divorced 10 yrs ago. We had a custody agreement and Child Support setup. 8 yrs ago she tried to leave the state without my consent. I took her to court (cost me $$$). The judge told us to each submit our current salaries so that Child support could be setup. She immediately fired her lawyer and left the state. I didn't have the money to continue fighting and since she was still letting me talk to and have visitation with my son, I didn't worry about it. I went to the court house when she quit letting him contact me and there is nothing on file regarding our case. I talked to the DA's office where the case was originally filed (louisiana) and was told that it was "essentially" a "Private Party" matter and the only thing I could do was "re-file" and "start over"
I think you got bad information.

A custody and child support "setup" that is in place remains in place until it is modified by the court.

You started a modification case, but it was never completed. Therefore your original custody and child support orders would remain in full force and effect.

Now, it would be difficult for you to challenge the current custody setup (other than getting a modification for an enforceable long distance plan) because her move was 8 years ago. However the original child support would definitely still be in effect.
 

jbowman

Senior Member
You're asking for trouble. If she ever goes on state aid, you're going to be ordered to reimburse the state for at least part of what they spent. All of your payments to date would NOT count as child support because they were not court ordered. .
I dont know how that is relevant. He would have to pay back the state regardless. Order or not - if he is in fact this childs father.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I dont know how that is relevant. He would have to pay back the state regardless. Order or not - if he is in fact this childs father.
It's relevant because if he has been paying court-ordered support, he will get credit for that when the state calculates what he owes. If he has been paying voluntarily without a court order, it's a gift and he won't get credit for it.

Verbal agreements aren't worth the paper they're written on. ;)
 

jbowman

Senior Member
It's relevant because if he has been paying court-ordered support, he will get credit for that when the state calculates what he owes. If he has been paying voluntarily without a court order, it's a gift and he won't get credit for it.

Verbal agreements aren't worth the paper they're written on. ;)
Still dont get it. If she gets State Aid - its not going to be retroactive??? He will owe what she gets from the state. Order or not.

I understand the whole gift thing. My head is being hard and I am not wrapping it around what you are trying to say. If he was paying court ordered child support, that would be deducted from the aid she would get. If he is not ordered to pay cs - they will order him to pay.
 

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