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  1. #1
    stephaniefitz is offline Junior Member
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    Child wants to live with non-custodial parent

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I currently reside in Texas. During our (Michigan) divorce in 2002, I was awarded residential custody of son. When I moved to Texas in 2007, I was not aware that I needed permission to move. I lost residential custody to the father. Child wanted to still live in Michigan with grandmother, so I did not fight it. Father is custodial parent and I have the "Michigan Schedule" visitation. I also pay child support (timely). I pay for all transportation from Michigan to Houston. Last summer, my son suggested to me about staying in Texas. I told him that it would be something that we would need to discuss with dad. He said nevermind, it will just make him angry. Nothing else was said. A few weeks ago while speaking with him on the phone, he asked if he could come live with me. I asked if there was anything wrong and he said he missed me and would really like to be with me. I told him that we needed to speak to dad. He called me a couple days later and said that he mentioned to his dad that he wanted to spend a school year with me. My son was so upset. Dad was furious and was ranting that I left him (my son) and didn't care about him or else I would not have left (my family is from Texas). Dad and I are prior military and his family lives in Michigan (where we were during our marriage and where the original order is done). My question is what do I do for my 13 year old son who wants to live with me so badly. I had him for the first half of his life and dad has had him for the last half. Dad does not work and lives in grandma's basement. "He spends alot of time on the computer talking to girls" is what my son tells me. I have tried to talk to dad about this and try to come to an agreement but he just starts yeling and I am afraid to get him too upset at our son. I paid for the round trip flight already and he is flying in tomorrow for 30 days. My son has already told me that he "will not" get back on the plane to go back to dad. Help me?
    Last edited by stephaniefitz; 06-28-2011 at 04:39 PM.
  2. #2
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephaniefitz View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I currently reside in Texas. During our (Michigan) divorce in 2002, I was awarded residential custody of son. When I moved to Texas in 2007, I was not aware that I needed permission to move. I lost residential custody to the father. Child wanted to still live in Michigan with grandmother, so I did not fight it. Father is custodial parent and I have the "Michigan Schedule" visitation. I also pay child support (timely). I pay for all transportation from Michigan to Houston. Last summer, my son suggested to me about staying in Texas. I told him that it would be something that we would need to discuss with dad. He said nevermind, it will just make him angry. Nothing else was said. A few weeks ago while speaking with him on the phone, he asked if he could come live with me. I asked if there was anything wrong and he said he missed me and would really like to be with me. I told him that we needed to speak to dad. He called me a couple days later and said that he mentioned to his dad that he wanted to spend a school year with me. My son was so upset. Dad was furious and was ranting that I left him (my son) and didn't care about him or else I would not have left (my family is from Texas). Dad and I are prior military and his family lives in Michigan (where we were during our marriage and where the original order is done). My question is what do I do for my 13 year old son who wants to live with me so badly. I had him for the first half of his life and dad has had him for the last half. Dad does not work and lives in grandma's basement. "He spends alot of time on the computer talking to girls" is what my son tells me. I have tried to talk to dad about this and try to come to an agreement but he just starts yeling and I am afraid to get him too upset at our son. I paid for the round trip flight already and he is flying in tomorrow for 30 days. My son has already told me that he "will not" get back on the plane to go back to dad. Help me?
    So, when the 13 year old adamantly states that he "will not" go to school, what do you do?

    Or when he adamantly states that he "will not" go to the dentist?

    13 y.o.s do not "decide" where they live, and, in my world, they do not tell their parents what they "will" and "will not" do.
  3. #3
    stephaniefitz is offline Junior Member
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    maybe I should have explained what he meant...he was trying to make me understand that he really did not want to go back. I told him that we would talk to dad together...maybe that will help the anger part. Dad didn't say anything else is wrong. When he comes to visit...I plan on speaking with him to help calm him and let him know that if we calmly think about it, maybe we can come up with a compromise. Just need to have dad involved.
    Last edited by stephaniefitz; 06-28-2011 at 04:42 PM. Reason: missed info
  4. #4
    dannyt is offline Member
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    son doesnt decide

    Quote Originally Posted by stephaniefitz View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I currently reside in Texas. During our (Michigan) divorce in 2002, I was awarded residential custody of son. When I moved to Texas in 2007, I was not aware that I needed permission to move. I lost residential custody to the father. Child wanted to still live in Michigan with grandmother, so I did not fight it. Father is custodial parent and I have the "Michigan Schedule" visitation. I also pay child support (timely). I pay for all transportation from Michigan to Houston. Last summer, my son suggested to me about staying in Texas. I told him that it would be something that we would need to discuss with dad. He said nevermind, it will just make him angry. Nothing else was said. A few weeks ago while speaking with him on the phone, he asked if he could come live with me. I asked if there was anything wrong and he said he missed me and would really like to be with me. I told him that we needed to speak to dad. He called me a couple days later and said that he mentioned to his dad that he wanted to spend a school year with me. My son was so upset. Dad was furious and was ranting that I left him (my son) and didn't care about him or else I would not have left (my family is from Texas). Dad and I are prior military and his family lives in Michigan (where we were during our marriage and where the original order is done). My question is what do I do for my 13 year old son who wants to live with me so badly. I had him for the first half of his life and dad has had him for the last half. Dad does not work and lives in grandma's basement. "He spends alot of time on the computer talking to girls" is what my son tells me. I have tried to talk to dad about this and try to come to an agreement but he just starts yeling and I am afraid to get him too upset at our son. I paid for the round trip flight already and he is flying in tomorrow for 30 days. My son has already told me that he "will not" get back on the plane to go back to dad. Help me?
    your son does not decide he is not going home. he does not call the shots. when hes 18 he can decide whom to live with untill then its not his decison to make. he is legally a child. if you dont send him back you risk being held in contempt, and done enough times, lose custody. get the idea now?
  5. #5
    Antigone* is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephaniefitz View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I currently reside in Texas. During our (Michigan) divorce in 2002, I was awarded residential custody of son. When I moved to Texas in 2007, I was not aware that I needed permission to move. I lost residential custody to the father. Child wanted to still live in Michigan with grandmother, so I did not fight it. Father is custodial parent and I have the "Michigan Schedule" visitation. I also pay child support (timely). I pay for all transportation from Michigan to Houston. Last summer, my son suggested to me about staying in Texas. I told him that it would be something that we would need to discuss with dad. He said nevermind, it will just make him angry. Nothing else was said. A few weeks ago while speaking with him on the phone, he asked if he could come live with me. I asked if there was anything wrong and he said he missed me and would really like to be with me. I told him that we needed to speak to dad. He called me a couple days later and said that he mentioned to his dad that he wanted to spend a school year with me. My son was so upset. Dad was furious and was ranting that I left him (my son) and didn't care about him or else I would not have left (my family is from Texas). Dad and I are prior military and his family lives in Michigan (where we were during our marriage and where the original order is done). My question is what do I do for my 13 year old son who wants to live with me so badly. I had him for the first half of his life and dad has had him for the last half. Dad does not work and lives in grandma's basement. "He spends alot of time on the computer talking to girls" is what my son tells me. I have tried to talk to dad about this and try to come to an agreement but he just starts yeling and I am afraid to get him too upset at our son. I paid for the round trip flight already and he is flying in tomorrow for 30 days. My son has already told me that he "will not" get back on the plane to go back to dad. Help me?

    Why don't you consider moving back to Michigan to be closer to your son?
  6. #6
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephaniefitz View Post
    maybe I should have explained what he meant...he was trying to make me understand that he really did not want to go back. I told him that we would talk to dad together...maybe that will help the anger part. Dad didn't say anything else is wrong. When he comes to visit...I plan on speaking with him to help calm him and let him know that if we calmly think about it, maybe we can come up with a compromise. Just need to have dad involved.
    I'd say you need to have Dad involved -- he's the custodial parent.

    My point is that children don't choose. You can mount a custody battle, if you wish.
  7. #7
    stephaniefitz is offline Junior Member
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    I agree, child doesn't choose. I was just amazed how mad everyone got at me, like I did this to dad. I actually spoke to my son to find out if there was something I could help calm over. If he is upset with his dad, then that is not a reason to run from him. I would of course include dad in this. I do understand that I have to return him. I never thought going against a court order. Just was looking for some legal help if there was something dad and I could do to help our son.
  8. #8
    stephaniefitz is offline Junior Member
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    moving back to Michigan...I have a husband and two other children. I work full-time here and economy is better. Michigan did not offer alot for me there...so I came south. Just so happens I have family down here. They are a wonderful support structure for me and my family. I do miss him and wish things were different but I have to try and find a way to make everyone happy including dad.
  9. #9
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephaniefitz View Post
    I agree, child doesn't choose. I was just amazed how mad everyone got at me, like I did this to dad. I actually spoke to my son to find out if there was something I could help calm over. If he is upset with his dad, then that is not a reason to run from him. I would of course include dad in this. I do understand that I have to return him. I never thought going against a court order. Just was looking for some legal help if there was something dad and I could do to help our son.
    You can talk with Dad -- without the child involved. See what Dad says. Decide if you want to mess with a custody fight: cost-benefit, whether or not Dad could outlast you, whether or not there are any reasonable factors in the switch beyond a kid's changing preferences, etc.
  10. #10
    stephaniefitz is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    You can talk with Dad -- without the child involved. See what Dad says. Decide if you want to mess with a custody fight: cost-benefit, whether or not Dad could outlast you, whether or not there are any reasonable factors in the switch beyond a kid's changing preferences, etc.
    ...resonable factors, that sounds like something worth looking into...btw..this conversation would be private. Unlike his father...I do not even say anything negative about him to our son. So, yes dad could oulast me with the hate. But I am hoping that I can help keep our son happy and not piss dad off. Dad has been living off of his mom for over a year. Even his wife left him, with Their child..so please do not treat me like a am some monster for wanting to help make my son happy.
  11. #11
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephaniefitz View Post
    ...resonable factors, that sounds like something worth looking into...btw..this conversation would be private. Unlike his father...I do not even say anything negative about him to our son. So, yes dad could oulast me with the hate. But I am hoping that I can help keep our son happy and not piss dad off. Dad has been living off of his mom for over a year. Even his wife left him, with Their child..so please do not treat me like a am some monster for wanting to help make my son happy.
    I'm not aware of myself treating you like a monster.
  12. #12
    stephaniefitz is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    I'm not aware of myself treating you like a monster.
    actually you probably didn't..I just want to do the right thing and I was hoping for some positive feedback..not just "be ready for a fight"..i am so tired of fighting over everything. i gave in for that reason...
  13. #13
    Zigner is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephaniefitz View Post
    actually you probably didn't..I just want to do the right thing and I was hoping for some positive feedback..not just "be ready for a fight"..i am so tired of fighting over everything. i gave in for that reason...
    Oh....you didn't want legal advice then.

    You're looking for cheerleaders.
  14. #14
    stephaniefitz is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zigner View Post
    Oh....you didn't want legal advice then.

    You're looking for cheerleaders.
    Yes..I did want legal advice but was hoping that there was a civil way to do it without being damanding and having to take on the other parent. i just think that we could maybe come up with something but wasn't sure what has worked for others in my situation..that was what i was looking for..you know people who actually try and work together.
  15. #15
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephaniefitz View Post
    Yes..I did want legal advice but was hoping that there was a civil way to do it without being damanding and having to take on the other parent. i just think that we could maybe come up with something but wasn't sure what has worked for others in my situation..that was what i was looking for..you know people who actually try and work together.
    Re-read your first post. There's no law, and no FA advisor that could FIX your relationship with your son's Dad so that he will just hand over custody.

    How were WE supposed to fix THAT?

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