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Childcare if my ex has no job

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CATZI

Junior Member
Childcare during summer vacation

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania
I hope I can make this short and understandable - I'm still unhappily mulling over what I'm going to say to my ex next.

School's out formy daughter, of course - and we had previously arranged with everyone (including my ex) that my mother would come over to my house (where my daughter lives) in the mornings when I have to go to work, and drive her to her swim-team practices, then watch her for the remaining time on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until practice is over (mid-July) and my ex would pick her up from practice on Tuesday and Thursday, keeping her for the remaining time on those days as well as have her on his regular weekends. Last week that all sounded agreeable to everyone. But****************************. today he got his papers for our court hearing because he's not paid child support since March. So**************...
That became his opportunity to rattle my cage about other issues - so he called and told me that since he still has no job (not a plus in my book) that he wants me to take her over to his place (he lives with his mother) every day and he'll take her to practice and keep her all of the days that I work. He says that if I have no other plans, that I can not deny him having her instead of having a "babysitter" (though I don't consider my mother a babysitter - and isn't that my decision anyway?).
He uses his usual threat that "when I get another job, I'm going to file for joint physical custody" and says that I exclude him (though he gets her on his weekends, is aware of her clubs/events, etc, and other "agreed-upon" times - but as you can tell, we don't agree much). He also thinks that since we have joint legal custody, that this is something that we have to decide together.
My daughter feels she is treated like a baby or just told what to do when she is over there (and, yes, I've told him that she feels that way) and doesn't want to get up at 6:00 in the morning every day. I want her to have some independence, be treated more maturely (she's 9), and have opinions that count.

I guess I'd like to know if I have the right to chose who helps me out by being with Kayla while I'm at work or if he has to be involved in the decision**************......
I'm sure I left out parts that might help some of you help me, but I'm still flustered with this whole issue. He hides behind the decree when he feels it's in his best interest and twists some of it to he in his favor, but for the most part hasn't abided by much of it.
I'm just hoping that someone has been in a similar situation (though, as I said, there's a lot of history left out on both parts).
Thanks!!!
 
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California here I come,
Right back where I started from,
Where bowers and flowers bloom in the sun,
Each morning at dawning birdies sing and everything.
A sun kissed miss said "Don't be late."
Thats why I can hardly wait,
So open up those Golden gate California here I COME!(
 

CATZI

Junior Member
Sorry about the beginning of the thread - I clicked "return" too many times and sent a blank message**************.. my bad!!! :p
 

CJane

Senior Member
Does your court order state anything about childcare? If so, what does it say EXACTLY? Who normally keeps the child during the school year?
 

CATZI

Junior Member
"exactly" it says "Wife shall have primary physical custody with partial custody/visitation to Husband of not less than every other weekend a at all other times as can be mutually agreed to between the parties, the same not to be unreasonably denied. 'Mutual agreement' contemplates good faith discussions by both parents to reach an acceptable agreement as to specific dates and times of partial custody/visitation, with the best interests of the child being of primary importance."
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
CATZI said:
"exactly" it says "Wife shall have primary physical custody with partial custody/visitation to Husband of not less than every other weekend a at all other times as can be mutually agreed to between the parties, the same not to be unreasonably denied. 'Mutual agreement' contemplates good faith discussions by both parents to reach an acceptable agreement as to specific dates and times of partial custody/visitation, with the best interests of the child being of primary importance."
If you are not with the child and are gong to send the child to a babysitter -- evne your mother -- there is no reason why child cannot be with dad. Dad is of paramount importance to the child not your mom. YOu need to realize that. If he fights in court that you are not acting in good faith, you could be found in contempt. You can choose but be prepared for the court to not be happy that you are not allowing the child and father time when they are both available and dad is willing and you are NOT with the child. That is a problem. Your mother may not be considered a babysitter by you however to the courts she is NOT more important than the child's father. Arguing that he is behind in child support is no excuse. As for him telling you that he is going to go for shared custody, he has that legal right. Legally he can move for more time with his child.
His parenting style is NOT enough reason for you to deny his child from spending time with him.
 

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