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Children do not want to visit

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TexMom

Junior Member
Ok, so maybe my questions of this situation are more for a professional counselor to answer then some "geek" guru that wants to draw pictures.

I'm here seeking answers not for my personal gain, but for my family, my husband and his children sake. Yes, I understand in legal matters, I am not a member or factor to either party when it comes to decisions regarding the children. I was trying to see if there are any legal presidence in situations of similar circumstances that we might be getting into. Yes, ideally everyone should follow the court order exactly as it states, but given the situation, circumstances, is that REALLY in the best interest of the children. So, once again.. no help here. Most likely the wrong place to look for help in this situation.

BTW, thanks for the latest replies/advice. From the doctorisin and the following replies have been the most imformative. Kudos, thanks for showing geniune concern and sharing knowledge/insight.
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
imformative.
:eek:
So you're not a perfect typist, either, Little Miss Tex. ;) :p

So, perhaps one of your newbies would like to explain to you how it is that "Alienation of Affection" is one of your real options here.

Or perhaps one of your newbies would like to explain all about "Parental Alienation Syndrome," since he brought it up?

This oughta be funny.
 

TexMom

Junior Member
Thanks Silverplum for being my "spell checker". That is yet another "user friendly" function missing from this site.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
Look OP, dad screwed up. he put himself into this situation. he let mom walk all over him. with stilleto heels too. this is why children are not allowed to make laws. this is why children have no say so in a court room. (oh crap, i just remembered OG post yesterday) okay, i take some of it back. this is why children SHOULD NOT have a say so in court matters. they cannot decide for themselves. they can be easily swayed. which mom seems to be doing a great job of doing.

dad needs to excerise his rights ASAP. back to the regular scheduled programming. as in today. each and every court ordered parenting time. if mom fights him on it, stand his ground. don't let this woman take away the only father the children really have. just as i wouldn't let some rock star replace me as a parent, i'll be damned if i let some SO other replace me as a parent.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Thanks Silverplum for being my "spell checker". That is yet another "user friendly" function missing from this site.
Just returning the "favor" you did for one of my fellows. :rolleyes:

Oh, and there IS a spellcheck function here...guess you missed it, along with the search function. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
 
Or perhaps one of your newbies would like to explain all about "Parental Alienation Syndrome," since he brought it up?
For practical advice on Parental Alienation Syndrome, I recommend Divorce Casualties: Protecting Your Children From Parental Alienation by Douglas Darnall. In addition to reading the book, it might not be a bad idea for the dad to send a copy to the mother as well. She might not be aware just how badly she is hurting their children by her actions.

TexMom, it will be your job to ensure that your step-children address your husband as dad or daddy. Every time they try to address him by his name, you will need to correct their behavior. Psychologically speaking, it is more effective when a third party insists that the children show the proper respect to their parent, instead of the parent trying to enforce this by himself.
 

jbowman

Senior Member
Humus, I'm trying to figure out why you rolled your eyes at picturesqu's post. It was spot on what Dad should do.
I thought the same. The only "iffy" thing was taking the cell phone away--from a legal standpoint, its Dad's house, Dad's rules but it may cause more issues. Aside from that, i didnt understand what was wrong with it.
 

JCarrington

Junior Member
My husband and his ex wife came to the conclusion that they would work out a plan that they thought would be in the best interest of the kids. That is to let the kids decide whether or not they want to come over.

HUH? Letting the kids decide whether they want to come over?? In that case, why not let the kids decide whether they want to brush their teeth, eat their vegetables and do their homework too. No wonder there's all these problems. Mom and Dad need to start parenting effectively or there will be major problems ahead.

Good luck
 

Isis1

Senior Member
I thought the same. The only "iffy" thing was taking the cell phone away--from a legal standpoint, its Dad's house, Dad's rules but it may cause more issues. Aside from that, i didnt understand what was wrong with it.
taking the cell phone away is NOT a good idea. you are only redoing what mom is doing. that doesn't help. it worsens. not in the manner the poster described. you allow a phone call, then turn off the phone when the child is otherwise entertained. phone not on, unecessary phone calls cannot take place. once a day is not going to kill the other parent.
 

jbowman

Senior Member
taking the cell phone away is NOT a good idea. you are only redoing what mom is doing. that doesn't help. it worsens. not in the manner the poster described. you allow a phone call, then turn off the phone when the child is otherwise entertained. phone not on, unecessary phone calls cannot take place. once a day is not going to kill the other parent.
I agree. Personally, I couldnt care less how many times NCP calls my child. Child is not upset about it so... whatever. But from a LEGAL standpoint, Dad can take the phone away--but its just not a good idea. Then you'll be fighting with mom about that.
 

TheGeekess

Keeper of the Kraken
For practical advice on Parental Alienation Syndrome, I recommend Divorce Casualties: Protecting Your Children From Parental Alienation by Douglas Darnall. In addition to reading the book, it might not be a bad idea for the dad to send a copy to the mother as well. She might not be aware just how badly she is hurting their children by her actions.

TexMom, it will be your job to ensure that your step-children address your husband as dad or daddy. Every time they try to address him by his name, you will need to correct their behavior. Psychologically speaking, it is more effective when a third party insists that the children show the proper respect to their parent, instead of the parent trying to enforce this by himself.
PAS is not a legally recognized term or recognized by professionals in the Mental Health field. :rolleyes:

And it is NOT TexMom's part to parent her stepchildren. It is up to Dad to make sure the children call him by his title/Dad-Name. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
 
PAS is not a legally recognized term or recognized by professionals in the Mental Health field. :rolleyes:
Nonetheless, it is happening to these children.

And it is NOT TexMom's part to parent her stepchildren. It is up to Dad to make sure the children call him by his title/Dad-Name. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
Actually, it is the Mother's job to make sure that the children call the Dad by the Dad-Name and the Step-Dad by the Step-Dad-Name. But instead of this, she is doing the exact opposite, to her children's grave detriment.

In such a situation, there is little the Dad can do directly, because the Mother's campaign of alienation will work against the children respecting his authority. Thus, the only way these children can be helped is if the Step-Mom, as a third-party adult, works to undo the negative effects of the Mother's actions.
 
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The mom would make a big deal about them leaving/being away and would send a cell phone with a 5 year old and call all the time promising gifts for them when they return or talk about fun things she is doing without them.
What this does is to send a message to the children that the father is being selfish by insisting on having his visitation, with the consequence that the children are forced to miss out on all those fun things because of the father's decision.

This is a pernicious message to be sending to small children. After five months of canceled visitation, there will be a lot of whining and crying when visitation is resumed. The last thing these children need is the mother reinforcing this message of alienation over the cell phone during the visitation itself.

I stand by my recommendation to confiscate the cell phone for the entire visitation.
 
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Humusluvr

Senior Member
Humus, I'm trying to figure out why you rolled your eyes at picturesqu's post. It was spot on what Dad should do.
Sorry, I did not read closely enough. I didn't know this was a "Not only is my ex a jerk, but my husband's ex is too." I got threads mixed up, you know. :rolleyes:

And I REALLY love the rolleyeyes. They are fabulous.

I'm still waiting on the barfing emoticon, however. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
 

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