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  1. #1
    TexMom is offline Junior Member
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    Children do not want to visit

    I live in Texas. I divorced and then married my current husband who has 2 kids (6 & 3) from a previous marriage. He has a standard possession visitation order. We had been getting the kids pretty regularily and they would always cry to either go home or call their "mommy". The weekends that we were to have the kids, no one looked forward too because we knew how things were always going to be. The mom would make a big deal about them leaving/being away and would send a cell phone with a 5 year old and call all the time promising gifts for them when they return or talk about fun things she is doing without them. We have since talked to her about how we (my current husband and I) feel that it is effecting the kids when we have them. My husband and his ex wife came to the conclusion that they would work out a plan that they thought would be in the best interest of the kids. That is to let the kids decide whether or not they want to come over. Well, that was back in May, it in now October and since then the kids have not wanted to come over. The now 6 yr old call each 1st, 3rd, 5th week to tell her daddy that she doesn't want to come over. He has made some effort to go over one day during his weekend to take them to the park, out to eat, whatever just spend some time with them. The kids (again 6 and 3) have been calling their dad by his real name for sometime now and call their new step-dad "dad" or "daddy". We are torn as to what to do legally and morally. We do not ever want to have to face any allienation of affection charges or have that used against us in an unfavorable judgement to increase childsupport or anything else. Can someone shed some light on the legal rights and how to go about being able to prove that the kids do not want to visit their father do to something going on in their custodial parents (mothers) household.

    Thanks,
  2. #2
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Couldn't find anything in the Search Function for THIS boring old common old q, either?



    Couldn't be bothered to read the forum rules and TOS, and know that posting multiple threads on the same topic is frowned upon?



    Quote Originally Posted by TexMom View Post
    I live in Texas. I divorced and then married my current husband who has 2 kids (6 & 3) from a previous marriage. He has a standard possession visitation order. We had been getting the kids pretty regularily and they would always cry to either go home or call their "mommy". The weekends that we were to have the kids, no one looked forward too because we knew how things were always going to be. The mom would make a big deal about them leaving/being away and would send a cell phone with a 5 year old and call all the time promising gifts for them when they return or talk about fun things she is doing without them. We have since talked to her about how we (my current husband and I) feel that it is effecting the kids when we have them. My husband and his ex wife came to the conclusion that they would work out a plan that they thought would be in the best interest of the kids. That is to let the kids decide whether or not they want to come over. Well, that was back in May, it in now October and since then the kids have not wanted to come over. The now 6 yr old call each 1st, 3rd, 5th week to tell her daddy that she doesn't want to come over. He has made some effort to go over one day during his weekend to take them to the park, out to eat, whatever just spend some time with them. The kids (again 6 and 3) have been calling their dad by his real name for sometime now and call their new step-dad "dad" or "daddy". We are torn as to what to do legally and morally. We do not ever want to have to face any allienation of affection charges or have that used against us in an unfavorable judgement to increase childsupport or anything else. Can someone shed some light on the legal rights and how to go about being able to prove that the kids do not want to visit their father do to something going on in their custodial parents (mothers) household.

    Thanks,
  3. #3
    TexMom is offline Junior Member
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    Yes.. read the "Newbie" post. However, this site is not very user friendly.

    Again.. thanks for nothing..

    Attitude... just another service provided here!
  4. #4
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
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    First, there is no "we", there is Mom and Dad in this situation. Children do not have the ability to choose if they will follow a court order or not. Mom (as CP) has the responsibility to foster a relationship between Dad (NCP) and children. Mom and Dad are both seriously at fault in this situation.

    Dad needs to put on his big boy pants, and inform Mom that visitation will resume ASAP. If Mom refuses to allow Dad access (he shows up to pick up the children and she refuses), he needs to document these refusals. However, if he does not attempt (ie, Mom says "No" when he informs her and he lies down and lets her) then it is on him.

    After several times, documenting everything, Dad can file for contempt. Dad also needs to document that Mom is allowing SD to overstep. Is SD listed on school documents and such as Dad? If so, that needs to be documented and presented to the court.

    Like I first said, there is no WE in this situation. YOU are not involved. Your name is not on Mom and Dad's divorce papers. You were not involved in the conception of these children. Yes, you can be Dad's emotional support, you can do some research for him, but other than that, it is all his duty to take care of. Not yours. Don't be an overstepping step-parent yourself.
  5. #5
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TexMom View Post
    Yes.. read the "Newbie" post. However, this site is not very user friendly.

    Again.. thanks for nothing..

    Attitude... just another service provided here!
    Golly, you read the "newbie" post AFTER you posted THREE different threads?

    That was a little LATE, don'tcha think?
  6. #6
    TexMom is offline Junior Member
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    Ridicously childish responses for the most part.

    Teach me a lesson in what someone gets for nothing.....

    As far as being a step parent... I understand my husbands children are not my biological children. However, we have a "new" family that includes the blending children of 2 families. I do not over step my boundaries as a step-parent, do not expect anything from them, but I am also included in the parenting of his children when we have them, such as my ex-husbands wife is when my children are at their house. Legally decipher, ridicule, put bold or italic font on whatever you like. I'm out for answers. I can deal with the truthful answers to my questions not necessarily being what I'd like. However, rude, harsh response from people who are "bored" with giving the same response, should maybe offer instructions on how to seek out answers to their questions that give more instruction then "search functin" - no that's not a typo. It is a quote.
  7. #7
    Zigner is offline Senior Member
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    Legally accurate? Ok. BUTT OUT. There is no "WE" in your situation.
  8. #8
    TexMom is offline Junior Member
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    So according to your "legal advice" step-parents should have nothing to do with (sorry "BUTT OUT") their step children? I'm not talking about bumping heads with the ex's. I'm talking about everyone, mom, dad, step mom, step dad coming together for the benefit of kids to make an adult decision about what will be best. Isn't that what most families in situation want? An amicable relationship between everyone. And your advice is "BUTT OUT"?

    Seriously?
  9. #9
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TexMom View Post
    So according to your "legal advice" step-parents should have nothing to do with (sorry "BUTT OUT") their step children? I'm not talking about bumping heads with the ex's. I'm talking about everyone, mom, dad, step mom, step dad coming together for the benefit of kids to make an adult decision about what will be best. Isn't that what most families in situation want? An amicable relationship between everyone. And your advice is "BUTT OUT"?

    Seriously?
    You are confused.

    As a step, you can love, adore, cherish, and love some more your step kids. But when it comes to legalities and certain boundaries - you have to BUTT OUT. Mom and Dad have the rights and the court order for the children, and you are not to interfere with that.

    Amicable is best - but when that doesn't happen, then you have to allow MOM and DAD to raise kiddo.
  10. #10
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TexMom View Post
    So according to your "legal advice" step-parents should have nothing to do with (sorry "BUTT OUT") their step children? I'm not talking about bumping heads with the ex's. I'm talking about everyone, mom, dad, step mom, step dad coming together for the benefit of kids to make an adult decision about what will be best. Isn't that what most families in situation want? An amicable relationship between everyone. And your advice is "BUTT OUT"?

    Seriously?
    The only ones involved are the ones who bumped uglies and made the children. Plain enough for you? Or do I have to draw you a picture?
  11. #11
    thedoctorisin is offline Member
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    Legally, there isn't much your husband needs to do because he already has court ordered visitation. He just needs to exercise it. If the mother tries to object, he should tell her that she is subject to being cited for contempt of court.

    Parentally, your husband has a lot to learn about being a father. Children should not be made to decide if they want to exercise visitation. It puts them in the middle of what should be an adult decision, and is not at all in their best interest. You all (you, father, children) need family counseling desperately. The cell phone should be confiscated upon the arrival of the children, and returned at the end of visitation. You and your husband need to read up on Parental Alienation Syndrome, and what you can do to combat it. You, as an outside adult party, will need to work hard to restore the respect that the children need to have for their father, which their mother has so far successfully torn down. Your husband will need to stand up for himself and start acting like a parent, making the tough decisions when needed, even if the mother objects and the children are upset. He is the children's father, not their best friend.
    Last edited by thedoctorisin; 10-08-2008 at 04:00 PM.
  12. #12
    jbowman is offline Senior Member
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    Ok, Tex, to keep this thread from getting out of hand, the best advice you got for your hubby is from TheGeekess. I understand that it is very hard not to get defensive when people are treating you like crap. Just take what TheGeekess said and move your research for your husband from there.

    Dont argue about the "we" thing. Legally, as you've been told, mom and dad are the only ones that count. I UNDERSTAND that you are trying to get help so HE can do what he needs to do. For some reason, many people on this site get offended when new spouses coming looking for help. I guess it is because they use the word "we".
  13. #13
    picturesque is offline Member
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    You should take the advice of the poster that said Dad needs to show up. Mom needs to give up the children and if not make a note of it as it would be contempt.
    Unless the court order says Mom can call on the weekend when Dad has the kids, Dad should hide the cell phone. Some orders for NCP says NCP can attempt to call once a week to talk with children usually not the CP.

    Dad should make an effort to take his time and not give it up just becuase the children "say" they dont want to go. They are not old enough to make thier own decisions and Dad should know this and Mom too.
  14. #14
    picturesque is offline Member
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    oops

    Wow that was fast Doc.. I was typing and then wow three replies...
  15. #15
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by picturesque View Post
    you should take the advice of the poster that said dad needs to show up. Mom needs to give up the children and if not make a note of it as it would be contempt.
    Unless the court order says mom can call on the weekend when dad has the kids, dad should hide the cell phone. Some orders for ncp says ncp can attempt to call once a week to talk with children usually not the cp.

    Dad should make an effort to take his time and not give it up just becuase the children "say" they dont want to go. They are not old enough to make thier own decisions and dad should know this and mom too.
    wth????????

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