Children do not want to visit. What can I do?

[OLD]

i live in illinois. my ex lives in another state. he is an abusive person, but it is difficult to prove abuse. he isn't even around when kids visit. he leaves them with someone else. my son is having major behaviorial problems and teachers say he doesn't want to visit dad. however, no one is willing to step up and help him out by getting in the middle. ex will just take me to court if kids tell him they don't want to visit and say that i put them up to it. i feel helpless because they really do not want to visit for the entire summer. they complain when it is just a weekend visit. what can i do?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

i live in illinois. my ex lives in another state. he is an abusive person, but it is difficult to prove abuse. he isn't even around when kids visit. he leaves them with someone else. my son is having major behaviorial problems and teachers say he doesn't want to visit dad. however, no one is willing to step up and help him out by getting in the middle. ex will just take me to court if kids tell him they don't want to visit and say that i put them up to it. i feel helpless because they really do not want to visit for the entire summer. they complain when it is just a weekend visit. what can i do?

My response:

Unless you're willing to go back to court, prove his unfitness as a parent, and have the visitation changed to where he comes to your State for supervised visitation, then there's really nothing legal you can do.

All you can do, and to stay out of trouble yourself, is to reinforce how much their father loves them, and needs to see them. Then, you pack their little bags, and kick their butts onto an airplane.

If you don't, you'll be in contempt of court, and could very well have custody taken from you. Not a pleasant thought.

Simple.

IAAL

 

[curtisd]

would you mind telling me why dad wants kids to visit if he doesn't spend any time with them-is that part of the abuse you spoke of?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

would you mind telling me why dad wants kids to visit if he doesn't spend any time with them-is that part of the abuse you spoke of?

My response:

Irrelevant.

It makes no difference, under the law, whether Dad is with his children or not during HIS time. What Dad does, or doesn't do, with his children during his visitation is completely irrelevant to any issues.

IAAL

 

[sherbert]

I am in the same sort of boat, but was finally able to get the state department of human services (child welfare) involved and it has made a world of difference. My ex left our 9yr old son alone for 2 hours in the middle of the night. My son called me but I could not get there before his father returned home. I had called my ex's parents because I knew they could get to the house before me. Long story short, DHS interviewed all of us and determined a "true finding" of neglect and have opened a case for our family. If my ex doesn't go along with what DHS requests, it will not look good for him when I take him back to court to request supervised visitation. If he goes along with DHS, it will only be for show and for a short while, knowing him. I now have well documented facts from an independent agency (DHS) to use in court to change visitation. This is alot of clout, not just my word against his. I'd encourage you to contact your state's child abuse hotline. Also, keep in mind, if you know of abuse or neglect and do not report it, you could possibly be cited for "failure to protect" if someone else calls the hotline about your situation and lack of action. I know that in my case, I could not live with the guilt if I did not report this and then something really bad happend the next time.

 

[curtisd]

My response:

Irrelevant.

It makes no difference, under the law, whether Dad is with his children or not during HIS time. What Dad does, or doesn't do, with his children during his visitation is completely irrelevant to any issues.

IAAL [/QUOTE

legally yes,but if he just wants them there for monetary reasons such as he may have to pay more child support etc.
then i was going to suggest she make a deal with him in order to keep the children at home.just a thought

 

[OLD]

would you mind telling me why dad wants kids to visit if he doesn't spend any time with them-is that part of the abuse you spoke of?

Dad wants to visit with the kids because it is HIS RIGHT (period) He wants to still CONTROL me. This is one way he can stay in my life. Not spending time with them and leaving them with someone else is actually to my children's benefit since his influence isn't the greatest. The abuse is much greater than this.

 

[OLD]

My response:

Irrelevant.

It makes no difference, under the law, whether Dad is with his children or not during HIS time. What Dad does, or doesn't do, with his children during his visitation is completely irrelevant to any issues.

IAAL [/QUOTE

legally yes,but if he just wants them there for monetary reasons such as he may have to pay more child support etc.
then i was going to suggest she make a deal with him in order to keep the children at home.just a thought

For years Dad has not paid ANY support. He just recently began to pay. I would gladly pay HIM to get on with his life. It is about control. He has his parents to take care of him monetarily. Whenever that supply runs out and as he just starts to see how much it costs to raise children, I may eventually be able to approach with that idea, but I doubt it.

 

[OLD]

I am in the same sort of boat, but was finally able to get the state department of human services (child welfare) involved and it has made a world of difference. My ex left our 9yr old son alone for 2 hours in the middle of the night. My son called me but I could not get there before his father returned home. I had called my ex's parents because I knew they could get to the house before me. Long story short, DHS interviewed all of us and determined a "true finding" of neglect and have opened a case for our family. If my ex doesn't go along with what DHS requests, it will not look good for him when I take him back to court to request supervised visitation. If he goes along with DHS, it will only be for show and for a short while, knowing him. I now have well documented facts from an independent agency (DHS) to use in court to change visitation. This is alot of clout, not just my word against his. I'd encourage you to contact your state's child abuse hotline. Also, keep in mind, if you know of abuse or neglect and do not report it, you could possibly be cited for "failure to protect" if someone else calls the hotline about your situation and lack of action. I know that in my case, I could not live with the guilt if I did not report this and then something really bad happend the next time.

Been there and done that. It seems that the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing. I even had an "indicated" report and got nowhere with the court.