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  1. #1
    Mom31 is offline Junior Member
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    Question Children sharing a bedroom

    What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

    Background: I have physical custody of my 7 yr old son, and share legal custody with my ex-husband. Except for the occasional disagreement (never in front of our son), we're doing well with adjusting visitations when schedules change, allowing extra time, sharing holidays & his b-day... it's not paradise but it's not hell either.

    The dad has a new girlfriend with a new baby (not his) and a 9 yr old girl. My son told me he slept over the girlfriend's place this weekend & shared a room with the 9 yr old. I'd like to get all my facts straight before I discuss this with his father. I thought school-aged children of opposite genders weren't supposed to share bedrooms... apparently the little girl slept on the blow-up mattress & my son slept in her bed (she offered her bed to him).

    I have a headache over this & would appreciate some advice on how to proceed.

    As a side note: the dad has lived with his parents since the divorce & my son doesn't have his own bedroom when he is there for his weekends. He has a cot in his dad's room or they "camp-out" in the living room. I've mentioned this as unacceptable on multiple occasions to no avail. If it isn't his permanent residence, what are the laws surrounding sleeping arrangements during visitations?

    Please be advised, his dad loves him. Yes, he acts more like his friend than his father. He just doesn't stop to think sometimes & I would like to handle this in the most mature & drama-free way possible. Facts are best.

    Thank you in advance.
  2. #2
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mom31 View Post
    what are the laws surrounding sleeping arrangements during visitations?
    There's not a single law in ANY state, as it pertains to Family Law matters, about children sharing rooms w/other children OR their parents.

    IF this became a permanent arrangement, then you'd have some cause for concern, but honestly, in an e/o weekend sitch, it's not a hill to die on until the kids are MUCH older.
  3. #3
    Mom31 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you...and WOW. But thank you.
  4. #4
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    You DO realize that in MOST of the world, families share maybe two or three rooms total? Often ONE room?
  5. #5
    wileybunch is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJane View Post
    There's not a single law in ANY state, as it pertains to Family Law matters, about children sharing rooms w/other children OR their parents.

    IF this became a permanent arrangement, then you'd have some cause for concern, but honestly, in an e/o weekend sitch, it's not a hill to die on until the kids are MUCH older.
    There may not be a law, but my daughter in NY ran into this situation with the mother saying it wasn't OK for her 9yo DD to share a room with my daughter's 7yo son in bunkbeds. This past fall, Judge said it was OK for now, but in another year or two they would not be allowed to share a bedroom.
  6. #6
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nextwife View Post
    You DO realize that in MOST of the world, families share maybe two or three rooms total? Often ONE room?
    this is never an issue when it comes to two parents that live with each other. it's only an issue when the parents are no longer together.
  7. #7
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mom31 View Post
    I have a headache over this & would appreciate some advice on how to proceed.
    Take an Advil.

    Seriously - there is nothing wrong with Dad and his son "camping out" or the boy sleeping on a cot in the same room when he's spending time with Dad. Good Lord. If that was enough to take a parent's time away, my kids would have been taken from me years ago. What do you think it's going to do to a 7yo to do that?

    As for sharing the 9yo's room? What do you thing the little girl is going to do? They're 7 and 9! She's not going to seduce him for criminy's sake! 17 and 19, would be an issue. 7 & 9? Come on.

    Now go take that Advil. Or a stiff drink. Relax.
  8. #8
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    Take an Advil.

    Seriously - there is nothing wrong with Dad and his son "camping out" or the boy sleeping on a cot in the same room when he's spending time with Dad. Good Lord. If that was enough to take a parent's time away, my kids would have been taken from me years ago. What do you think it's going to do to a 7yo to do that?

    As for sharing the 9yo's room? What do you thing the little girl is going to do? They're 7 and 9! She's not going to seduce him for criminy's sake! 17 and 19, would be an issue. 7 & 9? Come on.

    Now go take that Advil. Or a stiff drink. Relax.
    I would say that anytime after about 11 and 13, maybe even 10 and 12, would start to be a problem. However there would be nothing wrong with one of them camping out in the living room by that age.

    Seriously mom, chill out on this issue. I am not fond of the idea of non-siblings of opposite genders sharing a bedroom either. However its also honestly not an issue at this point.
  9. #9
    haiku is offline Senior Member
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    I can tell you from experience the Mass court is not going to care...My husbands ex pitched a fit about us not having seperate bedrooms for "her" kids...even her OWN lawyer told her to back off....that camping out is fun!

    My kids used to end up all over the house when they were little like that....there was 7 years between the oldest and youngest, different genders too....but I would often find my 6 year old daughter in the pull out couch cuddled next to her 13 year old big brother in the morning....after a night spent with alll four of them watching disney channel in the living room...

    I think its ridiculous to expect a parent to have seperate bedrooms for kids that do not live with them full time-its just like sleeping at grandma's...we don't expect grandma to have seperate rooms...
    "It is easier to build strong children than repair broken men." Frederick Douglas
  10. #10
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by haiku View Post
    I can tell you from experience the Mass court is not going to care...My husbands ex pitched a fit about us not having seperate bedrooms for "her" kids...even her OWN lawyer told her to back off....that camping out is fun!

    My kids used to end up all over the house when they were little like that....there was 7 years between the oldest and youngest, different genders too....but I would often find my 6 year old daughter in the pull out couch cuddled next to her 13 year old big brother in the morning....after a night spent with alll four of them watching disney channel in the living room...

    I think its ridiculous to expect a parent to have seperate bedrooms for kids that do not live with them full time-its just like sleeping at grandma's...we don't expect grandma to have seperate rooms...

    Are you in Ma.? I didn't know that!!!
  11. #11
    haiku is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by baystategirl View Post
    Are you in Ma.? I didn't know that!!!
    I grew up in boston, and my husbands case is in Mass....
    "It is easier to build strong children than repair broken men." Frederick Douglas
  12. #12
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by haiku View Post
    I grew up in boston, and my husbands case is in Mass....
    I'm a Lynn girl.....

  13. #13
    haiku is offline Senior Member
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    Lynn, Lynn, the city of sin!!!

    "It is easier to build strong children than repair broken men." Frederick Douglas
  14. #14
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by haiku View Post
    Lynn, Lynn, the city of sin!!!

    Never get out the way you went in!!!

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