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Childs right to choose

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What is the name of your state? PA - Dauphin County

Hello,

My daughter who is 11 and will be 12 this July wants to live with her father. He told her she could choose where she wanted to live when she turned 12. So now I am all worried what will happen when she turns 12 this July.

The current situation is that our daughter lives with me and my husband (stepfather) and goes to her Dad's house on the weekends ( Sat night till Mon Morning). This has been the custody for about 5 - 6 years, and then before that, we both (dad and me) had joint custody. We decided to switch from Joint to my having primary physical custody because it was better for our daughter to remain in the same household thru out the school term and it would be a more stable situation for her rather than her being flipped flopped from her fathers to my house.

Our daughter is involved with sports, shes an honor role student.

The living arrangements for her father is that he lives with his father. He has a current girlfriend that is very close with our daughter which bothers me, because I don't want to see my daughter get hurt if his relationship doesn't work out. My living arrangement is I have a husband of 8 years and we own a home. We have givin her a stable enviroment. I believe her father is more of like a friend to her than a parent, IMO only.

Will a court award him custody of her if he persues this? if they would, why would they change such a stable enviroment that she has lived in for the past 5-6 years? I need some advice from people who know and have experience with this. All advice is appreciated.
 


>Charlotte<

Lurker
A change in custody is usually only considered if it would be in the best interest of the child. A judge may ask the child for his opinion in order to make a well-informed decision, but your child cannot affect a change of custody simply because that is his wish.

A "best interest of the child" scenario would be, for instance, if you were an abusive parent. It has also been stated by attorneys in this forum that if the custodial parent interferes with the relationship between the child and the non-custodial parent, that can also result in a change of custody.

Based on your post, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

ETA: And I've just noticed that you've been told this before. Our advice hasn't changed in the last five months.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=383644
 
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penelope10

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? PA - Dauphin County

Hello,

My daughter who is 11 and will be 12 this July wants to live with her father. He told her she could choose where she wanted to live when she turned 12. So now I am all worried what will happen when she turns 12 this July.

The current situation is that our daughter lives with me and my husband (stepfather) and goes to her Dad's house on the weekends ( Sat night till Mon Morning). This has been the custody for about 5 - 6 years, and then before that, we both (dad and me) had joint custody. We decided to switch from Joint to my having primary physical custody because it was better for our daughter to remain in the same household thru out the school term and it would be a more stable situation for her rather than her being flipped flopped from her fathers to my house.

Our daughter is involved with sports, shes an honor role student.

The living arrangements for her father is that he lives with his father. He has a current girlfriend that is very close with our daughter which bothers me, because I don't want to see my daughter get hurt if his relationship doesn't work out. My living arrangement is I have a husband of 8 years and we own a home. We have givin her a stable enviroment. I believe her father is more of like a friend to her than a parent, IMO only.

Will a court award him custody of her if he persues this? if they would, why would they change such a stable enviroment that she has lived in for the past 5-6 years? I need some advice from people who know and have experience with this. All advice is appreciated.
From your post I can't tell if you and Dad went back to court to modify the joint custody...From the facts given I don't believe that Dad would be awarded custody of your daughter as you have provided a stable home environment.

As far as Dad's new girlfriend, you don't have a leg to stand on. Be grateful Dad is dating someone that WANTS to have a relationship with the child. And as far as your opinion that Dad is more of a friend than a parent won't hold water. People have different parenting styles. Doesn't mean it's bad, evil, or unhealthy.
 
A change in custody is usually only considered if it would be in the best interest of the child. A judge may ask the child for his opinion in order to make a well-informed decision, but your child cannot affect a change of custody simply because that is his wish.

A "best interest of the child" scenario would be, for instance, if you were an abusive parent. It has also been stated by attorneys in this forum that if the custodial parent interferes with the relationship between the child and the non-custodial parent, that can also result in a change of custody.

Based on your post, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

ETA: And I've just noticed that you've been told this before. Our advice hasn't changed in the last five months.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=383644


Thank you, I knew I posted here before, but couldn't find the link for the original posts. As the time nears (daughter turning 12) I am getting more uneasy about the whole situation. My exhusband has that effect on me. He tells our daughter that she can choose and that I am affraid of his lawyer and not to worry. My daughter told me this. I cannot believe he would say such a thing to her. I am not affraid of his lawyer because I don't even know who that is, he hasn't used the same one ever. He is so manipulating to me, that I start to believe that he could take custody of her.
 

TheGeekess

Keeper of the Kraken
Children do not get to choose where they live, except for 1 or 2 states. And I don't think you live in either.
 

>Charlotte<

Lurker
Up at the top, above your first post, you'll see "Thread Tools". Click that and choose "Subscribe." Then, under "Quick Links" you can choose to view your subscribed threads. You must be logged in for this. That will give you a handy shortcut to your posts for future reference.

Don't let the father scare you. I don't think you have a thing to worry about. Of course, if that's what your child thinks he wants and you stand in his way, that will be a delicate situation to handle--but this is not a legal problem for you.


And despite your use of the words "daughter" and "her" and "she" I keep thinking it's your son. Sorry. Apparently, I am not aging gracefully. :rolleyes:
 
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From your post I can't tell if you and Dad went back to court to modify the joint custody...From the facts given I don't believe that Dad would be awarded custody of your daughter as you have provided a stable home environment.

As far as Dad's new girlfriend, you don't have a leg to stand on. Be grateful Dad is dating someone that WANTS to have a relationship with the child. And as far as your opinion that Dad is more of a friend than a parent won't hold water. People have different parenting styles. Doesn't mean it's bad, evil, or unhealthy.
We originally had joint custody, and then we both agreed that our daughter would be better off in the Mothers school district than the fathers, so we had it modified with our lawyers. The father has since moved 3 times and now resides in the same school district as I do.

As far as his GF, I am happy that he has finally found someone. It just worries me that my daughter will become to close, and then they break up and she gets hurt. It's happened before. But my opinion on that doesn't reflect how I feel about custody. I happen to get along well with his GF and think she is very nice woman. But they have only been together for about 3 months, so needless to say, I am alittle leary when I see how my daughter is with her.

I also wanted to mention that her father and I get along very well, atleast from how he acts in front of me. I have no idea how he is behind my back. So our relationship is good which is why he would tell her the things that he does. I also wanted to point out that in Dec of last year, he had some medication problems (he took too much) and then drank on the medicine and in return, our daughter had to call 911 for him. Since then, he still drinks on the meds. He has gotten better, but in my mind, still unstable.
 

>Charlotte<

Lurker
I think it's only one state--Georgia. Please post if you know of a second, Geekess. That would be good to know.

In any case, OP, Pennsylvania is not one of them.
 

TheGeekess

Keeper of the Kraken
I think it's only one state--Georgia. Please post if you know of a second, Geekess. That would be good to know.

In any case, OP, Pennsylvania is not one of them.
Actually, Georgia remains the only state that gives the child a choice. However, some states do allow an older teen to petition to change custody.

I was remembering another thread on this board having to do with Maryland; should have searched for it earlier. :eek:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=401921&highlight=maryland
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Are you for sure on that?
I am positive that at the age of 12 she cannot CHOOSE to live with anyone. Only Georgia allows children to choose at the age of 14. HOWEVER, a few states allow children to give an affidavit of preference (Texas and Maryland at last count). None of those is PA.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
As far as his GF, I am happy that he has finally found someone. It just worries me that my daughter will become to close, and then they break up and she gets hurt. It's happened before.
The same could be said about you and your current husband. Or aren't you aware of the stats regarding the success of second marriages. And... it's happened before to you, too. Your relationship with your daughter's Dad didn't last. And I'd guess that hurt her, too.
 
The same could be said about you and your current husband. Or aren't you aware of the stats regarding the success of second marriages. And... it's happened before to you, too. Your relationship with your daughter's Dad didn't last. And I'd guess that hurt her, too.
Yes you are right, but the difference there is that I have been with him for 8 years. I didn't have him meet my daughter until like a year after dating.

Yes I know that divorce between her father and I hurt her as well, but I find it hard that you don't see the difference between to two situations. Totally different.

,,and yes I am quite aware of the stats regarding second marriages as I am in my second one and couldn't be more inlove and happy. I can only hope that my ex has the same success.

I think your really comparing two different situations here. All I was asking was for him to have alittle common sense. If you just start dating someone new, you don't automatically bring them into your childs life, not right away. I don't believe 2-3 months constitutes a fair amount of time especially when he himself isn't that for sure on the realationship. I just had hoped that he would of least waited awhile so that he could figure out his realationship with her before he brought out daughter into the mix.

Now if in a month he puts a ring on her finger than that is different as they plan to spend their lives together and that is great, and then she should be a part of my daughters life. I just don't think she should be attaching herself to my daughter so early on in the realationship.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
You pretty well missed the point, which is fair enough as I didn't express it. There are things in life you cannot control. How and when your ex introduces the kiddo to his "friends" is one. When and how your daughter is hurt emotionally in life is another. Life happens. What you do is help them learn to deal with situations that come up.
 
You pretty well missed the point, which is fair enough as I didn't express it. There are things in life you cannot control. How and when your ex introduces the kiddo to his "friends" is one. When and how your daughter is hurt emotionally in life is another. Life happens. What you do is help them learn to deal with situations that come up.
I understand now your point and I agree with it. As a mother though, all I can do is try to protect her from "some" things that are preventable. But as you stated, life happens, and we as parents must help our children learn to cope with them.

I just had hoped he would of made a wiser decision with this. As my daughter sees them as a couple, not just friends. My ex has his GF sleepover when our daughter is there which in my mind is alittle over the top, but hey, its his life and I cannot stop him doing what he will. I just hope he does marry her so my daughter will not see another GF out the door again. She grew very attached to several of his GF's in the past. I just cannot imagine it being a good thing for her to keep seeing these GF's come and go.
 

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