Cleared by DSS, now what?

[gammyismyname]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

Hello all!

Due to a recent "incident", my grandchild was placed in my home by DSS. My son was living with me at the time, but because he was part of the investigation, he had to move out so that his child could be placed here. I have been providing supervised visitation to both parents during this time.

ALL of this occurred per parental consent. The courts have NOT been involved at this point, and so, the State never had actual custody of my grandchild. The placement was part of a safety plan signed by both parents (in order to avoid court).

However, my son has been cleared, dropped from the investigation and will be moving back in! The mother of the child is still being investigated and is considered a strong suspect in a different case involving a different child. For this reason DSS would like for my son to gain custody of my grandchild.

How will that work, since the state does not have custody to give to my son? Does anyone have any suggestions as to what our next steps should be?

Disclaimer: Due to the criminal aspect of the other case, I am very limited as to what I can say about the investigation. I can say that my grandchild was NOT the injured child. I've read other posts on this site and so also I wanted to say, I know that my son needs to "deal with this", he has been and is doing a fabulous job. However, due to some of the things that I cannot discuss, he needs some emotional support, AND when he gets custody, he and his child will live with us.

 

[Zigner]

The answer is the same as it was in June: https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/potential-cps-action-615076.html


You can help by getting him an attorney.

 

[gammyismyname]

I wish it were as easy as that. The least expensive lawyer that we have located requires a 4000$ retainer, and we simply don't have it.

We've both tried to find some sort of legal aid for our area, but have found nothing.

We just don't know what else to do.

 

[Zigner]

We are unable to provide specific referrals.

 

[LdiJ]

I wish it were as easy as that. The least expensive lawyer that we have located requires a 4000$ retainer, and we simply don't have it.

We've both tried to find some sort of legal aid for our area, but have found nothing.

We just don't know what else to do.

Well, dad has the option of filing for custody without using an attorney.

 

[Just Blue]

Well, dad has the option of filing for custody without using an attorney.

Yeah...But that would require "Dad" lifting his "boys" out of mommy-purse.

 

[LdiJ]

Yeah...But that would require "Dad" lifting his "boys" out of mommy-purse.

That seems to be a general problem with a large quantity of our gender. They somehow feel that the men in their lives are simply not capable of dealing with legal issues regarding their children without their "boys" being in the mommy/wife/girlfriend-purse.

I certainly understand why a parent might feel compelled to help their child, no matter how old that child might be. I will freely admit that I feel compelled to help mine. I also am fairly certain that I will feel that way for the rest of my life. I certainly know that MY mother feels that way, despite being 80 years old. However, if I was looking for advice, my question would not be "what are OUR next steps?", but rather, "any suggestions as to where to steer my child for help?".

Grandma, tell your son to go to nc.gov, and select services, and then select courts and justice, and then browse from there. Do not do it for him. He is an adult and a parent and has to figure out these things for himself. If you get hit by a bus tomorrow you won't be there to help him and this is not something that you can do FOR him unless you have the money to shell out for an attorney for him, and you clearly do not.

He CAN file for custody without an attorney but he needs to learn the steps and rules himself. If he does not he will never be empowered to speak for himself in court and you will never be permitted to speak in court for him.

 

[gammyismyname]

wow.
His "boys" are not in the "mommy purse". He is a dad, he is 19, working full time, going to school part time, and now raising his child on his own....a child that was born premature and needed expensive care when she came home. Not to mention the load of crap he has just been through. My son (the one with his boys in the mommy purse) took out a loan after he maxed out his meager credit card to pay for the items that his special needs child would require. He sold his car and bought a used one, so that he could get rid of his car payments. He switched out his "cool" smart phone for the dumbest cheapest phone that he could afford. Yet, his daughter needs preemie formula AND she has an allergy that reduces the availability to a type of formula that costs a bloody fortune. I got him a can for his birthday (shame on me)

Yep, I am helping him. That is because parenting doesnt end once they become adults. Right now, he needs some support and that is what he is getting from me, both financially and mentally. It has nothing to do with his "boys", it's called being a parent to an adult child who is in a desperate situation. He screwed up by having a child so young, and a preemie really bit him in the butt, but I see his hard work, his love for his child and his determination to make his own life better so that he can raise his child. You'd bet your arse I'm gonna help, I'll give him hugs, I'll sign whatever checks I can afford to sign, and I'll research and give him information.

Seriously.

LIDJ, thank you for the tips that are actually helpful, instead of judgemental and assumptive. He has done a pretty good job of "figuring things out" so far, so I have no doubt that he will continue to do so.

 

[Just Blue]

wow.
His "boys" are not in the "mommy purse". He is a dad, he is 19, working full time, going to school part time, and now raising his child on his own....a child that was born premature and needed expensive care when she came home. Not to mention the load of crap he has just been through. My son (the one with his boys in the mommy purse) took out a loan after he maxed out his meager credit card to pay for the items that his special needs child would require. He sold his car and bought a used one, so that he could get rid of his car payments. He switched out his "cool" smart phone for the dumbest cheapest phone that he could afford. Yet, his daughter needs preemie formula AND she has an allergy that reduces the availability to a type of formula that costs a bloody fortune. I got him a can for his birthday (shame on me)

Yep, I am helping him. That is because parenting doesnt end once they become adults. Right now, he needs some support and that is what he is getting from me, both financially and mentally. It has nothing to do with his "boys", it's called being a parent to an adult child who is in a desperate situation. He screwed up by having a child so young, and a preemie really bit him in the butt, but I see his hard work, his love for his child and his determination to make his own life better so that he can raise his child. You'd bet your arse I'm gonna help, I'll give him hugs, I'll sign whatever checks I can afford to sign, and I'll research and give him information.

Seriously.

LIDJ, thank you for the tips that are actually helpful, instead of judgemental and assumptive. He has done a pretty good job of "figuring things out" so far, so I have no doubt that he will continue to do so.

And yet your son, the one with the "boys in mom's purse" is not here posting about his own LEGAL ISSUES. His mother, with a not so heavy purse, is.

 

[gammyismyname]

Since both parents signed consent in the safety plan for my grandchild to be placed with me, DSS has said that BOTH parents must sign before grandchild can be moved. If one parent wants grandchild moved and the other does not consent, then the matter will go before court (and both parents will recieve court appointed lawyers), where the judge will decide custody and placement.

I am confused about one part of this. My son has been cleared and released from all investigation. The mother of my grandchild is still under criminal investigation, and is listed in a case with a child different than my grandchild. Technically speaking, my grandchild is not suspected of having been abused, but DSS asked the parents to place her with me because of the mother's alleged actions in the other case. DSS has already told me that my grandchild cannot return to her mother's home.

What options does DSS have? My son and the mother were never married, but paternity has been legally established (birth certificate and affidavit of paternity). However, until my son is able to seek counsel to gain custody (don't even know who we take custody from at this point), where does my grandchild belong? I am hoping that she will remain "placed" with me.

Can DSS just close a case without proper placement/custody? In the event of two unwed parents, when DSS decides that one parent is unable to have custody, arent they supposed to seek custodial arrangements in court? Can they just leave my grandchild placed in my home and in limbo?






(Blue meanie, I am not going to argue with you, your statements are just crude. I find it hard to believe that you would not research with your adult children in order to help them and your grandchild, especially in such a situation as this. I am most certain that you would do your own research so that you could provide them with something.)

 

[gam]

Since both parents signed consent in the safety plan for my grandchild to be placed with me, DSS has said that BOTH parents must sign before grandchild can be moved. If one parent wants grandchild moved and the other does not consent, then the matter will go before court (and both parents will recieve court appointed lawyers), where the judge will decide custody and placement.

I am confused about one part of this. My son has been cleared and released from all investigation. The mother of my grandchild is still under criminal investigation, and is listed in a case with a child different than my grandchild. Technically speaking, my grandchild is not suspected of having been abused, but DSS asked the parents to place her with me because of the mother's alleged actions in the other case. DSS has already told me that my grandchild cannot return to her mother's home.

What options does DSS have? My son and the mother were never married, but paternity has been legally established (birth certificate and affidavit of paternity). However, until my son is able to seek counsel to gain custody (don't even know who we take custody from at this point), where does my grandchild belong? I am hoping that she will remain "placed" with me.

Can DSS just close a case without proper placement/custody? In the event of two unwed parents, when DSS decides that one parent is unable to have custody, arent they supposed to seek custodial arrangements in court? Can they just leave my grandchild placed in my home and in limbo?






(Blue meanie, I am not going to argue with you, your statements are just crude. I find it hard to believe that you would not research with your adult children in order to help them and your grandchild, especially in such a situation as this. I am most certain that you would do your own research so that you could provide them with something.)

It is possible to help with out overstepping and holding anyone's "boy's". Skeptics here and it's because most 3rd parties do overstep. It's rare you see someone helping in split situations that are not overstepping, very hard to do and few can do it cause they don't know how to do it properly.

Absolute best advice I can give you, is take the skeptic advice, it's tough to do but if your going to help you need to be constantly checking yourself and making sure your not overstepping. I've done it, was told years ago to get off the boards, overstepping, holding "boy's", but I ate it, stuck it out and listened and kept checking myself. To me it's no different then taking a class, you have a teacher who has learned all the information and they pass it on, that is what your doing, teaching and passing on information.

Leave your opinion out, keep checking to make sure your not giving your opinion and when you do, step back, step out until you can keep your opinion out. Been doing this for over 11 years, and there are many times I have to check myself, step out and get it together, cause if I don't I will damage the situation, instead of helping it.

Next learn all you can on the legal end, it will also help to keep you from overstepping. Print it out, give it to your kid, drill him on it. Keep researching, even when you think you have it down, research some more, you don't retain it all, it's confusing. Organize it all for your son and make him learn it. View everything from both sides and present both sides to your son, never tell him which to choose, he has to learn for himself the right way to do things in a split situation. When your son is sitting around doing whatever 19 year olds do these days(usually playing on their cells), drag him over to the computer and have him learn to research himself.

There will come a time when you won't be there to do it, so he must learn how to research it to. You don't get to speak for him or on the case in court. So you knowing it all without him knowing any of it, will not help, cause in the end he must be the one doing it. As a parent even of an adult your the teacher, keep teaching. If and when he does have to go to court, he needs something in front of him with his points all outlined, nerves get to you, you can't remember, you get confused, so an outline is a must, even if you have a lawyer, it's a must.

Learn what you can do something about and what you can't, what is a big thing in split situations and what is not(never what you think). This board is a good place to learn that, you don't even need to post just read threads on every subject. Again you will pass that information on to your son. Good advice here and other boards just by reading. Again when he is sitting around have him read boards like this one, he will learn quickly what he wants and what he does not want by reading some of these threads and what parents do to each other and their children in split situations.

 

[Ohiogal]

The child has a custodian -- that would be mother until a COURT states otherwise.

 

[Pinkie39]

Does your son or Mom receive WIC for the baby? If not, they should apply ASAP. The income limits for WIC are fairly high, and they will pay for specialized baby formulas.

 

[gammyismyname]

Thank you, Gam. You described my position exactly. Research, provide information, etc. Son hasnt been able to sit and play much of anything for a while now. He works, he studies, and he pushes food in one end of grandchild then wipes it off the other. I am pretty proud of him. He screwed up in getting pregnant with the wrong person at the wrong time (I did the same thing 20 years ago). But, he has stepped up to the plate in a big way. He loves his child, and is at his most content when grandchild is content in his arms. Things were pretty scary for a while, when grandchild was in the NICU. He wouldn't leave the babies side until I told him that he needed to go sleep and that I would stay with her for him. I watched him grow up while the nurses untangled tubes and wires so that he could hold his child for the first time, and when he stood there weeping and begging his child to breath. He's got this, he is doing fabulous, even the caseworker says so. But he needs some support. That is where I come in.

Ohiogal --- Both parents signed her over to me in a consent order as a part of the custody plan, it did not go the courtroom, but was signed (by a judge) and placed into effect. I am her custodian for right now, per placement of DSS and the consent of both parents. That matter is not under dispute.

Pinkie -- yes, my son applied for WIC, and has been getting some help. However, grandchild needs a specific formula (prescribed by her developmental specialist) that is designed to support preemies with a sensitive tummy. WIC says they do not provide that formula. Son has taken them the doctors prescription, had the pediatrician AND the specialist call the WIC office, but they still will not cover it. He has filed an appeal, but things move pretty slow. It costs $40 a can, she needs 3 cans a week.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you, Gam. You described my position exactly. Research, provide information, etc. Son hasnt been able to sit and play much of anything for a while now. He works, he studies, and he pushes food in one end of grandchild then wipes it off the other. I am pretty proud of him. He screwed up in getting pregnant with the wrong person at the wrong time (I did the same thing 20 years ago). But, he has stepped up to the plate in a big way. He loves his child, and is at his most content when grandchild is content in his arms. Things were pretty scary for a while, when grandchild was in the NICU. He wouldn't leave the babies side until I told him that he needed to go sleep and that I would stay with her for him. I watched him grow up while the nurses untangled tubes and wires so that he could hold his child for the first time, and when he stood there weeping and begging his child to breath. He's got this, he is doing fabulous, even the caseworker says so. But he needs some support. That is where I come in.

Ohiogal --- Both parents signed her over to me in a consent order as a part of the custody plan, it did not go the courtroom, but was signed (by a judge) and placed into effect. I am her custodian for right now, per placement of DSS and the consent of both parents. That matter is not under dispute.

Pinkie -- yes, my son applied for WIC, and has been getting some help. However, grandchild needs a specific formula (prescribed by her developmental specialist) that is designed to support preemies with a sensitive tummy. WIC says they do not provide that formula. Son has taken them the doctors prescription, had the pediatrician AND the specialist call the WIC office, but they still will not cover it. He has filed an appeal, but things move pretty slow. It costs $40 a can, she needs 3 cans a week.

You need to tell the truth then. Because what you stated was:

ALL of this occurred per parental consent. The courts have NOT been involved at this point, and so, the State never had actual custody of my grandchild. The placement was part of a safety plan signed by both parents (in order to avoid court).

Well that was NOT true. Because a court was involved if a judge signed an order. You also stated you only had PLACEMENT due to a safety plan. PLACEMENT is not custody. That matter IS under dispute because you apparently are clueless as to the actual facts. If you only have placement then the mother is the child's custodian. If you have custody then a COURT had to have been involved contrary to what you first stated.

Based on your ignorance and inability to comprehend and convey truthfully what has happened, you need an attorney. End of story.