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complicated child custody, child support case

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Rguerrero2

Junior Member
Please help!out of control 14 yr old daughter due to complicated custody & child supp

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas I have a 14 year old daughter with a man that is an open drug dealer. We have joint custody through the attorney generals office with visitation and child support papers not enforced or notarized by a judge.Here are the problems I am facing:*He has dealt drugs on occasion in front of my daughter.Handled large amounts of drug money in front of my daughter. She has been upset and told me about it but she was too afraid of him to want me to take it any further. The visitations have continued because I have been afraid I would be held in some sort of contempt.*This man has his family, who happen to be millionaires, backing him up and supporting him and they cover his dealings with a family trucking business. His house, his vehicles, are all under his mothers name. His mother meddles and helps in every affair regarding child custody and child support, which he pays when he wants. He pays however much he wants, even when it's been ordered that he pay 400 a month. He NEVER has her under health insurance and refuses to help or cooperate when it comes to paying for her medical bills.*This man is big on the social scene and pretty much leaves her alone alot to go out and party or dumps her off wherever and doesn't let me know anything. The most recent stunt was to dump her off at my mothers house without letting me know, my daughter doesn't call and tell me either because she knows shes punished when it comes to her being with me, due to her defyingly walking up and down a busy street after school with her friends and boyfriend without my permission.*None of the paperwork we have is enforced, from child support to child custody.The problem I'm having now is my daughter is starting to rebel and play her parents against each other. One week she's crying to me about how mean her father is, the next week she's crying to him about how mean I am and there is this constant tug of war that he is reveling in. She feels that since shes 14 she makes the rules and she can go with whoever she wants when she feels fit.My situation:I have been remarried for 7 years and have a son, with another one on the way. Our relationship was pretty rocky from 2005 till now. I am now a stay at home mom, with full focus on my children and raising them. We have moved several times, but my children have ALWAYS remained with me. He uses the fact of my shaky marriage at one point, and instability in living arrangements as grounds that she is better off with him. A drug dealer.Partier, and known drug user. He has huge parties involving all of this.My household does not have any of that involved.Please help me and let me know what I can do to fix this situation.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 
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Rguerrero2

Junior Member
I guess my question is, do I have a chance on winning full custody of my daughter considering my situation versus his living situation? I can't afford all the attorney fees but not only am I very worried about her residing with him during his visits, but this whole situation has her rebeling beyond control at times, and I'm the one who has to deal with her rebelliousness. From boyfriends, to fights with girls at school, to skipping karate practices to roam around school campus and busy street. She feels she will not suffer any consequence because she can always cry to her father during the times that I try to discipline her.

He currently has finally settled down with a woman that has a child from a previous relationship, and she and her daughter are living with them as well. He also has a roommate living there and a constant flow of people going in and out of his house to buy drugs. It's not proven that he is a drug dealer. He hasn't been arrested, but EVERYONE I KNOW, including my daughter has seen what he does. He even has his sisters running his drugs for him and my daughter knows this as well. This guy is what you call a "middle man" which is very hard to bust.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
No you don't have a chance at this juncture. You have a bunch of complaints but no proof of any of it. Prove that he deals in front of your daughter -- someone you say plays the two of you against one another hence what she says is suspect at best. Prove that he is engaged in illegal behavior. Prove that he neglects or abuses your child.

As for him not paying financial support for the child, quite frankly neither are you. Legally BOTH PARENTS must financially support their child and you are a stay-at-home mom which means you are earning NO INCOME. He may not be paying enough you say, but he is providing more financial support than you are.

And if he is in violation of the court orders, you go back to court for contempt. You may have a contempt case but you don't have a custody case.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
No you don't have a chance at this juncture. You have a bunch of complaints but no proof of any of it. Prove that he deals in front of your daughter -- someone you say plays the two of you against one another hence what she says is suspect at best. Prove that he is engaged in illegal behavior. Prove that he neglects or abuses your child.

As for him not paying financial support for the child, quite frankly neither are you. Legally BOTH PARENTS must financially support their child and you are a stay-at-home mom which means you are earning NO INCOME. He may not be paying enough you say, but he is providing more financial support than you are.

And if he is in violation of the court orders, you go back to court for contempt. You may have a contempt case but you don't have a custody case.
I am sorry, but I have to say this. She is married. If her husband chooses to provide her share of the child's support that is perfectly acceptable. If she and her husband decide that its more important that she be a SAHM, that is also perfectly acceptable. Just as it would be perfectly acceptable for a ncp to be a SAHP and have their spouse pay their child support if that is what they decide is best for their family.

It is also perfectly acceptable for grandparents to choose to provide their child's share of their grandchildren's support so that the parent can go to school to better themselves.

I am tired of parents being denigrated because they have, within the context of their family life, made a joint decision with a spouse or one of their parents, that the spouse or parent is going to take on their share of the children's support. They have the right to do that and its not an immoral or inappropriate decision.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
I am sorry, but I have to say this. She is married. If her husband chooses to provide her share of the child's support that is perfectly acceptable. If she and her husband decide that its more important that she be a SAHM, that is also perfectly acceptable. Just as it would be perfectly acceptable for a ncp to be a SAHP and have their spouse pay their child support if that is what they decide is best for their family.

It is also perfectly acceptable for grandparents to choose to provide their child's share of their grandchildren's support so that the parent can go to school to better themselves.

I am tired of parents being denigrated because they have, within the context of their family life, made a joint decision with a spouse or one of their parents, that the spouse or parent is going to take on their share of the children's support. They have the right to do that and its not an immoral or inappropriate decision.
In actuality, we cannot know that her husband is paying her share of CS, and whether the money being spent on the child is ONLY dad's share, because it is only the NCP who is MANDATED to put X dollars of their income toward the child.

If I'm a NCP and want to take an easier, lower paying job, I will still be mandated to spend X dollars on my child. However, if I am a CP, there is no requirement that I actually SPEND both NCPs and CPs calculated share of support on the child.

If I am CP and laid off from work or disabled, I can immediately reduce what I spend on my child (I was laid off over a year ago, and I did immediately then cut back), but if the same happens to me and I am NCP, I must continue to pay the same amount to my child, even if I no longer earn it, until my day in court. Same if I used to get bonuses and now don't, or if I made good commissions for two years, and now can't due to market conditions.
 
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LdiJ

Senior Member
In actuality, we cannot know that her husband is paying her share of CS, and that the money being spent on the child is ONLY dad's share, because it is only the NCP who is MANDATED to put X dollars of their income toward the child.

If I'm a NCP and want to take an easier, lower paying job, O woll still be mandated to spend X dollars on my child. However, if I am a CP, there is no requirement that I actually SPEND both NCPs and CPs calculated share of support on the child.

If I am CP and laid off from work or disabled, I can immediately reduce what I spend on my child (I was laid off over a year ago, and I did immediately then cut back), but if the same happens to me and I am NCP, I must continue to pay the same amount to my child, even if I no longer earn it, until my day in court. Same if I used to get bonuses and now don't, or if I made good commissions for two years, and now can't due to market conditions.
Since its fairly rare that child support is enough to 100% support a child, that argument really doesn't fly. A parent may be spending less to support their child in some circumstances, but they are still supporting their child.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Since its fairly rare that child support is enough to 100% support a child, that argument really doesn't fly. A parent may be spending less to support their child in some circumstances, but they are still supporting their child.
Well you know LD, I would buy your argument however in this case, the OP is griping that dad provides anything financially with help from his parents when she doesn't provide anything herself financially. She is also griping about his mother helping him out with vehicles and house etcetera without looking in the mirror. Her complaints are hypocritical. She gets help from her hubby helping her out with all that but that makes her a saint (a stay at home mom) and demonizes her ex -- the father of her child. Sorry but not buying her argument.
 

Rguerrero2

Junior Member
**** Thank you all for you answers, as I have been at a loss as to what to do or what steps to take.* We have never been to court or seen a judge. I contacted the attorney generals office last year in July to initially enforce his child support payments because there were periods of time when he wouldn't pay for a year. Papers were drawn up for cs and visitation, but never notarized by a judge. Are these papers even legally binding then? Do they mean anything? Because he still basically does what he wants when it comes to visitation, and child support is paid now but sometimes it takes him as long as 3 months.** And for the record, I have worked and maintained employment for practically all of my childs life and she is 14 now, turning 15 in May. During this time, myself and my husband have been the one to financially support and provide for her even during the times he paid nothing. I even provided health insurance. I took her to all doctors appointments. Paid all copays. But right now it does work better for our family that I stay home to watch over our children. (I just stopped working in June of this past year.) My kids are involved in extracurricular activities, and transportation to and from school (one is in high school and the other in elementary) was beginning to be an issue, as there was really noone to help out with this. Her father loves to make things difficult for me, and he absolutely will not help in that area either. My daughter was beginning to get into trouble at school and sneaking around and doing things she should not have, I believe because of the lack of supervision due to me working and her father just living his party lifestyle and being too involved in his social scene to help out in the discipline and guidance. It was difficult for me to make this decision to let my husband work and me stay home, but I felt it was crucial that I be a part of their lives right now and try to straighten out the little obstacles in my teenagers life before they became bigger. Let me also add that this man lives in a 200k house with all upgrades, has 60k to 80k vehicles that he owns, lives a pretty lavish lifestyle taking trips to Cabo and throwing huge huge block parties,and big on the club scene every weekend, even when he has his daughter, to not be able to pay a measly 400 a month or keep insurance on his daughter. He does not have a job. He works occasionaly as a cover up for his mothers trucking business, and she writes checks out to him. I have no idea what the amount is. The attorney generals office has tried to locate his place of business on several occasions and can never find him.
Proving what he does, (as in evidence, pictures, being busted by the police, ect), is in progress but it's a very difficult thing to do and it will take time. This is being looked into and investigated, but I'm not really at liberty to discuss that any further. It's sad but I guess my daughter actually finding pounds of marajuana in his deep freezer is not evidence enough, unless she took a picture of it. She tells my mother that when they go on trips to San Antonio, hes selling or picking up large amounts right in front of her.His 2 sisters transport things for him, this info from my daughter as well. One of his sisters has gone to jail for being caught with the marijuana and cocaine at her house. About 4 years ago my husband saw him walking down a busy street and pulled over to see if he was ok, and he was shaken up and near tears claiming that some Jamaican guys he was with just threatened to kill him beat him up with a gun, threw him out on the street, and stole his stepside truck. But he refused to go to the police. My husband urged him to, and he refused. Is that evidence? There is so much more to this but the bottom line is my daughter is starting to see that when she wants something or I'm putting my foot down about discipline, she can go to this horrible house and cry and he immediately plays the good guy saving her from her disaster and refuses to coparent or cooperate about anything. She does the same when he is onto her about something, she comes home and crys and crys about how afraid she is of him, how mean and cruel he is, and how she has no respect for him because of what he does. She blames me for not doing something about this a long time ago. Why do I let her go over there she asks? But here recently, since I've really been cracking down on her, she has completely changed her tune.
I do not know what to do about this and at times feel like giving up and letting her live with him, but what kind of mother would I be if I let her go with someone who did that? He has dealt drugs even when we were to together over 9 years ago. I've seen and witnessed and heard and know so much. His lifestyle was the main reason I left him years ago.
Is there really nothing I can do? Is this truly a scene straight from one of the Godfathers? lol. a little humor there, but I find this so so hard to believe that there is nothing I can do.There has got to be something. Thanks again for any advice, good or bad.
 

Rguerrero2

Junior Member
Well you know LD, I would buy your argument however in this case, the OP is griping that dad provides anything financially with help from his parents when she doesn't provide anything herself financially. She is also griping about his mother helping him out with vehicles and house etcetera without looking in the mirror. Her complaints are hypocritical. She gets help from her hubby helping her out with all that but that makes her a saint (a stay at home mom) and demonizes her ex -- the father of her child. Sorry but not buying her argument.
The argument is really about the safety of my child and what I know he does for a living that jeapordizes her well being. Physically and emotionally. The child support, is something I've dealt with for years, and I know is a separate issue. I have always provided and managed for her, with our without anyones financial support, including my husband or her biological father. From school clothes, to school supplies, to doctors visits, to emergency room visits, to anything she needs in school, to entertainment, to a roof over her head, to food, and to anything else she may need. During the time he didn't pay for a year, I tried to go to his "financial provider-his mother", to help out with her school supplies and she went ballistic. When she found out her son had not paid for that long, she was beyond apologetic. As I said before, I have just recently stopped working, due to lack of supervision and discipline in my childs life, and absolutely no cooperation from her father regarding this, and hopefully to seek family counseling and really put my 100 percent into this, if she isn't too far gone. I am not trying to get anyone to "buy" my story. It is what it is, and if he didn't live the dangerous lifestyle he lived, if he coparented on issues regarding our teenage daughter and the normal things she is going to try to pull, and last but not least, if he just made efforts to make payments on time, I wouldn't bring up or care where he got his financial support from. I seriously don't care any which about that.But he is not receiving it from his mother to go back to school or to better himself. He is receiving it from her, to cover up the lifestyle he chooses to drag my daughter into. And to cover up the fact that he has assets and to put everything in her name. 2 reasons, in case he ever got caught doing what he does (she is well aware of what he does), and to make sure I can never get a dime from them. Which is quite laughable, because I am not after nor do I care for their dirty money. My complaint is that he is not doing his part.I really do cooperate and have gone out of my way to coparent with him, but it takes 2. I put my personal feelings aside for him when it comes to raising her(even down to his drug dealing), but he nor his entire family do the same when it comes to me. They are used to owning anything they want, down to people, and I am exhausted from all of this.
 

Rguerrero2

Junior Member
Sorry, thought I was. It's my first time on this site, and I guess I'm not accustomed to how it posts after I proofread it. Jeez, you guys really are hard.


I just read the rules about newbies reading before posting, and I really apologize about not reading before I posted.

I will try to follow the rules from here on out, as the advice is really appreciated and needed.

Thanks.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Without a court order -- which apparently you don't have -- he doesn't have to pay you a nickle. Not one. So consider yourself lucky. Unless a judge signed off on the order it doesn't matter.

Oh and you sound jealous of what he has compared to you -- with so much detail about the house and vehicles he has. No one cares quite frankly.
 

Rguerrero2

Junior Member
Without a court order -- which apparently you don't have -- he doesn't have to pay you a nickle. Not one. So consider yourself lucky. Unless a judge signed off on the order it doesn't matter.

Oh and you sound jealous of what he has compared to you -- with so much detail about the house and vehicles he has. No one cares quite frankly.


Ok, so that means the visitation arrangement stipulated in this paperwork is not valid either. So this has to get nasty and ugly in court in order for me to have any grounds of protecting her from being in this harmful situation.

I still don't understand why child support is the main topic here, when I've stressed over and over, it's his lifestyle and him not willing to coparent that are of the most importance. All the other information, is to give a bigger picture of what is happening here.

Do you really think his 400 dollars a month, when he pays it, covers anything more than groceries or extras she may need? Who cares about that issue when there is something bigger to worry about. That can and will be addressed when I take this to court. She is and has been taken care of regardless.

I brought up what he has, hoping that helps to see what his priorities (which is all material and ILLEGAL) have been versus putting her best interests first. Even if I did have "jealous feelings" regarding what he has (which is NOT the case - as how he obtained it and maintains this lifestyle is a complete joke and immoral and in no means a good example to set for his daughter), that is not the issue here. Are these rude comments made towards people just to provoke arguments? Because I thought this site was to help people in need of protecting their children or in serious need of seeking legal advice, and that is all I am here for.

Lastly, if he had all of this through decent means, by working hard, and not doing anything illegal that would jeopardize my childs safety, I would truly be proud and happy that my daughter had a father like that. I have wanted nothing but happiness and peace for him and he knows this. I did love him at one point, and have tried to maintain a respect for him so that we could raise our child together, but that has to go BOTH ways.

So in saying all that, I would not be doing my job as a parent if I did not worry or express ALL that I knew about him and his situation. I have tried to remain positive for 14 years, but its come to a close because she knows now what he does and is beyond confused and angry and is acting out in uncontrollable ways that only I am dealing with. He is truly truly bitter about our breakup years ago and letting that get in the way of putting our childs safety and best interests first.
 

Rguerrero2

Junior Member
Without a court order -- which apparently you don't have -- he doesn't have to pay you a nickle. Not one. So consider yourself lucky. Unless a judge signed off on the order it doesn't matter.

Oh and you sound jealous of what he has compared to you -- with so much detail about the house and vehicles he has. No one cares quite frankly.


You know, and it's attorneys like you (or whatever you are), if you really are one, that help to let men like my ex, get away with what they are doing. Drug dealing, doing drugs, jacking around with child support, and playing games when it comes to coparenting(all NOT in the best interest of a child in anyway) If guys like that just happen to stumble upon sites like this or hear counsel from a legal representative, like what you just gave, that gives them the continued strength they need to keep fighting and being dirty instead of cooperating.
And since when is it looked positively upon for a father to NOT pay their child support, especially considering that he is in a position to pay???
You know what? Who cares what your opinions are really. Lets talk about how you sound , because my question was NEVER to ask you how I sounded, but you threw that in there anyway - you sound like an angry, bitter woman with no children, and its obvious someone screwed you over big time for you to be so argumentive and ugly. (I've ready your replys to other posts. Your attitude is really UNNECESSARY.) Someone who talks out your a@$ just to pick arguments with people that really need help. What a good samaritan. Thanks for your unwanted advice but please don't bother next time.
 

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