concerns about sole/joint legal cusody

[marieuh]

What is the name of your state? MA


Saw a court advocate this week and recieved a court date for next week for Temporary Orders.

He [the Advocate] automatically wrote down "Give full physical and sole legal custody to the Mother" among other things requeted.

My husband [soon to be ex] does not agree to the sole legal custody, admitedly out of pride.

I have been scouring this site and all over to figure out what the best thing to do is.

We do not get along for the most part. He currently sees his daughter at my home approximately 4-6 hours/week.

I would love some input from people where the factor of joint or sole legal custody caused a problem. I can't see that it really makes much of a difference, but I don't want to make this decision lightly.

Thanks in advance for your help!

 

[spurt68]

I have "sole care custody and control" of my children. Like you, I didn't think a lot about it at the time, but my attorney did and for that I am now greatful. My ex and I, unfortunately, do not get along either and because of this he has made many threats with regards to our children just because of his anger toward me. Every time the issue of him 'taking the kids away' from me has come up my automatic response is 'take me to court if you want to make changes to the way things are set up'. To date he has not bothered to do so. I think the key to your concern should be the relationship that you may or may not be able to maintain with your child's father and the fact that even though parents have to distance themselves from their personal feelings toward one another they often do not. No one knows what the future holds. Wish you the best...

 

[sarahandbabies]

My order says we have joint legal and physical custody with me having primary physical custody with full control and supervision of their care.
I asked around to see what joint custody actually meant. My understanding of what I read is that the term "joint" custody was made up to keep the NCP from being termed a "visitor" in the childs life. It seems to mean little more than that. In my case, I may have to ask him about certain things regarding the kids, like education, medical things, etc, but I still have the final say because I have primary custody.

 

[Whyte Noise]

My order says we have joint legal and physical custody with me having primary physical custody with full control and supervision of their care.
I asked around to see what joint custody actually meant. My understanding of what I read is that the term "joint" custody was made up to keep the NCP from being termed a "visitor" in the childs life. It seems to mean little more than that. In my case, I may have to ask him about certain things regarding the kids, like education, medical things, etc, but I still have the final say because I have primary custody.

Sadly, you're correct. Joint legal custody is nothing more than a legal term whose definition breaks down into..."We have to discuss these major issues in our child's life (like school, medical, etc.) but when it comes down to it and we can't "agree", what I, as the CP says, goes. Tough."

It's sad really when a parent can't even make decisions regarding the welfare of their own children without having to take the CP back to court to "enforce" what is a fundamental part of parenting in the first place.

 

[haiku]

here is my husbands order from Ma. for shared legal custody, with primary physical to the wife.

the ex is the primamry care parent, with the right to make routine decisions. but both parents have the right to act as sole custodial when giving consent for emergency care, and regarding routine and immediate issues when the child is with them without having to consult the other parent.

they both shall as advisable consult each other on the wellbeing of the child, and each party will continue to foster love and respect in the child for the other parent.

major decisions regarding medical dental and education will be made by both parents.

Any serious issues involving the health and welfare of the child wil be shared with the other parent promptly.

oh and though not stated in the order, it is not the ex who would have final say in some MAJOR (and it would have to be major) it would be the court.

I think ALL parents should have joint legal

 

[Whyte Noise]

This is from my divorce decree... word for word...

"It is the intention of the parties in agreeing to this custodial arrangement that each of them shall have a full and active roll in providing a sound moral, social, economic, religious and educational environment for the children. The parties shall consult with one another in substantial questions relating to religious upbringing, educational programs, significant changes in social environment and non-emergency health care of the child. In accepting the grant of privileges conferred by this custodial arrangement upon each of the parties, they specifically recognize that these powers shall not be exercised for the purpose of frustrating, denying, or controlling in any manner, the social development of the other parent. The parents shall exert their best efforts to work cooperatively in future plans consistent with the best interest of the children and in amicably resolving such disputes as may arise. If the parties cannot agree as to such issue or issues, then the Husband shall have the final decision making power."

Hmmm... and just what has the title of "joint legal custody" gotten me? Nothing. Two of my children failing school, a son that's not on meds he's supposed to be on because his dad thinks he's "doing OK" even though he's had behavior problems in school and is one of the 2 failing.... (Son has ADHD) Sure, we've "discussed" the situation, but other than going back to court.... what can you do? I tell him what I think needs to be done, we talk about it, he doesn't do it, and that "joint legal custody" doesn't mean a thing when it comes to doing what's best for the children. At least not in my case, because my opinion and advice means nothing. I'm just an NCP and ultimately the decision making power is vested in the CP.