Contempt of Court for not following shared parenting plan

[browneyedbuckey]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio... I have filed charges against ex and go to court in a couple of weeks. He has violated agreement that I make the appropriate child care decisions if his work schedule is 2nd or 3rd shift. This occured and I did not find out for at least a month, with him deciding his "girlfriend" would watch son over night. I only found out when my son told me. Shared parenting with my home as school district placement. I am trying to not blow my retainer with questions that arise, such as what documentation should I or she be obtaining?

Will text messages be evidence if needed?

this is only a little of the saga, and having difficulty typing as I am shaking with frustration. I never dreamed I would have the issues I am when I agreed to a very liberal shared parenting plan... ie; he has moved 3 times in 3 years, quit or been fired from 2 jobs I know of, has never given me addresses/contact info until harrassed. has welfare for son's insurance, allowed interefernce of outside parties... goes on and on

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio... I have filed charges against ex and go to court in a couple of weeks. He has violated agreement that I make the appropriate child care decisions if his work schedule is 2nd or 3rd shift. This occured and I did not find out for at least a month, with him deciding his "girlfriend" would watch son over night. I only found out when my son told me.

What exactly does the shared parenting plan state regarding child care if his work schedule is 2nd or 3rd shift -- not YOUR interpretation but the actual wording.

Shared parenting with my home as school district placement.

So you are residential for school purposes? That means NOTHING regarding the actual rights of you or the other parent. It just means that is the school district of the child.

I am trying to not blow my retainer with questions that arise, such as what documentation should I or she be obtaining?

Your attorney should know what is needed.

Will text messages be evidence if needed?

With proper foundation laid, they very well can be.

this is only a little of the saga, and having difficulty typing as I am shaking with frustration.

You are shaking over this? You have control issues. You haven't mentioned a SAFETY issue but rather just you weren't told. Screams of control issues.

I never dreamed I would have the issues I am when I agreed to a very liberal shared parenting plan... ie; he has moved 3 times in 3 years,

And? Has that caused a change in visitation?

quit or been fired from 2 jobs I know of,

NONE of your business quite frankly.

has never given me addresses/contact info until harrassed.

Keep harrassing him or have others harrass him and he may get a CPO against you.

has welfare for son's insurance,

And? He is allowed to use medicaid to insure the child if he qualifies. Do you have insurance for the child? Did you give him a card? If you don't have insurance, why not?

allowed interefernce of outside parties...

How?

goes on and on

And yet, I haven't heard one safety issue or danger issue for the child. Nor one issue that impacts the welfare of the child negatively. Just a whole bunch of you complaining because he doesn't do what you demand -- which goes back to control issues.

 

[browneyedbuckey]

not trying to creat conflict, trying to solve it!

I am just looking for advise... not about "control issues".... my son's best interest is my intent... I was a volunteer GAL many years ago but not up to date as I use to be.

A lack of stablility has been established which hurts my son. I just want the parenting plan agreed on FOLLOWED, not a pick and choose mentality.

exact wording "father agrees to allow mother to make fair and appropriate parenting time decisions if father works a 2nd or 3rd shift job"... hiding the fact he changed jobs and shifts almost 2 months ago is not exactly following the agreement. Just trying to determine what documentation I can save time and money by having ready in advance.

Father refuses to mediate this in any way, will not communicate with me, nor compromise. I do not see a lot of options to make things better.

 

[sandyclaus]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio... I have filed charges against ex and go to court in a couple of weeks. He has violated agreement that I make the appropriate child care decisions if his work schedule is 2nd or 3rd shift. This occured and I did not find out for at least a month, with him deciding his "girlfriend" would watch son over night. I only found out when my son told me. Shared parenting with my home as school district placement. I am trying to not blow my retainer with questions that arise, such as what documentation should I or she be obtaining?

Will text messages be evidence if needed?

this is only a little of the saga, and having difficulty typing as I am shaking with frustration. I never dreamed I would have the issues I am when I agreed to a very liberal shared parenting plan... ie; he has moved 3 times in 3 years, quit or been fired from 2 jobs I know of, has never given me addresses/contact info until harrassed. has welfare for son's insurance, allowed interefernce of outside parties... goes on and on

What I got out of all of the above is that you are taking issue due to the fact that Dad has his girlfriend watching the child overnight.

What I DIDN'T see is anything you wrote about having right of first refusal for child care (i.e., right to have the child or provide your own child care in the event that Dad is unavailable).

If THAT is the only issue, then I can see a contempt hearing not going so well for you. Is there a specific reason you take issue with this particular person watching your child at night when he's sleeping? Is this a hill worth dying on? What do you consider to be the "appropriate" child care decisions?

 

[ecmst12]

Regardless of what the order says, it does not seem like a big deal that his gf watches the child while he sleeps. It would be more disruptive to change his routine and increase the back and forthing by sending him back to your house for a few hours.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am just looking for advise... not about "control issues".... my son's best interest is my intent... I was a volunteer GAL many years ago but not up to date as I use to be.

But you need to look at the reasons behind it. Your son's best interest -- how is he hurt or how is it to his detriment any of what you stated above? As for a volunteer GAL -- well I am an up to date one.

A lack of stablility has been established which hurts my son. I just want the parenting plan agreed on FOLLOWED, not a pick and choose mentality.

HOW does that hurt your son? How is it to his detriment? Does he need counseling? Are his grades suffering?

exact wording "father agrees to allow mother to make fair and appropriate parenting time decisions if father works a 2nd or 3rd shift job"... hiding the fact he changed jobs and shifts almost 2 months ago is not exactly following the agreement. Just trying to determine what documentation I can save time and money by having ready in advance.

How is the girlfriend watching the child not fair and appropriate?

Father refuses to mediate this in any way, will not communicate with me, nor compromise. I do not see a lot of options to make things better.

I do:
1) Learn what are hills to die on and what aren't.
2) Anything that is not detrimental or harmful to your son's welfare (and be prepared to explain HOW it is harmful/detrimental to him specifically and not nebulously) is NOT a hill to die on.
3) Breathe.
4) Love your child more than you hate or want to get back at or otherwise want to win against your ex.

ETA: And I note you didn't answer any of my questions directly. Which tells me you don't care about the facts but this is about YOU being right. Hence, control issues.

 

[browneyedbuckey]

sorry yet again

i type a more detailed descriptions of concerns but then get bumped off account.

yes, ROFR.

yes, ADHD and grades have suffered

father refuses to communicate for any type of resolvement

 

[browneyedbuckey]

ohiogal

do you mind if i send you a private message, if I can figure out how to?

 

[sandyclaus]

i type a more detailed descriptions of concerns but then get bumped off account.

yes, ROFR.

yes, ADHD and grades have suffered

father refuses to communicate for any type of resolvement

So, now you're saying that your court order explicitly states that you have Right of First Refusal?

And I honestly can't see how staying overnight with Dad, having his girlfriend taking care of the child while he's SLEEPING, is affecting his grades. I can see that happening simply because the child is ADHD (it's one of the tell-tale symptoms). In addition, the child needs more established routines - which makes him staying put at Dad's house during Dad's parenting time, regardless of who is caring for the child MORE likely to support those routines than pulling him out just to have someone else take care of him overnight.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Read what mom said: dad has to notify mom if he is working EITHER 2nd or 3rd shift. If dad is working afternoons and the child is in school, the child is being parented by a 3rd party instead of a parent. Dad would be in contempt. With midnights, there might be less issues, but still, the papers are specified.

What I suggest? That dad have to submit to mom his schedule, in writing, x amount ahead of dad's parenting time.

 

[browneyedbuckey]

clarification

dad's work hours affect when bedtime is and a complete change of morning routine.... leading to an A student becoming a D/F student this year (after having a 504 plan removed last year because was excelling in school). This change lead to my request for appropriate testing by the school, doctor appointments to discuss med changes if needed, etc. My son was completely stressed, suffering, and unfocused for the full month+ of the hidden change of schedule. Testing showed no deficiencies, which lead to son breaking down one night in tears a month ago, telling me himself the info he was being told to keep from me. He is now being with me on said work nights, however I want it documented with the courts should it ever come to the need to file for termination of shared parenting (which I know is very difficult in Ohio).

I do not receive child support, as I refused it when we went through the divorce, and believe this is his fear. This is not about me having more parenting time so I can "sue" for child support, as he has been told he can have any weekend time, holidays, etc. to compensate for the missed time. I just want my son to come first.

 

[Ohiogal]

dad's work hours affect when bedtime is and a complete change of morning routine.... leading to an A student becoming a D/F student this year (after having a 504 plan removed last year because was excelling in school). This change lead to my request for appropriate testing by the school, doctor appointments to discuss med changes if needed, etc. My son was completely stressed, suffering, and unfocused for the full month+ of the hidden change of schedule. Testing showed no deficiencies, which lead to son breaking down one night in tears a month ago, telling me himself the info he was being told to keep from me. He is now being with me on said work nights, however I want it documented with the courts should it ever come to the need to file for termination of shared parenting (which I know is very difficult in Ohio).

I do not receive child support, as I refused it when we went through the divorce, and believe this is his fear. This is not about me having more parenting time so I can "sue" for child support, as he has been told he can have any weekend time, holidays, etc. to compensate for the missed time. I just want my son to come first.

Quite frankly you could receive child support as that is not something that can be waived. if it has been more than three years OR there is a substantial change in circumstance you can apply for child support. However, the court could determine that you should pay him depending on incomes and what not. Again, you have not answered the questions asked. In answer to your question above, I normally do not answer PMs from people I do not know.

What type of changes in bedtime have happened? What is the actual schedule? How old is your child?