Contempt questions

[ejmmolina]

What is the name of your state?Texas

After 3 to 4 quiet months the BM has struck again. I am so sick and tired of her crap. She had the nerve to call her lawyer and say we have refused her holiday vistation. Plus some other stupid things. Why is that what ever she says is taken as truth before anyone even speaks to the custodial parent?


Sorry BM hasnt called since September. Now suddenly not only are we being accused of not allowing her visitation but also her dad and her brother. Our lawyer told her lawyer that her brother has no visitation rights.


I need a few answers and cant afford to call and ask lawyer since we get chargered 250 each time we talk.

Lets say she is an hour or so late and doesnt call to let my husband know can my husband file contempt charges on her? What is the actual time limit a parent has to return kids to custodial parent before contempt?
Return time is noon on 26th, obviously a few minutes isnt considered contempt, I need to know where the line is.

Also is there any way such as web sites to do background on therapists? BM has some how found a new therapists for the boys, we would like to get a little info on her before we make the appointment.

Any and all help is welcome....

 

[casa]

I used to have a lot of problems with my X not showing up on time, showing up hours early unnanounced, not showing up and me wondering if he would. I asked to modify the visitation agreement to include a timeframe for pick up and drop off. Now there is a window of time, if he doesn't show up by designated time is over- he forfeits the visit. If he doesn't return the child by the designated time, I know I need to contact the authorities.

Most therapists will provide a resume upon request. Why not just ask about their background and ask for a resume or other type of history of their practice?

 

[ejmmolina]

Good suggestion, we havent had to deal with therapists before so we are new to this.

Thank you

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Obviously being late on a pickup is different than late on a drop off, so as with being late on the pickup, have an agreement if she is late picking up the children without a call by more than 3 hours that allows for enough time for her to get to a phone should she encounter car troubles because it is a long distance, while traveling, then she forfits the visit. Being late on the return is more difficult to gage. But have a similar agreement for return time so without call or prior agreement she must return the children no later than 2 hours past the ordered time and she must provide proof for the delay and of course you have the children's accounts. Make sure they have a waterproof shock resistant watch (so they can leave it on and it won't get lost or left behind like the glasses) so they know what time they left and also provide them with a phone card or a limited use cel phone. Let her know your husband will file contempt if she violates the orders but he is willing to accomodate valid emergency needs.

Her family has no right to visitation, however she may allow them to visit on her time if she so wishes and there is nothing in the orrder preventing it. Document all her visitations, calls as before.

 

[ejmmolina]

AS far as keeping records thats been super easy. NONE she hasnt called or come by she hasnt see the kids since August. She hasnt called since September or emailed myself or my husband. Hopefully this will help the judge to see she isnt to concerned with their well beings if she is ok with no contact for such a long time. Obviously the boys are not in any danger.


Would it seem childish to take pictures of everything i plan to pack, and then let her look over the clothes and sign a paper saying what conditon they are in? Then again have her sign something else after we have looked over the clothes upon return? She is trying to say the boys have dirty stained up clothes and arent properly dressed. I always take pictures before i pack the bags. But was wondering if we wrote up some sort of detailed list and let her look over everything would it help out in the furture againt any kind of complaint as far as clothing goes?

Agian thank you to everyone

 

[stealth2]

Yeah, that's petty and is going to do nothing but ramp up any animosity. I can tell you that if my ex's wife tried something like that with me, I'd tell her exactly where she could get off.

 

[efcoco1]

I am the custodial parent also and have been to court for contempt.
I need to tell you that charges were dropped on 8 counts..but on the 9th count..Guess the judge thought he would give to ex husband because he took the time to try and mess with me...might as well give him something for his time and trouble to screw me. I laugh about it now...but it was so not funny then.

From the judges mouth himself...

It is not my responcibility...to make sure that I have clean clothes..ironed and pressed awaiting my ex to pick up ..He is picking up the child...and it is his responcibility to provide clothing, shelter, food and etc on his visitation. It is also his bad if he does not return the items I send with my child. It is not me that if he forgets to return..should be the one to have to pick them up.
I could go on and on..
If the mother continues to not exercise her rights to visitation...write it down.
You cannot deny a person visitation.. if they were never there to pick them up.
You should not deny her visitation..when she does show up because of all the times she didnt...although it may be few and far between...but you can take her to court and have the orders modified and show proof of her not exercising rights and pretty much altering your family plans or functions. This is what I have been told by the judge here in Texas.
As far as showing up late. Well...been there.
again...you have to use a reasonable time frame...if plans are made..and you are waiting for the parent to pick child up..depending on the childs age...either you can alter your plans..or you cant. Each time will be different. Write it down..and dont ..not saying you will..but dont get nit picky with it..the judge will see through it.
I waited and waited..called and called..to see when and if ex was picking son up. what he expressed is pretty much..yeah he was running late..and didnt have a chance to call me...or no..got caught up..not picking son up..didnt get chance to call...all of which...the judge called him on the carpet for...
I never denied visitation...late or not...because I wanted son to see dad...but it comes to a point that because you care about your kids...you usually give in. and then I got mad..because ex knew that I was looking out for my son.
My ex wouldnt call me when he was bringing him home late..nor did he call me when he couldnt or wouldnt exercise rights..all of which..because he thought he was answering to me..his idea of me denying him visitation was when he showed up and hour or two late..and we werent home to accomodate him.
or if he came early...and we were at store...and happened to be at the most (1 time) 5 minutes late..he wouldnt wait..when I called on this particular day..about 6:30..thinking he was late again..he said he had already been to my house..and we werent there..so ...he stressed that I take son to him!
Now if we are sapposed to wait..shouldnt he also...within a reasonable time. Yes said the judge.
Take her to ct..have the orders modified..and be sure and have dates and times..of every phone call...and conversation.

 

[ejmmolina]

Well just got off phone with Bm. This is so frustrating. She will pick boys up Friday at home, thank goodness she has enough sense to not make boys take a weeks worth of clothes to school. At least now we will get to say goodbye that evening.

The boys had no intrest in talking to her. supposedly friday we will finally get a copy of insurance cards. guess we will see.


And we have never ever denied visitation even when she showed up on days that werent court ordered we have always let her take them.

 

[stealth2]

Why is Dad not dealing with this?

 

[ejmmolina]

Dad is dealing with this. He doesnt do the computer thing. My husband is involved in every aspect (sp?) of his sons lives. He was in the shower when Bm called tonight and she obviously didnt stay on long enough to talk to him. She only talked to boys for roughly 5 mintues a piece. Asked me what we were buying for Chirstmas and that she would finaly be giving us insurance cards. Since my husband was in shower and she was going to go to bed soon I asked her when she wanted to pick kids up on friday so that their stuff would be ready. That was it.

I am sorry if anyone is getting the wrong idea about our situation.

 

[haiku]

you are sweating the small stuff....seriously....grow a thick skin....this is nothing in the long run.......

to your original questions, honestly if I had a dollar for every time my husbands ex was late for a pick up and drop off, I would be sitting in one of my many new vacation homes all over the world right now.

I don't think anything in an hours range is enough to run to court over, alone. Especially if the p/u's happen at your home. the fact that my husbands ex is always late has just become a running joke, even with the kids.

As far as the therapist goes, when you go to the appointment, if you don't like the person, don't go again.

As far as clothes go, its petty, on both sides. send the kids in adequate clothes that won't break your heart if it takes a while for some to return, or never see again. Learn to ignore and roll your eyes at her statements the clothes are not good enough. Looking at it from a CP view, I don't want my kids looking like bums, so I wouldn't send them in rags. And looking at it from the NCP view, I know I am not the one who buys thier clothes so I do not have to take responsibility for thier clothing choices if I dissagree, (my steps usually look like 'little lolita') and if I don't like it, there is nothing stopping me from buying them something more appropriate to the occassion if needed.

 

[ejmmolina]

Yeah I know we are sweating the small stuff. You are right, we shouldn't its hard not to though. The clothes were never really a problem for us until we were in court and BM says that the clothes we sent we hand me downs and stained up. Which was a lie. I mean sure there were some stains on their play clothes but not on the clothes we sent for going out somewhere. My goodness they are 6 and 7 show me a kid that age that doesnt drop a meatball or frenchfrie covered in ketchup on their white shirts or orange shirts.

But your right as long as the boys come back we can always buy new clothes.

As for the therapists we spoke to her on the phone yesterday. First my husband to make the appointment, then when she called back to get some insurance info I spoke with her. She seems nice and we got some background on her. How long she has been in practice and such.

Now as far as her being late for her returns, a few hours isnt enough to file contempt. So if she is a day late or something then thats where we draw the line??? The only thing that sucks about being married to the Cp is we cant leave the house on her pick up days in fear she will scream contempt. But she has such leway(sp) On when she brings them back. To me a few hours should be enough as long as there is no phone call. If she calls then obviously if for good reason they are late no problem. But she is known not to call. In that situation is a few hours still to soon?? Please forgive my repeating of my questions?? We really need to know exactlly where we can draw the line with out looking petty. That is not our intention at all we just want the same respect we give her as far as being on time and such.

 

[ejmmolina]

Today we picked up paper work to get started at therapist. There are alot of things to be filled out. Some of the things we dont feel we can honestly feel out with out seeming like we are bashing BM. We went to kids see kids ped. today to ask his opinion on how we can honestly fill out paper work and not seem like we are blaming everything on her. He basically told us to be honest but not put all the details. Write down what concerns us and let her(new therapist) find out why on her own. Has anyone had to go through this before? We are worried if we put something down on paper that she will see it will start a huge fight. But we have to be honest if we want the therapist to be able to do her job.

 

[stealth2]

I would assume that the questions had to do with behaviors the kids are exhibiting - you don't need to include more than that. If they want to know why Dad things they're having the problems they're having, all that needs to be said is that it is a contentious custody situation.

 

[ejmmolina]

Some of the questions are for example: Has child ever been neglected? Or favortism over another sibling things like that. We have called CPS in 99 or 2000 on BM for neglect. And she does show one child favortism. Theses are just two examples but there were a few more.