Couple questions about mediation court orders?

[BIRDSHOP]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI

My 15 yo daughters father is threatening HER that he is going to take us (her and I) to court because she doesn't always answer his calls. We were never married and there are no court orders for custody or visitation, only child support. He asks to take her when he wants to and as long as we don't have plans she can go.

Would a court order her to answer her phone and/or call him back? We don't have a house phone. She has a cell phone and so do I.

If he does file papers and we go to mediation, what things can I ask for with someone like him who is always late or doesn't show at all? We're not talking 10 minutes late or even a half hour. Today he was supposed to pick her up for dinner at 5 and he didn't call until 7:30 to say he wouldn't make it today.

I'm assuming that even though she is 15 I Should expect the standard WI visitation?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI

My 15 yo daughters father is threatening HER that he is going to take us (her and I) to court because she doesn't always answer his calls. We were never married and there are no court orders for custody or visitation, only child support. He asks to take her when he wants to and as long as we don't have plans she can go.

Would a court order her to answer her phone and/or call him back? We don't have a house phone. She has a cell phone and so do I.

If he does file papers and we go to mediation, what things can I ask for with someone like him who is always late or doesn't show at all? We're not talking 10 minutes late or even a half hour. Today he was supposed to pick her up for dinner at 5 and he didn't call until 7:30 to say he wouldn't make it today.

I'm assuming that even though she is 15 I Should expect the standard WI visitation?

I think you can expect that a Judge will ask your daughter what she wants.

I doubt a "father" who tells his 15 year old child he is taking her to court will fare well in court.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI

My 15 yo daughters father is threatening HER that he is going to take us (her and I) to court because she doesn't always answer his calls. We were never married and there are no court orders for custody or visitation, only child support. He asks to take her when he wants to and as long as we don't have plans she can go.

Would a court order her to answer her phone and/or call him back? We don't have a house phone. She has a cell phone and so do I.

If he does file papers and we go to mediation, what things can I ask for with someone like him who is always late or doesn't show at all? We're not talking 10 minutes late or even a half hour. Today he was supposed to pick her up for dinner at 5 and he didn't call until 7:30 to say he wouldn't make it today.

I'm assuming that even though she is 15 I Should expect the standard WI visitation?

Its not an absolute given that standard WI visitation will be ordered for her, but yes, you should still expect that because its more likely than not. Judges do sometimes make orders that are non-standard when its a first time order regarding teenagers, but you should not assume that will happen.

Your daughter also won't be ordered to do anything, YOU will be ordered. It will be important that your daughter understand that if she doesn't comply with the court orders she won't be the one in trouble, YOU will be the one in trouble.

 

[BIRDSHOP]

Thanks for the replies. Blue Meanie, is the wink for sarcasm? Sorry, I'm not sure.

I could be ordered to make her answer her phone and/or call him?

I don't have a problem with her talking to him. Whether she answers once or twice or never he is mad that she didn't do it differently. He wants her to call and or/text every day. Often his calls end up being just a scolding for not calling him. Yesterday he went on a rant yelling and f bombing and "don't make me take you guys to fn court" when she answered after he didn't show up for their plans.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the replies. Blue Meanie, is the wink for sarcasm? Sorry, I'm not sure.

I could be ordered to make her answer her phone and/or call him?

I don't have a problem with her talking to him. Whether she answers once or twice or never he is mad that she didn't do it differently. He wants her to call and or/text every day. Often his calls end up being just a scolding for not calling him. Yesterday he went on a rant yelling and f bombing and "don't make me take you guys to fn court" when she answered after he didn't show up for their plans.

Well, that certainly means that if he follows through on his threat, that you will want to get a GAL involved (Guardian ad Litem) to help the judge determine the best interest of the child. I suspect however that his threats are somewhat empty ones. However, while there is almost no chance that she would be ordered to call or text him, if he is granted phone calls, then she would need to answer or call him back within a reasonable amount of time.

 

[Just Blue]

Thanks for the replies. Blue Meanie, is the wink for sarcasm? Sorry, I'm not sure.

I could be ordered to make her answer her phone and/or call him?

I don't have a problem with her talking to him. Whether she answers once or twice or never he is mad that she didn't do it differently. He wants her to call and or/text every day. Often his calls end up being just a scolding for not calling him. Yesterday he went on a rant yelling and f bombing and "don't make me take you guys to fn court" when she answered after he didn't show up for their plans.

No. Not at all. At 15 your child is able to tell the Judge what she would like.

Good Luck to you and Merry Christmas...

Blue

 

[BIRDSHOP]

Well, he never did anything but he is now threatening again.

He called daughter the other day and yelled at her for not calling him and for not having voice mail. She doesn't want voicemail mostly because he uses it to yell at her.

He told her if she doesn't get voicemail "I'll be forced to go to court and your mother will get in serious trouble".

There is no court order custody or visitation. He is on birth certificate and is court ordered to pay child support. I've told him many times that plans need to be made through me, not our teen.

Can I get in trouble for her not having voicemail? He is manipulative and verbally abusive but everyone else only seems to see his good side and only the people he tries to control see the abusive behaviors.

If he takes me to court can I ask for her and him to have counseling? She had spent one overnight with him over the last year, other than that most of the time he tries to make plans but can't or doesn't follow through but blames me or her

 

[LdiJ]

Well, he never did anything but he is now threatening again.

He called daughter the other day and yelled at her for not calling him and for not having voice mail. She doesn't want voicemail mostly because he uses it to yell at her.

He told her if she doesn't get voicemail "I'll be forced to go to court and your mother will get in serious trouble".

There is no court order custody or visitation. He is on birth certificate and is court ordered to pay child support. I've told him many times that plans need to be made through me, not our teen.

Can I get in trouble for her not having voicemail? He is manipulative and verbally abusive but everyone else only seems to see his good side and only the people he tries to control see the abusive behaviors.

If he takes me to court can I ask for her and him to have counseling? She had spent one overnight with him over the last year, other than that most of the time he tries to make plans but can't or doesn't follow through but blames me or her

No, at this point you cannot get into trouble for anything at all because there are no court orders regarding parenting/visitation. All he can do is file for enforceable court orders. You can certainly ask that they attend counseling if he does file. Otherwise, you really should ignore his threats and you might want to consider getting your daughter into some counseling anyway to help her learn coping skills in dealing with dad. She will run into other people like him in her lifetime, so it can only help.

 

[BIRDSHOP]

Thanks. She is in counseling.

Even though she is 15 and has lived with me her whole life is it still likely he would get 50/50 legal custody since it would be the initial determination?

I know it may just be threats from him and it is best to ignore right now but I'm just curious what I should expect if we have to go to court.

I know mediation is ordered first in WI. He's filed the paperwork 3 times in the past and then he never contacted the mediator so it never moved forward.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks. She is in counseling.

Even though she is 15 and has lived with me her whole life is it still likely he would get 50/50 legal custody since it would be the initial determination?

I know it may just be threats from him and it is best to ignore right now but I'm just curious what I should expect if we have to go to court.

I know mediation is ordered first in WI. He's filed the paperwork 3 times in the past and then he never contacted the mediator so it never moved forward.

Legal custody is decision making. With joint legal custody both parents get to make ordinary day to day decisions during their parenting time but must agree on major issues and things that impact both of their parenting times. That is very much the norm these days however with a 15 year old and orders being made for the first time its not guaranteed that dad would get joint legal custody. If you had been married and were just now divorcing that would be a different story, but this is a 15 year old who has live with you her whole life, and never lived with dad, so its less likely.

As far as timeshare is concerned its highly unlikely that he would get a 50/50 timeshare at this point. In fact, I would say that its virtually impossible if your child doesn't want that.

I really do not understand dad's attitude at all. Does he not realize that the child will be a legal adult in less than three years? Does he not realize that the relationship he forms with her today will impact his adult relationship with her?

I would strongly push for counseling between dad and the child if he ever does pursue anything.

 

[stealth2]

I really do not understand dad's attitude at all. Does he not realize that the child will be a legal adult in less than three years? Does he not realize that the relationship he forms with her today will impact his adult relationship with her?

Many less than involved parents don't get that.

 

[LdiJ]

Many less than involved parents don't get that.

I know, but it doesn't make it any less sad.

 

[BIRDSHOP]

Thanks again.

I can only guess why he does or says what he does. I think maybe he assumes she'll grow up and do whatever he says. I don't think he gets that this behavior may push her away.

Maybe I should tell him to contact her only on my phone. He would be angry and say it's not fair but it might be better overall.

 

[stealth2]

I know, but it doesn't make it any less sad.

Oh, I know. My youngest hasn't spoken with her Dad (willingly(*)) in six years - since she was 15. He missed her Sweet 16, her HS graduation, didn't acknowledge her at her older sibling's college graduation. Never been to one of her games - HS or college. (I cannot tell you how angry I will be if he shows for either Sr Day or her college graduation!)

BUT... She has taken it in stride and not allowed it to affect her life. Grown into an incredible young woman on all levels.

(*) Willingly.... She never just picked up the phone to call her Dad to say Hi or let him know what was up. Always had the means, though. BUT... I made it clear that she WAS to answer the phone when/if he called and speak politely at the least. And I expected her to at least place a call (usually not answered) weekly as ordered by the judge and on holidays (as ordered by me).

If she refused the above? There would be consequences.

Yes, you can make a 15yo do this.

 

[BIRDSHOP]

Father went to courthouse and requested mediation this week. I got a letter today from court commissioner that she is "unwilling to order mediation" because he requested mediation 3 times previously, it was ordered, and he didn't attend.

Anyone know what would happen next? The letter doesn't say anything comes next.