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Custodial Parent rights

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TsMom

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (WA)
I'm afraid my teenager wants to live with his father who is the non custodial parent, can I stop him? He is 17 and in his senior year of HS.
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (WA)
I'm afraid my teenager wants to live with his father who is the non custodial parent, can I stop him? He is 17 and in his senior year of HS.
Yes you can...But is ti worth the damage to your relationship? In a few months he will have the LEGAL right to decide for himself anyway.
 

TsMom

Junior Member
He's been in this school his entire life and I feel his Father is Brainwashing him. He's never wanted to leave until after this recent visit. His Dad does not parent him but treats him as a buddy and there is no discipline there. He does not appreciate the structure in our household.

So, legally his Dad would have to take me to court, am I correct?
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
He's been in this school his entire life and I feel his Father is Brainwashing him. He's never wanted to leave until after this recent visit. His Dad does not parent him but treats him as a buddy and he thinks. So, legally his Dad would have to take me to court, am I correct?
Yes - but listen to Blue...
 

TsMom

Junior Member
I have a good relationship with my son now, no fighting. He just doesn't like our rules but he follows them. There are NO rules at his Father's.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I have a good relationship with my son now, no fighting. He just doesn't like our rules but he follows them. There are NO rules at his Father's.
I'm not sure what it is you want to hear from us.
 

haiku

Senior Member
if court ended up being utilized by your ex, there is a chance you might lose, not to mention, that depending on how soon your son turns 18, he can do as pleases at that point and there is not a thing you can do about it. It may take a court battle up until his birthday to settle, and then the point will be moot.

At this point in you sons life you need to start thinking about "life after court order" and how your relationship is going to be in the future.
 

LittleMom

Junior Member
If you take the issue to court you may lose more than just custody.

Have you tried communicating your concerns to your son? Not about losing custody of him, but about him leaving (you, his school, his friends, etc). Ask him how he really feels and find out if he is making an informed decision about starting a new school for his senior year. Does he really want to leave because of your rules? Or is there something else you aren't seeing?

Just a thought.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Here is my two cents:

Dad would have to take you to court if you don't agree. That means six months or more before a judge makes a decision. Odds are that if your son has a normal teenage social life that once he gets back home and gets back into school life that he will want to finish his senior year with his class.

However, its also true that its time to look to the future, because once he turns 18 it WILL be his decision. If he doesn't have a good teenage social life, or if he has a girlfriend in dad's community, or anything else that makes life seem better at dad's (beside the lack of rules) you could honestly damage your future adult relationship with your son by refusing to allow him to live with dad. For example, if he is not popular at his current school, but has made lots of friends and is popular with the kids in dad's area, that could be a really huge thing for him.

Then there is the third possibility, and that is that he knows that dad wants him to live there, and he may either not really want to, but doesn't want to hurt his dad by saying so, or may be wishy washy on the idea but doesn't want to hurt his dad by saying so, and therefore NEEDS you to say no to the idea.

So...think it through mom. You know your son, we don't. Figure out what what is going on with your son and make a decision based on what you truly feel is best for him.

If there is any chance that you can spend some one on one time talking with son (face to face, not on the phone) prior to making any decision, that would be the best way to go.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
Figure out what's going on with your son????

Has it ever occured to anyone that just like a child needs their mother, the child NEEDS their father? Why a woman would be afraid that their child wants to go live with the other half of their DNA is beyond me. Why isn't she afraid that the child wanted to live with HER when he wanted to?

Face it, especially with boys, they eventually NEED to be around their fathers. YOU can't teach him how to be a man. YOU can't appreciate what it means to be a man. YOU just can't. You're a woman and hopefully, you want him to turn into a MAN. He's 17 and darn near an adult. If he wants to go live with his FATHER, send him.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Figure out what's going on with your son????

Has it ever occured to anyone that just like a child needs their mother, the child NEEDS their father? Why a woman would be afraid that their child wants to go live with the other half of their DNA is beyond me. Why isn't she afraid that the child wanted to live with HER when he wanted to?

Face it, especially with boys, they eventually NEED to be around their fathers. YOU can't teach him how to be a man. YOU can't appreciate what it means to be a man. YOU just can't. You're a woman and hopefully, you want him to turn into a MAN. He's 17 and darn near an adult. If he wants to go live with his FATHER, send him.
So now you have decided that teenagers SHOULD get to choose?...because that is basically what you are saying here.

I am really surprised to hear you state the opinion that a mother cannot successfully raise a son into manhood, considering that you are a mother of a son.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I am really surprised to hear you state the opinion that a mother cannot successfully raise a son into manhood, considering that you are a mother of a son.
I have to agree that it was a comment which surprised me. I know plenty of women (myself included) raising boys into men. I also know plenty of men raising girls into women. It can be done - and done successfully. I may not be a man, but I've raised my son to be a good one, IMO. And yes, I say *I* because his Dad spends minimal time with him - by his choice.

As for OP... it's a tricky place to be in. My son is also a senior this year, and I can't imagine his wanting to leave his friends and classmates this last year. However, if he expressed that desire, I would have to entertain it. He'll be 18 in four months - and he can then do as he likes, legally. I'd hope that he's thought it through, I'd talk to him about his reasons, and then I'd let him choose. Because fighting over it now could cost me the relationship I have with him. And that isn't something I'd be willing to lose. Think about that, OP. It could well be that your son would be making a mistake. But we all do - and then we learn from the experience. I bet your son will - and working through it with him will only solidify your relationship.
 
I have to agree as well. I have a son that is 17, will be 18 in November. At this point in his life, he is almost "legally" an Adult. If my son approached me wanting to live with his Dad, I would have to entertain the idea as well. In a very short time, my opinion will not matter. I would however discuss it with him to make sure that he was deciding based on logical thinking. After all, I know his Dad loves him too.

However, my 10 yo is another story. He has approached me wanting to live with Daddy. After discussing it with him, I discovered it was not his idea, but one that was put into his head. I have been asked about this every time after a visit with Daddy (once a year for extended periods) I have talked to my Ex about this, although he denies saying anything to hiim (blames other family member) I reminded him that it is HIS responsibility to ensure that our son is not put in a position like that again. Since I don't send our Son to visit per our Divorce (he only gets the week of Tgiving, his choice) I told him that if the comments continued, I would only send son at that time outlined in the Decree.

I also spoke with my son prior to his visit, he told me that if approached again, he was gonna say "Im just a kid, I don't get to decide" Gotta love it :) But, there may be a time that I may need to entertain the idea, just as I would with my older son.....

Kids don't decide, but there comes a time in their lives where if you've raised them to think independently......their opinions should carry some weight and you have to let them spread their wings a bit....JMHO, not a legal one.
 
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