Custodial Parents rights to move for school & job.

[ToddlerinOR]

What is the name of your state? OR

I am needing some advice RE: a Custodial parent needing to move to finish school and to ultimately get a job.

I am currently attending school online but in order to graduate have to go through 6 months of internships. The area where I live does not employ court reporters in the judicial system nor any business where I could do my internship to graduate. I do not want to be a freelancer as that is not gauranteed income and I want stability for my son and myself, so I would have to move to another state regardless for full-time employment upon graduation.

What are my son's father's rights? He does not regularly pay child support, although he is involved in his life. He is not responsible when he has our son which has been a major source of contention between us. Can he really stop me from moving and continuing school and getting a job?

This doesn't seem fair or right that I should/could be ultimately punished because I am the one that is being responsible now and taking care of our son AND I am the one who is making sure that his future is being provided for also.

Can anyone offer any advice? I have everything documented between us and our custody hearing was pretty open and close in my favor- I have sole custody. His father is not even listed on his birth certificate, I don't know if that would make much differnce?What is the name of your state?

 

[Ithildriel]

What is the name of your state? OR

I am needing some advice RE: a Custodial parent needing to move to finish school and to ultimately get a job.

I am currently attending school online but in order to graduate have to go through 6 months of internships. The area where I live does not employ court reporters in the judicial system nor any business where I could do my internship to graduate. I do not want to be a freelancer as that is not gauranteed income and I want stability for my son and myself, so I would have to move to another state regardless for full-time employment upon graduation.

What are my son's father's rights? He does not regularly pay child support, although he is involved in his life. He is not responsible when he has our son which has been a major source of contention between us. Can he really stop me from moving and continuing school and getting a job?

This doesn't seem fair or right that I should/could be ultimately punished because I am the one that is being responsible now and taking care of our son AND I am the one who is making sure that his future is being provided for also.

Can anyone offer any advice? I have everything documented between us and our custody hearing was pretty open and close in my favor- I have sole custody. His father is not even listed on his birth certificate, I don't know if that would make much differnce?What is the name of your state?

So what your saying is that you think he should be punished because you chose to pursue a career in a field that you could not gain meaningful employment in your state knowing full well that you had a child that was under the states jurisdiction? Just want to make sure I'm understanding correctly.

 

[ceara19]

What is the name of your state? OR

I am needing some advice RE: a Custodial parent needing to move to finish school and to ultimately get a job.

I am currently attending school online but in order to graduate have to go through 6 months of internships. The area where I live does not employ court reporters in the judicial system nor any business where I could do my internship to graduate. I do not want to be a freelancer as that is not gauranteed income and I want stability for my son and myself, so I would have to move to another state regardless for full-time employment upon graduation.

You should have chosen a career that would not have required you to move in order to get a job. If you started school after the court order was issued, the judge will most likely tell you the same thing.

What are my son's father's rights? He does not regularly pay child support, although he is involved in his life. He is not responsible when he has our son which has been a major source of contention between us. Can he really stop me from moving and continuing school and getting a job?

If he isn't paying the child support, take him back to court. It doesn't much matter as far as the visitation offer though. Child Support and visitation are 2 separate things.

Since he is involved in the child's life, it is even MORE doubtful that you will be allowed to move if it in anyway interferes with the current visitation.

In what way is he not responsible around the child?

No he CAN'T keep you from moving, continuing school and getting a job. He CAN keep you from taking the child out of the immediate area.

This doesn't seem fair or right that I should/could be ultimately punished because I am the one that is being responsible now and taking care of our son AND I am the one who is making sure that his future is being provided for also.

You've already said dad is very involved with the child so you are NOT the only one taking care of him.

Can anyone offer any advice? I have everything documented between us and our custody hearing was pretty open and close in my favor- I have sole custody. His father is not even listed on his birth certificate, I don't know if that would make much difference?What is the name of your state?

Doesn't matter if he is on the birth certificate or not. He has a COURT ORDER proving he is the child's father. sole custody is not proof of ownership. Dad still has rights. If your move would affect those rights, you probably won't be allowed to move out of the state WITH the child.

 

[GrowUp!]

I do not want to be a freelancer as that is not gauranteed income and I want stability for my son and myself, so I would have to move to another state regardless for full-time employment upon graduation.

You want stability for your son? Well since you are currently unable to provide that, then perhaps you should become the NCP and let Dad give the child the stability he/she deserves.

What are my son's father's rights?

Umm...just as EQUAL as you? WTF is it with some of you mom's who post on here who think you have any more rights than Dad??

He does not regularly pay child support, although he is involved in his life.

Then file contempt, BUT don't you think the involvement is more important than the $$$?? Oh yeah...we've already recieved that answer just by the comment you made.

He is not responsible when he has our son which has been a major source of contention between us.

Who cares about contention? Like t hat's any different from any other child custody case in the US. This is NOT about you or him. It's about the child. Plus, he's not responsible according to who? You?! Bwaaaahhh! Who's the one who's unable to provide the child stablity?? You even admitted it.

Can he really stop me from moving and continuing school and getting a job?

No, YOU -- as ONE person -- are free to do what you want.

This doesn't seem fair or right that I should/could be ultimately punished because I am the one that is being responsible now and taking care of our son AND I am the one who is making sure that his future is being provided for also.

You are not being punished. As I suggested, let dad be the CP and then the chain holding you back (the child) won't tie you down to where you're at now.

And, since you're not smart enough to see it -- the Dad is also ensuring the future is being provided for the child -- HE'S INVOLVED IN THE CHILD'S LIFE. Idiot.

Nothing burns me up more than ignorant comments from CP's like you.

Can anyone offer any advice? I have everything documented between us and our custody hearing was pretty open and close in my favor- I have sole custody. His father is not even listed on his birth certificate, I don't know if that would make much differnce?What is the name of your state?

Why isn't dad on the birth certificate?? Not that that means anything, but since he's paying child support, he's been declared the LEGAL Father.

DUH!! I am convinced...you are an idiot.

 

[stealth2]

The area where I live does not employ court reporters in the judicial system nor any business where I could do my internship to graduate.

So there is NO part of OR where court reporters are employed except as free-lancers? I find that a bit hard to swallow.

 

[ToddlerinOR]

Why am I being attacked, when I am being the responsible party?

Stealth2- There could be positions in Portland which is 5 hours away from where we live currently. Other than that, NO. Court reporters are all freelance from the information that I have found by calling the court systems and the NCRA. They can start their own businesses, but considering I would be right out of school that's not likely to happen for me.

GrowUp- YOU obviously DID NOT READ what I wrote. I AM providing for my son now and always have been. My statement was that upon graduation I do not want to be a freelance reporter because that does not offer stability. My son has stability now, BECAUSE OF ME - NOT his father. I work to provide for him. I am going to school so that I will better be able to provide for him as he grows up.

So you think that a father who has been caught driving with the child in the car after he has been drinking, has been caught doing drugs around the child, and will not change his diaper when he has him for 5 hours and he comes home with a really bad rash. is this a great influence for the child and should he have more rights than me? I think YOU ARE THE IDIOT! There is no way in HELL that I would ever give over custody to him for the obvious reasons stated above. And I would NEVER leave my son in the care of someone who does not have his best interest in mind and only thinks of himself and what he wants. What kind of a mother would I be then to leave my son in a situation that would not be beneficial to him? My son is more important to me than anything else. And how WOULD YOU respond to your child if their other parent came to pick them up and they run crying to you and saying, NO, no, no and shaking their head and clinging to you like Velcro? Wouldn't that make you THINK that there might be something going on? that is not right for a little child to have that kind of reaction.

Ceara19- Thanks. The area we live is very rural and not many jobs pay more than minimum wage - which as I'm sure all of you realize you would not be able to provide as well as you want for all of your families on that. I have read in several cases that judges support internet visits and I would be more than happy to do something like that for his father. My son also has allergies to foods and excema. I have told his father many times and have had it put in writing many time by the doctor what he CANNOT eat because it breaks him out, and he still gives him those foods and does not listen to me. He can't have perfumed lotion and at least once a week he comes home smelling like lotion and his excema gets even worse.

Ithildrel- No, I do not think that he should be punished by not being able to see his son. I do think though that since he is not helping to support the child and is a Show and Tell Father, that since I am the one with the financial responsibility for the child and his care, that I should be allowed to move to where there is an opportunity for me to provide a comfortable life for both of us. I am not talking about moving across the country. Wherever I move would be within about a 5-8 hour drive of where we are currently living.

 

[stealth2]

So you think that a father who has been caught driving with the child in the car after he has been drinking, has been caught doing drugs around the child, and will not change his diaper when he has him for 5 hours and he comes home with a really bad rash. is this a great influence for the child and should he have more rights than me? I think YOU ARE THE IDIOT! There is no way in HELL that I would ever give over custody to him for the obvious reasons stated above. And I would NEVER leave my son in the care of someone who does not have his best interest in mind and only thinks of himself and what he wants. What kind of a mother would I be then to leave my son in a situation that would not be beneficial to him? My son is more important to me than anything else.

It's always interesting to me how none of this information is put into a thread until AFTER a poster doesn't get their expected response. Forgive me my skepticism.

And how WOULD YOU respond to your child if their other parent came to pick them up and they run crying to you and saying, NO, no, no and shaking their head and clinging to you like Velcro? Wouldn't that make you THINK that there might be something going on? that is not right for a little child to have that kind of reaction.

A lot of this is simply the age of the child. Transitions are difficult, and they tend to bond with first one parent and then the other. I assume that, when your child does the same to Dad (which is a natural progression), you will be fine with him refusing to return the child to you. Right?

Get real, darlin'.

 

[ceara19]

Stealth2- There could be positions in Portland which is 5 hours away from where we live currently. Other than that, NO. Court reporters are all freelance from the information that I have found by calling the court systems and the NCRA. They can start their own businesses, but considering I would be right out of school that's not likely to happen for me.

GrowUp- YOU obviously DID NOT READ what I wrote. I AM providing for my son now and always have been. My statement was that upon graduation I do not want to be a freelance reporter because that does not offer stability. My son has stability now, BECAUSE OF ME - NOT his father. I work to provide for him. I am going to school so that I will better be able to provide for him as he grows up.

So you think that a father who has been caught driving with the child in the car after he has been drinking, has been caught doing drugs around the child, and will not change his diaper when he has him for 5 hours and he comes home with a really bad rash. is this a great influence for the child and should he have more rights than me? I think YOU ARE THE IDIOT! There is no way in HELL that I would ever give over custody to him for the obvious reasons stated above. And I would NEVER leave my son in the care of someone who does not have his best interest in mind and only thinks of himself and what he wants. What kind of a mother would I be then to leave my son in a situation that would not be beneficial to him? My son is more important to me than anything else. And how WOULD YOU respond to your child if their other parent came to pick them up and they run crying to you and saying, NO, no, no and shaking their head and clinging to you like Velcro? Wouldn't that make you THINK that there might be something going on? that is not right for a little child to have that kind of reaction.

Ceara19- Thanks. The area we live is very rural and not many jobs pay more than minimum wage - which as I'm sure all of you realize you would not be able to provide as well as you want for all of your families on that. I have read in several cases that judges support internet visits and I would be more than happy to do something like that for his father. My son also has allergies to foods and excema. I have told his father many times and have had it put in writing many time by the doctor what he CANNOT eat because it breaks him out, and he still gives him those foods and does not listen to me. He can't have perfumed lotion and at least once a week he comes home smelling like lotion and his excema gets even worse.

Ithildrel- No, I do not think that he should be punished by not being able to see his son. I do think though that since he is not helping to support the child and is a Show and Tell Father, that since I am the one with the financial responsibility for the child and his care, that I should be allowed to move to where there is an opportunity for me to provide a comfortable life for both of us. I am not talking about moving across the country. Wherever I move would be within about a 5-8 hour drive of where we are currently living.

First of all you will have to PROVE to the judge that dad has done all of the things you mentioned. Even if you do, it still doesn't mean you will get to move the child away from dad.

Why did you even START school to be a court reporter if you knew you would have to move? Even if many of the jobs are minimum wage, I'm sure there are MANY jobs that aren't. You could have gone to school to learn something in the medical field. It pays well and I'd bet there is a hospital, clinic or doctor's office near where you live now.

Many judges do support internet visits in ADDITION to regular visitation, not as a replacement.

 

[Neal1421]

Ithildrel- No, I do not think that he should be punished by not being able to see his son. I do think though that since he is not helping to support the child and is a Show and Tell Father, that since I am the one with the financial responsibility for the child and his care, that I should be allowed to move to where there is an opportunity for me to provide a comfortable life for both of us. I am not talking about moving across the country. Wherever I move would be within about a 5-8 hour drive of where we are currently living.

Is there actually a child support order in place? If so, why have you not filed for contempt of court for non-payment?

 

[GrowUp!]

GrowUp- YOU obviously DID NOT READ what I wrote. I AM providing for my son now and always have been.

So you think you deserve a cookie because of this?! Since you are the CP, it comes with additional responsibilities. If they are too much or being the CP is interferring, then become the NCP. It doesn't deprive you of any rights.

My statement was that upon graduation I do not want to be a freelance reporter because that does not offer stability. My son has stability now, BECAUSE OF ME - NOT his father. I work to provide for him. I am going to school so that I will better be able to provide for him as he grows up.

Dance dance dance all you want. You simply do NOT get it. The father, by your own admittance, is VERY INVOLVED in the child's life. That IS providing stability. He is also ASSISTING in supporting the child with child support. So save us the "I am doing everything" horsecrap.

So you think that a father who has been caught driving with the child in the car after he has been drinking, has been caught doing drugs around the child, and will not change his diaper when he has him for 5 hours and he comes home with a really bad rash. is this a great influence for the child and should he have more rights than me? I think YOU ARE THE IDIOT!

Interesting. So let me ask you: where the hell was this info in your previous post???

I'm gonna guess it was up the same place your head was.

There is no way in HELL that I would ever give over custody to him for the obvious reasons stated above. And I would NEVER leave my son in the care of someone who does not have his best interest in mind and only thinks of himself and what he wants.

That's up to a COURT to decide -- NOT you!

My son is more important to me than anything else.

Again, do you want a cookie because of this proclamation? Gimme a break.

And how WOULD YOU respond to your child if their other parent came to pick them up and they run crying to you and saying, NO, no, no and shaking their head and clinging to you like Velcro? Wouldn't that make you THINK that there might be something going on? that is not right for a little child to have that kind of reaction.

It's called counseling. Ever hear of it??

This is not a feel-good site and not everyone will tell you what you want to hear.

 

[fairisfair]

You want stability for your son? Well since you are currently unable to provide that, then perhaps you should become the NCP and let Dad give the child the stability he/she deserves.


Umm...just as EQUAL as you? WTF is it with some of you mom's who post on here who think you have any more rights than Dad??


Then file contempt, BUT don't you think the involvement is more important than the $$$?? Oh yeah...we've already recieved that answer just by the comment you made.


Who cares about contention? Like t hat's any different from any other child custody case in the US. This is NOT about you or him. It's about the child. Plus, he's not responsible according to who? You?! Bwaaaahhh! Who's the one who's unable to provide the child stablity?? You even admitted it.



No, YOU -- as ONE person -- are free to do what you want.


You are not being punished. As I suggested, let dad be the CP and then the chain holding you back (the child) won't tie you down to where you're at now.

And, since you're not smart enough to see it -- the Dad is also ensuring the future is being provided for the child -- HE'S INVOLVED IN THE CHILD'S LIFE. Idiot.

Nothing burns me up more than ignorant comments from CP's like you.


Why isn't dad on the birth certificate?? Not that that means anything, but since he's paying child support, he's been declared the LEGAL Father.

DUH!! I am convinced...you are an idiot.

Where is any legal advice in this entire post? All you did is rant and rave and make yourself look like a fool, if you are looking for idiots, check the mirror!

 

[fairisfair]

OP, have you considered freelancing AND another more stable job to supplement your income? Might take longer, but may be an option. In the meantime, take the other advice given by the more reasonable posters, if there is a child support order in effect, file contempt for non payment, also, petition for the move, hell, all that can happen is you will either get what you want, or you won't. Have you even discussed this with bio dad? How far away are you planning on moving, do you even have any idea what location might be more condusive to your field of work?

 

[ceara19]

OP, have you considered freelancing AND another more stable job to supplement your income? Might take longer, but may be an option. In the meantime, take the other advice given by the more reasonable posters, if there is a child support order in effect, file contempt for non payment, also, petition for the move, hell, all that can happen is you will either get what you want, or you won't. Have you even discussed this with bio dad? How far away are you planning on moving, do you even have any idea what location might be more condusive to your field of work?

While it doesn't hurt to ask, if she is so strapped for cash that she needs to move out of state to find a job, how is she supposed to pay the filing fees and court costs. Plus, there is also the chance that the judge could order her to pay DAD'S legal fees if the request is denied (it's only a small chance)?

 

[fairisfair]

While it doesn't hurt to ask, if she is so strapped for cash that she needs to move out of state to find a job, how is she supposed to pay the filing fees and court costs. Plus, there is also the chance that the judge could order her to pay DAD'S legal fees if the request is denied (it's only a small chance)?

True, but if she is in fact that strapped for money, can't she apply for a waiver of filing fees? Dad doesn't sound like a has an attorney kind of guy, but you are right, it could happen.

 

[ceara19]

True, but if she is in fact that strapped for money, can't she apply for a waiver of filing fees? Dad doesn't sound like a has an attorney kind of guy, but you are right, it could happen.

She can try to have the fees waived and it may be approved at the time of filing. But, there are still court costs that have to be paid. Even when one party can get the filing fees waived, most of the time, it just means that the person they are suing ends up paying the fees (in family court anyway). So if she is ordered to pay court costs, the filing fees could end up being added on too.

The fact is, the judge will probably tell her that she is SOL. She should have never even started training as a court reporter if she would have to move the child in order to actually be a full time court reporter. There are countless other careers she COULD have chosen that would allow her to stay in the same geographical area.