Custody after Rehab

[RaeRae24]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

My ex-husband and I have had 50/50 custody for the better part of 5 years. Over a month ago, he admitted himself to rehab, without telling the kids or myself. He simply sent me a text telling me that his niece would be picking up the kids because he was busy.

Later that same evening, his niece came to me and explained the situation. For the the better part of the last year, he has admitted to having an addiction to prescription pills and alcohol. Ultimately, he lost his job, and the only way to get it back was to complete rehab. This admitted addicition in addition to his previous 3 DUI's the most recent in 2008 with a blood alcohol of .028% (previous BAC above double the legal limit.)

The very next day, I obtained and emergency order from the courts granting me temporary sole custody, and issued a hearing date for a custody hearing. The hearing ended up getting rescheduled because he would still be in rehab at the date it was scheduled. 4 days ago, he completed his treatment. We don't have our custody hearing until August.

I don't know what to do as far as letting his visit the kids. In the 33 days he was gone, he spent a total of 51 minutes on the phone with the kids. Since he finished treatment, he has spent 3 1/2 hours with the kids, in my home. What, if any, is acceptable visitation in this situation. I don't want him (and his girlfriend) in my home, I have no proof of if he's clean and sober at this point, and I genuinely do not trust him with the children.

Is there a standard order that the courts would suggest? Are there guidelines I can follow?

 

[ElephantSntNose]

Why would you deviate from the current order?

 

[RaeRae24]

Over years, he has shown a pattern of drug/alcohol abuse, and subsequent relapse.

In my opinion, if he is not well enough to take care of himself, he is not well enough to take care of the children. He has made the choice, time and time again, to make careless and selfish decisions. I don't feel my children's best interests are being taken into account while in his care.

 

[Proserpina]

Over years, he has shown a pattern of drug/alcohol abuse, and subsequent relapse.

In my opinion, if he is not well enough to take care of himself, he is not well enough to take care of the children. He has made the choice, time and time again, to make careless and selfish decisions. I don't feel my children's best interests are being taken into account while in his care.

I believe what St. Nelly is getting at, is that you have a temporary order in place giving you sole custody.

Hence that's what you need to stick to for the time being.

Visitation is, unless it is addressed, evidently at your discretion.

However it's not fair to completely disallow contact - you're not giving Dad ANY option if you say he can't take the kids AND he can't visit at your home.

Unless there's a neutral third party willing to oversee visitation? Is that an option?

 

[ElephantSntNose]

Over years, he has shown a pattern of drug/alcohol abuse, and subsequent relapse.

In my opinion, if he is not well enough to take care of himself, he is not well enough to take care of the children. He has made the choice, time and time again, to make careless and selfish decisions. I don't feel my children's best interests are being taken into account while in his care.

Apparently he is taking care of that issue, and you've known his propensity for this type of behaviour and was never an issue before.

You see, you should have made his "choices" an issue before he went to rehab, not after. Even now, a court order is An order, not a suggestion.

Eta...
The OP said custody went fro shared to sole, but it does not necessarily mean that visitation was addressed.

 

[CourtClerk]

Over years, he has shown a pattern of drug/alcohol abuse, and subsequent relapse.

Did you let the kids go with him "over the years?" Before you knew he was in rehab, the kids were fine with him, right?

 

[Proserpina]

Did you let the kids go with him "over the years?" Before you knew he was in rehab, the kids were fine with him, right?

That's going to be the sticking point.

They had 50/50 ....even though Mom KNEW of his problems.

The court may well say, "So...what exactly changed? He actually got some help? Good for Dad!"

But I have an idea at what's really going on here.

 

[ElephantSntNose]

That's going to be the sticking point.

They had 50/50 ....even though Mom KNEW of his problems.

The court may well say, "So...what exactly changed? He actually got some help? Good for Dad!"

But I have an idea at what's really going on here.

Could it be that mom is just trying to take advantage of the situation

 

[Proserpina]

Could it be that mom is just trying to take advantage of the situation

If anything, completing rehab is likely going to be a point in Dad's favor.

Not sure this is entirely about rehab though...

 

[RaeRae24]

I had absolutely NO idea he was addicted to prescription pills. He just finished probation from his last DUI. I believed he was sober.

The order does not address visitation, to my knowledge. Just the issue of sole legal and physical custody.

I have no desire to disallow him from seeing the children. I'm gathering I need to find someone who does supervised visits.

 

[ElephantSntNose]

I had absolutely NO idea he was addicted to prescription pills. He just finished probation from his last DUI. I believed he was sober.

The order does not address visitation, to my knowledge. Just the issue of sole legal and physical custody.

I have no desire to disallow him from seeing the children. I'm gathering I need to find someone who does supervised visits.

Supervised visits??? What makes you think this warrants supervised visits now?

 

[Proserpina]

I had absolutely NO idea he was addicted to prescription pills. He just finished probation from his last DUI. I believed he was sober.

The order does not address visitation, to my knowledge. Just the issue of sole legal and physical custody.

I have no desire to disallow him from seeing the children. I'm gathering I need to find someone who does supervised visits.

Yeap!

But, you must be prepared to bear half the cost (if it's at a supervision center).

What about family members? Any relatives close by who would help out?

Is it really that rough that you can't tolerate him for a couple of hours at your home? I mean you've shared custody for years now - what makes prescription drugs worse than alcohol or other drugs to you?

Not that you're ordered to - but seriously, it might make things easier.

 

[Ohiogal]

Over years, he has shown a pattern of drug/alcohol abuse, and subsequent relapse.

In my opinion, if he is not well enough to take care of himself, he is not well enough to take care of the children. He has made the choice, time and time again, to make careless and selfish decisions. I don't feel my children's best interests are being taken into account while in his care.

Sure. yet in 2008 you did nothing. Truthfully, keeping him from the kids is bad. That is NOT in their best interest. Go back to the week on, week off.

 

[Ohiogal]

I had absolutely NO idea he was addicted to prescription pills. He just finished probation from his last DUI. I believed he was sober.

The order does not address visitation, to my knowledge. Just the issue of sole legal and physical custody.

I have no desire to disallow him from seeing the children. I'm gathering I need to find someone who does supervised visits.

During the past year how were the children harmed when he was using pills? What danger did they experience? Why did you wait until REHAB to go for sole custody? Apparently you saw NO ISSUES before then and are using this to your advantage. This is NOT about the children quite frankly but about YOUR power play.

 

[LdiJ]

Sure. yet in 2008 you did nothing. Truthfully, keeping him from the kids is bad. That is NOT in their best interest. Go back to the week on, week off.

I completely disagree with this recommendation. I agree that its in the children's best interest to continue to see their father, but he just got out of rehab, and a fairly short rehab. For the time being you should find a way for the children to continue to see their father under some form of supervision.

If there is a family member of his that you trust, they might be a good person to handle the supervision.

If you go back to the 50/50 now, it will be telling the judge that you have no problem with the children being unsupervised for 50% of the time. If dad's addictions were bad enough that he lost his job and needed rehab, then they are bad enough that he should have a decent period of sobriety before he gets any unsupervised visitation, and an even longer period of sobriety until 50/50 is a viable option again.

If the judge didn't agree, to at least some extent, the judge would not have granted you emergency sole custody.