Custody battle with my own mother over my son. Please help.

[AlwaysGrowing]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

Hello,

I am a father who wants custody of my 10 year old son. My son has lived with my mother (paternal grandmother) for most of his life with very regular visits and interaction from myself. My son has had very few and far in between interactions with his biological mother by her own actions, but she does now say she wants to be involved.

Before the bashing begins as to how I should have taken care of my own child, I am aware. I cannot change the past. I can only try to do what's right now. I am not trying to take anything away from my mother and am very appreciative for her picking up where I lacked for years, but now that I can fully be the father I should be and always should have been, she has completely cut all visits and communications between my son and I off.

My son was born when I was 19 and his mother and I cared for him until he was 1yr old. Shortly after my son turned 1, I moved out of the home. At this time, his mother packed all of his things and left him at my mother's telling her she had to get on her feet. At 19, I embarrassingly was not mature enough to get it together and do what I needed to care for my son, so at my mother's agreement, let him stay with her. Although I was not being a fulltime parent at the time like I now know I most certainly should have, I was always very involved with my son. I never missed a birthday, first day of school, ceremonies, provided financially, made sure any necessary paperwork was completed so that he could have insurance and be registered to school, and he regularly spent weekends with me during school and weeks to months at a time when not in school.

I have been "on my feet" for a few years now and have been "trying" to get my son full time since he was 8. I add quotations, because up until recently, I had only "tried" by communicating with my mother-nothing legal. She always has some reason to put it off such as "just let him finish the school year", "his cousin will be all alone with out him", "his grades aren't that good so he shouldn't go through a big change right now", something. Not wanting to upset my mother (she's always been like a best friend), I would not press the issue further. Finally, last summer, I put my foot down and told her that it was no longer up for discussion and that he was coming to live with me. He started school living with me and all was fine, other than the fact that my mother immediately bought him a phone so that they could check in with each other a ridiculous amount of times per day. She treated the situation as if my son was coming to prison, when in fact he had been asking when he was going to get to come live with me his whole life. She would be at the school to pick him up every Friday and not bring him home until after 9p Sunday no matter how many times I asked her to have him home by 4 so that he would have time to prepare for the upcoming week. If I requested that he stay home for a weekend so that I could have some off time with him, it would be WW3. Then to throw a monkey wrench in it all, his bio mom suddenly withdrew my son from school without any warning. I was notified by the school. This was allowed by the school because there was no existing court order. Knowing I had recently started a new job, my mother swooped back in and took over, and my son then went to temporarily stay with my aunt, because she said even with all of the legal issues going on and me not being able to enroll my son back in school, that she would be able to since she works for the school district. This did not actually happen. In the mean time, I filed the motion to get custody of my son. The custody battle is between his mother and I. My mother was fully supportive of me until I received a Temporary Order for Custody. Since then, I picked my son up from my aunt's at which time she did all but attack me (very unusual as we are not a violent family) to stop my son from leaving with me. Not more than an hour after we got home, my mother showed up at my house with her brother and about 8 other people, she and her brother literally attacked me in front of my son and two daughter's who were home with me, and took my son. I called the police who did nothing for me. I apologize this is a book, but I've never participated in anything like this and don't want to leave anything out. I am now in a custody battle with my son's mother and my mother is "Intervening". She has a lawyer, which I am trying my hardest to come up with the money for, but I really cant afford. I have other children to care for as well as my son and I am not rich, but can more than sufficiently care for my son full time.

As for his bio mom, we are on speaking terms, and she says she would like to be involved in my son's life also and at this time has temporary visitation every other weekend, which my mother wont allow. Although I am very sure that she is not suitable to care for my son fulltime (or my daughter that we also share), I do not oppose to her being involved. She is his mother.

I guess I just told my story and didnt ask anything... I would like to know: Can a grandparent get full custody of a child? Will the courts allow her to keep my son from me altogether? What should I be doing next?

 

[justalayman]

Not more than an hour after we got home, my mother showed up at my house with her brother and about 8 other people, she and her brother literally attacked me in front of my son and two daughter's who were home with me, and took my son. I called the police who did nothing for me

so you are saying the police did nothing when you reported your child was kidnapped?

or did you go through a similarly long explanation of why grandma might have some rights and yada yada?


and the police did nothing regarding he assault and battery you were subjected to, or did you not say anything about that?

so, what does the most current order say? Is it the temp order giving you custody or has there been a subsequent order?

 

[FamilyGirl]

It is possible a Grandparent can get full legal and physical custody of a child. It is possible they can prevent the parents from visiting the child. Both of these rely heavily on the circumstances involved. I'm saying nothing other than it IS possible. Other people who know more about how to proceed with family law will explain to you what your next best move is...

 

[Proserpina]

As it pertains to Nevada:

It is possible for child custody litigation to be between a natural parent or parents and third parties, such as relatives who have physically cared for a child, or foster parents. Nevada has adopted the “parental preference” doctrine, which presumptively favors a natural parent, even if a “better” placement for the child or children arguably exists. The doctrine arises in initial custody contests between natural parents whose rights have not been terminated, and any third parties who seek custody of a child.

Nevada is not kind to 3rd parties.

Now for the post:

I am a father who wants custody of my 10 year old son. My son has lived with my mother (paternal grandmother) for most of his life with very regular visits and interaction from myself. My son has had very few and far in between interactions with his biological mother by her own actions, but she does now say she wants to be involved.

Gppd - the question of "unfit" should be answered very easily.

Before the bashing begins as to how I should have taken care of my own child, I am aware. I cannot change the past. I can only try to do what's right now. I am not trying to take anything away from my mother and am very appreciative for her picking up where I lacked for years, but now that I can fully be the father I should be and always should have been, she has completely cut all visits and communications between my son and I off.

No bashing here.

My son was born when I was 19 and his mother and I cared for him until he was 1yr old. Shortly after my son turned 1, I moved out of the home. At this time, his mother packed all of his things and left him at my mother's telling her she had to get on her feet. At 19, I embarrassingly was not mature enough to get it together and do what I needed to care for my son, so at my mother's agreement, let him stay with her. Although I was not being a fulltime parent at the time like I now know I most certainly should have, I was always very involved with my son. I never missed a birthday, first day of school, ceremonies, provided financially, made sure any necessary paperwork was completed so that he could have insurance and be registered to school, and he regularly spent weekends with me during school and weeks to months at a time when not in school.

Okay, so you're not Parent Of The Year. But this also means that you've put your child first, and given him a better shot at stability when you know you can't offer that yourself. so maybe you are Parent of the Year. In my opinion, you knew your limits and you acted accordingly. No bashing from me, Dad,

I have been "on my feet" for a few years now and have been "trying" to get my son full time since he was 8. I add quotations, because up until recently, I had only "tried" by communicating with my mother-nothing legal. She always has some reason to put it off such as "just let him finish the school year", "his cousin will be all alone with out him", "his grades aren't that good so he shouldn't go through a big change right now", something. Not wanting to upset my mother (she's always been like a best friend), I would not press the issue further. Finally, last summer, I put my foot down and told her that it was no longer up for discussion and that he was coming to live with me. He started school living with me and all was fine, other than the fact that my mother immediately bought him a phone so that they could check in with each other a ridiculous amount of times per day. She treated the situation as if my son was coming to prison, when in fact he had been asking when he was going to get to come live with me his whole life. She would be at the school to pick him up every Friday and not bring him home until after 9p Sunday no matter how many times I asked her to have him home by 4 so that he would have time to prepare for the upcoming week. If I requested that he stay home for a weekend so that I could have some off time with him, it would be WW3. Then to throw a monkey wrench in it all, his bio mom suddenly withdrew my son from school without any warning. I was notified by the school. This was allowed by the school because there was no existing court order. Knowing I had recently started a new job, my mother swooped back in and took over, and my son then went to temporarily stay with my aunt, because she said even with all of the legal issues going on and me not being able to enroll my son back in school, that she would be able to since she works for the school district. This did not actually happen. In the mean time, I filed the motion to get custody of my son. The custody battle is between his mother and I. My mother was fully supportive of me until I received a Temporary Order for Custody. Since then, I picked my son up from my aunt's at which time she did all but attack me (very unusual as we are not a violent family) to stop my son from leaving with me. Not more than an hour after we got home, my mother showed up at my house with her brother and about 8 other people, she and her brother literally attacked me in front of my son and two daughter's who were home with me, and took my son. I called the police who did nothing for me. I apologize this is a book, but I've never participated in anything like this and don't want to leave anything out. I am now in a custody battle with my son's mother and my mother is "Intervening". She has a lawyer, which I am trying my hardest to come up with the money for, but I really cant afford. I have other children to care for as well as my son and I am not rich, but can more than sufficiently care for my son full time.

As for his bio mom, we are on speaking terms, and she says she would like to be involved in my son's life also and at this time has temporary visitation every other weekend, which my mother wont allow. Although I am very sure that she is not suitable to care for my son fulltime (or my daughter that we also share), I do not oppose to her being involved. She is his mother.

I guess I just told my story and didnt ask anything... I would like to know: Can a grandparent get full custody of a child? Will the courts allow her to keep my son from me altogether? What should I be doing next?

Yes, she can try. She might win - but read the part I quoted. You NEED an attorney though. Have you looked into Legal Aid or similar?

 

[RRevak]

Op (and seniors) this is a huge question so please be honest: WHAT court orders exist and for WHOM do they exist for? Does your mother have anything from the court granting her custody or guardianship? Do YOU have anything from the court granting YOU custody or guardianship? Does MOM have court papers? Have you been legally established as dad through the courts of you and mom weren't married?


Seniors I'm getting a small suspicion that there are orders somewhere but we might not be getting the full picture as to where and with whom.

 

[Proserpina]

Op (and seniors) this is a huge question so please be honest: WHAT court orders exist and for WHOM do they exist for? Does your mother have anything from the court granting her custody or guardianship? Do YOU have anything from the court granting YOU custody or guardianship? Does MOM have court papers? Have you been legally established as dad through the courts of you and mom weren't married?


Seniors I'm getting a small suspicion that there are orders somewhere but we might not be getting the full picture as to where and with whom.

Well, he did say...

Then to throw a monkey wrench in it all, his bio mom suddenly withdrew my son from school without any warning. I was notified by the school. This was allowed by the school because there was no existing court order

Of course that could mean (and it would an impressive bait-and-switch!), that there are no existing court orders between he and Mom... but doesn't address any possible court orders between he and Grandmother.

And now I'm all intrigued

 

[justalayman]

Op (and seniors) this is a huge question so please be honest: WHAT court orders exist and for WHOM do they exist for? Does your mother have anything from the court granting her custody or guardianship? Do YOU have anything from the court granting YOU custody or guardianship? Does MOM have court papers? Have you been legally established as dad through the courts of you and mom weren't married?


Seniors I'm getting a small suspicion that there are orders somewhere but we might not be getting the full picture as to where and with whom.

I'm thinking that is why that other senior guy asked what he did.

so, what does the most current order say? Is it the temp order giving you custody or has there been a subsequent order?

 

[justalayman]

Well, he did say...



Of course that could mean (and it would an impressive bait-and-switch!), that there are no existing court orders between he and Mom... but doesn't address any possible court orders between he and Grandmother.

And now I'm all intrigued

court orders are not "between" anybody. They may be based on a particular set of parties and a different party may have standing to object to the order for some reason but a court order is just what it is; a court's order.

 

[Proserpina]

court orders are not "between" anybody. They may be based on a particular set of parties and a different party may have standing to object to the order for some reason but a court order is just what it is; a court's order.

Did you really just say that?

You okay, J?

 

[justalayman]

Did you really just say that?

You okay, J?

yes I did and I am sticking to it. A courts orders are not between anybody. They often come about due to an issue between two parties. They may direct particular parties to do something or restrain them from doing something so they involve parties but they are not between the parties. That is what I would call a contract. A courts orders are exactly what they are; a directive issued by the court. What it contains is what the court is telling somebody to do. The parties do not agree on an order (a stipulated order is not actually an agreed upon order but an agreement as to what each party is accepting the court to order). It simply means that they are not going to keep fighting which would allow the court to enter an order.

 

[Proserpina]

yes I did and I am sticking to it. A courts orders are not between anybody. They often come about due to an issue between two parties. They may direct particular parties to do something or restrain them from doing something so they involve parties but they are not between the parties. That is what I would call a contract. A courts orders are exactly what they are; a directive issued by the court. What it contains is what the court is telling somebody to do. The parties do not agree on an order (a stipulated order is not actually an agreed upon order but an agreement as to what each party is accepting the court to order). It simply means that they are not going to keep fighting which would allow the court to enter an order.

Virtually every other senior has used "between" at some point when discussing family law and court orders.

I've just never seen you object to the term before now.

Ah well. Maybe I misunderstood. Such is life.

 

[Zigner]

It is a bit strange to point this one out. It's akin to pointing out that one is issued a driver license, not a driver's license.

 

[justalayman]

Virtually every other senior has used "between" at some point when discussing family law and court orders.

I've just never seen you object to the term before now.

Ah well. Maybe I misunderstood. Such is life.

it's a matter of semantics and phraseology.

and normally I wouldn't object as it often involves only two parties; the parents. It is involving an issue between those two parties so it is not so wrong to say the court orders are between the parents, of course using the term loosely.

in this situation, I felt it appropriate because the orders in place could involved 2,3, or more parties. At that point it really isn't "between" any of them. As well, there could be multiple court orders. At some point, it takes it out of the realm of being between anybody and simply are orders addressing the issue and giving directives to any or all of the parties.

 

[justalayman]

It is a bit strange to point this one out. It's akin to pointing out that one is issued a driver license, not a driver's license.

but if it is mine, it is a driver's license because I am a driver, it is mine; simple conclusion; it is a driver's license.

 

[Zigner]

but if it is mine, it is a driver's license because I am a driver, it is mine; simple conclusion; it is a driver's license.

Nope, it's a driver license that belongs to a driver. It's not a "driver's license" it's a "driver license".

(To be fair, I don't recall what state you're in so I can't pull up a reference from your state's code.)