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Custody battle/ please help me get my girls

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eckocity

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Delaware

Thank you for taking the time to read this and helping me out. :(

I have a custody agreement that has over 2.5 since it was first put in and i just put in a for a modification. (we are both residence of Delaware) , i have no idea if she actually works i know she i has Certification in Cosmetology so she can make money and not actually report it.

I have two young girls (5 & 7) and i pay $1135 per month in child support ( has never been late). * i recently went to court for a modification and had it granted to $530 a month based on the time that i have my daughters (more than 50% and they are covered under my insurance)

My girls are well taken care of by me. Their mother and I have an agreement for share joint custody but their residence is at thier mothers house. (I was told by the last judge to file for Shared residency since that is what our allot time scheduled out to. even though I've had this agreement since 2008-2009

I have been paying for all of their clothes, shoes, and other expenditures that they require when they are with me. ( to my knowledge, im the only one paying for the clothes because they are the same clothes that they are coming back with when I pick them up)

I was for the past two year paying for my oldest aftercare & summer bill which amounted up to 4k a year because of an incident that happen (when she got off school early and there wasn’t anyone at their mothers house to pick her up)

My daughters are now both in school and they only go to before and aftercare (which their mother is paying for as of this year but has purchase of care and from what the people at the daycare her job reimburse her for the other portion of the bill.

I pay for all of their extracurricular activities such as ballet which was another 2k a year.

We are to share travelling requirements but over the past two years. she has not once traveled to pick the children up, I have always dropped them off at her house or another spot where she is.

He residence is less then 200 ft from the daycare and almost 800 ft from the school that they goto now. I currently live about (25 miles) 15-20 mins way from them and i have to drive them to the daycare to drop them off on the day that i have them.

Our visitation order states that i have them every Wednesday and Thursday and every other weekend. ( So every other weekend i will have them from Wednesday til monday morning when i drop them off at school). if the day are calculated up including all the school in-service. I have the girls more than 65% of the time throughout the year.

* This is were it get interested

Their mother and i were married in 2004 and we got a finalized divorce in Oct 2008. She was remarried again to a man in the military in Feb 2009. she took frequent trips to Japan to visit him. ( I have Never once Met, Seen or talk to this Man that is supposed to be around my children). She divorced him a 2010 and was remarried again in Oct 2011 to yet another man I do know ( I have only met during a brief *hi,bye* leaving court).

She has then switched Region from Christianity to Jehovah Witness and is now trying to bring my girls into that. My daughter have been going to church with her and with my mother since they were born they are born and raised in a Christian light. Now they are extremely confused on what is going on about that aspect and the holidays they celebrated last year but all of a sudden they don't celebrate anymore.

My biggest issue with this whole thing is that She is Married to this man and She is trying to relocate my girls to a different county and pull them out of school they are in.

We had a mediation about this once before and she claimed that it because they are doing bad and that i don't help them and im a neglectful father among other things.

The school they goto is the top scoring schools above the ones that she is trying to move them to and my girl are both on the honor roll in their school and never dropped below that since they've been there.

There is an agreement set in place that we are to split the holidays and this past thanksgiving i was suppose to pick my girls up the day before and then drop them off to spend half of the day. I sent their mother a text message (because she doesn't answer the phone) [ if she would like to keep the girls and i would pick them up on the holiday so their wouldn't be any going back and forth],. I never received a response so i took it as Business as usual.
she called the daycare and told them that she was going to drop them off at 3pm. i got a call from the daycare around 430 that they never showed up. so i sent her a text message and still never received any response. So when i got the daycare i called from my mobile phone and no answer. and i had the school call her from their office phone, still no answer. So after an hour of waiting. I contacted the New Castle County Police Department to have them escort me over to her residence to see if my girls are there.

They were their and she claimed that she received my text message and was going off what i sent, but said she never received any calls from me or from the school. She got the school to pull phone records to proved that I indeed had them call her.

this past weekend. My oldest daughter was extremely sick and so i kept her home from school and took my youngest to school. I sent her mother a text message

Me:>i still have my oldest and that i would drop her off once im finished doing photos for this wedding.
Her:> let me know when im on my way.
Me:> My youngest still went to school Just fyi
Her:> what time are you bring her home?
Me:> after i finish the wedding pictures
Her:> its past the time that she should be home and i tired to call you and your not answering
Me:> I told you that i was doing pictures for wedding and that i would bring her home when i get done, or i can text my my sister and have her bring her home home
<< She contact the New Castle County Police Department >> and states that she cant get in touch with me and she doesn't know what im doing or where our child is.
I receive a few blocked calls (which i didn't notice till after the wedding) and when i checked my voice mail it was an officer asking me to call them back in regards to our custody agreement together
i tried to contact the office but i was unsuccessful. ( i was planning on going to the police station but im Freaking terrified of what she may have told them) * considering that she Knew exactly where our child was the whole time.*

Now.. I have a court date for the 31st to discuss the request of her moving out of the county and changing my visitation from 185 day a year to only having my girls for 72 days at the most. ( the first 3 weekends of each month only) and certain holidays.
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Delaware

Thank you for taking the time to read this and helping me out. :(

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Dad, if I am understanding you correctly you have 7 overnights out of 14, which is exactly a 50/50 schedule. It does not translated to 65%. The only thing that might be a change of circumstances that would work in your favor is mom's potential move, but that will depend on the distance it creates. Since you live 25 miles from their current school you wouldn't be able to keep them in their current school either if mom moves, therefore the distance she moves will be the key to the whole thing.

Most of the rest of what you have mentioned is irrelevant.
 

eckocity

Junior Member
Dad, if I am understanding you correctly you have 7 overnights out of 14, which is exactly a 50/50 schedule. It does not translated to 65%. The only thing that might be a change of circumstances that would work in your favor is mom's potential move, but that will depend on the distance it creates. Since you live 25 miles from their current school you wouldn't be able to keep them in their current school either if mom moves, therefore the distance she moves will be the key to the whole thing.

Most of the rest of what you have mentioned is irrelevant.
thanks for the response
I was trying t make sure that i covered everything possible.
I know that when we go into court her first thing is going to state she had to call the cops to have me bring my child back to her. (even though i called them to have them take me over to her residence).

In mediation. I stated that i will move into the area they in the respected area for where their school is and don't have problem with that. I would rather my girls live with me so I know they would be take care of than when they are with their mother and they are taken care of when she feel like it. My daughter is getting older and is seeing more and more stuff and is extremely observant If our law would allow her to speak on her own behalf then i wouldn't have anything to worry about.
but our state doesnt work like that from what im told.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Since the oldest child was too sick to go to school, where was she while you were taking wedding pictures?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Dad, if I am understanding you correctly you have 7 overnights out of 14, which is exactly a 50/50 schedule. It does not translated to 65%. The only thing that might be a change of circumstances that would work in your favor is mom's potential move, but that will depend on the distance it creates. Since you live 25 miles from their current school you wouldn't be able to keep them in their current school either if mom moves, therefore the distance she moves will be the key to the whole thing.

Most of the rest of what you have mentioned is irrelevant.
If he has 50/50 time then he has just as much chance of mom of getting custody and the child going to school with him.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
thanks for the response
I was trying t make sure that i covered everything possible.
I know that when we go into court her first thing is going to state she had to call the cops to have me bring my child back to her. (even though i called them to have them take me over to her residence).

In mediation. I stated that i will move into the area they in the respected area for where their school is and don't have problem with that. I would rather my girls live with me so I know they would be take care of than when they are with their mother and they are taken care of when she feel like it. My daughter is getting older and is seeing more and more stuff and is extremely observant If our law would allow her to speak on her own behalf then i wouldn't have anything to worry about.
but our state doesnt work like that from what im told.
Dad, I am a little concerned for you. You are focusing on a lot of things that will not make any difference at all in court.

The fact that you are willing to move into their current area to keep them at their same school is great. Why haven't you already done that?
 

eckocity

Junior Member
Dad, I am a little concerned for you. You are focusing on a lot of things that will not make any difference at all in court.

The fact that you are willing to move into their current area to keep them at their same school is great. Why haven't you already done that?
When i got divorce from her. she got evicted from her apartment that they were living in and i helped her get it so my name was on it. so i had a judgement and an eviction on my credit report that i didnt know about until i tired to go apply for a residence and they told me.

she finally paid off the judgement so that is finally cleared up.
but i moved back with my parents becuase they needed the help with the bills since my father wasnt working..
 

Isis1

Senior Member
When i got divorce from her. she got evicted from her apartment that they were living in and i helped her get it so my name was on it. so i had a judgement and an eviction on my credit report that i didnt know about until i tired to go apply for a residence and they told me.

she finally paid off the judgement so that is finally cleared up.
but i moved back with my parents becuase they needed the help with the bills since my father wasnt working..
i don't mean to be a pain in the rear...but it may come down to a decision. your parents or your child.
 

eckocity

Junior Member
i don't mean to be a pain in the rear...but it may come down to a decision. your parents or your child.
maybe that was worded incorrectly. the reasons i moved back with them was to help them out. Im able to move out on my own. able to move now that the judgement is cleared..

i just wnat to cover all my bases. they are honor roll students in thier school and im strong on them staying where they are. moving aint much of an issue to me.
 

brunella

Member
so....how exactly is she an unfit mother that the courts would revoke her custody?
Moving out of the state or even the country because your husband is in the military is one of the most common and resaonable reasons to move.
Divorce sucks. If you don't like the terms, maybe you should have stayed married.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
so....how exactly is she an unfit mother that the courts would revoke her custody?
Moving out of the state or even the country because your husband is in the military is one of the most common and resaonable reasons to move.
Divorce sucks. If you don't like the terms, maybe you should have stayed married.
She doesn't have to be an unfit mother for the courts to change custody to dad. It is possible that they could give dad custody of his children because mom is moving.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
She doesn't have to be an unfit mother for the courts to change custody to dad. It is possible that they could give dad custody of his children because mom is moving.
Agreed. Even if both parents are equally fit, this is going to be a tough one.

They have roughly 50:50 right now, so both parents are equally involved in the child's life. Mom wants to move out of the country with a relatively new husband. Since the husband is military, some judges are more likely to allow it than if it were a non-military move. It could go either way, but if OP plays his cards right, he should have a good chance.

OP, you will need to file for a change in custody with you becoming primary if Mom leaves the country. Base it on good, solid reasons in the CHILD's life, not all your rambling complaints about Mom. It is very difficult to prove that Mom is unfit and nothing you have comes even close. Trying to prove Mom unfit will reflect badly on you and not get you anywhere. And the petty gamesmanship that you and Mom are playing won't help either of you.

Rather, focus on the fact that the child is currently with both of you half the time. No matter what happens, there will be changes in the child's life, so you should be arguing to minimize the changes and to provide the maximum amount of stability for the child:
- If you can move to their current school district, that would be helpful. Then you could argue that their school wouldn't have to change. Ideally, moving now would be great. Alternatively, you could stipulate that you will move before Mom leaves the country (not quite as good, but better than nothing).
- Moving to another country is certainly less stable than staying in the US. (There are advantages, but courts tend to favor the status quo). Especially if they speak a different language.
- What country is it? If the country has not signed the Hague Convention, that would be a strong argument for not allowing the children to move.
- Children could keep same friends, doctors, etc if they stay.
- Do the children have a regular relationship with family members (grandparents, aunts, uncles)? If so, maintaining that relationship can help in some states.

Seriously, though, you need an attorney to help you with this and keep you from going off on tangents.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Agreed. Even if both parents are equally fit, this is going to be a tough one.

They have roughly 50:50 right now, so both parents are equally involved in the child's life. Mom wants to move out of the country with a relatively new husband. Since the husband is military, some judges are more likely to allow it than if it were a non-military move. It could go either way, but if OP plays his cards right, he should have a good chance.

OP, you will need to file for a change in custody with you becoming primary if Mom leaves the country. Base it on good, solid reasons in the CHILD's life, not all your rambling complaints about Mom. It is very difficult to prove that Mom is unfit and nothing you have comes even close. Trying to prove Mom unfit will reflect badly on you and not get you anywhere. And the petty gamesmanship that you and Mom are playing won't help either of you.

Rather, focus on the fact that the child is currently with both of you half the time. No matter what happens, there will be changes in the child's life, so you should be arguing to minimize the changes and to provide the maximum amount of stability for the child:
- If you can move to their current school district, that would be helpful. Then you could argue that their school wouldn't have to change. Ideally, moving now would be great. Alternatively, you could stipulate that you will move before Mom leaves the country (not quite as good, but better than nothing).
- Moving to another country is certainly less stable than staying in the US. (There are advantages, but courts tend to favor the status quo). Especially if they speak a different language.
- What country is it? If the country has not signed the Hague Convention, that would be a strong argument for not allowing the children to move.
- Children could keep same friends, doctors, etc if they stay.
- Do the children have a regular relationship with family members (grandparents, aunts, uncles)? If so, maintaining that relationship can help in some states.

Seriously, though, you need an attorney to help you with this and keep you from going off on tangents.
Psst... he said moving out of the COUNTY! Not COUNTRY. ;)
Now.. I have a court date for the 31st to discuss the request of her moving out of the county and changing my visitation from 185 day a year to only having my girls for 72 days at the most. ( the first 3 weekends of each month only) and certain holidays.
Oh and I don't think she is married to a MILITARY man now.
She was remarried again to a man in the military in Feb 2009. she took frequent trips to Japan to visit him. ( I have Never once Met, Seen or talk to this Man that is supposed to be around my children). She divorced him a 2010 and was remarried again in Oct 2011 to yet another man I do know ( I have only met during a brief *hi,bye* leaving court).
 

txmom512

Member
Agreed. Even if both parents are equally fit, this is going to be a tough one.

They have roughly 50:50 right now, so both parents are equally involved in the child's life. Mom wants to move out of the country with a relatively new husband. Since the husband is military, some judges are more likely to allow it than if it were a non-military move. It could go either way, but if OP plays his cards right, he should have a good chance.

OP, you will need to file for a change in custody with you becoming primary if Mom leaves the country. Base it on good, solid reasons in the CHILD's life, not all your rambling complaints about Mom. It is very difficult to prove that Mom is unfit and nothing you have comes even close. Trying to prove Mom unfit will reflect badly on you and not get you anywhere. And the petty gamesmanship that you and Mom are playing won't help either of you.

Rather, focus on the fact that the child is currently with both of you half the time. No matter what happens, there will be changes in the child's life, so you should be arguing to minimize the changes and to provide the maximum amount of stability for the child:
- If you can move to their current school district, that would be helpful. Then you could argue that their school wouldn't have to change. Ideally, moving now would be great. Alternatively, you could stipulate that you will move before Mom leaves the country (not quite as good, but better than nothing).
- Moving to another country is certainly less stable than staying in the US. (There are advantages, but courts tend to favor the status quo). Especially if they speak a different language.
- What country is it? If the country has not signed the Hague Convention, that would be a strong argument for not allowing the children to move.
- Children could keep same friends, doctors, etc if they stay.
- Do the children have a regular relationship with family members (grandparents, aunts, uncles)? If so, maintaining that relationship can help in some states.

Seriously, though, you need an attorney to help you with this and keep you from going off on tangents.
She doesn't want to move them out of the country - she wants to move them out of the COUNTY. And for him to have parenting time the first 3 weekends of the month... It's in the very first post...
 

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