custody of an infant????

[melissas]

What is the name of your state? oklahoma.

Okay I have a few questions, first of all in the state of oklahoma what are the chances of a man getting custody of his infant daughter?Here are some of the details, the baby is due 1-15-04,he and the mother had no kinda of loveing relationship, they only slept together a few times, never dated or lived together. They have spoken about the baby, and both are in new relationships now, she wants him to either give up parental rights or help with the baby, he would like custody or joint custody.She is 20 and has a 2year old son that lives with his maternal granparents.He is 22 and has no children.A dna test is being performed as soon as the baby is born,should he try to file for custody of the child before the baby is born or wait untill after the dna test is performed.The father has a supportive girlfriend,mother, and father. He really feels like the more time that the baby is spent with him would be in the best intrest of the baby,he has more of a stable life style than the mother,while the mother has been pregnat she has lived with 2 diffrent men and never has her 2 year old son, the father feels like this would cont and does not want to subject his daughter to this.We have already contacted a attorney,but he doesnt seem to answer our questions with straight answers, the attorney wants to establish paternity before anything because of the type of relationship the parents had.I cant not find anything anywhere with any cases similar.If anyone has any advise or answers or somewhere that I can research I would really apprecaite it.

 

[hexeliebe]

As a practical matter, unless he can prove that the mother is unfit, a danger to the child or that the child will be endangered by the mother, his chances of gaining full legal custody/residential custody is slim to none.

However, joint legal and physical custody is a very real possibility IF the Paternity test shows that he is, indeed the father.

As for him giving up his parental rights, forget it. Tell him in no way should he even consider this. However, he should also realize that if he is shown to be the father he will be required to support the child, regardless of who eventually wins support.

As the father, without giving up parental rights, he will have every opportunity to petition the court for liberal visiation as long as the same conditions that apply to the mother also apply to him, I.E. he is not a danger to the child, has not been convicted of a sexually-based crime and is shown to be the father.

the attorney wants to establish paternity before anything because of the type of relationship the parents had

And this is exactly what should be happening. If he is found not to be the father, all of your points become mute.

As for the mother's living conditions, how many men she has slept with and how many children she has (within reason and this certainly is) is none of your business nor that of the courts.

 

[HomeGuru]

If he is found not to be the father, all of your points become mute.

**A: that's a good one. I am sure the writer is not a mute.

 

[hexeliebe]

add it to the error contest

 

[melissas]

Thanks for answering my questions.i have one more question for you, i really do not care how many men she sleeps with but isnt stabilty a factor?


There is that better?

 

[hexeliebe]

much better.

Now, as to stability, there is no basis in the law for a finding of stability. As I said before, the ONLY situation whereby custody will be granted exclusively to one party over another is 'best interest of the child' or if one party to the custody is found to be unfit under the color of the applicable law.

In this instance, with a newborn, the mother would have to be a regular on the Jerry Springer show with a sign painted outside her trailer with the words "Free blow jobs" to even be considered 'unfit'.

Tell the father, if he is the father, to petition for joint legal and physical custody and then, in the future, if the mother is found unfit, full legal custody.

At this point, he isn't going to get the baby all to himself. PERIOD!

 

[melissas]

Okay I have to tell you, you are the most to the point person I have ever talked too. So do you file for sole custody and settle for less or do you file for joint custody?what about father as cust parent?Sorry I asked some many questions.

Oh, by the way, she went on the Jenny Jones show, not Jerry. :

 

[hexeliebe]

Remember this. A court (translated to judge) is tasked with ONLY answering the issues before him/her. Therefore, if you file for sole custody and lose, it is not a given that the judge will award joint custody.

Therefore, he should be filing for joint legal and physical custody. He may get supervised visitation in the beginning because realistically, until the child is older, that's about all he's going to get.

Of course, every judge and every situation is different. But this is the real world.

 

[HomeGuru]

Okay I have to tell you, you are the most to the point person I have ever talked too. So do you file for sole custody and settle for less or do you file for joint custody?what about father as cust parent?Sorry I asked some many questions.

Oh, by the way, she went on the Jenny Jones show, not Jerry. :

**A: too funny hexy.

 

[stealth2]

It makes no sense for him to file for custody before the child is born for several reasons. First - there is no child to have custody of until birth (legally speaking). Second - he cannot KNOW that he is the father before a paternity test is performed.

Stability is also a very relative conept. Surely your friend knew of the son before he slept with her. Did he take the time to find out what sort of character she had before sleeping with her? If not, that doesn't show great judgement. If so, it doesn't show great judgement either. So she's had 2 b/f's since they broke up. How many has he had? Are the two of you living together (I'm assuming that you're the g/f)? How long has he known you?

None of the above questions need to be answered - but he should expect that to be the tack her lawyer will take in a custody hearing.

 

[melissas]

Ok-one more if we can get her to decide that joint custody is okay, would that be the better route to go?I mean if the mother and the father can agree on terms of custody and support, they would still need to go in front of judge,correct?They would still need to have an agreement signed by a judge?Any agreemnet between the parents would mean nothing unless there is a court order?yes?I do not think she would disagree with joint custody as long as she was reciveing child support.Is child support still based the same even with joint custody?
okay it was more than 1 more question.
By the way have I said thanks yet, you really are very helpfull.

 

[hexeliebe]

Ok-one more if we can get her to decide that joint custody is okay,

This is not her decision just as it is not yours. It is up to the judge.

As for custody, visitation and support they are all separate issues.

I know you are just trying to get background information, but as I told you, as well as Stealth and his own attorney, all this is MOOT (see Homie, I can learn ) until you know if he is the father or not.

And yes, he will be required to pay support regardless of the type of custody IF he is found to be the father.

 

[melissas]

Stealth

I never said that he has good judgment with the situtation.I talked tyo the mother everyday I have offered to help her in any way, I am not the bad guy here, I am the "girlfriend" and have know him for 10 years.I am trying to be helpful by knowing info about this, I have even argued that I think that it is very unfair for him to have sole custody,that she is the mother.But I would really like to thank you for all your concern....Any other ?s

 

[tigger22472]

Custody is broken down in two areas... physical and legal actually.
Also know that Joint Physical doesnt' alway mean that the child spends 50% of their time with each parent. Joint physical could mean mom has primary residency and the father gets EOW , one night a week, alternating holidays and parts of school breaks when they apply. So generally CS is not affected.

I know you will ask so I will explain what Legal custody is. Legal cusody is where the decision making comes in. In Joint Legal it means BOTH parents are to decide on manners involving the child involving education, medical etc. With Sole legal the one have primary physical custody although is supposed to consult with the other parent gets to make the final decision.

Again.. as has been repeated, this is something that can't be taken care of until it is confirmed he is the father.

 

[HomeGuru]

So Melissa, tell us, is he the father?