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Custody issues when the child is in the Mental Health system

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ScorpioChelle

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I'll try to not make you all feel like you're reading a novel.

I am a single mom to a 5 (almost 6) year old boy, who has been diagnosed with a severe case of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (AD/HD). His father signed the birth certificate, and has been consistently absent in my son's life. My son has a relationship with his paternal grandparents, and knows who his father is, since he's seen him a handful of times. . maybe once a year if he's lucky.

His father now lives over 200 miles away from me. My son is established here, has gone to school here, and is in an intensive outpatient therapy (Full Service Partnership) program, where he receives sessions twice a week (not including case manager appointments, and once to twice a month psychiatrist appointments). His father has only lived in the area since June, and has only been dating the girl he's living with since May (both of this year). When they kept pestering me to let my son go and be with them for a weekend, I told them that it wasn't wise for him, given his condition, and his inability to adapt well to new situations (AD/HD kids can't handle sudden changes, and they need LOTS of transitions, no matter how big or small). So I got the ball rolling for custody/visitation, so that things would be legal. I petitioned for sole physical and sole legal custody, and that he could have visitation (there is an existing support order which he's quite delinquent on). I also added that I would like to have full responsibility on decisions regarding my son's mental health treatment and medication management.

Everything is fine (at first), he's complying, and actually talking to my son's therapist at times, more for consent and what not. We have mediation this coming Tuesday (Sept. 16), and I just heard from his therapist yesterday (Friday), that he suddenly decided he wants to suspend services for my son "until further notice." Of course, his therapist couldn't disclose to me WHY the father did that, but I don't see how this is in the child's best interest.

They have made comments to me as if they're not going to agree with anything I have petitioned. I personally believe that he suspended my son's therapy services so he can hang it over my head, and use it as leverage to get me to agree to whatever he wants.

I'm also under the belief that he has a lawyer, so any type of contact he (or his girlfriend) has made with me, I don't disclose anything that could potentially make me look bad under public scrutiny. I however, do not have a lawyer (but I am under the impression that I will be appointed one by the court).

I'm just filled with anxiety at this point, and I'm mostly wondering if this case might appear to others as to whether or not I will be granted what I have petitioned for. My focus is solely on my son's best interest, and keeping him as stable as possible.

Any feedback/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I'll try to not make you all feel like you're reading a novel.

I am a single mom to a 5 (almost 6) year old boy, who has been diagnosed with a severe case of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (AD/HD). His father signed the birth certificate, and has been consistently absent in my son's life. My son has a relationship with his paternal grandparents, and knows who his father is, since he's seen him a handful of times. . maybe once a year if he's lucky.

His father now lives over 200 miles away from me. My son is established here, has gone to school here, and is in an intensive outpatient therapy (Full Service Partnership) program, where he receives sessions twice a week (not including case manager appointments, and once to twice a month psychiatrist appointments). His father has only lived in the area since June, and has only been dating the girl he's living with since May (both of this year). When they kept pestering me to let my son go and be with them for a weekend, I told them that it wasn't wise for him, given his condition, and his inability to adapt well to new situations (AD/HD kids can't handle sudden changes, and they need LOTS of transitions, no matter how big or small). So I got the ball rolling for custody/visitation, so that things would be legal. I petitioned for sole physical and sole legal custody, and that he could have visitation (there is an existing support order which he's quite delinquent on). I also added that I would like to have full responsibility on decisions regarding my son's mental health treatment and medication management.

Everything is fine (at first), he's complying, and actually talking to my son's therapist at times, more for consent and what not. We have mediation this coming Tuesday (Sept. 16), and I just heard from his therapist yesterday (Friday), that he suddenly decided he wants to suspend services for my son "until further notice." Of course, his therapist couldn't disclose to me WHY the father did that, but I don't see how this is in the child's best interest.

They have made comments to me as if they're not going to agree with anything I have petitioned. I personally believe that he suspended my son's therapy services so he can hang it over my head, and use it as leverage to get me to agree to whatever he wants.

I'm also under the belief that he has a lawyer, so any type of contact he (or his girlfriend) has made with me, I don't disclose anything that could potentially make me look bad under public scrutiny. I however, do not have a lawyer (but I am under the impression that I will be appointed one by the court).

I'm just filled with anxiety at this point, and I'm mostly wondering if this case might appear to others as to whether or not I will be granted what I have petitioned for. My focus is solely on my son's best interest, and keeping him as stable as possible.

Any feedback/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Dad doesn't have the right to suspend the child's services. He doesn't have any custody at this point. You do, by default, because you gave birth to the child, but he does not. Even if he had any custody, he could still not unilaterally suspend the child's services. Therefore, you need to inform the therapist of this, and continue the child's services.

No, you are NOT going to be appointed an attorney, and it sure looks to me like you need to get one, ASAP.

What you are asking for, sole legal and physical custody, is something that most NCP's would not agree to, nor would most courts give you that. Normally joint legal custody (joint decision making rights) is what is ordered. Your situation is a little unusual, since your child's AD/HD is apparently severe, and you have been the one on top of things for the last 5 years, however that doesn't mean that a judge will feel that dad shouldn't have any decision making rights.

Make sure that the mediator is aware (take the medical records with you) of your child's severe AD/HD, and also make sure that the mediator is aware that dad attempted to unilaterally cancel the child's services. This will NOT impress the mediator, so dad won't be able to hold that over your head.
 

ScorpioChelle

Junior Member
The guidance center where my son receives services were told by their attorneys that because the father is on the birth certificate, that by default he does have 50% legal custody right now because there is no formal custody order. Same thing goes if he decided to pick my son up from school, or anywhere else that I may not be at the time. Apparently the reason that he could suspend therapy services unilaterally, is with the idea that since one parent says no, it can't go on (his therapist is going to find a way around it via their attorneys).

I have every intent to put emphasis on my son's diagnosis, along with the emphasis that I have been doing what I believe is in my son's best interest. My understanding is that the mediator doesn't have much power, so I would only hope that he/she simply puts it in the report to the judge what the father has done to the child.

Thanks for the tip of not having a court-appointed lawyer. Puts me in some hot water, since I can't afford a lawyer.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
The guidance center where my son receives services were told by their attorneys that because the father is on the birth certificate, that by default he does have 50% legal custody right now because there is no formal custody order. Same thing goes if he decided to pick my son up from school, or anywhere else that I may not be at the time. Apparently the reason that he could suspend therapy services unilaterally, is with the idea that since one parent says no, it can't go on (his therapist is going to find a way around it via their attorneys).

I have every intent to put emphasis on my son's diagnosis, along with the emphasis that I have been doing what I believe is in my son's best interest. My understanding is that the mediator doesn't have much power, so I would only hope that he/she simply puts it in the report to the judge what the father has done to the child.

Thanks for the tip of not having a court-appointed lawyer. Puts me in some hot water, since I can't afford a lawyer.
As far as I know, being on the BC in CA does not give an unwed father an automatic 50% custody. I think their lawyers have that wrong.

However there are plenty of CA people here, so if I have that wrong, then they will let us know. Its still not going to impress the mediator one bit, that he did that. It won't impress the judge either.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
When they kept pestering me to let my son go and be with them for a weekend, I told them that it wasn't wise for him, given his condition, and his inability to adapt well to new situations (AD/HD kids can't handle sudden changes, and they need LOTS of transitions, no matter how big or small).
I have a distinct feeling that there is third party interference going on here. Dad's been an hands-off parent until a GF shows up in the picture.

When in mediation, you need to ask for a "no third-party interference" clause. Look up posts from wnbama. It's been posted a couple of times in the past few weeks, but it has great wording. I'll PM to have it posted here, if possible.
 

wnbama

Member
I have a distinct feeling that there is third party interference going on here. Dad's been an hands-off parent until a GF shows up in the picture.

When in mediation, you need to ask for a "no third-party interference" clause. Look up posts from wnbama. It's been posted a couple of times in the past few weeks, but it has great wording. I'll PM to have it posted here, if possible.
Here is the THIRD PARTY Clause I have, Keep in mind that we only 3-4 miles apart, so this might need to be tweak for your case.

THIRD PARTY INTERFERENCE: There will be no Third Party Interference from either the current spouse/significant other (girlfriend/boyfriend/common-law) with regard to making parenting decisions or participating in discussions (between the parents of Child) regarding parenting decisions. This does NOT pertain to private discussions held between the parent and their partner. There will be no derogatory statements made about either parent by any party in the presence of Child. Third party participants cannot make any decisions regarding medical care, education, or extra-curricular activities, neither change written documentation nor be listed as a contact on any form/documentation that requires parental information.


My Son has ADD/ADHD and I have ADD/ADHD, BTDT!!! My son's father and SM thinks he does not need to be on meds at all and when he WAS going to there house for the weekend they would take him off his meds and it would take 2-3 days to get him back on track, son would complain of a headaches the first day or two after not having them for 2-3 days. They even told DHR that they was NOT going to give them his meds because THEY did not think he needed them! I have dealt with ADD/ADHD since I was 5yo BEFORE they had all this new techo meds, doctors and teachers that understood it, what it actually was/is, you can not just take them off meds or change things to quick.

Not sure if this will help in your case or not, just thought I would give you an idea to ask for a Medical Clause as well:

MEDICAL TREATMENT AND EMERGENCIES: NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT must give medications as prescribed and ordered by physician of child. CUSTODIAL PARENT is responsible for making sure such medications are available to NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT . If Child becomes seriously ill or injured, each parent shall notify the other parent as soon as practicable. If Child becomes ill or injured during visitation, the NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT shall contact the CUSTODIAL PARENT to secure treatment unless the situation is a true medical emergency.


Feel free to PM me with any questions.
 

ScorpioChelle

Junior Member
Ok. So here's a quick update of post-mediation.

As far as physical custody goes, my son stays with me except for designated "father time" (which is alternating weekends). Soo. . I'm assuming that's sole legal custody, and he has visitation.

We are still going to court for legal custody. He wants 50/50.

His "reason" for suspending my son's therapy (which he tried to say it was for only the therapist, not the psychiatrist as well. . . but with the program my son's in. . if he loses one, he loses all) was that he "didn't know what was going on because I didn't inform him."

Wow. I had said in front of the mediator, that at the time of diagnosis, I had absolutely NO way to contact him, and my only communication link to him was through his dad/stepmom. it wasn't until he moved in w/ his new girlfriend (this last June), that he's been "more interested" He has spoken with the therapist via phone, and the therapist even mailed out all the consent/confidentiality forms for him to fill out and sign. Part of that packet also had a letter stating how my son was referred to them, why he was referred, what type of therapy he receives, how often, the diagnosis, and the medication he takes. He even called her back to tell her he received the papers, and gave her verbal consent for services, that he would send them back signed after he "read through them thoroughly" (that's not him. . . he usually just takes what he's told, and signs whatever). So for him to "suspend services" because he wasn't informed, and wanted to talk with his "legal counsel and a therapist in HIS area" sounds like an excuse to me. This will be brought up next week at the court hearing.

In the mediation room, he seemed to be fine with at least being informed of what's going on with the child on a regular basis, and whenever things change. . . sounding as if he's willing to let me have full legal custody, as long as the stipulation of me informing him is in there. The mediator wasn't sure, so she just basically said that it's going to court next week, and the judge will decide the legal custody part.

This girlfriend of his is totally dictating what's going to happen. . . I asked him if we can go to the guidance center so he can give his written consent to resume services for my son. At first he was totally fine with it. Then when he tells her what the plan is, she throws a fit and mentions how they have to go see her dad instead, and that they'll just fax over the consent forms. I said that was fine. . . told them that therapist would still need a hard copy. Asked them if they can just hand it to me at my son's back to school night. His girlfriend spoke before he did, and reluctantly told me "uhh. . yeah. . . I guess I could. . give it to you. . sure. . ." He just looked over her shoulder and told me "yeah, you'll get it." As she glares back at him. I'm sorry, that's a pretty good indicator that she's the one behind a lot of this drama.

So, as of now, my son has therapy again. Yay. I'm just hoping that the judge will grant me full legal custody, especially given the event of him "suspending therapy." I have every intent of bringing that up as a concern that could easily happen in the future. Also, the fact he didn't have interest in the child, nor did he seem to care about what was going on until he moved FARTHER away from the child, and is in a new dating relationship. So. . . 5, almost 6 years later. The delinquent child support case will come up as a concern. . .

I'm just hoping that things go over well.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
In light of what just transpired, I will highly recommend that you get that no third party interference in with the judge.

A GF has zero rights to be dictating anything. In addition, therapy should be done with non-interested parties.

When you go to court, make a list of what are no-give positions and what you are willing to negotiate.

Emphasize the party of being able to reach dad by phone or email.
 

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