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  1. #1
    Dralan552 is offline Junior Member
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    Custody of my 8 year old

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

    Hello,

    I have an 8 year old son who has lived primarily with his mother for the past 5 years. My son (Westley) also stayed with my mom on the weekends. I joined the Army 5 years ago and was imideatly sent to Korea for a year then Iraq.. Ive moved so much durring the last 5 years that attemping custody of Westley was not feesable. When I was home, or stationed in the states Westley stayed with me every chance he got, summer and chirstmas break.

    His mother and I have a good relationship. I am currently in Iraq again and am due to come home in June 09.. I would like to get something more permanent because this will be the last time I am deployed (knock on wood) before i get out of the Army. I would at least like him to stay with me durring the next school year.

    I am currently married with 2 childred (with my wife).

    I guess my main question is, would it be best for me to consult with an attorney before I ask Westleys mom for custody? I honestly dont know what she would say, every time I ask for him to come stay with me she never argues, but this is a bigger step

    Thankyou for your advice

    Roy
  2. #2
    jaysquared is offline Junior Member
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    First of all thank you for your serving...

    second do you guys currently have a court order?

    With your current situation the mother has sole custody so the only thing you can do unless the mother is deemed "unfit" to take care of the child is to have joint legal/physical custody of the child once you are more established. Sounds like you have a good relationship with her so I would definitely talk to her first before going to court. Good luck!
  3. #3
    Dralan552 is offline Junior Member
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    No court orders

    No we dont have court orders... If she agrees, are there any legal documents we need to get? how do we stop the child support? I think she said something about having to go to our local friend of the court office..

    Would she be able to do all of this on her own or would I have to be there?

    She is defenatly not unfit and I would realy not like not to hire an attorney because I know she cant afford one. I just want to see my son more.

    I realy dont have any legal assistance where I am so im limited to phone and internet use.

    Sorry for all the questions. and I thank you again

    Roy
    Last edited by Dralan552; 02-07-2009 at 12:51 AM.
  4. #4
    truebluemd is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dralan552 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

    Hello,

    I have an 8 year old son who has lived primarily with his mother for the past 5 years. My son (Westley) also stayed with my mom on the weekends. I joined the Army 5 years ago and was imideatly sent to Korea for a year then Iraq.. Ive moved so much durring the last 5 years that attemping custody of Westley was not feesable. When I was home, or stationed in the states Westley stayed with me every chance he got, summer and chirstmas break.

    His mother and I have a good relationship. I am currently in Iraq again and am due to come home in June 09.. I would like to get something more permanent because this will be the last time I am deployed (knock on wood) before i get out of the Army. I would at least like him to stay with me durring the next school year.

    I am currently married with 2 childred (with my wife).

    I guess my main question is, would it be best for me to consult with an attorney before I ask Westleys mom for custody? I honestly dont know what she would say, every time I ask for him to come stay with me she never argues, but this is a bigger step

    Thankyou for your advice

    Roy
    Have you been legally established as the father?

    Your do not have any chance of getting full custody since mom has been the child's primary caregiver for the childs entire life. You will be given joint legal, but unless mom agrees, your chances at joint physical are extremely low. If you and mom are good with each other, try to work something and then get it into a court ordered parenting plan. Thats the best route.

    I guarantee if you file for full custody it could turn into a fight. I know you love your child, but you cant just decide you can take him just because your back home permanently.

    Thanks for your service!
  5. #5
    truebluemd is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dralan552 View Post
    No we dont have court orders... If she agrees, are there any legal documents we need to get?
    [url=http://courts.michigan.gov/scao/courtforms/domesticrelations/drindex.htm#cust]Domestic Relations forms[/url]


    how do we stop the child support? I think she said something about having to go to our local friend of the court office..

    Would she be able to do all of this on her own or would I have to be there?
    See the forms above, yes you should be there.

    She is defenatly not unfit and I would realy not like not to hire an attorney because I know she cant afford one. I just want to see my son more.
    You need to get a Court ordered parenting plan. If she is not unfit, then you may as well not fight for shared custody if she doesnt agree.

    I realy dont have any legal assistance where I am so im limited to phone and internet use.
    Trying to gain shared custody when your not even in the US is not a good idea.
  6. #6
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dralan552 View Post
    No we dont have court orders... If she agrees, are there any legal documents we need to get? how do we stop the child support? I think she said something about having to go to our local friend of the court office..

    Would she be able to do all of this on her own or would I have to be there?

    She is defenatly not unfit and I would realy not like not to hire an attorney because I know she cant afford one. I just want to see my son more.

    I realy dont have any legal assistance where I am so im limited to phone and internet use.

    Sorry for all the questions. and I thank you again

    Roy
    Unless she agrees you WILL NOT get custody. She has been the child's primary caregiver. She has done that successfully. Hence, you have no grounds upon which to get primary custody.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  7. #7
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    Unless she agrees you WILL NOT get custody. She has been the child's primary caregiver. She has done that successfully. Hence, you have no grounds upon which to get primary custody.
    I agree. You would certainly have grounds to have a more established parenting plan with a set schedule, but not primary custody at all.

    You can also expect that mom isn't going to agree to the child living with you for the school year.
  8. #8
    Dralan552 is offline Junior Member
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    im sure my questions got messed up somewhere..

    I dont want to take my son from his mother, I just want him more.. I am positive that we can come to an agreement that we both like.. my question is once we decide on a plan do I need to hire an attorney? because i have no idea how to make any plan that we come up with a legal document.

    The reason why im trying to do this while im still deployed is because of the way the military and housing works.. If I want to move into a bigger house (which i need to because i have a 2bdr now) than i have to show the military legal documents as to some kind of custody. Sence he would be comming to stay with me for the next school year I need those same documents to enroll him into school, and because my return to the states may be delayed I want to get it done without having to pull him from a school year that he already started. Thats why I wanted to know if it could be done without me being there.

    Sorry if my questions seemed openended or broad.

    Roy
  9. #9
    2Mistakes is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dralan552 View Post
    im sure my questions got messed up somewhere..

    I dont want to take my son from his mother, I just want him more.. I am positive that we can come to an agreement that we both like.. my question is once we decide on a plan do I need to hire an attorney? because i have no idea how to make any plan that we come up with a legal document.

    The reason why im trying to do this while im still deployed is because of the way the military and housing works.. If I want to move into a bigger house (which i need to because i have a 2bdr now) than i have to show the military legal documents as to some kind of custody. Sence he would be comming to stay with me for the next school year I need those same documents to enroll him into school, and because my return to the states may be delayed I want to get it done without having to pull him from a school year that he already started. Thats why I wanted to know if it could be done without me being there.

    Sorry if my questions seemed openended or broad.

    Roy
    Before you do ANYTHING else, you need to discuss all this with mom. If mom does not agree to allowing your son to live with you for the school year, it's not gonna happen.

    How great is the distance from where you want the child to come live with you to where mom lives?
  10. #10
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    parenting plan guidelines
    http://courts.michigan.gov/scao/resources/publications/manuals/focb/pt_gdlns.pdf

    unless mom is in agreement, the chances of what you are asking is minimal. Mom has done the job for 5 years alone now. And now that you are back in the states, you are asking to just waltz in and take over. Doesn't work like that.


    There are mediation services available thru FOC (Friend of the Court.) The link for official forms was provided earlier. What you can expect is to have a parenting plan that has you getting every other weekend, one evening per week, splitting the holidays and vacations and maybe up to half the summer. That is standard.

    Is the intentions to move into mom's school district so as not to disrupt the child's life anymore?
  11. #11
    wileybunch is offline Senior Member
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    OP, if there are no custody orders, you need them. That's black and white. As for what they contain, that's the gray area. You can approach Mom about having the child during the school year and we can't hazard a guess if she'll allow it. If she doesn't, you have no legal basis to be able to force it. What you WILL be able to do legally is get standard visitation and that will able to be documented. If you are close by, you will expect to get EOW during the school year, alternate holidays with Mom, and ask for 50/50 time in the summer.
  12. #12
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dralan552 View Post
    im sure my questions got messed up somewhere..

    I dont want to take my son from his mother, I just want him more.. I am positive that we can come to an agreement that we both like.. my question is once we decide on a plan do I need to hire an attorney? because i have no idea how to make any plan that we come up with a legal document.

    The reason why im trying to do this while im still deployed is because of the way the military and housing works.. If I want to move into a bigger house (which i need to because i have a 2bdr now) than i have to show the military legal documents as to some kind of custody. Sence he would be comming to stay with me for the next school year I need those same documents to enroll him into school, and because my return to the states may be delayed I want to get it done without having to pull him from a school year that he already started. Thats why I wanted to know if it could be done without me being there.

    Sorry if my questions seemed openended or broad.

    Roy
    Its not that your questions seem opened minded or broad, its mostly that your questions don't seem realistic.

    You are assuming that your son will be coming to live with you for the next school year, and we are telling you that there is virtually no chance that its going to happen.

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