Custody of Newborn

[sleeplessinkc]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

I am about to have my first child with a girl who appears not to be in love with me anymore. We are not married and the baby is due in less than a month. We do live together, but have been in separate bedrooms ever since she's found out that we are pregnant. She has 2 kids, ages 6 and 2 from a previous marriage. I want to be there as much as I can for the newborn, but it doesnt seem that she wants to take an effort in us becoming a family. she even has her father come live with us until the baby is born and who knows how long after that. Her kids are wild, she gives them no discipline at all, and I'm about to lose my mind. Is there anything I can do to have some type of custody of this baby coming into this world if we ever do decide to call it quits??

 

[momofrose]

When baby is born have a paternity test done so that you will legally be known as the child's father.

 

[RRevak]

The paternity test needs to be done through the court otherwise it will not be legal. You also need to file for custody/visitation ASAP once the results of the paternity test come back. Otherwise without these you havent any rights to the child since you arent married. Your other option will be to be there when the child is born so you can sign the AOP (awknowledgement of paternity) which will also deem you the legal father. Good luck to you.

 

[sleeplessinkc]

she has been going through depression, do you think this might be the cause of her actions?? should i wait to do anything for a month or two after the baby is born?

 

[StampGirl]

she has been going through depression, do you think this might be the cause of her actions?? should i wait to do anything for a month or two after the baby is born?

DO NOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since you are not married, you need to have a paternity test ordered and taken once the baby is born. Like another poster said, you need to be at the birth if you can so you can sign an AOP but still file for the paternity test on the off-chance your gf cheated. Then if you are the father, you need to file ASAP for custody/visitation and child support. If you "wait", watch mom run with the child and then you have a mess on your hands because you see.... since you decided to make a baby out of wedlock, she has all the rights. Period.

Check and see if you can file anything that prevents mom now from leaving the county/state with the baby. I believe some states have that option.

Good luck and read read read here for more advice. Information and research is your best friend. Do this now before baby is born. OH and congrats on becoming a daddy.

 

[sleeplessinkc]

i really dont think she would leave. we have agreed if i stayed around and be her friend and not anything more, she will agree to go to counseling w/ me after the baby is born. All of this might be in her head, she is having a "high risk" pregnancy, and is dealing w/ the emotions of a new baby coming into her life and into her 2 daughters life, who by the way still sleep w/ her every night.

 

[RRevak]

DO NOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since you are not married, you need to have a paternity test ordered and taken once the baby is born. Like another poster said, you need to be at the birth if you can so you can sign an AOP but still file for the paternity test on the off-chance your gf cheated. Then if you are the father, you need to file ASAP for custody/visitation and child support. If you "wait", watch mom run with the child and then you have a mess on your hands because you see.... since you decided to make a baby out of wedlock, she has all the rights. Period.

Check and see if you can file anything that prevents mom now from leaving the county/state with the baby. I believe some states have that option.

Good luck and read read read here for more advice. Information and research is your best friend. Do this now before baby is born. OH and congrats on becoming a daddy.

I agree. The clock is ticking and you will only have so much time once the child is born to do these things esp if she runs. And without a paternity test or AOP (as far as I know) you cant techically file to have her remain as the child is legally hers and hers alone until all the necessary court proceedings have been completed on your part....the ones that cannot be completed until there is a child to test. What you CAN do now is find a good attorney to walk you through all of this. Even if this is all prego emotion, you will still have these issues should she truly change her mind once the child is born. Plus, without the test and court work you will have no legal right to any form of custody or visitation. Even if you think she wont leave, you REALLY need to get yourself legally established as this childs father anyway.

 

[sleeplessinkc]

so what everyone is saying is i'm not in a good situation???

 

[RRevak]

so what everyone is saying is i'm not in a good situation???

Its not that you arent in a good situation, you may be fine for all we know. We dont know you or your girlfriend personally so we cant judge what she will or wont do. The situation you ARE in though is one where you have a child coming that you will legally have no rights to once he/she is born. Thats the kicker about having a child without marriage, mom has all the rights and unless the AOP is signed dad cant get them without going through the court. If you're present when the child is born and you have the ability to sign all of the awknowledgment paperwork than you're fine. That will legally establish you as dad. If not, then you have some work to do. See, when two people have a child within a marriage the law assumes the child is of the husband, while having a child outside of marriage leaves the law to view the possibility that "dad" may not be dad. Without proof, there is no legal father. See where i'm going with this? Even if you and your girlfriend live happily ever after in whatever arrangement works for both of you, you will still have to legally establish yourself as dad one way or another.

 

[TheGeekess]

she has been going through depression, do you think this might be the cause of her actions?? should i wait to do anything for a month or two after the baby is born?

Depression could cause a person to withdraw; however, you still need to protect your legal rights.

 

[sleeplessinkc]

well, i still am living in the same house as her and i do believe she put my name on the birth certificate, and plans on using my last name as the baby's last name. i just know the relationship is going sour and I dont think it will last much after the baby is born so i want to make sure that i will have rights

 

[>Charlotte<]

You don't have to wait until the baby is born to start taking action. Kansas has a Putative Father registry. Give me a minute, I'll find a link for you.

 

[RRevak]

well, i still am living in the same house as her and i do believe she put my name on the birth certificate, and plans on using my last name as the baby's last name. i just know the relationship is going sour and I dont think it will last much after the baby is born so i want to make sure that i will have rights

Is the child born?? Did you sign anything? If you wish to have rights to this child than make sure you're name and signature are on the AOP otherwise plan on filing through the court (and yes thats even if things between you and your girlfriend are going well as that doesnt mean they will always go well). Without the legalities, even if the child has your last name doesnt mean he or she will be legally recognized as YOUR child. Again, best of luck to you.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I thought I'd find something on the Putative Father Registry online through the Department of Social Services (Kansas), but if it's there it's not as prominent as I thought it would be. There might be something there, I just didn't want to look that hard.

For now, you'll have to settle for a phone number:

Kansas Putative Father Registry
Jamie Corkhill
Kansas Dept. of Social & Rehab Services
PO Box 497
Topeka, KS 66601-0497
(785) 296-3237

This doesn't establish paternity. It's just a venue for you to claim potential paternity, and any attempts by the mother for adoption or other possible attempts to terminate your rights would get red-flagged.