Custody Question

[Sandgirl310]

What is the name of your state? California
Hello, this is a question thats for anyone... my ex and I have joint custody of my 9 year old daughter. Last Christmas my daighter was having some emotional problems and I decided, with talking to her dad, that she may need to come live with him for a while to help get her back under control. In no means was this ever going to be permanent and he knew that. Now as time has passed, he is getting very controlling of her. Like for instance when I call. He wont let me talk to her, until she is done with her so called chores, and if its past 9:00 and I got home at 9:10 and called her he wont let me talk to her cause its past her bedtime, even though she is not asleep. He is also not letting me see her if I choose to have her fly out one weekend if its not convenient for him. Am I wrong here? Im not her friend calling on the phone, Im her MOTHER!! I would and never have kept her from her Dad, even if it was 10:30 at night on a school night, if she missed him I would always let her call him...no questions asked. I told him he cant dot hat to me, and Im going to take her back to live with me, and he is telling me NO, I cant. Does anyone know what my legal rights are here. I NEED HELP. She is also telling me that her step mom is mean to her. I feel so helpless. She wants to be with me really bad. Can someone please give some advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

 

[CourtClerk]

what is the physical custody agreement or order?

 

[Sandgirl310]

there is no physical custody agreement. She went on Christmas day to live with him last year. I never signed anything, on our divorce decree it states that we have joint custody. He has physical custody of her now because she lives with him and goes to school there. So what does that mean? I never signed anything..

 

[CourtClerk]

there is no physical custody agreement. She went on Christmas day to live with him last year. I never signed anything, on our divorce decree it states that we have joint custody. He has physical custody of her now because she lives with him and goes to school there. So what does that mean? I never signed anything..

If you were divorced in California, then somewhere in that order it states which party has legal custody and which party has physical custody... or if both parties has joint legal and physical... you need to go read your decree... come back after you have.

 

[Sandgirl310]

ok... i just read it. It says mother to have primary physical custody and father to have open visitation with reasonable notice.

 

[CourtClerk]

Advice:

go get your kid.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? California
Hello, this is a question thats for anyone... my ex and I have joint custody of my 9 year old daughter. Last Christmas my daighter was having some emotional problems and I decided, with talking to her dad, that she may need to come live with him for a while to help get her back under control. In no means was this ever going to be permanent and he knew that. Now as time has passed, he is getting very controlling of her. Like for instance when I call. He wont let me talk to her, until she is done with her so called chores, and if its past 9:00 and I got home at 9:10 and called her he wont let me talk to her cause its past her bedtime, even though she is not asleep. He is also not letting me see her if I choose to have her fly out one weekend if its not convenient for him. Am I wrong here? Im not her friend calling on the phone, Im her MOTHER!! I would and never have kept her from her Dad, even if it was 10:30 at night on a school night, if she missed him I would always let her call him...no questions asked. I told him he cant dot hat to me, and Im going to take her back to live with me, and he is telling me NO, I cant. Does anyone know what my legal rights are here. I NEED HELP. She is also telling me that her step mom is mean to her. I feel so helpless. She wants to be with me really bad. Can someone please give some advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

I see a HUGE problem....Your X now has established 'Status Quo'.... since you sent your child to live with him (apparently bc you couldn't handle her behavior), over TEN MONTHS ago. She is now enrolled in school & seeing Dr's, etc. at Dad's. If you try to compel him to return her legally~ expect him to turn right around & PROVE you GAVE him Custody. Because you did. And all her school, Dr., records are evidence of that.

 

[CJane]

Also, I know this isn't what you want to hear... but you sent her to live with her dad to 'get her under control' and now you're complaining that he is 'controlling her' and that he's enforcing bedtimes and won't let her talk on the phone until she's completed chores...

Isn't that what getting an out of control child under control is supposed to be about?

 

[LdiJ]

Also, I know this isn't what you want to hear... but you sent her to live with her dad to 'get her under control' and now you're complaining that he is 'controlling her' and that he's enforcing bedtimes and won't let her talk on the phone until she's completed chores...

Isn't that what getting an out of control child under control is supposed to be about?

It is....but we also all know that its completely inappropriate to deny contact with the other parent as part of that "getting the child under control".

In all reality, all mom has to do the next time she has her for a weekend, is to keep her, since mom has primary custody. Dad may or may not rush to court to try to get that changed, but that is honestly all mom has to do.

 

[CJane]

It is....but we also all know that its completely inappropriate to deny contact with the other parent as part of that "getting the child under control".

If my ex called after the kids were in bed (he never has, but if he did) I wouldn't allow him to talk to them either. My order says "At all reasonable times" after bedtime is not 'reasonable'.

Mom seems a tad... hysterical... but it's been 10 months. So it'd be helpful to know if this is all NEW behavior or if it's been going on and mom is just now upset about it.

Also, it'd be helpful to know what mom means by saying Dad won't let the child visit her... she mentions flights... she's in CA - where's dad/the kid? How much notice of flights did Mom give? What were the terms of the flight? What was the reason the visitation was denied?

 

[casa]

It is....but we also all know that its completely inappropriate to deny contact with the other parent as part of that "getting the child under control".

In all reality, all mom has to do the next time she has her for a weekend, is to keep her, since mom has primary custody. Dad may or may not rush to court to try to get that changed, but that is honestly all mom has to do.

Not if this is a CA order. This child has been enrolled in Dad's school District for 1/2 of last school year & this entire school year so far. Mom has not SEEN this child in almost a year. Mom has not even SPOKEN to this child in 9 mos.

OP: DO NOT just to pick up a child you gave to her Father almost a year ago. Dad WILL win any court fight due to Status Quo...and then YOU will lose your chance to get visitation going again because then you'll be viewed as a 'flight risk' in the eyes of the Court.

 

[CJane]

Not if this is a CA order. This child has been enrolled in Dad's school District for 1/2 of last school year & this entire school year so far. Mom has not SEEN this child in almost a year. Mom has not even SPOKEN to this child in 9 mos. Child also apparently has ongoing treatment @ Dad's for her seizure disorder.

Where'd you get THAT? I'm so confused.

 

[casa]

Where'd you get THAT? I'm so confused.

The seizure sentence was on my clipboard from another post...no clue why it ended up at the end of that sentence.

The rest is bc Mom says she sent child last Christmas. That means it was 1/2 way through the school year, which she then finished at Dads. Then summer didn't see Mom. Then this Fall enrolled in THIS year of school. CLEARLY Dad has established after almost a year...that Mom AGREED to his having Custody of the child.

 

[CJane]

The seizure sentence was on my clipboard from another post...no clue why it ended up at the end of that sentence.

The rest is bc Mom says she sent child last Christmas. That means it was 1/2 way through the school year, which she then finished at Dads. Then summer didn't see Mom. Then this Fall enrolled in THIS year of school. CLEARLY Dad has established after almost a year...that Mom AGREED to his having Custody of the child.

Well, it was the seizure disorder thing that confused the behaysuess outta me.

The rest made perfect sense.

 

[casa]

Well, it was the seizure disorder thing that confused the behaysuess outta me.

The rest made perfect sense.

My fingers need more coffee