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roman4

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Background Information: Divorced in 2005, mother basically left for someone else leaving me with our two children. I have physical custody of my daughter age 12 and son age 9. There was no established visitation order in 2005. I was flexible with the mother picking up the kids when she was able to see them [on average every other weekend]. Mom and the boyfriend move about 2 or 3x a year and in and out of work which makes it difficult for her to see the kids. She just had another son a few years ago.

In October of 2009, my ex moved out of state to Tacoma, Washington and is now engaged. The kids and I were informed of the move a couple days in advance. I decided to rush to get a visitation schedule some kind before she left. It was too late but eventually she was able to participate in court via telephone to reach a visitation agreement for the kids. She agreed to cover transportation expenses for summers and spring break and alternating Christmas holidays.

Last summer, son and daughter went to visit for a month. Overall, it seemed like a good visit. Our daughter did complain about always being stuck at home babysitting for her brother and new half brother. Both said, Mom was going to have them live with her year round and I would only travel to Washington to see them. When I heard that I decided to ask my ex why she would say that. She told me when she gets married the court would give the kids to her because I am a single parent. I didn't continue the conversation because it was ridiculous.

The kids recently returned from Tacoma. After a couple days had passed, my oldest one was worried that she is going to have to change schools to live with mom and leave her brother behind. I realized the Mom and new husband are still bothering the kids about moving to Tacoma. However, sometimes the kids do tell me once in a while they missed mom and wonder if they should move there. Other days, it's "no way, I don't want to live with mom." The kids are confusing me too. I change the subject when the kids bring it up because they are not moving and don't want to say the wrong thing.

Questions: I'm concerned about my kids emotional state and confusion by their mother. Is there anything legally, I can do to stop their mother from continuing to pressure the kids about moving?

The mother stated she already filed papers in Washington state to have the kids in her custody. Can that really be done? Especially, since I already have custody in Arizona?

If we return to court is it simple as asking the child who they want to live with? I can see them changing their mind every month.

I would have a hard time seeing them leave after they lived with me since they were born. I am always doing the best I possibly can without any support from their mother. They are doing so well in school, sports and band. I have been the sole provider since the divorce and my ex has never paid a dime to help with anything. Would the court or anyone listen to my opinions about what I believe is best for the children?
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Background Information: Divorced in 2005, mother basically left for someone else leaving me with our two children. I have physical custody of my daughter age 12 and son age 9. There was no established visitation order in 2005. I was flexible with the mother picking up the kids when she was able to see them [on average every other weekend]. Mom and the boyfriend move about 2 or 3x a year and in and out of work which makes it difficult for her to see the kids. She just had another son a few years ago.

In October of 2009, my ex moved out of state to Tacoma, Washington and is now engaged. The kids and I were informed of the move a couple days in advance. I decided to rush to get a visitation schedule some kind before she left. It was too late but eventually she was able to participate in court via telephone to reach a visitation agreement for the kids. She agreed to cover transportation expenses for summers and spring break and alternating Christmas holidays.

Last summer, son and daughter went to visit for a month. Overall, it seemed like a good visit. Our daughter did complain about always being stuck at home babysitting for her brother and new half brother. Both said, Mom was going to have them live with her year round and I would only travel to Washington to see them. When I heard that I decided to ask my ex why she would say that. She told me when she gets married the court would give the kids to her because I am a single parent. I didn't continue the conversation because it was ridiculous.

The kids recently returned from Tacoma. After a couple days had passed, my oldest one was worried that she is going to have to change schools to live with mom and leave her brother behind. I realized the Mom and new husband are still bothering the kids about moving to Tacoma. However, sometimes the kids do tell me once in a while they missed mom and wonder if they should move there. Other days, it's "no way, I don't want to live with mom." The kids are confusing me too. I change the subject when the kids bring it up because they are not moving and don't want to say the wrong thing.

Questions: I'm concerned about my kids emotional state and confusion by their mother. Is there anything legally, I can do to stop their mother from continuing to pressure the kids about moving?

The mother stated she already filed papers in Washington state to have the kids in her custody. Can that really be done? Especially, since I already have custody in Arizona?

If we return to court is it simple as asking the child who they want to live with? I can see them changing their mind every month.

I would have a hard time seeing them leave after they lived with me since they were born. I am always doing the best I possibly can without any support from their mother. They are doing so well in school, sports and band. I have been the sole provider since the divorce and my ex has never paid a dime to help with anything. Would the court or anyone listen to my opinions about what I believe is best for the children?


Mom seems to have her head stuck somewhere dark and grimy; it's certainly not in the real world!

Her remarrying is NOT going to take custody from you, for one thing. While that is a change in her circumstance, what she is attempting is the impossible - she's not just asking to change custody, she's asking to relocate the kids out of Arizona's jurisdiction (which also means, by the way, that she cannot file in WA).

At 12 and 9, it's unlikely that their wishes will carry much (if any) weight in your state and unfortunately there's not a whole lot you can do about Mom bugging them to move.

Wait until you are actually served with something. NOTHING is going to happen without you being served. Once you are, come back and we can guide you further.
 

Banned_Princess

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Questions: I'm concerned about my kids emotional state and confusion by their mother. Is there anything legally, I can do to stop their mother from continuing to pressure the kids about moving?
No, I suggest you just tell the kids its not their decission, its yours and you have already decided they will not go live there with her, they will just visit like always.

The mother stated she already filed papers in Washington state to have the kids in her custody. Can that really be done? Especially, since I already have custody in Arizona?
No way, the kids dont even live in washington. She would need to come all the way down to the court that is already handling the matter. Plus you would absolutely have to be notified if such a request was filed anywhere.


If we return to court is it simple as asking the child who they want to live with? I can see them changing their mind every month.
NO and for God sakes stop letting them think it is up to them at all!!! again, it would be best if you tell them they dont have to decide, its not up to them, and since you are the parent, you say not gonna happen.


I would have a hard time seeing them leave after they lived with me since they were born. I am always doing the best I possibly can without any support from their mother. They are doing so well in school, sports and band. I have been the sole provider since the divorce and my ex has never paid a dime to help with anything. Would the court or anyone listen to my opinions about what I believe is best for the children?
You are being worried over nothing. there has been no change in the lives of the children that warrant a change of custody. you have custody now and that wont change unless something happens directly to the children or in their immedeate life. (like you want to send them to live with her. )

So go assure the kids they can stop worrying, they will be moving nowhere, they are staying home. (the only home they have known), a juge is not just going to change that cause mommy suddenly wants to play mommy after 9 years.
 

futuredust

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Background Information: Divorced in 2005, mother basically left for someone else leaving me with our two children. I have physical custody of my daughter age 12 and son age 9. There was no established visitation order in 2005. I was flexible with the mother picking up the kids when she was able to see them [on average every other weekend]. Mom and the boyfriend move about 2 or 3x a year and in and out of work which makes it difficult for her to see the kids. She just had another son a few years ago.

In October of 2009, my ex moved out of state to Tacoma, Washington and is now engaged. The kids and I were informed of the move a couple days in advance. I decided to rush to get a visitation schedule some kind before she left. It was too late but eventually she was able to participate in court via telephone to reach a visitation agreement for the kids. She agreed to cover transportation expenses for summers and spring break and alternating Christmas holidays.

Last summer, son and daughter went to visit for a month. Overall, it seemed like a good visit. Our daughter did complain about always being stuck at home babysitting for her brother and new half brother. Both said, Mom was going to have them live with her year round and I would only travel to Washington to see them. When I heard that I decided to ask my ex why she would say that. She told me when she gets married the court would give the kids to her because I am a single parent. I didn't continue the conversation because it was ridiculous.

The kids recently returned from Tacoma. After a couple days had passed, my oldest one was worried that she is going to have to change schools to live with mom and leave her brother behind. I realized the Mom and new husband are still bothering the kids about moving to Tacoma. However, sometimes the kids do tell me once in a while they missed mom and wonder if they should move there. Other days, it's "no way, I don't want to live with mom." The kids are confusing me too. I change the subject when the kids bring it up because they are not moving and don't want to say the wrong thing.

Questions: I'm concerned about my kids emotional state and confusion by their mother. Is there anything legally, I can do to stop their mother from continuing to pressure the kids about moving?

The mother stated she already filed papers in Washington state to have the kids in her custody. Can that really be done? Especially, since I already have custody in Arizona?

If we return to court is it simple as asking the child who they want to live with? I can see them changing their mind every month.

I would have a hard time seeing them leave after they lived with me since they were born. I am always doing the best I possibly can without any support from their mother. They are doing so well in school, sports and band. I have been the sole provider since the divorce and my ex has never paid a dime to help with anything. Would the court or anyone listen to my opinions about what I believe is best for the children?

I wouldn't stress over this. She cannot change custody because she got married. There has to be a change of circumstance for the children.

AZ has jurisdiction, so while she may file in WA, her case would not be heard since the original orders are from another state in which the children still reside. If you actually do get served by mom, you would motion to dismiss based on jurisdiction.

You may want to reassure your children not to stress about the grown up things and there is nothing to worry about. Find them a counselor so that they have someone to discuss their feelings with.
 

futuredust

Senior Member
So go assure the kids they can stop worrying, they will be moving nowhere, they are staying home. (the only home they have known), a juge is not just going to change that cause mommy suddenly wants to play mommy after 9 years.
Six years since divorce, princess. Not nine. According to dad she has visited. She is not playing mommy, she is mommy. But mommy has no grounds (from what was posted) to change custody.
 

WittyUserName

Senior Member
Both said, Mom was going to have them live with her year round and I would only travel to Washington to see them. When I heard that I decided to ask my ex why she would say that. She told me when she gets married the court would give the kids to her because I am a single parent. I didn't continue the conversation because it was ridiculous.
Your original instinct to dismiss the bolded as ridiculous was correct. I've seen that tactic ("I'm married and you're single so that gives me the advantage") used in several cases, including my own. Doesn't work.:rolleyes:

Don't stress, Dad.
 

Banned_Princess

Senior Member
Six years since divorce, princess. Not nine. According to dad she has visited. She is not playing mommy, she is mommy. But mommy has no grounds (from what was posted) to change custody.
My mistake. 6 years of running the streets, and barely visiting in any kind of consistant manner, and now shes married so now she feels her parenting is superior to his and the kids whole life should be compleately changed right down to their arizona accent.

Definately not "playing" at all.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I wouldn't stress over this. She cannot change custody because she got married. There has to be a change of circumstance for the children.

AZ has jurisdiction, so while she may file in WA, her case would not be heard since the original orders are from another state in which the children still reside. If you actually do get served by mom, you would motion to dismiss based on jurisdiction.

You may want to reassure your children not to stress about the grown up things and there is nothing to worry about. Find them a counselor so that they have someone to discuss their feelings with.
While the bolded is true, dad cannot just ingnore a case filed in WA. Dad would have to file to dismiss any case filed in WA based on WA having lack of subject matter jurisdiction.
 

futuredust

Senior Member
While the bolded is true, dad cannot just ingnore a case filed in WA. Dad would have to file to dismiss any case filed in WA based on WA having lack of subject matter jurisdiction.
I believe that was the very next sentence of the quoted text.
 

roman4

Junior Member
Thanks for your feedback. I'll stop worrying until and "if" I'm actually served. Answering your question about child support, no there is no child support order. I did try to get her to cover some of the insurance premium costs for the kids in February of 2010. We agreed on $80 a month and she was scheduled to have deductions from her check sent to the clearinghouse in Arizona. One week after that court date, she quit her job. Nothing could be deducted because she remained unemployed. I never received any support for the kids.

There was a hearing to impute income in May. My attorney suggested that mom should contribute something even $20 a month. It was decided she was not able to pay because she was unemployed and she had another dependent to care for [she relied on her boyfriend at the time for supporting her and their son.]

I'm still trying to get the IRS to allow me to claim the kids for my taxes for 2009. When I filed taxes in February it came back because my kids were already claimed for the 2009 tax year. The IRS says the other parent needs to fill out some form to allow me to claim the kids. So frustrating because there is no way she is going to do that. I never had this problem before and I am not having any success with the IRS and it's already time to file for the 2010 tax year. The mother was never supposed to claim either child and that proof to the IRS isn't doing any good.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Thanks for your feedback. I'll stop worrying until and "if" I'm actually served. Answering your question about child support, no there is no child support order. I did try to get her to cover some of the insurance premium costs for the kids in February of 2010. We agreed on $80 a month and she was scheduled to have deductions from her check sent to the clearinghouse in Arizona. One week after that court date, she quit her job. Nothing could be deducted because she remained unemployed. I never received any support for the kids.

There was a hearing to impute income in May. My attorney suggested that mom should contribute something even $20 a month. It was decided she was not able to pay because she was unemployed and she had another dependent to care for [she relied on her boyfriend at the time for supporting her and their son.]

I'm still trying to get the IRS to allow me to claim the kids for my taxes for 2009. When I filed taxes in February it came back because my kids were already claimed for the 2009 tax year. The IRS says the other parent needs to fill out some form to allow me to claim the kids. So frustrating because there is no way she is going to do that. I never had this problem before and I am not having any success with the IRS and it's already time to file for the 2010 tax year. The mother was never supposed to claim either child and that proof to the IRS isn't doing any good.
Whoa, the tax situation should have been a simple one. If mom claimed the children even though they didn't live with her you should have filed paper return claiming them.

You are the custodial parent, you don't need a form signed by the other parent, she needed a form signed by YOU.

See a tax professional ASAP.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Thanks for your feedback. I'll stop worrying until and "if" I'm actually served. Answering your question about child support, no there is no child support order. I did try to get her to cover some of the insurance premium costs for the kids in February of 2010. We agreed on $80 a month and she was scheduled to have deductions from her check sent to the clearinghouse in Arizona. One week after that court date, she quit her job. Nothing could be deducted because she remained unemployed. I never received any support for the kids.

There was a hearing to impute income in May. My attorney suggested that mom should contribute something even $20 a month. It was decided she was not able to pay because she was unemployed and she had another dependent to care for [she relied on her boyfriend at the time for supporting her and their son.]

I'm still trying to get the IRS to allow me to claim the kids for my taxes for 2009. When I filed taxes in February it came back because my kids were already claimed for the 2009 tax year. The IRS says the other parent needs to fill out some form to allow me to claim the kids. So frustrating because there is no way she is going to do that. I never had this problem before and I am not having any success with the IRS and it's already time to file for the 2010 tax year. The mother was never supposed to claim either child and that proof to the IRS isn't doing any good.
Mom has CHOSEN to be unemployed, chosen to expand her family. It is her responsibility to also help support her prior born children. She had no business having more children if she can't afford the ones she has. If she were MALE, do you think the attorney would just throw up his arms and say "Oh Well! Don't bother getting a CS order because she's added more children to her household?" Even if she can't pay now, the arrearas will accrue and eventually she'd need to pay. She has a responsibility to her kids and should be held accountable.

People need to stop enabling her and hold her responsible to share the financial duties of being a parent. I would not be surprised if her current interest in custody is a PLOY TO BRING IN CHILD SUPPPORT money now that she has added expenses.
 

Banned_Princess

Senior Member
I would be on the phone with the IRS EVERYDAY.

There is no court order that she can claim them, and they didnt qualify to be claimed by her... I dont really see the problem. and maybe enough calls to the IRS will help, or hire your lawyer to contact the IRS about this.
 

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