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  1. #1
    kmom79 is offline Junior Member
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    custody/sex offender

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maine
    Two days ago, my husband and I discovered his ex wifes live in boyfriend on the sex offender registry in our state/town. My husbands son, 11 years old, also lives with them, and is with us every other weekend. Upon discovering this, my husband promptly went to our local PD to get more information. he was told this man had a history in maine 10 pages long of other offenses, mostly alcohol realted, and that they (the police) had responded on more than one occasion to the apartment for arguments. The ex wife has always been just plain difficult, and goes out of her way to alienate my husband from their son...not allowing him to go on family trips with us, making sure my husband does not know about school events, sports events, band concerts, etc....at one point she even had my step son taking photos around our house with his cell phone and texting them to her. We've had enough, and are horrified that this is what the poor boy has been subjected to. My husband wants to file for full custody and get him out of there so that he can be in a more positive, family environment.....Does anyone think this will be a winning battle?
  2. #2
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kmom79 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maine
    Two days ago, my husband and I discovered his ex wifes live in boyfriend on the sex offender registry in our state/town. My husbands son, 11 years old, also lives with them, and is with us every other weekend. Upon discovering this, my husband promptly went to our local PD to get more information. he was told this man had a history in maine 10 pages long of other offenses, mostly alcohol realted, and that they (the police) had responded on more than one occasion to the apartment for arguments. The ex wife has always been just plain difficult, and goes out of her way to alienate my husband from their son...not allowing him to go on family trips with us, making sure my husband does not know about school events, sports events, band concerts, etc....at one point she even had my step son taking photos around our house with his cell phone and texting them to her. We've had enough, and are horrified that this is what the poor boy has been subjected to. My husband wants to file for full custody and get him out of there so that he can be in a more positive, family environment.....Does anyone think this will be a winning battle?
    What were the nature of his sexual crimes, and have the police (in your town) ever arrested him for domestic violence, and was your husband's son ever present when the police were called?

    For example, if he was 18 and got a statutory rape charge for sex with a 16 year old, has never been arrested for DV while with mom, and the arguments that resulted in the police being called always happened on the weekends that your husband's son was with you and your husband...then your husband may have no where to go with a custody modification.

    However, if he was 30 years old and got convicted of having sex with a 14 year old, has been arrested at least once for DV against mom, and every incident involving the police took place in your husband's son's presence, its a whole 'nuther story.

    In other words, the details truly matter.
  3. #3
    chronicle is offline Member
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    Your husband can contact the school/sporting board/band group to find out that information, can't he? My son's school sends all that information to both parents at my Exs request.
  4. #4
    kmom79 is offline Junior Member
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    We're still waiting on the details of whatever got him on the sex offender registry. The police chief told my husband he would request the case file and get back to him in a few days. It is listed only as 'sexual assault'. They did seem to believe it was something with a teenage girl...but he would have been about 35 when it occured... The police also told my husband that when they informed his ex that the boyfriend was on the sex offender registry, she told them she knew, but that my step son was never there when the boyfriend was there (which we know is not at all true). Also, Im unsure of arrests for DV, the police were going to compile everything they could for my husband, so we'll see when they finish. I do know that on at least one occasion my step son was in fact there when they were called (we have a police scanner and heard it). The alcohol related arrests and one driving after revocation also all happened when my step son was with her (according to published police logs), so we're also curious as to who bails him out...the ex wife? But can only assume. And would also assume she would bring my step son with her. I guess we're still just gathering all the info at this point...but really want to see him in a better environment.
    And yes, my husband does have the school send report cards and such...but it's tough to request sports schedules if he doesnt know he's even playing a particular sport, or in chorus, etc. Seems as though he always finds out too late, unfortunately. He will be contacting the school, however, and explaining the situation, so hopefully they can help out. Its just frustrating!
  5. #5
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kmom79 View Post
    We're still waiting on the details of whatever got him on the sex offender registry. The police chief told my husband he would request the case file and get back to him in a few days. It is listed only as 'sexual assault'. They did seem to believe it was something with a teenage girl...but he would have been about 35 when it occured... The police also told my husband that when they informed his ex that the boyfriend was on the sex offender registry, she told them she knew, but that my step son was never there when the boyfriend was there (which we know is not at all true). Also, Im unsure of arrests for DV, the police were going to compile everything they could for my husband, so we'll see when they finish. I do know that on at least one occasion my step son was in fact there when they were called (we have a police scanner and heard it). The alcohol related arrests and one driving after revocation also all happened when my step son was with her (according to published police logs), so we're also curious as to who bails him out...the ex wife? But can only assume. And would also assume she would bring my step son with her. I guess we're still just gathering all the info at this point...but really want to see him in a better environment.
    And yes, my husband does have the school send report cards and such...but it's tough to request sports schedules if he doesnt know he's even playing a particular sport, or in chorus, etc. Seems as though he always finds out too late, unfortunately. He will be contacting the school, however, and explaining the situation, so hopefully they can help out. Its just frustrating!
    You have a lot of assumptions for something that LEGALLY does NOT concern you. A better environment? How does your husband -- DAD -- not know what events his son participates in? Does he not have a court order for visitation that he enforces? Does he not have conversations with his son when he sees him? Because quite frankly if dad is not asking his son about son's life (whatcha doing in school, in any clubs) then apparently he doesn't care that much.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  6. #6
    kmom79 is offline Junior Member
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    I did not realize I needed to be LEGALLY involved to present the question. I may not be his mother, but I consider and treat and worry about him as my own. And I am the first to admit, and I believe I stated myself, that information is still being gathered. However, the FACT is that there is a sex offender in the home with a 10 page criminal record. No assumption there. What I also have is what I consider a valid and genuine concern over an 11 year old boys day to day living environment, and wanting only the best for him....wether Im LEGALLY concerned or not. Im HUMANLY concerned and was simply looking for feedback on whether anyone thought it was worth pursuing. He only has one childhood, it should be the best possible.
    My husband DOES ask questions about extra curricular activities, of course! The example of the ex wife not sharing the information freely herself was simply an example of her being difficult...Im very much aware being difficult isnt breaking any laws. My apologies for even mentioning it as it seems as though it was misinterpreted.
  7. #7
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    I did not realize I needed to be LEGALLY involved to present the question. I may not be his mother, but I consider and treat and worry about him as my own.
    And?
    And I am the first to admit, and I believe I stated myself, that information is still being gathered. However, the FACT is that there is a sex offender in the home with a 10 page criminal record. No assumption there.
    Actually it is. Why? Because you stated mom says that he is not living in the home nor around when the child is there. So it is an assumption that he is in the home. Prove that he lives there and PROVE that he is a danger to the child. Well actually dad would need to do that.


    What I also have is what I consider a valid and genuine concern over an 11 year old boys day to day living environment, and wanting only the best for him....wether Im LEGALLY concerned or not.
    And you have not shown how the boyfriend is a danger to the child.

    Im HUMANLY concerned and was simply looking for feedback on whether anyone thought it was worth pursuing. He only has one childhood, it should be the best possible.
    Then maybe dad should not have left mom and they should have stayed together to raise the child regardless of anything.

    My husband DOES ask questions about extra curricular activities, of course! The example of the ex wife not sharing the information freely herself was simply an example of her being difficult...
    You seemed to be saying it was very concrete that dad could NOT know when games and such were if he doesn't even know what activities the child is involved in:
    but it's tough to request sports schedules if he doesnt know he's even playing a particular sport, or in chorus, etc. Seems as though he always finds out too late, unfortunately. He will be contacting the school, however, and explaining the situation, so hopefully they can help out. Its just frustrating!
    Now your story is changing. An example of her being difficult? Or an example of you lying?


    Im very much aware being difficult isnt breaking any laws. My apologies for even mentioning it as it seems as though it was misinterpreted.
    How is it misinterpreted when YOU stated your husband doesn't even know the child is playing in a particular sport or in chorus. If he doesn't, then that reflects on your husband poorly.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  8. #8
    kmom79 is offline Junior Member
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    Heres an assumption...YOU have NO professional credentials and enjoy giving people a hard time. You probably have no job either...possibly due to your poor attitude and again, lack of credentials ...but your 19.81 posts per day couldnt possibly allow for a professional job of any sort. Clearly, from a quick peek at your profile, your opionions are pretty well unapreciated site-wide. The person who said you are presumptuous and judgemental nailed it.
    Kindly keep your opinions and assumptions to yourself and let those with actual advice do their thing....as I believe thats what this site is about?
  9. #9
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kmom79 View Post
    Heres an assumption...YOU have NO professional credentials and enjoy giving people a hard time. You probably have no job either...possibly due to your poor attitude and again, lack of credentials ...but your 19.81 posts per day couldnt possibly allow for a professional job of any sort. Clearly, from a quick peek at your profile, your opionions are pretty well unapreciated site-wide. The person who said you are presumptuous and judgemental nailed it.
    Kindly keep your opinions and assumptions to yourself and let those with actual advice do their thing....as I believe thats what this site is about?
    Wrong assumptions throughout.
  10. #10
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    Wrong assumptions throughout.


    Ah, yes.

    She's likely going to delete the thread anyway - and try posting elsewhere.

    Thing is, many of us cross-post and have long, long memories when it comes to people insulting well-respected seniors...
  11. #11
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    Ah, yes.

    She's likely going to delete the thread anyway - and try posting elsewhere.

    Thing is, many of us cross-post and have long, long memories when it comes to people insulting well-respected seniors...
    I have a long memory, also.

  12. #12
    kmom79 is offline Junior Member
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    Wow! So much negativity, so little actual advice! Guess you get what you pay for when you ask for free legal advice on the internet...lesson learned!

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