What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado
I have a one month old son. I am not married to the baby's father. In fact, the relationship had ended before I discovered that I was pregnant. I was 39years old, on birth control pills, and because of irregular bleeding, I was almost 12 weeks pregnant before I realized that I was. I did consider an abortion, but because of medical issues, I could not have one in an outside clinic. It would have to have been done in a hospital setting, costing $4-5,000 and I could not afford it. Though he told me I "better get rid of it", he offered and refused any assistance because "this was my problem."
I have a 5 year old son and he has a 4 year old who go to school together, which is how we met. There was not alot of communication throughout the pregnancy. The communication that we did have was threatening on his part. He said that if I had this child, he would do everything in his power to make sure I lose custody of my older son. He spread some pretty malicious lies and contacted my older child's father, in his attempt to do this. I did tell him that I was considering adoption and his response was "IF this child is mine (which there is absolutely no doubt that it is), you BETTER let somebody else raise him." I didn't approach or make any attempt at speaking to his son about this or anything else, when I see him at our children's school. His son and I were very close and naturally, he does try to speak to me when I see him at school, however I have NEVER done anything even remotely inappropriate regarding this situation. This has been chaotic enough on BOTH of our children and I don't want the drama to affect either of them anymore than it has to.
I was pretty conflicted and disconnected from this pregnancy throughout because I wasn't sure of what decision to make. During the last 3 months of pregnancy, some complications were discovered and I began seeing the doctors twice a week and having weekly ultrasounds. I was also on bedrest. It was during this time that I decided that I would raise this child. Dad did show up unannouced at my door about 3 weeks before I delivered "to make sure I was ok." I assurred him that I was and he basically asked me the same question for about 5 minutes, then left.
I did let him know that our son was born. I have never spoke about child support, but did tell him that if he wanted to see him, he could. I only asked him to not "just show up" and to be please let me know ahead of time, if he did want to meet him. He ignored this and has not seen or met him. Since then, the only messages that I have received from him, is that "the day the state obligates him to pay child support, his family (he has since reconciled with his son's mother), he and his family will fight to take custody of our son away from me." Other than the mention of my possibly asking for child support, he has made no attempt, nor any desire to see his son. During the pregnancy, he repeatedly said that this child would grow up without a father.
I understand that parents change their minds about things, once a child is really here. I would have no problem and obviously want my son to have a relationship with his father. What concerns me is this threat of custody only related to "spite" with the possibility of child support. If I request child support-- which I feel my son is entitled to and would be selfish and irresponsible on my part to not ask for. In this situation, with an infant that has not even been exposed to another parent and assuming that until I do request child support (which I know would take several months to a year, for the courts to impose) would still not know his father in anyway, would visitation be graduated? Meaning, from smaller visits with myself involved to unsupervised visitation with his Dad and his family? Also, would the courts consider his uninvolvement and repeated statements of not having anything to do with the pregnancy, his son and also his threats of trying to make me lose custody of my older son? His older son adores me. We were very close and I love him, though like I said, I've never and would never inolve him in this. I don't speak about the baby's father to my older son, though I think he might still think it is who it is, it isn't a subject we talk about. I know that he would go to school and talk about it and that's ok right now, with all the unknowns.
So what would the likely outcome of court ordered visitation be in this situation? I want my son to know and have a Dad. I don't want this to be traumatic for my child and I want the most healthy outcome possible for my son's sake. The "spite" and threats bother and worry me. I understand that the future can't be predicted, but only ask what the typical legal outcome is, in these situations.
Sorry for the long post. I've read alot here, but have never posted and wasn't sure of how much info to give.
I thank any and all in advance!
I have a one month old son. I am not married to the baby's father. In fact, the relationship had ended before I discovered that I was pregnant. I was 39years old, on birth control pills, and because of irregular bleeding, I was almost 12 weeks pregnant before I realized that I was. I did consider an abortion, but because of medical issues, I could not have one in an outside clinic. It would have to have been done in a hospital setting, costing $4-5,000 and I could not afford it. Though he told me I "better get rid of it", he offered and refused any assistance because "this was my problem."
I have a 5 year old son and he has a 4 year old who go to school together, which is how we met. There was not alot of communication throughout the pregnancy. The communication that we did have was threatening on his part. He said that if I had this child, he would do everything in his power to make sure I lose custody of my older son. He spread some pretty malicious lies and contacted my older child's father, in his attempt to do this. I did tell him that I was considering adoption and his response was "IF this child is mine (which there is absolutely no doubt that it is), you BETTER let somebody else raise him." I didn't approach or make any attempt at speaking to his son about this or anything else, when I see him at our children's school. His son and I were very close and naturally, he does try to speak to me when I see him at school, however I have NEVER done anything even remotely inappropriate regarding this situation. This has been chaotic enough on BOTH of our children and I don't want the drama to affect either of them anymore than it has to.
I was pretty conflicted and disconnected from this pregnancy throughout because I wasn't sure of what decision to make. During the last 3 months of pregnancy, some complications were discovered and I began seeing the doctors twice a week and having weekly ultrasounds. I was also on bedrest. It was during this time that I decided that I would raise this child. Dad did show up unannouced at my door about 3 weeks before I delivered "to make sure I was ok." I assurred him that I was and he basically asked me the same question for about 5 minutes, then left.
I did let him know that our son was born. I have never spoke about child support, but did tell him that if he wanted to see him, he could. I only asked him to not "just show up" and to be please let me know ahead of time, if he did want to meet him. He ignored this and has not seen or met him. Since then, the only messages that I have received from him, is that "the day the state obligates him to pay child support, his family (he has since reconciled with his son's mother), he and his family will fight to take custody of our son away from me." Other than the mention of my possibly asking for child support, he has made no attempt, nor any desire to see his son. During the pregnancy, he repeatedly said that this child would grow up without a father.
I understand that parents change their minds about things, once a child is really here. I would have no problem and obviously want my son to have a relationship with his father. What concerns me is this threat of custody only related to "spite" with the possibility of child support. If I request child support-- which I feel my son is entitled to and would be selfish and irresponsible on my part to not ask for. In this situation, with an infant that has not even been exposed to another parent and assuming that until I do request child support (which I know would take several months to a year, for the courts to impose) would still not know his father in anyway, would visitation be graduated? Meaning, from smaller visits with myself involved to unsupervised visitation with his Dad and his family? Also, would the courts consider his uninvolvement and repeated statements of not having anything to do with the pregnancy, his son and also his threats of trying to make me lose custody of my older son? His older son adores me. We were very close and I love him, though like I said, I've never and would never inolve him in this. I don't speak about the baby's father to my older son, though I think he might still think it is who it is, it isn't a subject we talk about. I know that he would go to school and talk about it and that's ok right now, with all the unknowns.
So what would the likely outcome of court ordered visitation be in this situation? I want my son to know and have a Dad. I don't want this to be traumatic for my child and I want the most healthy outcome possible for my son's sake. The "spite" and threats bother and worry me. I understand that the future can't be predicted, but only ask what the typical legal outcome is, in these situations.
Sorry for the long post. I've read alot here, but have never posted and wasn't sure of how much info to give.
I thank any and all in advance!
