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Custody Upon Death of Parents

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CGRAY

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Situation - Wife and I are in beginning stages of divorce. We are not amicable at all. My concern is who would get custody of kids if we were both to pass away? The closest living relative is her father, who according to my wife and her 3 sisters, molested them as children. This was never reported to the authorities. He was a deputy at the time and wife's mom apparently took him to cleaners in divorce settlement in lieu of pressing criminal charges. Needless to say, I want to ensure, if the unfortunate were to happen to myself and wife, he does not obtain guardianship. My family as well as the rest of hers lives in GA. May sound outlandish, but my wife is under care of psychiatrist and I have begun to question her competency and I work in a dangerous job where on the job death rate and suicide rate is extremely high. I'd like to put some sort of provision in place that would give guardianship to my brother in GA if anything happened to us.
 


Banned_Princess

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Situation - Wife and I are in beginning stages of divorce. We are not amicable at all. My concern is who would get custody of kids if we were both to pass away? The closest living relative is her father, who according to my wife and her 3 sisters, molested them as children. This was never reported to the authorities. He was a deputy at the time and wife's mom apparently took him to cleaners in divorce settlement in lieu of pressing criminal charges. Needless to say, I want to ensure, if the unfortunate were to happen to myself and wife, he does not obtain guardianship. My family as well as the rest of hers lives in GA. May sound outlandish, but my wife is under care of psychiatrist and I have begun to question her competency and I work in a dangerous job where on the job death rate and suicide rate is extremely high. I'd like to put some sort of provision in place that would give guardianship to my brother in GA if anything happened to us.
Are you really concerned your job might make you kill yourself? What do you do???
 

CGRAY

Member
I'm with a Federal Agency. Irrelevant, however. The likelihood of the circumstances coming to fruition is not high. My wife could easily come to me and kill me in a jealous rage and take her own life afterward or I could do the same. It HAS happened before. If you don't have children, I guess you might not understand. But as a father, I would like to safeguard my children from the possibility of being under custody of a known child molester of his own daughters. Call me crazy if you like. Its worth the trouble to safeguard against the possibility.
 

Banned_Princess

Senior Member
I'm with a Federal Agency. Irrelevant, however. The likelihood of the circumstances coming to fruition is not high. My wife could easily come to me and kill me in a jealous rage and take her own life afterward or I could do the same. It HAS happened before. If you don't have children, I guess you might not understand. But as a father, I would like to safeguard my children from the possibility of being under custody of a known child molester of his own daughters. Call me crazy if you like. Its worth the trouble to safeguard against the possibility.
I completely agree, it does happen... I only ask because I hate mondays too, but not enough to kill myself... (joke)

I would ask your lawyer who is preparing your will, about how to best safeguard your children, if worst comes to worst.. I dare say your STBX and your wills' will have to agree about who the kids go to...

Unless she killed you, then her preference about who the kids go to wont matter.
 

proud_parent

Senior Member
I completely agree, it does happen... I only ask because I hate mondays too, but not enough to kill myself... (joke)

I would ask your lawyer who is preparing your will, about how to best safeguard your children, if worst comes to worst.. I dare say your STBX and your wills' will have to agree about who the kids go to...

Unless she killed you, then her preference about who the kids go to wont matter.
Children are not property; they cannot be willed to another person.

Even if the parties are in agreement regarding who they nominate to be guardian, the Court has the ultimate authority to award guardianship/custody.
 

Banned_Princess

Senior Member
Children are not property; they cannot be willed to another person.

Even if the parties are in agreement regarding who they nominate to be guardian, the Court has the ultimate authority to award guardianship/custody.
Well, I know that, I just figure, if they both agree, the person has the best chance of having a judge agree it is best.

I'll let you take it from here... Goodnight.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Situation - Wife and I are in beginning stages of divorce. We are not amicable at all. My concern is who would get custody of kids if we were both to pass away? The closest living relative is her father, who according to my wife and her 3 sisters, molested them as children. This was never reported to the authorities. He was a deputy at the time and wife's mom apparently took him to cleaners in divorce settlement in lieu of pressing criminal charges. Needless to say, I want to ensure, if the unfortunate were to happen to myself and wife, he does not obtain guardianship. My family as well as the rest of hers lives in GA. May sound outlandish, but my wife is under care of psychiatrist and I have begun to question her competency and I work in a dangerous job where on the job death rate and suicide rate is extremely high. I'd like to put some sort of provision in place that would give guardianship to my brother in GA if anything happened to us.
Because there is no proof of any molestation the grandparents on both sides - assuming they are living and able - will usually be first in line for custody should they wish to take on the responsibility.

You can of course nominate preferred guardians and your choices will indeed be considered should the worst happen. This does not, however, guarantee that your choice will end up actually becoming custodian. There is no way to assure that.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I'm with a Federal Agency. Irrelevant, however. The likelihood of the circumstances coming to fruition is not high. My wife could easily come to me and kill me in a jealous rage and take her own life afterward or I could do the same. It HAS happened before. If you don't have children, I guess you might not understand. But as a father, I would like to safeguard my children from the possibility of being under custody of a known child molester of his own daughters. Call me crazy if you like. Its worth the trouble to safeguard against the possibility.
Therein lying your problem. He is not a known child molester. There are accusations which have not been proven and without that proof you have nothing. He remains, legally, as fit to parent as anyone else.
 

CGRAY

Member
The main obstacles I see to this is her father was never convicted in court for these acts. So in the court's eyes, it never happened. Unless her sisters spoke up, they wouldn't even know about it. Doesn't change the fact that it did happen and I need to safeguard against it. Not sure wife would even agree to it either. She currently has a restraining order on me so I cannot speak to her about it. Its very frivolous, but she played the game and I have to follow the rules.
 

Hisbabygirl77

Senior Member
I'm with a Federal Agency. Irrelevant, however. The likelihood of the circumstances coming to fruition is not high. My wife could easily come to me and kill me in a jealous rage and take her own life afterward or I could do the same. It HAS happened before. If you don't have children, I guess you might not understand. But as a father, I would like to safeguard my children from the possibility of being under custody of a known child molester of his own daughters. Call me crazy if you like. Its worth the trouble to safeguard against the possibility.

Since you have received the legal part of the advice I am going to put my two cents in here. I find what you state to be VERY disturbing. I myself am a parent of 5 children and not ONCE have I ever thought there was a possiblity that I may go crazy and shoot myself or someone else. The fact that you find this even a remote possibility to me means you should be looking into some counseling NOW. The fact that you are working with a federal agency in my own state makes me uneasy to the say the least. Normal thinking people do not find this a possibility not parents not single people. I highly recommend you soul search the reason why you think it is.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
The main obstacles I see to this is her father was never convicted in court for these acts. So in the court's eyes, it never happened. Unless her sisters spoke up, they wouldn't even know about it. Doesn't change the fact that it did happen and I need to safeguard against it. Not sure wife would even agree to it either. She currently has a restraining order on me so I cannot speak to her about it. Its very frivolous, but she played the game and I have to follow the rules.
You are correct - there is no proof, charge or conviction and so legally it did not happen, period.

The really painful part (for you, I think especially) is this: because you were not there you cannot prove that it actually happened at all - while you trust your wife's testimony, and that of her sisters, you cannot actually know whether it happened or not because you just weren't there.

If you need and want to use this as a reason why Grandfather A should not ever get custody of your children, I'm sorry, but it's not going to happen.
 

CGRAY

Member
This is the last bit I am posting concerning the non-legal aspect of this. Consider these factors.
1. My wife and I are going thru a very stressful situation.
2. My wife is currently under the care of physch
3. In my region, this year alone, 5 people have been killed in the line of duty, (2 died during training in which I am about to go through again at the age of 34), 4 died due to suicide.
4. Wife's father has in the past insinuated death threats against me.

I don't anticipate something bad happening nor do I want it to happen. However, a reasonable person has to consider that several factors are present to increase the odds. I find it appalling that I am trying to find answers to safeguard my children from the possibility, however remote you may find it, from becoming the custody of a child molester. I do not know the extent of my wife's mental deficiencies, but I do know, from statements she has made to me, she is disillusion to some degree. I'd much rather have you say "thank you for your service in protecting me and good luck with your endeavor". I find it hard to believe that I actually have to justify my concerns on a matter like this given all the factors involved. If my wife goes off the deep end and kills us both, I'll be sure to find some way to communicate an "I told you so" from the grave.
 
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CGRAY

Member
Dogmatique - Thanks for the answer. It's not what I wanted to hear, but it's alot better than some crap about me needing counseling because I'm worried about this potentially happening.

So, nothing you are aware of that I can get done to ensure a certain family member receives custody in the event of the unfortunate?
 

Hisbabygirl77

Senior Member
This is the last bit I am posting concerning the non-legal aspect of this. Consider these factors.
1. My wife and I are going thru a very stressful situation.
2. My wife is currently under the care of physch
3. In my region, this year alone, 5 people have been killed in the line of duty, (2 died during training in which I am about to go through again at the age of 34), 4 died due to suicide.
4. Wife's father has in the past insinuated death threats against me.

I don't anticipate something bad happening nor do I want it to happen. However, a reasonable person has to consider that several factors are present to increase the odds. I find it appalling that I am trying to find answers to safeguard my children from the possibility, however remote you may find it, from becoming the custody of a child molester. I do not know the extent of my wife's mental deficiencies, but I do know, from statements she has made to me, she is disillusion to some degree. I'd much rather have you say "thank you for your service in protecting me and good luck with your endeavor". I find it hard to believe that I actually have to justify my concerns on a matter like this given all the factors involved. If my wife goes off the deep end and kills us both, I'll be sure to find some way to communicate an "I told you so" from the grave.

Rant all you want. I was in NO way stating you shouldnt think ahead about matters concerning your children if you both pass away. I was speaking about the specific comment you made that either YOU or your ex could possibly go crazy and commit murder/suicide. You brought it up so you have to expect it to be addressed. As for saying thank you for your service well as a citizen of Arizona knowing that someone in a position with a federal agency even remotely has though thoughts SHOULD concern me and others. You my dear stated it so deal with the response you get.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Dogmatique - Thanks for the answer. It's not what I wanted to hear, but it's alot better than some crap about me needing counseling because I'm worried about this potentially happening.

So, nothing you are aware of that I can get done to ensure a certain family member receives custody in the event of the unfortunate?
It's not going to happen. You can't "will" your children - you can absolutely nominate a preferred guardian but though your choice may be considered (and that's not a guarantee) this will by no means guarantee the children will go to whoever you specify.
 
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