Custody violations and coaching children

[twopeas&apod]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I have posted before about similar issues with my ex-husband. Now there are newer ones. I will be meeting with the new attorney in a few weeks to put the case together and file the paperwork. I am just looking for opinions.
Long story short; I have been divorced for over three years. I started dating a long time friend of my family earlier this year and he has been a blessing for us.. my ex-husband just cannot handle it. I do not believe he has moved on and has some mental health problems for sure, which does not help. The last several months he has been sitting my 5 year old in front of an xbox to play grand theft auto 5, halo and call of duty unsupervised and freely. He started getting rough with other kids in school and all he talks about is guns. My son is responsible for the death of 2 newborn kittens at his father's house and has been punching his red heeler "when he's asleep" and the dog bites him. A lot. I found this out from the kids, not dad nor the various other family members living in the same house. Dad very rarely tells me anything and refuses to discuss issues of any kind. He plays stupid all the time when I ask things. It can be anything from mundane to serious.. like "why was <insert kids name> at the ER last week?". His mother is about the same way and likes to fib. They even enrolled the kids into free lunches using my medicaid case number, estimated income (wrong anyway, just got promoted) and signed it off. They claimed ignorance. It was his mothers handwritting. The school took care of it. But come on...

A few weeks ago my 5 year old got caught fighting on the playground and was landed in the principle's office for in school suspension. He tried to hide the letters when he got home, so my boyfriend told him to use the potty, then go to his room to wait for me. This has always been his way of handling other people's children, including mine. He babysat for friends and family for 12 years with no issue and is godfather to two different friends. Anyway, he found my son choking the cat with one hand and punching her with the other pretty violently.. This is a first in MY house. He lost his cool and swatted him three times leaving only some redness, which was gone by the next morning. I got home from work shortly after.
The day after, we drop them off to dad and my boyfriend told him everything and they spoke for almost 10 minutes on camera. Kids hugged my boyfriend and parted ways. Two days later, I'm half naked about to jump into the shower after working a double shift amd there is a knock at the door. It's late and no expected visitors. Low and behold, it is CPS. We were investigated for physical abuse until they got the whole picture including surveillance video, texts, personal video recordings, questioning the boys, etc. They flipped it on my ex, who still has yet to follow up with the social worker since. They are overriding his consent requirement to get the youngest boy into counseling for the violence problem, which he previously refused repeatedly.

Our son told us and the social worker that daddy and his mother, as well as the sisters, were telling him to act up here so that my boyfriend and I would break up and he could live with "Mimi" and play video games all the time. They are not allowed to play mature rated video games here and when he gets in trouble, he loses priviledges for the day. This crud is coming from a 5 year old.

Sad part is that I am not surprised.

 

[stealth2]

And...... the question is..... ?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I have posted before about similar issues with my ex-husband. Now there are newer ones. I will be meeting with the new attorney in a few weeks to put the case together and file the paperwork. I am just looking for opinions.
Long story short; I have been divorced for over three years. I started dating a long time friend of my family earlier this year and he has been a blessing for us.. my ex-husband just cannot handle it. I do not believe he has moved on and has some mental health problems for sure, which does not help. The last several months he has been sitting my 5 year old in front of an xbox to play grand theft auto 5, halo and call of duty unsupervised and freely. He started getting rough with other kids in school and all he talks about is guns. My son is responsible for the death of 2 newborn kittens at his father's house and has been punching his red heeler "when he's asleep" and the dog bites him. A lot. I found this out from the kids, not dad nor the various other family members living in the same house. Dad very rarely tells me anything and refuses to discuss issues of any kind. He plays stupid all the time when I ask things. It can be anything from mundane to serious.. like "why was <insert kids name> at the ER last week?". His mother is about the same way and likes to fib. They even enrolled the kids into free lunches using my medicaid case number, estimated income (wrong anyway, just got promoted) and signed it off. They claimed ignorance. It was his mothers handwritting. The school took care of it. But come on...

A few weeks ago my 5 year old got caught fighting on the playground and was landed in the principle's office for in school suspension. He tried to hide the letters when he got home, so my boyfriend told him to use the potty, then go to his room to wait for me. This has always been his way of handling other people's children, including mine. He babysat for friends and family for 12 years with no issue and is godfather to two different friends. Anyway, he found my son choking the cat with one hand and punching her with the other pretty violently.. This is a first in MY house. He lost his cool and swatted him three times leaving only some redness, which was gone by the next morning. I got home from work shortly after.
The day after, we drop them off to dad and my boyfriend told him everything and they spoke for almost 10 minutes on camera. Kids hugged my boyfriend and parted ways. Two days later, I'm half naked about to jump into the shower after working a double shift amd there is a knock at the door. It's late and no expected visitors. Low and behold, it is CPS. We were investigated for physical abuse until they got the whole picture including surveillance video, texts, personal video recordings, questioning the boys, etc. They flipped it on my ex, who still has yet to follow up with the social worker since. They are overriding his consent requirement to get the youngest boy into counseling for the violence problem, which he previously refused repeatedly.

Our son told us and the social worker that daddy and his mother, as well as the sisters, were telling him to act up here so that my boyfriend and I would break up and he could live with "Mimi" and play video games all the time. They are not allowed to play mature rated video games here and when he gets in trouble, he loses priviledges for the day. This crud is coming from a 5 year old.

Sad part is that I am not surprised.

All of those words are an attempt to justify the fact that your current bf hit your child. The sad part is that I am not surprised.

 

[ajkroy]

Wait. Even though the child is only five, I think you need to take him to a counselor.

Violence against pets is a very bad sign and the sooner you can either rule that out or get him help, the better.

 

[LdiJ]

Wait. Even though the child is only five, I think you need to take him to a counselor.

Violence against pets is a very bad sign and the sooner you can either rule that out or get him help, the better.

It sounds like he is going to counseling or will be beginning counseling. I agree with you. Its very serious when children start committing violence against pets.

 

[LdiJ]

All of those words are an attempt to justify the fact that your current bf hit your child. The sad part is that I am not surprised.

I think that you are totally off the mark on this one. While the boyfriend probably shouldn't have swatted the child, what was going on was quite serious. This child is seriously committing violence against pets and that is the critical issue here.

 

[Ohiogal]

I think that you are totally off the mark on this one. While the boyfriend probably shouldn't have swatted the child, what was going on was quite serious. This child is seriously committing violence against pets and that is the critical issue here.

And yet mom didn't do anything IMMEDIATELY when finding out about the kittens or anything else. She held off until CPS. She didn't go to court, she didn't try to get her child into the ER for an emergency psychiatric committal or anything else. She did nothing until the swatting. That is a problem.

 

[LdiJ]

And yet mom didn't do anything IMMEDIATELY when finding out about the kittens or anything else. She held off until CPS. She didn't go to court, she didn't try to get her child into the ER for an emergency psychiatric committal or anything else. She did nothing until the swatting. That is a problem.

From post one:

They are overriding his consent requirement to get the youngest boy into counseling for the violence problem, which he previously refused repeatedly.

That sure sounds to me like mom was trying to address the violence issue.

 

[twopeas&apod]

From post one:



That sure sounds to me like mom was trying to address the violence Have been trying to get him into care for some time and can prove it. Dad either just ignores messages, or down plays it as if our son was simply doing "normal boy things".


I had already long since addressed it with his peditrician, who referred him to psych, but dad is refusing to provide his part of the insurance and consent to treat. I just had to go into his work with custody papers to get cards ordered and sent to me. He plays stupid about it.

I got another note home last night from the school.. 5yr old was choking and hitting other kids on the playground for no reason again. I told dad that their next step is either suspending him or alternative school. Got no reaction. His expression was blank as if I were talking about the weather report... Dad is not very active. There is no "co-parenting". This is very frustrating. The detective who handled the case stated that she felt there was no abuse and suggested my boyfriend take the parenting class and said that she felt he acted how she or other parents would have in that situation. Everything was dropped right away, but they are considering charging the father will neglecting our son's mental health needs intentionally and creating a situation of parental alienation. He has used cps and police before in attempts to get an address to the DV shelter I was at the first 6 months after i left. Again claiming i was neglecting the oldest boy's dental needs for which the dental office disproved on the spot. This time, he waited 2 days to even call them and he did not take the boy to the hospital for an eval, which is protocol in suspected abuse situations here. Their conclusion was that he very well may have been intending to stir up issues as a means of pushing the kids away from me. He had written letters to that affect. "If you leave me, i will take your children from you and I won't stop until they are living with me no less than 80% of the time. So choice is yours!".

The kids have freely said that dad and mimi have instructed them to act bad at my house so that my boyfriend and I would break up and they would live with him all the time then. It is on video. The social worker heard this from the youngest. The older boy told her that he doesn't feel afraid and loves us. He wants to continue with the current visitation plan and i have honored his wishes, but with the 5yr old talking and acting like this, children's services are concerned that dad and his family are in fact coaching him. They stated flat out that dad needs to step up and turn this around in the right direction.

 

[Zigner]

From post one:



That sure sounds to me like mom was trying to address the violence issue.

Mom to dad: I'd like to put him in counseling for his violence issues. Dad to mom: No. Mom: Ok...


How is that addressing the violence issues? As was stated, mom could have gone back to court. Mom could have taken the kid to the ER for a psych eval. Mom could have put the kid in counseling and then dealt with it in court. Nope...it wasn't until her BF responded to the child's violence with violence and CPS DIRECTED her to put the child in to counseling that she actually did.

 

[LdiJ]

From post one:



That sure sounds to me like mom was trying to address the violence Have been trying to get him into care for some time and can prove it. Dad either just ignores messages, or down plays it as if our son was simply doing "normal boy things".


I had already long since addressed it with his peditrician, who referred him to psych, but dad is refusing to provide his part of the insurance and consent to treat. I just had to go into his work with custody papers to get cards ordered and sent to me. He plays stupid about it.

I got another note home last night from the school.. 5yr old was choking and hitting other kids on the playground for no reason again. I told dad that their next step is either suspending him or alternative school. Got no reaction. His expression was blank as if I were talking about the weather report... Dad is not very active. There is no "co-parenting". This is very frustrating. The detective who handled the case stated that she felt there was no abuse and suggested my boyfriend take the parenting class and said that she felt he acted how she or other parents would have in that situation. Everything was dropped right away, but they are considering charging the father will neglecting our son's mental health needs intentionally and creating a situation of parental alienation. He has used cps and police before in attempts to get an address to the DV shelter I was at the first 6 months after i left. Again claiming i was neglecting the oldest boy's dental needs for which the dental office disproved on the spot. This time, he waited 2 days to even call them and he did not take the boy to the hospital for an eval, which is protocol in suspected abuse situations here. Their conclusion was that he very well may have been intending to stir up issues as a means of pushing the kids away from me. He had written letters to that affect. "If you leave me, i will take your children from you and I won't stop until they are living with me no less than 80% of the time. So choice is yours!".

The kids have freely said that dad and mimi have instructed them to act bad at my house so that my boyfriend and I would break up and they would live with him all the time then. It is on video. The social worker heard this from the youngest. The older boy told her that he doesn't feel afraid and loves us. He wants to continue with the current visitation plan and i have honored his wishes, but with the 5yr old talking and acting like this, children's services are concerned that dad and his family are in fact coaching him. They stated flat out that dad needs to step up and turn this around in the right direction.

Well, now that you have the backing of CPS to get the child into counseling whether dad agrees or not, you need to push forward and get it done before things escalate even more. He is not only being violent with animals he is being violent with other children.

 

[Silverplum]

A social worker is not a judge.

Current boyfriend is not a parent of your violent child.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well, now that you have the backing of CPS to get the child into counseling whether dad agrees or not, you need to push forward and get it done before things escalate even more. He is not only being violent with animals he is being violent with other children.

I agree with Silver. A social worker can't override anything. Mom needs to go to court.

 

[LdiJ]

I agree with Silver. A social worker can't override anything. Mom needs to go to court.

I think that the situation is too much of an emergency for that. Do you honestly think that a judge is going to ding mom for getting the child counseling based on the circumstances? Particularly since CPS wants it too? The child has killed/been violent with animals and is now being violent with other children.

 

[Silverplum]

All I'm saying is that Mom can't get around the court order via therapists and social workers.

Also, I strongly agree that Mom should have been much more proactive in obtaining help for the child. She has him more than Dad: take responsibility for your actions and inactions, Mom.