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Custody vs. visitation

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imjustkaty

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? California

I Live in California, my ex-husband lives in Ohio. In our divorce he signed an agreement with the California state courts giving me 100% legal and physical custody of all 3 of our children (ages 4, 3, and 10 months{he has only met the 10 month old one time for a couple of hours when I went back to Ohio to retrieve me and the girls things}) I agreed that he could have visitation rights and this was in the paperwork, but didn't specify time or place of visitation rights in the divorce decree. Now he wants his visitation rights to take place in Ohio for an "undetermined length of time".

Do I have the right to refuse him the right to take my children out of the state? I am fine with him visiting them, mor than fine, i think it is important for him to visit them, as long as he comes to California to see them.bHe currently lives with his parent, his girlfriend and his 4 month old daughter in his parents 1100sf. 3 bedroom home. The girls would not have their own room, or their own toys, any of the things they are accustomed to, and all 4 of the adults in the home SMOKE INSIDE with no concern for the health of the children being subjected to the secondhand smoke. I am uncomfortable allowing my children into this kind of environment. I am :confused: What can I do?
 
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nextwife

Senior Member
Why should visitation have to take place in CA? All the divorced parents I know have visitation in their own home. My future BIL's kid regularly flies from NYC to CA for visits with his dad.

He's their father, not a stranger.

Certainly, a set period of time should be established. Most out of state NCPs get several weeks in summer, alternate school breaks and long weekends, if desired..
 
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He should be able to visit with them in his home. Since they do not all go to school yet (most likely, as the oldest one is 4), maybe for a year, have them visit for 2-3 weeks every 2-3 months. Then, after school is started, extended time in the summer, plus some holidays and school breaks. I don't live in the same state as my daughter and I get all summer, plus every other holiday, plus Spring Break, Winter Break, and one weekend a month.

He should be able to visit, and if he takes this to court, he will most likely get some form of time in his home.
 

profmum

Senior Member
he should be allowed to see them in his home but you must set a schedule, an "undertermined" amount of time is going to cause problems. I would discuss a schedule with him as suggested by others first and quickly and really make sure there is a signed agreement by the two of you with attorneys (if they are involved) before the parenting time begins. I would be very hesitant to let him start his parenting time without an agreement on what that looks like, at least for this visit. If you agree to the "undetermined" time, he takes them to Ohio, he can keep them there for a long time.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
he should be allowed to see them in his home but you must set a schedule, an "undertermined" amount of time is going to cause problems. I would discuss a schedule with him as suggested by others first and quickly and really make sure there is a signed agreement by the two of you with attorneys (if they are involved) before the parenting time begins. I would be very hesitant to let him start his parenting time without an agreement on what that looks like, at least for this visit. If you agree to the "undetermined" time, he takes them to Ohio, he can keep them there for a long time.
They already have a court order that gives him visitation rights. She cannot deny him visitation rights until the court order is modified. If she tries this, she will be slapped down by a judge. The court order was already signed. the fact that it is indeterminate was something that should have been taken care of BEFORE dad decided he wants to exercise his time. Mom cannot set a schedule. only the courts can. Mom can suggest a schedule and dad can suggest a schedule and it can go from there.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
I am fine with him visiting them as long as he comes to California to see them. :confused: What can I do?

This stuff always blows me away. The idea that a parent should have to hang around in the CPs home state in order to have their own visitation time with their own kids. If the court didn't restrict visits to in-state, mom has no right to do so.
 

casa

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? California

I Live in California, my ex-husband lives in Ohio. In our divorce he signed an agreement giving me 100% legal and physical custody of all 3 of our children (ages 4, 3, and 10 months) We agreed that he could have visitation rights and this was in the paperwork, but didn't specify time or place of visitation rights in the divorce decree. Now he wants his visitation rights to take place in Ohio for an "undetermined length of time"

Do I have the right to refuse him the right to take my children out of the state? I am fine with him visiting them as long as he comes to California to see them. :confused: What can I do?
CA has many sample out of state visitation Parenting Plans. Google one, and then work it out between you & Dad...then file it into the court file to become your new visitation schedule. Typically they consist of what others mentioned...and definately Dad will be allowed to visit the kids in his own home state. Is the order from CA or Ohio?
 

imjustkaty

Junior Member
Edited

I left out some important details and have edited my original post to unclude my main concerns. Please advise
 

jbowman

Senior Member
Do I have the right to refuse him the right to take my children out of the state? I am fine with him visiting them, mor than fine, i think it is important for him to visit them, as long as he comes to California to see them.bHe currently lives with his parent, his girlfriend and his 4 month old daughter in his parents 1100sf. 3 bedroom home. The girls would not have their own room, or their own toys, any of the things they are accustomed to, and all 4 of the adults in the home SMOKE INSIDE with no concern for the health of the children being subjected to the secondhand smoke. I am uncomfortable allowing my children into this kind of environment. I am :confused: What can I do?
So here's the thing... it sounds like you would have just as much problem with Dad living IN state since you are stating that your concern lies with the girls not having their own room and people smoking in the house.

Would you have the same issues if he lived in CA? Yes, it seems you probably would. So, pretty much you are saying that you only want dad to visit the girls at your house... or at a hotel?
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Nothing you have stated in your revised post will prohibit Dad from being allowed visitation. If you do not make the children available for him you will be in contempt of the court order.
 

moburkes

Senior Member
Honey, smoking isn't illegal. Living with your parents and GF and baby aren't illegal either. Neither is the size of the home relative to the number of occupants. You don't have a legal leg to stand on, regardless of your concerns.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
If the order says that visitation will be "as agreed", then mom certainly does NOT have to agree to an indeterminate amount of time.

In fact, she doesn't have to agree to visitation outside of CA either.

Obviously this needs to go back to court to have a set schedule put into place.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Since the order is so vague, and only says that dad has visitation rights - and doesn't specify ANYTHING about overnights, or ANYTHING about pick-up/return, I think Mom is pretty safe refusing to send the kids to Ohio to visit dad. For now. Especially given the children's ages.

But Mom DOES need to file for a modification - which she needs to do in Ohio - and get specific dates/times/transportation issues addressed in the court order. Since she'll be in Ohio anyway for all the legal crap, she should allow the children to stay with their Father for a significant amount of time while she's there.
 

imjustkaty

Junior Member
There is absolutely no need to be rude to me. I am just seeing what my options are and what I need to do to restrict his access to my children because I don't want them in an unhealthy environment. I want him to be able to visit his children, if they did not smoke in the home, if my children would have beds to sleep in, and if there was a set time as to when he would return them I would have no problem with him having them.

Obviously from what you are saying I have no recourse at the moment. I am a struggling single mom- what do I need to do to LEGALLY limit him having my children in this unhealthy environment short of hiring an expensive lawyer that will force me into bankruptcy?
 
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moburkes

Senior Member
Hiring an expensive lawyer won't help. This child has a father who has rights, just as well as you do. And, by the way, no one is being rude.
 
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