Custody - Who's in favor?

[frogger5]

FLORIDA

Ok, I have a question after posting (will try to be brief) situation.

My daughter's (she's 4) father and I are split (we were never married), and have been for the 2nd and last time since April of 2007. We split once when she was 18 mos old (lasted about 8/9 mos) as well. Point being, we're not together and never will be again. We never went to court for child support/visitation, etc... we amicably agreed on everything and had it notarized in/around July of 2006. Things were going well until new girlfriend and now new baby came into the picture, as to where he's not agreeing on anything or any points I bring up regarding our daughter, anymore. Everything's a fight and always ends in a phone hang up. This is regarding school for her; I suggested she be transferred to a MUCH much better daycare/VPK - cleaner, more structured, scheduled, parent active, church school, and so on. He doesn't want her moved.... says she's fine where she's at! I dont agree whatsoever.... PROBLEM - there's no court order, nor does one parent have her more than the other (we each have custody of her exactly 50/50)... regarding who's say goes!! Who wins in that case??
I have her every mon and tues night, he has her every wed and thurs and we do every other weekend.

ALSO.. she has two completely differnet schedules at his house and mine. different bed times, different wake up times for daycare, different times she arrives at daycare, etc... coming into play of when she DOES start school! Kindergarten more importantly (which isn't for 2 more years) but she starts VPK iN August and that's still important). He does NOT agree with the opinion I have of me keeping her Monday thru Friday, during the school year especially! i'm not denying he see her during the week, just her atleast spending the week days with me for school, so she has a structured routine throughout that time. Because she doesn't AT ALL right now, and I can tell, it's causing alot of retaliation and behavioral problems with her and mostly myself, but with him occasionally. (he says she NEVER acts up for him!??)

I'm sick of the arguing and the disagreements on who decides what.... he says I'm not doing anything w/out his permission! Umm, and we'ver NEVER seen a judge EVER, but again, we split custody.... so whos' say goes?????

I am VERY frustrated and scared to DEATH... over going to court to file for custody (more than I have now). I have a great job, I am a great mother, I always do what's best and what's in the best intereset for my daughter - the only downfall I have, is that I have moved 4 times (including twice to parents) in past year and a half , but ONLY for the better!! was in 2 very bad living situations - so i had NO choice! he has a stable house (that I moved out of when we split) where he lives with girlfriend and new baby (which btw is also another 'major change' in her life), so i can't help the fact I can't afford , nor do i own a house. He's a great dad - I do nothing but brag about what he does/pays for her, which is alot!! and i'm sure some of that will cease or decrease when we do go to court.. especially when he finds out I filed for more custody. (not SOLE.. just majority of!) it's going to get ugly, i can already foresee that - i'm just scared!! of how much the judge does rules towards the mothers, and how they decide regarding school, how important they feel that is that the child IS with one parent during a school week, etc..

i dont know why i worry, i shouldn't.. but do. No one can tell me what WILL happen, no one knows our situation other than what i've told here. I can tell you I am a 34 yr old woman, with a steady full time job who puts my daughter first, and who does NOT do drugs.

Anyway.... just wanting advice, opinions, input or something of that sort I guess. Reassurance, maybe?

Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[lzurinsky]

Not sure if this will help at all but here in Michigan the mother (if unwed) assumes custody usually. You were never married so you would be the custodial parent. Now, if he was to take you to court the judge would most likely use "status quo" for visitation and most likely child support would be ordered. Now, if you want to have a pro active approach you can speak to a family law attorney (most usually have a free consult) and start the proceedings. That way everything is court ordered and you won't be worrying. Its always good in situations where the parents are not married to have a court order as to visitation, child support etc. It will probably be a tough road but in the long run it is best for everyone involved. And check out the web for your states laws on child custody. Do a lot of reading and stay on this web site. There is a lot of good advice here from senior members. Best of luck to you.

 

[truebluemd]

Ok, I stopped after you said there is no court order but then I needed more infor so Ikept going. Your past instability isnt going to matter much in court if your stable now.

Has he been legally established as the father....through the court? How is the child time split between you two now.

Since there is no court order you can pretty much do whatever you want as far as enrolling the child in another school, church, whatever, since there is no court order telling you to do otherwise.

I do suggest you file for custody anyway because it will only get worse with your ex, especially with an overstepping gf putting her finger in everything.

 

[allyb03]

All I can give you is reassurance, I know that in Wisconsin, custody is always granted to the mother except in extreme circumstances. From what you posted on here, your case is completely reasonable and you have your daughter's best interests at heart and aren't just trying to be malicious to her father, so you should have no problem winning this case. If he's not cooperating with a set schedule for her, he's just doing her harm because when it comes to school time, she'll be overtired and stressed out and won't be able to focus on learning. I think you have a great shot and best of luck to you.

 

[Silverplum]

Newbies should stick to their own threads -- there is a difference in every state law -- Wisconsin has nothing to do with Michigan, which has nothing to do with FLORIDA, the state in question in this thread.

Did you newbies come here for valid legal info for your situation? Do you want pointless ramblings as answers for your problems? You have nothing to offer in the way of valid legal info for another poster: you're here asking questions for the first time, yourselves.

 

[truebluemd]

All I can give you is reassurance, I know that in Wisconsin, custody is always granted to the mother except in extreme circumstances. From what you posted on here, your case is completely reasonable and you have your daughter's best interests at heart and aren't just trying to be malicious to her father, so you should have no problem winning this case. If he's not cooperating with a set schedule for her, he's just doing her harm because when it comes to school time, she'll be overtired and stressed out and won't be able to focus on learning. I think you have a great shot and best of luck to you.

Do you think thats what a judge is going to say? Please shut up because this is dangerous advice to give to someone who knows nothing about the legal process.

 

[Ohiogal]

FLORIDA

Ok, I have a question after posting (will try to be brief) situation.

My daughter's (she's 4) father and I are split (we were never married), and have been for the 2nd and last time since April of 2007. We split once when she was 18 mos old (lasted about 8/9 mos) as well. Point being, we're not together and never will be again. We never went to court for child support/visitation, etc... we amicably agreed on everything and had it notarized in/around July of 2006.

Notarization is NOT a court order. It can be used as evidence of intentions and maybe even as evidence of the situation.

Things were going well until new girlfriend and now new baby came into the picture, as to where he's not agreeing on anything or any points I bring up regarding our daughter, anymore.

And why is the girlfriend and baby being blamed? How about you realize that HE is an adult and HE is allowed to change his mind.

Everything's a fight and always ends in a phone hang up.

Who hangs up? Not exactly the most mature.

This is regarding school for her; I suggested she be transferred to a MUCH much better daycare/VPK - cleaner, more structured, scheduled, parent active, church school, and so on. He doesn't want her moved.... says she's fine where she's at! I dont agree whatsoever....

You did agree however. You thought that place was appropriate before. What makes the daycare you want to transfer her to better? Does the girlfriend work at the old daycare? New baby go to the old daycare?

PROBLEM - there's no court order, nor does one parent have her more than the other (we each have custody of her exactly 50/50)... regarding who's say goes!! Who wins in that case??

At this juncture YOU have the right to dictate. HOWEVER, you could also be slammed by a court if he took you to court for trying to cut him out and changing things unilaterally after working together.

I have her every mon and tues night, he has her every wed and thurs and we do every other weekend.

So you do the new daycare on your days and he does the old daycare on his days.

ALSO.. she has two completely differnet schedules at his house and mine. different bed times, different wake up times for daycare, different times she arrives at daycare, etc... coming into play of when she DOES start school!

SO? Those are parenting differences and the court is NOT going to micromanage you and he. She is NOT in school and hence it does not matter.

Kindergarten more importantly (which isn't for 2 more years) but she starts VPK iN August and that's still important).

Really? A court may not see that as important as you do because it is OPTIONAL.

He does NOT agree with the opinion I have of me keeping her Monday thru Friday, during the school year especially! i'm not denying he see her during the week, just her atleast spending the week days with me for school, so she has a structured routine throughout that time. Because she doesn't AT ALL right now, and I can tell, it's causing alot of retaliation and behavioral problems with her and mostly myself, but with him occasionally. (he says she NEVER acts up for him!??)

He may be telling the truth. But here is the thing -- PROVE that status quo is NOT the best for this child. PROVE that you do not want the schedule changed for YOU or to punish him. PROVE that this is NECESSARY and in the BEST INTEREST of your child.

I'm sick of the arguing and the disagreements on who decides what.... he says I'm not doing anything w/out his permission! Umm, and we'ver NEVER seen a judge EVER, but again, we split custody.... so whos' say goes?????

Truthfully you should go to court.

I am VERY frustrated and scared to DEATH... over going to court to file for custody (more than I have now).

You can't get more than you have now legally.

I have a great job, I am a great mother, I always do what's best and what's in the best intereset for my daughter -

I disagree with you. You do NOT always do what is in the best interest of your daughter. YOU may THINK you do but most likely you also do things that are best for you at times.

the only downfall I have, is that I have moved 4 times (including twice to parents) in past year and a half , but ONLY for the better!! was in 2 very bad living situations - so i had NO choice! he has a stable house (that I moved out of when we split) where he lives with girlfriend and new baby (which btw is also another 'major change' in her life),

You are sounding jealous. Quit it. It is not a negative major change. What were those major bad living situations that you had to move away from? That gave you NO CHOICE?

so i can't help the fact I can't afford , nor do i own a house.

That is debateable.

He's a great dad - I do nothing but brag about what he does/pays for her, which is alot!! and i'm sure some of that will cease or decrease when we do go to court.. especially when he finds out I filed for more custody. (not SOLE.. just majority of!)

What makes you think you will get MORE custody?

it's going to get ugly, i can already foresee that - i'm just scared!! of how much the judge does rules towards the mothers, and how they decide regarding school, how important they feel that is that the child IS with one parent during a school week, etc..

That is NOT that important quite frankly.

i dont know why i worry, i shouldn't.. but do. No one can tell me what WILL happen, no one knows our situation other than what i've told here. I can tell you I am a 34 yr old woman, with a steady full time job who puts my daughter first, and who does NOT do drugs.

Again, you dont' necessarily put your daughter first always. Jobs can change. And the fact that you don't do drugs matters only a very little.

Anyway.... just wanting advice, opinions, input or something of that sort I guess. Reassurance, maybe?

Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Most likely you can count on status quo being court ordered.