Dad does not have court ordered health insurance for children

[LdiJ]

In this case? I wouldn't rely on reminding the judge. I'd get the transcripts.

If the orders were not reduced to writing, then yes, a transcript would be a good idea. The orders however may have been reduced to writing since it was a case of dad keeping an overpayment on arrears.

 

[MichaCA]

I would also go to your local orthodontist (as she needs a checkup anyway), and get in writing what the braces and maintainance will cost until they are off. Document if extra costs are associated with daughter not having been checked for so long, including regular dental cleaning. (IMO)

That way when your talking $ to the judge you have something to back it up with.

 

[rbw5147]

Thanks guys for the great advice! I will def get the court transcripts. Also, I hadn't even considered getting an estimate from a local orthodontist. I'm going to start calling around today to find one.


Again, thanks bunches!

 

[Ohiogal]

I would also go to your local orthodontist (as she needs a checkup anyway), and get in writing what the braces and maintainance will cost until they are off. Document if extra costs are associated with daughter not having been checked for so long, including regular dental cleaning. (IMO)

That way when your talking $ to the judge you have something to back it up with.

Truthfully the orthodontist report would be inadmissible due to hearsay. Mom can testify about what ever money she actually pays. But the orthodontist would have to testify about what it would cost.

 

[rbw5147]

Truthfully the orthodontist report would be inadmissible due to hearsay. Mom can testify about what ever money she actually pays. But the orthodontist would have to testify about what it would cost.

OG, I would only get an estimate as to what the approximate cost it would be from a new orthodontist. While in court last time, the Judge did not ask for any of that information from Dad, but still allowed him to keep extra arrearages for her braces. As I said, in the Colorado worksheet, there is a slot for medical expenses that are not covered by insurance and the judge allowed this expense from Dad without any proof from him of cost or the balance due. I'm just hoping to get some help from Dad for these expenses... that's all. Dad actually called today saying that he was going to send some money for the girls... which is you knew this man at all, is COMPLETELY out of character. He's ripped me off for every single dime he could, every time he could. Personally, I think he's just doing it so that the girls are more comfortable here and won't want to go back to Louisiana. His own family is beyond happy that the girls are here, though they hated me for about ten years. FINALLY, they have been able to see through his bs. Oh and btw, he was just recently hospitalized and diagnosed with drug/alchohol addiction, as well as borderline personality and histrionic personality disorders. As a former psych nurse, I know all too well that these things are almost impossible to help, unless the person sees it and wants help... and let's face it, people afflicted with borderline personality disorder are almost always the last people to see and admit that they have ANY problem.

 

[Silverplum]

OG, I would only get an estimate as to what the approximate cost it would be from a new orthodontist. While in court last time, the Judge did not ask for any of that information from Dad, but still allowed him to keep extra arrearages for her braces. As I said, in the Colorado worksheet, there is a slot for medical expenses that are not covered by insurance and the judge allowed this expense from Dad without any proof from him of cost or the balance due. I'm just hoping to get some help from Dad for these expenses... that's all. Dad actually called today saying that he was going to send some money for the girls... which is you knew this man at all, is COMPLETELY out of character. He's ripped me off for every single dime he could, every time he could. Personally, I think he's just doing it so that the girls are more comfortable here and won't want to go back to Louisiana. His own family is beyond happy that the girls are here, though they hated me for about ten years. FINALLY, they have been able to see through his bs. Oh and btw, he was just recently hospitalized and diagnosed with drug/alchohol addiction, as well as borderline personality and histrionic personality disorders. As a former psych nurse, I know all too well that these things are almost impossible to help, unless the person sees it and wants help... and let's face it, people afflicted with borderline personality disorder are almost always the last people to see and admit that they have ANY problem.

Okey-frickin'-dokey. We now have your assessment. We're good.

 

[LdiJ]

Truthfully the orthodontist report would be inadmissible due to hearsay. Mom can testify about what ever money she actually pays. But the orthodontist would have to testify about what it would cost.

Since when are cost estimates not admissable in court? I realize that this is family law vs other areas of law but multiple costs estimates are a legal tradition in all kinds of areas of law.

 

[NorthDakotaStep]

Oh and btw, he was just recently hospitalized and diagnosed with drug/alchohol addiction, as well as borderline personality and histrionic personality disorders. As a former psych nurse, I know all too well that these things are almost impossible to help, unless the person sees it and wants help... and let's face it, people afflicted with borderline personality disorder are almost always the last people to see and admit that they have ANY problem.

NIMH · Borderline Personality Disorder

For a self-stated psych nurse you seem to be not well informed about borderline personality disorder. It being one of the not very well understood mental illnesses. People with the disorder often don't seek treatment because of the fear of stigma. Your rant just proved that!

-my rant - I get sick of the constant s/he has a mental disorder sh!! Properly diagnosed and treated mental illnesses allow people to lead full and happy lives, yes the children can be affected by it, yes in some cases it may be best to spend more time with the other parent but that parent should still be allowed in the Childs life, mental illness does not mean ticket to I get sole custody

 

[mistoffolees]

NIMH · Borderline Personality Disorder

For a self-stated psych nurse you seem to be not well informed about borderline personality disorder. It being one of the not very well understood mental illnesses. People with the disorder often don't seek treatment because of the fear of stigma. Your rant just proved that!

Actually, the rant was off base for another reason.

OP said that the person had borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. In fact, that dual diagnosis almost never happens.

There is a trio of disorders that are all very similar - so similar that it's hard to put the distinction into words - borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Someone would not typically be diagnosed with two of those. Rather, they would be diagnosed as "Borderline personality disorder with histrionic characteristics" or something similar.

Furthermore, OP's statement that BPD is not well understood is wrong. BPD (and the other two of the complex) is very well understood. It's difficult to treat, but it's well understood.

And I have to agree with OP on the statement that it's difficult to treat those three because the person has to want help. It's only partly the stigma as you stated. In most cases, even if no one would ever find out that they were being treated, they still do not seek or follow through on getting help. The reason is that, fundamentally, these illnesses involve a "I am perfect" mentality and they tend to place the blame for any problems on others. If you believe that you are perfect, you, by definition, do not need help, so it is unusual for someone suffering from any of these disorders to seek help. When encouraged to do so, their response is typically "there's nothing wrong with ME, it's xxxx who needs help".

The stigma that is attached to mental illness does play into the matter, but only peripherally.

 

[NorthDakotaStep]

@ mistoffles

I stand corrected, it's been a bad day...

 

[Ohiogal]

Since when are cost estimates not admissable in court? I realize that this is family law vs other areas of law but multiple costs estimates are a legal tradition in all kinds of areas of law.

RULES OF EVIDENCE. They are hearsay. Unless the person who prepared the cost estimate is THERE to explain it, it is HEARSAY and DOES NOT meet the rules of evidence for a hearsay exception.

 

[rbw5147]

It was not a rant and I myself have been diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Major Recurrent Depression... and as somebody else stated, a person with Borderline Personality Disorder rarely seeks treatment, as part of the illness is that usually people with that illness rarely think they have a problem. It's "usually everybody elses problem, not mine." Histrionic disorder is a common symptom of BPD. Look it up if you don't think I'm speaking the facts. I'm not stygmatyzing anybody. I deal with those stigmas on a regular basis, though I accept my illness and have been under the same doctor's care for over 5 years. The bottom line is that somebody needs to be willing to accept and want help and 99% of the time, these people do not believe there is a problem or a need help.


He was just recently hospitalized because he had taken Xanax and alcohol. He was not on a 72 hour hold as he stated he was not suicidal and he admitted himself. He broke out of the hospital, though they thought alcohol and drug treatment was necessary. He comes from an affluent family that usually sweeps things under the rug, though it appears his family has finally seen the light. They have cut him off until he receives some type of help, but as I stated above, him reaching out for help and accepting treatment is very unlikely.


I find no joy or thrill whatsoever in the fact that their Dad is struggling, though he has used my problems in the past to throw in my face, gossip, and use me as a skapegoat for his stuff. This is my children's father and I know that any difficulties he is facing affects my children. Besides the fact that having once been "there" myself, I wouldn't wish or want that upon anybody. My 16 year old said that right before she left Louisiana, she saw her Dad walking on the street barefoot, drinking a beer at about 11 am. This is a Tulane educated man and inspite of all our personal differences, I find this very sad and heartbreaking.


So bottom line is that I'm going to do all I can do to make my girls feel safe, secure, and loved here. I am getting them counseling. As somebody else pointed out, once he realizes that he is going to lost their SSDI dependant pay, plus have to pay child support on top, I'm sure that will affect his thinking on wanting the girls here. He and his wife have already moved her 32 year old developmentally delayed brother (he has the IQ and coping skills of a 10 year old, into the girls old bedroom. He's a prince! Yes, I married him and I take responsibility for that decision, but thankfully, I made the decision to leave and now, as things stand now, my girls have a chance at having a safe, loving, nurturing home.



















5


I find no joy or thrill in my Ex's downfall. However, he has had all these symptoms for more years than I can count and although his affluent family swept these things (along with cocaine addiction) under the rug for many years, they have finally seen the light and have basically cut hiim off until he is willing to recognize that he needs help. When he was admitted a few weeks ago for an OD of Xanax and alcohol, he broke out of the hospital. (He admitted himself because he was scared, so he was not in a lock down ward on a 72 hour hold).