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Dad was high at visitation time (NY)

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Katie0224

Junior Member
We all live in New York. I have full custody and my sons dad has visitation 3 nights a week. He was supposed to pick up my son at 6pm and didn't call or text. I had texted him that we were running late coming back from an appointment so I would drop him off. I called when we arrived at his apartment and it no answer. I knocked and knocked (his car was out front so I knew he was home) and he answered the door, clearly on drugs. He didn't know why I was there or ask where my son was. He didn't know what time it was. He said he worked late the previous night but as I mentioned it was after 6pm. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and my boyfriend could tell from the car that he was high - he could barely speak.
I told him I wasn't comfortable leaving our son with him and we'd talk before his next visitation day.
I know I'm not supposed to do that but I couldn't leave my son with him, he's only 5.
What do I do from here? If he's relapsed, I can't have my son around him. What do I file? And will they drug test him based on this?
Thank you in advance. I know you guys volunteer answering these questions and it's much appreciated.
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
We all live in New York. I have full custody and my sons dad has visitation 3 nights a week. He was supposed to pick up my son at 6pm and didn't call or text. I had texted him that we were running late coming back from an appointment so I would drop him off. I called when we arrived at his apartment and it no answer. I knocked and knocked (his car was out front so I knew he was home) and he answered the door, clearly on drugs. He didn't know why I was there or ask where my son was. He didn't know what time it was. He said he worked late the previous night but as I mentioned it was after 6pm. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and my boyfriend could tell from the car that he was high - he could barely speak.
I told him I wasn't comfortable leaving our son with him and we'd talk before his next visitation day.
I know I'm not supposed to do that but I couldn't leave my son with him, he's only 5.
What do I do from here? If he's relapsed, I can't have my son around him. What do I file? And will they drug test him based on this?
Thank you in advance. I know you guys volunteer answering these questions and it's much appreciated.
Bump up....
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
We all live in New York. I have full custody and my sons dad has visitation 3 nights a week. He was supposed to pick up my son at 6pm and didn't call or text. I had texted him that we were running late coming back from an appointment so I would drop him off. I called when we arrived at his apartment and it no answer. I knocked and knocked (his car was out front so I knew he was home) and he answered the door, clearly on drugs. He didn't know why I was there or ask where my son was. He didn't know what time it was. He said he worked late the previous night but as I mentioned it was after 6pm. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and my boyfriend could tell from the car that he was high - he could barely speak.
I told him I wasn't comfortable leaving our son with him and we'd talk before his next visitation day.
I know I'm not supposed to do that but I couldn't leave my son with him, he's only 5.
What do I do from here? If he's relapsed, I can't have my son around him. What do I file? And will they drug test him based on this?
Thank you in advance. I know you guys volunteer answering these questions and it's much appreciated.
You should have called the police because then you would have a witness. YOU are not in a position to determine whether someone was high. He could have had a medication reaction, he could have just woken up. There could be lots of reasons for his behavior. YOU are not a professional. What do you file? Have you talked to him? Or do you just want to run to court with no proof?

You may think this is mean but quite frankly, I could DESTROY YOU if you tried this with a parent I represented. Especially if you do not allow visitation again.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
We all live in New York. I have full custody and my sons dad has visitation 3 nights a week. He was supposed to pick up my son at 6pm and didn't call or text. I had texted him that we were running late coming back from an appointment so I would drop him off. I called when we arrived at his apartment and it no answer. I knocked and knocked (his car was out front so I knew he was home) and he answered the door, clearly on drugs. He didn't know why I was there or ask where my son was. He didn't know what time it was. He said he worked late the previous night but as I mentioned it was after 6pm. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and my boyfriend could tell from the car that he was high - he could barely speak.
I told him I wasn't comfortable leaving our son with him and we'd talk before his next visitation day.
I know I'm not supposed to do that but I couldn't leave my son with him, he's only 5.
What do I do from here? If he's relapsed, I can't have my son around him. What do I file? And will they drug test him based on this?
Thank you in advance. I know you guys volunteer answering these questions and it's much appreciated.
I would suggest that if you are ever in another situation where dad doesn't call or text, or respond to calls or texts, that you do not offer to drop the child off at dad's...even if you are running late. Just send dad a text that you are running late and that you will be home by XX time.

That way, IF dad is on any kind of bender, you won't be refusing him visitation, he just won't show up.

I agree that the proper thing to do if dad is obviously drunk or high is to call the police...but that is an awkward thing to do when dad is in his own home...and maybe not even effective. Its effective if he shows up at your house in that condition.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I would suggest that if you are ever in another situation where dad doesn't call or text, or respond to calls or texts, that you do not offer to drop the child off at dad's...even if you are running late. Just send dad a text that you are running late and that you will be home by XX time.

That way, IF dad is on any kind of bender, you won't be refusing him visitation, he just won't show up.

I agree that the proper thing to do if dad is obviously drunk or high is to call the police...but that is an awkward thing to do when dad is in his own home...and maybe not even effective. Its effective if he shows up at your house in that condition.
I can agree with this IF the order states dad is to pick up the child for visitation. However, if she is running late, that could be contempt.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I can agree with this IF the order states dad is to pick up the child for visitation. However, if she is running late, that could be contempt.
I realize that...but if its a rare occurrence, or if the exchange time is close to when someone normally gets home from work and its only a few minutes due to variations in traffic, I think its far safer to risk that contempt, than to risk contempt for denying visitation. I think its the lesser of two evils.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I realize that...but if its a rare occurrence, or if the exchange time is close to when someone normally gets home from work and its only a few minutes due to variations in traffic, I think its far safer to risk that contempt, than to risk contempt for denying visitation. I think its the lesser of two evils.
I agree with that. But if she is supposed to drop the child off then she should have called the police. Because quite frankly she has no evidence he was high. She says he was. But she is not exactly unbiased.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I agree with that. But if she is supposed to drop the child off then she should have called the police. Because quite frankly she has no evidence he was high. She says he was. But she is not exactly unbiased.
No doubt...but in her first post it was pretty clear that she isn't supposed to drop off the child to dad under the court orders...and that wouldn't even be the norm...the norm is the receiving parent picks up.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
No doubt...but in her first post it was pretty clear that she isn't supposed to drop off the child to dad under the court orders...and that wouldn't even be the norm...the norm is the receiving parent picks up.
The NORM? Whose norm? I have orders where one parent drops off at the others. That is also a possibility. Of course neither party is also supposed to be late -- that is a "norm" as well.
 

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