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Dad in military leaving son home with stepmom

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CMSC

Senior Member
JanB said:
So I have already talked to several more attorneys and they say "If dad is not their he cannot just leave your son with whomever he wishes when the other parent can be there day in and day out you have a good reason to modify custody."
Is there first right of refusal in your custody order? If not he can leave the child with whomever he wants to when it is his court ordered time to have the child.


If it is so important to you to have custody because dad is in the military, why didn't you have physical primary of the child in the first place? Was dad in the military when you got divorced? How old is the child?

Oh you said you have joint legal and physical but then in the earlier post you said you had joint custody with him having primary physical? How often do you get your son and where are you located in regards to where your son lives?
 


J

JanB

Guest
If you read my orginal post you know why. Like I said I have attorneys saying different things. How am I suppose to know who to believe? By the way would it make a different if he wasnt in the military and had to travel on business one month here, two months here and so on? Take the military factor out and then make up your mind. Would a business man or flight attentant still have custody if they were not home all the time and leaving the child to be raised with a step parent. He moved away originally not I. Just something to think about.
 
J

JanB

Guest
We do have joint legal and physical custody. However, being that my son lives there he has primary custody. Thats what is says on the court papers. If it makes any sense. I live in San Francisco and he lives in Louisiana. I see my son basically when he is not in school. All major holidays including the entire summer vacation. Oh and he was in the military when we got seperated and my attorney would come back and tell me alot of times I didnt have a choice. He would say I talked to the judge he is swaying towards your ex because Your ex is remarrying, he has a job he had since he was 18 and his own place. So me having no clue about the law believed him. It doesnt have to do with anyone did drugs or been arrested or anything like that. Then he wanted to raise the retainer to 10,000 and umm I was 21 I didnt have that kind of money or do now just laying around.
 
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usmcfamily

Senior Member
Bottom line is you will need to pick one of the lawyers you have spoken to and file your motion - the worst that can happen is it will be denied but at least you will have tried, right?
Most importantly - what does your son think? (sorry if you addressed that in earlier posts but this is a long thread)
 
C

ChevyGirl

Guest
bugaboo said:
OMG!!! Heaven help us! The "poor" little boy is being watched by the "step mom"... My God what has this world come to?

Lady, you need to get a life. The kid has school. What do you expect your ex to do...call you every time he has to be out of the house, take the kid out of school just so YOU feel comfortable, and fly him to CA? My God!!!

I got a suggestion....Why don't you take time off work, fly yourself to Lousiana...rent a motel room for the entire time dad will be gone...and YOU drive the kid to and from school. That way YOU feel comfortable and he's not with the "evil step mom"

I think that would be BEST for the CHILD. that way he gets to stay in the same school. What? It's not convienient for you? You can't take off work for that long? Well....why don't you just chill out...you know your kid is safe and well taken care of...talk to the ex about what his schedule is...Stop trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. GEESH!:rolleyes:
AMEN, you should be glad that he has a step mother who cares about him enough to take care of him. Being a step-mother myself, it sickens me to see moms who hate step-moms just because they are that, step moms. Let's think about the CHILD for once, you should be damn thankful that someone out there cares enough about him to take care of him when mom and dad aren't around.
 

CMSC

Senior Member
I will tell you my husband travels on business and although they try not to have him do it when my step son is here, it happens on occassion. We have NEVER had any issue with ss staying here with me during that time, it is dad's court alloted time and he can do whatever he wants with ss.
 
J

JanB

Guest
I am a step mom also hello?! I think dad needs to get his balls outta his wifes purse and step up to the plate. Instead of telling her to deal with it. I dont know about you but I dont talk to my husbands ex wife and tell her well " I think when your son is older I will let him move in with you.' or "If you dont talk to me then try getting information about his school, activities or anything else!!" She is left in charge and isnt pleasant to deal with. I arrived late picking my son up because of traffic and called to let them know, my ex said it was fine. When I got there they came outside to the gate and I said sorry Im late i called as you know and there was traffic. (be it the first time i was ever late) she grabs my sons hand and walks away saying oh well we arent home come on lets go. She has cussed me out in front of him on the phone, she has tried to start fights in front of my parents house with my son there. Im not saying oh shes a step mom screw her. But this whole You lost your rights cause you arent here pisses me off! Wouldnt you. I get along fine with my ex husband ex wife and we have the kids. She calls everyday and we make arrangements on whos picking up who and its never a big deal like it is with my ex's wife. Being a step parent myself doesnt mean we should even get involved with the ex when it comes to legal matters or face to face with the ex. I wish is was all roses but it isnt.
 
J

JanB

Guest
I do understand the business traveling. But is he gone for months at a time? This just started recently. Im sure your husband can call home though. My son hasnt spoken to his father since Jan. 2nd. Dad had the opportunity to do so before he left. But they didnt want me to find out so he didnt. That erks me too. He should of called and talked to his son and tell him he wasnt going to be home . my son is 8
 
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4LilMan

Guest
Look Lady, you want to come on this forum & post your questions and get some advice, then that is what you're gong to get an unbiased, honest response to your question. And maybe the law says one thing, but some of us are more concerned with the child & their wants and needs instead of your wants and needs & what the law says, okay? And you are going to do what YOU want anyway, so go ahead and do it and don't come here being rude after you put yourself in the position for others to give you advice & their unbiased, honest opinions on the situation that you posted. Because that's what goes on here on this board. If you don't like it, post somewhere else, don't be nasty to other
members on this board who are trying to help you & ESPECIALLY since we are all trying to help you look out for the best interest of YOUR CHILD. I have said what I have to say and I stand by it still no matter what an attorney says, because the attorney wants your $, we don't. So I suggest you take this FREE advice and be glad that there are places like this where peope present the child's side to you also. But you want to hear what only YOU want to hear. So since you have already heard that some where then maybe you should move on. And I can see why this woman may not get along with you, because you have an attitude anyway even when others try to help you, I'd hate to see your attitude when you don't get your way! You can go some where else and post as far as I'm concerned because I said NOTHING rude to you, no one here wants t give an unappreciative person such as yourself any advice lady. I know I don't. :rolleyes:
 
J

JanB

Guest
I wasnt being rude at all! When I asked a question in the first place I got poor boy being left with the step mom stop whining. Well, I guess instead of taking responsibility for your own child you would just let a step parent raise your child for months at a time and dad cannot be reached at all and mom can only call. I do have a life and it includes my son. Im not just going to sit on my ass and tell them since you cant be there lets have someone else raise our child. I do not choose to wash my hands of it. It is not in the best interest of the child to be with his or her biological parent who doesnt leave the state for long periods of time. Also is it not the child best interest to live in a house where he or she will grow up in? I see people complain all the time that dad leaves their child with the babysitter all the time. But I am called rude when dad is actually in another state. I think people think the military should get special treatment instead of like any other person. No he is not fighting a war or will he be. He has been in the miltary for 12 years and never served overseas yet! Maybe you should feel for the families whos servicemen are actually overseas or have served their time. I come from a military family. There should not be special treatment just because he is in the military.
 
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CMSC

Senior Member
I am sorry but if he has been in the military for 12 years and was in there when you got divorced then clearly that issue should have been discussed in court. It is obvious the judge had no problem especially if your court order doesn't state who should get the child.

I think it would not be a problem if he is going to be out of town/country in the summer while you have the child but why shift him back a forth during the school year? If you prefer to have primary physical then go for it.
 
C

ChevyGirl

Guest
What exactly happened to make a judge think that this child was better off with his father than with you?
 
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JanB

Guest
Oh no judge ever ruled. It was my lawyer at the time who said 1st. Choose the weekend because you will spend more time with your son. then of course school started and he already had him and the lawyer said "the judge isnt going to like that you pay for preschool it cost to much." We both had him in seperate preschools and mine cost $500 month. and our son was living with us one week on one week off. So then when they went out of state. Lawyer said. "You have no choice he is moving for the military and you CANT fight it." that is where we come today. Yeah i listened to him unfortunatley and he is no longer able to practice law in this state. But what can you do when you get screwed by your lawyer and dont know it till NOW. The whole he had this job since 18 and is remarrying and will have a family one day, also told me I would die and where would by son be? He will have his brothers and sisters someday with stepmom. We were in court for 2 years till be actually got a divorced
 
J

JanB

Guest
Well there is sooo much more and I was trying to keep it short. LOL My ex is here for a month then returns home for a few months then gone again for 2 months. My son will be with me the entire summer when dad is actually at home. Yeah if I can ever get money for a reliable attorney I will try for my son to stay in one place with one parent. This is the first time he has been left alone with the stepmom without daddy.
 
unbiased? LOL

I'm sorry, but if someone came on here and said stepdad was threatening to turn off the phone in order to block calls from bio dad, just about all of us would be giving this WOman different advice!

JanB, it sounds like you got dealt a real winner with who your XH married. That stinks. However, let us talk about what you can do for you and your son (no child belongs in a house where they are blocked from speaking to a bioparent with out just cause). I would suggest using one of the attorneys you have contacted previously to discuss a right of first refusal ammendment and specifically to deal with the father's extended absences. Obviously, right of first refusal would not include short absences, but I think a week or more is fair game when he is not in school.

I am curious if you looked at getting the visitation modified when he moved away at least? If you didn't, you might also want to petition to have it changed so that your son spends most of the summers with you.
 

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