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  1. #1
    JanB Guest

    Unhappy Dad in military leaving son home with stepmom

    What is the name of your state? California has jurisdiction that is where I am. My ex is in the military in Louisiana. We have joint legal and physical custody. However my son lives with dad while in school and I see him on his vacations. Found out day before I sent my son back stepmom says:OH! didnt u know he is in california for school for one month. ??? I sent him back because he had school and it was a saturday. No lawyers available and court order says he goes back that day. Later find out that ex will be in school later this year for 2 months for training in Pennsylvania and so on and so on. I called several lawyers on this. No one agrees!! HELP!! Some say "ridiculous already planning 3 months out of the year to be away?!" Others say"short period of time judge will not grant change of custody" You know how much retainer fees are. Any advice for a good mom who lost son in first place because had bad lawyer who no longer can practice law in CA??
    Last edited by JanB; 01-20-2003 at 03:18 AM.
  2. #2
    bugaboo is offline Member
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    OMG!!! Heaven help us! The "poor" little boy is being watched by the "step mom"... My God what has this world come to?

    Lady, you need to get a life. The kid has school. What do you expect your ex to do...call you every time he has to be out of the house, take the kid out of school just so YOU feel comfortable, and fly him to CA? My God!!!

    I got a suggestion....Why don't you take time off work, fly yourself to Lousiana...rent a motel room for the entire time dad will be gone...and YOU drive the kid to and from school. That way YOU feel comfortable and he's not with the "evil step mom"

    I think that would be BEST for the CHILD. that way he gets to stay in the same school. What? It's not convienient for you? You can't take off work for that long? Well....why don't you just chill out...you know your kid is safe and well taken care of...talk to the ex about what his schedule is...Stop trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. GEESH!
  3. #3
    JanB Guest
    Um yeah! I work and have kids with my new husband. I am also 7 months pregnant. Shall I take my chance on the plane??!! Hello are you clueless? Dad is in the military and court papers state he is suppose to keep me informed of where his job takes him. The snakes that they are hide everything! I suppose you wouldnt mind letting your child being raised by the step parent while dad is off state to state to state for several months at a time. How do you know he is safe, let her practice being mommy when she is only 18 with no kids of her own?!?!?!?! Sounds like your comparing this to your personal problem this is NOT your situation. Better yet my son should live with a parent that isnt all over the US. dont you think??
    Last edited by JanB; 01-20-2003 at 03:25 AM.
  4. #4
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    "Better yet my son should live with a parent that isnt all over the US. dont you think??"

    Then you need to hire a local attorney and prove it.
  5. #5
    JanB Guest
    Yeah trying to find a good child custody lawyer now. This all happened within the week. So like I said. Some laywers say one month here and there is no big deal while others say no way should the son be without one oh his parents for so long. Also, my sons grandparents came for a visit (my parents) for one month and they only got to see him for 3 days. I will try! Thanks
  6. #6
    bugaboo is offline Member
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    Originally posted by JanB
    Um yeah! I work and have kids with my new husband. I am also 7 months pregnant. Shall I take my chance on the plane??!! Hello are you clueless? Dad is in the military and court papers state he is suppose to keep me informed of where his job takes him. The snakes that they are hide everything! I suppose you wouldnt mind letting your child being raised by the step parent while dad is off state to state to state for several months at a time. How do you know he is safe, let her practice being mommy when she is only 18 with no kids of her own?!?!?!?! Sounds like your comparing this to your personal problem this is NOT your situation. Better yet my son should live with a parent that isnt all over the US. dont you think??
    No, I'm not comparing your "story' to some personal situation...I trust my ex's judgement when it comes to his children. No, I'm not clueless...you didn't mention that you were pregnant...I would've never suggested getting on a plane...I wouldn've suggested that you drive. I understand that you would like to stay informed of the dads whereabouts...but you've got to understand that sometimes it just isn't possible to do that all the time. And if your child is being taken care of (I did NOT say taken care as YOU WOULD DO IT), than it would seem that he is safe...Its only for a month or 2.

    If the step mom is only 18, I'd have to ask how old the ex is and also how old your son is. My ex's girlfriend has never had her own children, but she treats my girls very good...so just because they don't have their own children, doesn't mean that they can't nurture a child.

    I'm just saying that maybe you should take a step back...knowing that your pg...your hormones are off kilter (not being mean...i'm pg too and I know that feeling). Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem right now. I know that if I needed to take off for a month, for any reason, that I feel safe and secure leaving my children with my husband. And my ex also feels safe about it. He would rather the girls stay in school, where they are at, rather than ripping them from everything they know...just so they can be with a bio parent. Why dont you wait till the month is over, when your ex comes home...call him and have a rational discussion with him about your concerns...Why does everythign have to be made ugly...and go to court... The kids go through enough with a divorce...I just don't think it's healthy to keep going back to court if the ex does something that you don't like.
  7. #7
    JanB Guest
    Yeah I know. Court is soooo expensive and takes soooo much time to really acomplish nothing. My exes new wife isnt a great person to deal with. Everytime after my son leaves to go back to his dad she threatens me. Like this last time...."Im just going to disconnect the phone and make dad use a calling card and see how you like trying to get a hold of your son then. " She also had my son call and while yelling at him in the background saying "tell your mom who you want to live with!!" He didnt say anything. or if i say we will just go to court if we cant figure this out. she says "Im more than a stepmom to your son and no one will take him away from me!!" Hey I have stepkids too. I do things for them like a mom is suppose to do. That is what a parent is suppose to no matter if they are half-siblings step-siblings or blood relative. I did send him back beacuse of school. I wouldnt mess him up there.
  8. #8
    4LilMan Guest
    Can I just ask how old you are? Also, was your ex in the military when he gained custody of your child?
  9. #9
    JanB Guest
    I am 25. We have joint custody and have had it all the time. Just he has primary physical. I really dont know what to do. If i should go to court or not?
  10. #10
    ellencee is offline Senior Member
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    In this country today, when so many thousands of our armed forces men and women are being sent overseas at the order of our commander and chief, I think you are being a little short-sighted. Many, many children all across America are being left with their step-parents, their adoptive parents, their guardians, their sisters or brothers, their grandparents, etc. while one of their parents is facing far worse than being stationed in California for a month or somewhere else for a period of training for a few months even. Your son's life is basically uninterrupted by his father's TDYs and it will stay uninterrupted and happy unless you cause problems for him.
    For you to flip out over this is just not realistic, not today, not now.
  11. #11
    JanB Guest
    I actually do know the answer to the military overseas question. In California. If one parent is sent overseas for duty and will be gone a long period of time (lets face it i come from a miltary family and they tell you 6 months and you can be their 2 years ect) The law states if their is a capable Biological parent versus the step parent. The child WILL be sent to that parent. The step parent does not even get visitation with that child. (not saying I wouldnt) The step parent has no rights to your child when dad is away. So children arent being left behind unless it is agreed too or sent back to the other parent. That still has to be in a court agreement unless you want to be blamed for abondoment.
    Last edited by JanB; 01-21-2003 at 12:44 AM.
  12. #12
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    The long and the short of it is that you will have to take any motion to change custody to court and show that your son will be better off living with you.
  13. #13
    4LilMan Guest
    Ok, so I'm guessing that you were young when you had your child. So you should not make a big issue about his stepmom's age. Just because she isn't his biological mom doesn't mean that she can't properly take care of your son. If the child is being taken care of everyday & has a good home then that is what's important here. I'm sorry, but children shouldn't be ripped from home to home because of things like this. She may not be his biological mother, but that IS his home, that's where he eats, sleeps, plays, has friends, goes to school, etc. day in and day out and keeping that consistent is what is MOST important here. The child should still visit with you as said in the court papers. That place is his home and is what he is used to. To throw him back and forth is rediculous & kind of cruel in my opinion. Let him have a home, friends, an identity, a life. It's not fair to your child. His Dad will be home soon. He's doing his job to provide his child with the things that he needs to survive. Give him a break.
  14. #14
    JanB Guest
    No No Im not planning on ripping him from his school. We are talking about when he is down with school and is already here for the entire summer. Dad is planning on being out of state for more than just this one month. The thing is if dad is not available, the stepmother does not get the same rights as dad. She is nothing more than a stepmother. If one biological parent is not available you dont just let whoever is in that house be a parent to your child. So I have already talked to several more attorneys and they say "If dad is not their he cannot just leave your son with whomever he wishes when the other parent can be there day in and day out you have a good reason to modify custody." He will not be in the same school next year anyways. Last time I checked I didnt have custody with the stepmom oh and she isnt allowed in mediation either so she gets no vote. She wasnt their since he was born either. If something should happen to my son my exhusband cannot be reached. So she will take it in her own hands to do whatever she wants. No No it doesnt work that way. So it is better to have the child be raised by a step parent when the biological parent is available everyday?? We still have joint legal and physical custody and it would be in the best interest if a PARENT was their full time.
    Last edited by JanB; 01-21-2003 at 11:20 PM.
  15. #15
    usmcfamily is offline Senior Member
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    So, if you already have all the answers on this (from "real" attornies no less) why are you here asking the questions all over again? One has to wonder**************.

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