Daughter wants to live with mother

[Worried father]

What is the name of your state? Alabama
I am a father of 5 children. 2 of the children are from a different marrage. There ages are 11 and 9. I have had joint custody of both of the girls since they were 2yrs and 6mo old with me having primary custody. My exwife was ordered to pay me 150/mo child support which I agreed to to prevent her from getting more visitation When she should have had to pay over 400/mo. She only paid about 3 or 4 times in 9yrs. She left us when the baby was placed on the bottle from breast at a few weeks old. She moved in with a man that she had started to get involved with when she was pregnant. This man was into witchcraft and got her involved. Anyway,That soon ended and she got involved with a man that was mean to my girls and they would come home with head lice and ring worms and not take a bath for several days when they would visit. I told her that she could not have them anymore at night and she would have to be present to get the children for visitation and they were to not be left alone with him for any reason. Well she eventually quit getting them for a long time. She would go 2-3mo without any phone calls or anything. She got remarried about 2 yrs ago to a man that seems like he is ok. My children seem to like him and voice no problems while they are there. Recently my oldest, the 11 year old, has expressed that she is wanting to go live with her mother. She states that she just feels different because other children live with their mothers. Only within the last few months have I allowed them to start spending the night and had the 150/mo taken out of her check. My exwife has told them that they can come live with her if they want to and I feel that this is going to be pushing it to them. Can they just decide to go at this age and go or will the past history make a judge say no. I am not perfect but my children are my life..someone please help

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Alabama
I am a father of 5 children. 2 of the children are from a different marrage. There ages are 11 and 9. I have had joint custody of both of the girls since they were 2yrs and 6mo old with me having primary custody. My exwife was ordered to pay me 150/mo child support which I agreed to to prevent her from getting more visitation When she should have had to pay over 400/mo. She only paid about 3 or 4 times in 9yrs. She left us when the baby was placed on the bottle from breast at a few weeks old. She moved in with a man that she had started to get involved with when she was pregnant. This man was into witchcraft and got her involved. Anyway,That soon ended and she got involved with a man that was mean to my girls and they would come home with head lice and ring worms and not take a bath for several days when they would visit. I told her that she could not have them anymore at night and she would have to be present to get the children for visitation and they were to not be left alone with him for any reason. Well she eventually quit getting them for a long time. She would go 2-3mo without any phone calls or anything. She got remarried about 2 yrs ago to a man that seems like he is ok. My children seem to like him and voice no problems while they are there. Recently my oldest, the 11 year old, has expressed that she is wanting to go live with her mother. She states that she just feels different because other children live with their mothers. Only within the last few months have I allowed them to start spending the night and had the 150/mo taken out of her check. My exwife has told them that they can come live with her if they want to and I feel that this is going to be pushing it to them. Can they just decide to go at this age and go or will the past history make a judge say no. I am not perfect but my children are my life..someone please help

A child in Alabama can't choose where they want to live as a minor. However, if Mom is doing well & the child (pre-teen/teen especially) feels like she wants to have a chance to live with Mom~ What are your objections to it?

 

[LdiJ]

Children don't get to choose. Unless the parents can come to an agree the court decides. A judge might give a teens wishes some consideration in making a decision, but both of your children are really too young for a judge to take their wishes into consideration.

However, maybe your kids really do need more time with their mother. You didn't want them to have much time with her in the beginning, and therefore you still probably don't want that, but maybe its what they really need. Does mom live close enough that her parenting time could be expanded?

 

[Ohiogal]

What do the court orders say about time the mother is supposed to have? You dad don't get to dictate that when there are court orders in place. And visitation IS NOT tied to child support.

 

[casa]

What do the court orders say about time the mother is supposed to have? You dad don't get to dictate that when there are court orders in place. And visitation IS NOT tied to child support.

There you go making sense again Ohiogal

Sounds like the ordered support of $150 was based on a time-sharing model...since Dad implies Mom would have paid less if he 'allowed' more visitation time. So, seems as though Mom might have more than some type of e/o/w etc.

 

[Worried father]

A child in Alabama can't choose where they want to live as a minor. However, if Mom is doing well & the child (pre-teen/teen especially) feels like she wants to have a chance to live with Mom~ What are your objections to it?

Maybe you don't know what it takes for a father to get custody in Alabama. You must prove that the mother is a piece of garbage. I do believe that a leopard can change its spots but it is still a leopard. I can give anyone a chance, a second chance and even a third chance but when it can hurt your child at what point do you say that is enough

 

[Ohiogal]

Maybe you don't know what it takes for a father to get custody in Alabama. You must prove that the mother is a piece of garbage. I do believe that a leopard can change its spots but it is still a leopard. I can give anyone a chance, a second chance and even a third chance but when it can hurt your child at what point do you say that is enough

You really need to answer the question -- what does the court order state. You alone CANNOT alter, change or deny the court order. If mom was supposed to have overnights you did not have the right to state otherwise. So answer the question. Because that answer can influence how easy it will be for mom to get custody now.
The power of YOU giving ANYONE a chance at this point -- well you don't have that right. The court is the one who determines HOW MANY chances MOM gets. You chose her. You slept with her. You had kids with her. The court ordered her to have time. HENCE, you have to abide by the court order. As does she. But if you denied her time that she was guaranteed in the court order that puts you in contempt and mom can use that to get custody.
SO AGAIN -- WHAT DOES YOUR COURT ORDER STATE?

 

[Ohiogal]

There you go making sense again Ohiogal

Sounds like the ordered support of $150 was based on a time-sharing model...since Dad implies Mom would have paid less if he 'allowed' more visitation time. So, seems as though Mom might have more than some type of e/o/w etc.

Here is the thing -- even if mom is NOT paying child support dad doesn't get to deny her visitation. I know YOU know that CASA but this is for the OP. Child support is NOT admission to see a child. Doesn't work that way. Two different legalities OP.

 

[Worried father]

There you go making sense again Ohiogal

Sounds like the ordered support of $150 was based on a time-sharing model...since Dad implies Mom would have paid less if he 'allowed' more visitation time. So, seems as though Mom might have more than some type of e/o/w etc.

The money was the amount of daycare at the time that I agreed to. I don't know about any corrilation that I might have implied but none was intended. I did agree to less money if she agreed to the visitation of everyother weekend. I set the amount. I did what was in the best interest of my children at the time. No formula was used to set this amount and the actual amount at the time that she was to pay me was $440/mo. Besides I never got it anyway

 

[Worried father]

Here is the thing -- even if mom is NOT paying child support dad doesn't get to deny her visitation. I know YOU know that CASA but this is for the OP. Child support is NOT admission to see a child. Doesn't work that way. Two different legalities OP.

I am aware that if I went to court I have not done as ordered. I should have spent the last 9 years of there life fighting in court but as you can see she really didn't care enough to try to take it to court to protect her rights to visitation. If I go to court I might be in contempt but if I had not I would be holding myself in contempt

 

[tide200]

It's not that difficult for fathers to get custody in Alabama.

My father got custody of us 30 years ago, my husband got custody of his two 12 years ago, and 2 of my male couisins just recently got custody. None of these cases proved the mothers unfit and all of them had or have visitation rights.

 

[weenor]

I am aware that if I went to court I have not done as ordered. I should have spent the last 9 years of there life fighting in court but as you can see she really didn't care enough to try to take it to court to protect her rights to visitation. If I go to court I might be in contempt but if I had not I would be holding myself in contempt

If you decide to fight custody, the mother will have to prove a material change in children's circumstances since the last order and that the benefit to children in a change of placement materially outweighs the inherent disruption. The quickest way to help her prove all of this is to interfer with her court ordered visitation (by going against the order). If she is a problem you take her back to court and get visitation reduced.

 

[stealth2]

I know a number of guys in AL with custody of their kids - including daughters.

I am aware that if I went to court I have not done as ordered. I should have spent the last 9 years of there life fighting in court but as you can see she really didn't care enough to try to take it to court to protect her rights to visitation. If I go to court I might be in contempt but if I had not I would be holding myself in contempt

Yeah, well... that will be cold comfort if the judge decides to reverse custody. Once the court made a determination and ordered visitation, your right to control what Mom does on her time ended.

You may also want to consider what your daughters will think once they fully realize that you interfered with their relationship with their Mom.

 

[Ohiogal]

The money was the amount of daycare at the time that I agreed to. I don't know about any corrilation that I might have implied but none was intended. I did agree to less money if she agreed to the visitation of everyother weekend. I set the amount. I did what was in the best interest of my children at the time. No formula was used to set this amount and the actual amount at the time that she was to pay me was $440/mo. Besides I never got it anyway

No you didn't do what was in the best interest of the children. Was there a COURT ORDER FOR SUPPOT? A court order. Quite simple. Was there? Because the court would have wanted to see the formula used. If there was no court order then you were NOT entitled to a dime. So it doesn't matter that you didn't get it. Who said the actual amount was $440? And you don't get to decide what is in the best interest of "my children". THEY HAVE TWO PARENTS! You and your ex need to realize that. You need to get over what ever she did to you and let it be. That is in the BEST INTEREST of your children. Your children deserve two parents. And the court will say that.

 

[weenor]

No you didn't do what was in the best interest of the children. Was there a COURT ORDER FOR SUPPOT? A court order. Quite simple. Was there? Because the court would have wanted to see the formula used. If there was no court order then you were NOT entitled to a dime. So it doesn't matter that you didn't get it. Who said the actual amount was $440? And you don't get to decide what is in the best interest of "my children". THEY HAVE TWO PARENTS! You and your ex need to realize that. You need to get over what ever she did to you and let it be. That is in the BEST INTEREST of your children. Your children deserve two parents. And the court will say that.

In Alabama depending on when they were divorced it would not have been uncommon for the court to allow a settlement with respect to child support. Child support is governed by the Rule 32 guidelines which the court must consider when child support is disputed. That is probably where the 440.00 came from. The parties are allowed to agree to a lower amount, but they cannot agree to waive child support altogether.