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Daughter wants to live with non-custodial parent

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TXMama

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My daughter is 14 1/2, and has lived with her father for approximately 7 years. We all live in Texas. After we divorced, we had joint custody, but I was the custodial parent. I remarried, and that man became very abusive. For that reason, I called her father and told him that I was sending her to live with him, and signed papers making him the custodial parent. I did that for her safety, until I could escape.

I have now been away from him for several years with no contact. I am in a stable location, with a good job. She is wanting to come live with me. What is required to do this? She wants to try the schools here, live with me, and of course if she doesn't like this area, she is always able to go back. Is there a way to do a temporary change of custody??
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My daughter is 14 1/2, and has lived with her father for approximately 7 years. We all live in Texas. After we divorced, we had joint custody, but I was the custodial parent. I remarried, and that man became very abusive. For that reason, I called her father and told him that I was sending her to live with him, and signed papers making him the custodial parent. I did that for her safety, until I could escape.

I have now been away from him for several years with no contact. I am in a stable location, with a good job. She is wanting to come live with me. What is required to do this? She wants to try the schools here, live with me, and of course if she doesn't like this area, she is always able to go back. Is there a way to do a temporary change of custody??


How does Dad feel about it?
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My daughter is 14 1/2, and has lived with her father for approximately 7 years. We all live in Texas. After we divorced, we had joint custody, but I was the custodial parent. I remarried, and that man became very abusive. For that reason, I called her father and told him that I was sending her to live with him, and signed papers making him the custodial parent. I did that for her safety, until I could escape.

I have now been away from him for several years with no contact. I am in a stable location, with a good job. She is wanting to come live with me. What is required to do this? She wants to try the schools here, live with me, and of course if she doesn't like this area, she is always able to go back. Is there a way to do a temporary change of custody??
It took you seven years to get out of an abusive relationship?

What change has their been in your daughter's life that would justify pulling her out of her established home & community? If your answer starts with "I" then you need to think again...
 

TXMama

Junior Member
How does Dad feel about it?
He of course does not want her too, because he will miss her. She has a step-mother and a new baby brother now, and just wants to try something new. She is hitting puberty, and wants her Mom. I of course do not mind.

She has completely different opportunities in the school here. She would be moving from a huge city school to a small town. She is wanting to get into FFA and start showing animals, and get more experience at the exotic animal ranch I work at. She wants to be a vet, and thinks these opportunities would help her.
 

TXMama

Junior Member
It took you seven years to get out of an abusive relationship?

What change has their been in your daughter's life that would justify pulling her out of her established home & community? If your answer starts with "I" then you need to think again...
No, it did not take me that long. I finally was able to escape (when I say that, I mean it literally!) 5 months after I sent her to her father's. She was happy and doing well, so we just left things as they were, and she stayed wherever she wanted.

It is not about pulling her out of her established home. I am good friends with her father. There are changes at his home, in the way of a new stepmother and baby brother. She is in a huge city, and is wanting to move to my small town for opportunities that will help her with her choices for her college major. She is also just hitting puberty and wants her mommy.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
He of course does not want her too, because he will miss her. She has a step-mother and a new baby brother now, and just wants to try something new. She is hitting puberty, and wants her Mom. I of course do not mind.

She has completely different opportunities in the school here. She would be moving from a huge city school to a small town. She is wanting to get into FFA and start showing animals, and get more experience at the exotic animal ranch I work at. She wants to be a vet, and thinks these opportunities would help her.

That's fine, but there has been no change in circumstance? The arrival of a new sibling likely won't meet the criteria.

You need that before going to court (yes, even in Texas - despite what some posters have said in the past). If you can articulate that CoC, her wishes would be taken into consideration at her age and would likely carry quite a bit of weight. Filing an affidavit of preference alone does not constitute a CoC.

At 16, apparently she can petition the court herself (this just from a Texas attorney's website) - but not at 14.
 

TXMama

Junior Member
That's fine, but there has been no change in circumstance? The arrival of a new sibling likely won't meet the criteria.

You need that before going to court (yes, even in Texas - despite what some posters have said in the past). If you can articulate that CoC, her wishes would be taken into consideration at her age and would likely carry quite a bit of weight. Filing an affidavit of preference alone does not constitute a CoC.

At 16, apparently she can petition the court herself (this just from a Texas attorney's website) - but not at 14.
No...nothing bad. We all get along well. She just wants to give it a try where I am. No reason like discipline, or being angry at him, or abuse. She just wants to live here. She feels a bit like a burden there, since her father lost his job several months ago, and there are financial problems, but other than that nothing major.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
No...nothing bad. We all get along well. She just wants to give it a try where I am. No reason like discipline, or being angry at him, or abuse. She just wants to live here. She feels a bit like a burden there, since her father lost his job several months ago, and there are financial problems, but other than that nothing major.
Then it's simple, even if you can articulate a change of circumstances which would allow the matter to be considered by the court, you haven't articulated any justification for a change in custody.

What you really need to do is talk with Dad and reach an agreement. If you can't do that, it's probably not worth fighting a battle that you're likely to lose.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
No...nothing bad. We all get along well. She just wants to give it a try where I am. No reason like discipline, or being angry at him, or abuse. She just wants to live here. She feels a bit like a burden there, since her father lost his job several months ago, and there are financial problems, but other than that nothing major.

I understand, truly - but unless Dad agrees you might have an uphill battle on your hands.

Have a chat with a local attorney. The local climate of the courts seems to vary that little bit more between counties in some States (ahem - Texas!) than in others - who knows, maybe the courts in your area are more inclined to follow the child's desires. And, in some areas of the country (and I cannot speak for Texas) a new stepparent and newborn sibling (in other words, an entirely new family situation) might just be enough to convince the court to hear the petition.


Just don't raise your hopes just yet.
 

TXMama

Junior Member
Then it's simple, even if you can articulate a change of circumstances which would allow the matter to be considered by the court, you haven't articulated any justification for a change in custody.

What you really need to do is talk with Dad and reach an agreement. If you can't do that, it's probably not worth fighting a battle that you're likely to lose.
Yes, we were planning to do that. I just didn't know what the process was. We were just going to try to come to an agreement, but I am just not up to date on legal speak!! I didn't know if we could just agree, without having to go through courts, or how that worked.
 
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LaurenL

Junior Member
If you and father agree you can write up orders or a stipulation and present it to the court. Fairly simple and inexpensive.

If you have to fight for it (and my view is biased from bad experience) family court does not follow the rules or laws and it's entirely likely you will win based only on the child's wishes. You could also claim your circumstances of being out of the abusive relationship you were in at the time of the last orders are a change in circumstance along with anything else you want to throw in there.

The cost to you monetarily could be as high as $20,000 or more if the father contests it and the damage to your relationship with her father will be higher than that. The cost to your sanity is enormous.

These views express my opinion only.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
You could also claim your circumstances of being out of the abusive relationship you were in at the time of the last orders are a change in circumstance along with anything else you want to throw in there.
Unlikely. First - it is not a change in the CHILD's life. Second - it has now been years since that change and there is status quo to consider.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
If you and father agree you can write up orders or a stipulation and present it to the court. Fairly simple and inexpensive.

Correct.

If you have to fight for it (and my view is biased from bad experience) family court does not follow the rules or laws and it's entirely likely you will win based only on the child's wishes.

Hogwash.


You could also claim your circumstances of being out of the abusive relationship you were in at the time of the last orders are a change in circumstance along with anything else you want to throw in there.

Mom got out of the relationship within 5 months. She CHOSE not to go back to court for custody. She can't use that now after 6+ years.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
While I don't disagree with anything that has been said here, it does appear that dad is inclined to agree to this even though its not what he wants.

If that is true, then it would be a fairly simple process to change primary custody. They would simply need to file a stipulated agreement with the courts. That apparently is what they did before since mom just mentions signing paperwork. However, if by any chance that paperwork she signed was never submitted to the courts, then it would be even more simple.
 

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