Denial Of Access

[Zigner]

yes. but as its been explained to me, i shouldn't (cant?) be denied these rights either, without a court order stating otherwise

You have no right of visitation or custody until ordered by a court. As such, there is no right to deny.

The rights that cannot be denied have to do with access to school and medical records.

 

[Proserpina]

yes. but as its been explained to me, i shouldn't (cant?) be denied these rights either, without a court order stating otherwise, which is why I am confused on the matter of which step to take next

In your State, being an unwed father without a court order means Mom is the only person legally entitled to custody. Paternity gives you standing to sue for rights - it doesn't immediately confer rights.

It's actually more or less the opposite of what you thought.

 

[DVL0707]

The law does not agree with you. What, no parent has ever grabbed 5 minutes of sanity in the bathroom while the child is watching TV?

I can't imagine how you'll ever be able to convince a court to believe the words of a 5 year old....and I can see this working against you. Seriously - you called CPS for this?

The others are right, too - you can't take out a restraining order based on "what if".

Tread carefully, Dad. Filing for custody based on this is going to make one of you seem like a donkey's rear, and it's not Mom.

Is not 5 minutes, its an entire trip down 11 floors, "doing stuff" and then back up. What if he/she gets hit by a car crossing the street, how long would he be left alone then? What if he gets hungry? Needs to use the bathroom, slips and cracks his head? A fire? He cant even tie his shoes yet, let alone establish an escape plan.

 

[Zigner]

Is not 5 minutes, its an entire trip down 11 floors, "doing stuff" and then back up. What if he/she gets hit by a car crossing the street, how long would he be left alone then?

What if he/she is walking with kiddo when he/she gets hit by that car? Wouldn't it be better for the child to be upstairs?
What if he/she has a heart attack...stroke...epileptic seizure...(and on and on and on)

Again, you can't get a restraining order based on "what if" - and you're not actually going to request that a five year old testify against his parent, are you?

 

[CJane]

Is not 5 minutes, its an entire trip down 11 floors, "doing stuff" and then back up. What if he/she gets hit by a car crossing the street, how long would he be left alone then? What if he gets hungry? Needs to use the bathroom, slips and cracks his head? A fire? He cant even tie his shoes yet, let alone establish an escape plan.

*sigh*

My ex tried repeatedly to make these types of arguments in court. Now, we're country/suburban dwellers, so the context is slightly different, but the thought process is the same.

I would *repeatedly leave my then 2 and 5 year old children alone inside the house while I mowed the lawn or pasture. I'd put them down for a nap and go work horses in the field, or get gardening done or whatever. Sometimes, they got up while I was outside, and had to come find me.

Sure, it's possible I could have been trampled, fallen in the pond and drowned, been hit by a rogue tractor driving down the road, and the kids would have been alone until my husband got home from work. But the CHANCES of that happening are so slim as to be irrelevant.

There were also occasions when my infant son was down for a nap (when I lived in an apartment) and I'd hand off the baby monitor to the upstairs neighbor, who had a key to my apartment, and head off to the grocery store. I'd be gone for 30-45 minutes, and she'd keep an ear out for kiddo.

I use these scenarios to illustrate to you that "HE'S ALL ALONE AND HE COULD DIE!!!" will come off as a bit irrational.

AND... getting a restraining order because you believe that the other parent's partner is going to behave violently towards your child is either 1) insane or 2) proof that you're willing to leave your child in a violent home as long as the potential perpetrator is PRESENT (not leaving the child alone).

 

[Ohiogal]

---the county clerk advised me to file the order of protection on his mom because the boyfriend might get upset and take it out on the child.

That is ridiculous advice. And you shouldn't have listened.

 

[DVL0707]

the crime rates in the projects hes being left alone in, are worse than anywhere else in my area. there is constant gang activity, urine and feces in the elevators, etc.

 

[DVL0707]

id like to mention, she is not violent, just neglectful.

 

[CJane]

the crime rates in the projects hes being left alone in, are worse than anywhere else in my area. there is constant gang activity, urine and feces in the elevators, etc.

So what have you done about THAT, exactly? Maybe, just maybe, he's safer INSIDE THE HOME than he is out running a quick errand with the adult.

Why does Mom live in such a deplorable location?

 

[CJane]

id like to mention, she is not violent, just neglectful.

You're claiming Mom's boyfriend is violent enough to take his potential anger at you out on the child.

 

[DVL0707]

Im also not attempting to take custody, unless of course CPS needs to remove him from the home. I'm just trying to establish some ground rules, and ensure my child is safe when he is at home. If i did nothing, and received a a phone call, saying something happened while he was unattended (ie. fell out the window), wouldn't i be every bit as responsible for not acting?

 

[DVL0707]

You're claiming Mom's boyfriend is violent enough to take his potential anger at you out on the child.

county clerk put that in my head, i honestly thought it made sense at the time

 

[DVL0707]

So what have you done about THAT, exactly? Maybe, just maybe, he's safer INSIDE THE HOME than he is out running a quick errand with the adult.

Why does Mom live in such a deplorable location?

Honestly I don't know. I don't even leave the child alone in the car to get a snack in the store, let alone in the projects. And to be completely honest, if she felt it was safer for him IN the apartment while he/she is leaving him alone, why not mention it when I asked the first two times? Why not attempt to assure me hes being taken care of and its for the best, instead of denying it, and telling my son to lie about it?

 

[CJane]

Im also not attempting to take custody, unless of course CPS needs to remove him from the home. I'm just trying to establish some ground rules, and ensure my child is safe when he is at home. If i did nothing, and received a a phone call, saying something happened while he was unattended (ie. fell out the window), wouldn't i be every bit as responsible for not acting?

What if you received a phone call saying something happened when he WASN'T unattended? What if, while Mom is home and in the shower, the child wakes from his nap and wanders out of the apartment or falls out a window then? Or what if - since they live on the 11th floor - a fire happens on the 9th floor and MOM AND CHILD BOTH are unable to escape?

There is no such thing as "establishing ground rules" in a split custody situation.

I get what you're trying to do - but you're going about it all wrong. And if *I were Mom? I'd probably be doing my best to keep you away for awhile, too. She's under no obligation whatsoever to allow you to see the child - ever - and she's been very cooperative in doing so ... and you show your gratitude towards her reasonable behavior by filing a restraining order against her boyfriend and calling CPS on her.

 

[DVL0707]

What if you received a phone call saying something happened when he WASN'T unattended? What if, while Mom is home and in the shower, the child wakes from his nap and wanders out of the apartment or falls out a window then? Or what if - since they live on the 11th floor - a fire happens on the 9th floor and MOM AND CHILD BOTH are unable to escape?

There is no such thing as "establishing ground rules" in a split custody situation.

I get what you're trying to do - but you're going about it all wrong. And if *I were Mom? I'd probably be doing my best to keep you away for awhile, too. She's under no obligation whatsoever to allow you to see the child - ever - and she's been very cooperative in doing so ... and you show your gratitude towards her reasonable behavior by filing a restraining order against her boyfriend and calling CPS on her.

I don't think telling your child "if you tell daddy we leave you alone in the house again, you wont be allowed to see him", is reasonable. I dont think my child should be restricted to tell me (or anyone) how he feels. If he feels alone, or afraid, or in danger, or is unhappy, he should be able to express that freely, without consequence.