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  1. #1
    fordman418 is offline Junior Member
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    Denied visitation--VA

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

    We have been separated for 3 years. We have joint legal custody, mother has primary physical customer. Original court order granted me "visitation every Friday at 6 until Saturday at 11am." That was due to my living arrangements and work schedule.

    Things have changed dramatically in the last year. I was having visits with the kids Friday night to Sunday evening, which her dropping off and me returning them to their home. This was a verbal agreement between us. I know it should have been done the courts. Fast forward to July, she decided that since I couldn't tell her where I was returning the kids after a camping trip that I was no longer allowed to have the kids for the entire weekend. Just on Sundays. I went along with it to try and keep the peace.

    Now, she's changed it. No visitation at all. Says my girlfriend and I upset the kids because we talk about things and it hurts the kids feelings. I have no phone number except the mother's boyfriends number to contact my kids. I left messages, no return calls.

    I do have voice messages saved to my phone where she's saying she wishes I were dead and then she wouldn't have to worry with me anymore. In another message, she said she wished I'd just give up my rights and I'd still have to pay child support. I'm not giving up my rights to my children.

    I"m taking my paperwork Friday evening to go and try to get the kids for the visitation. I just want to make sure I"m doing the right thing in doing that. I know the deputies will not come out. If all else fails, have a show cause issued on her?

    I just miss my kids!

    Thanks for the help!
  2. #2
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordman418 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

    We have been separated for 3 years. We have joint legal custody, mother has primary physical customer. Original court order granted me "visitation every Friday at 6 until Saturday at 11am." That was due to my living arrangements and work schedule.

    Things have changed dramatically in the last year. I was having visits with the kids Friday night to Sunday evening, which her dropping off and me returning them to their home. This was a verbal agreement between us. I know it should have been done the courts. Fast forward to July, she decided that since I couldn't tell her where I was returning the kids after a camping trip that I was no longer allowed to have the kids for the entire weekend. Just on Sundays. I went along with it to try and keep the peace.

    Now, she's changed it. No visitation at all. Says my girlfriend and I upset the kids because we talk about things and it hurts the kids feelings. I have no phone number except the mother's boyfriends number to contact my kids. I left messages, no return calls.

    I do have voice messages saved to my phone where she's saying she wishes I were dead and then she wouldn't have to worry with me anymore. In another message, she said she wished I'd just give up my rights and I'd still have to pay child support. I'm not giving up my rights to my children.

    I"m taking my paperwork Friday evening to go and try to get the kids for the visitation. I just want to make sure I"m doing the right thing in doing that. I know the deputies will not come out. If all else fails, have a show cause issued on her?

    I just miss my kids!

    Thanks for the help!
    You can file a police report and ask for police officers to be there on a civil standby. They will not enforce the order. But definitely attempt to get your children ACCORDING to the court order. How old are they?

    If she does NOT give them to you, file a motion to show cause.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  3. #3
    fordman418 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you for responding!

    My daughter is 14 and my son just turned 5.

    I will have them on standby as it very well may get nasty. I do not anyone to force the kids to come with me because I do not want them upset. But I most definitely want to spend time with my kids.

    Again, thank you!
  4. #4
    SESmama is offline Member
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    Be sure to return the kids per the CO or you may be in the same situation but in the reverse role.
  5. #5
    fordman418 is offline Junior Member
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    So true. What about when I get back to their home and no one is there? Mother says I'll be there in a few and it's 2 hours later.

    Can anything be done?
  6. #6
    Zigner is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordman418 View Post
    So true. What about when I get back to their home and no one is there? Mother says I'll be there in a few and it's 2 hours later.

    Can anything be done?
    Sure, go grab a bite to eat close by.
  7. #7
    fordman418 is offline Junior Member
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    That'd consist of sitting at the laundry mat beside their apartment. It's in the mountains, and the nearest place to eat is about 30 minutes out. A picnic basket would be great for this!
  8. #8
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordman418 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

    We have been separated for 3 years. We have joint legal custody, mother has primary physical customer. Original court order granted me "visitation every Friday at 6 until Saturday at 11am." That was due to my living arrangements and work schedule.

    Things have changed dramatically in the last year. I was having visits with the kids Friday night to Sunday evening, which her dropping off and me returning them to their home. This was a verbal agreement between us. I know it should have been done the courts. Fast forward to July, she decided that since I couldn't tell her where I was returning the kids after a camping trip that I was no longer allowed to have the kids for the entire weekend. Just on Sundays. I went along with it to try and keep the peace.

    Now, she's changed it. No visitation at all. Says my girlfriend and I upset the kids because we talk about things and it hurts the kids feelings. I have no phone number except the mother's boyfriends number to contact my kids. I left messages, no return calls.

    I do have voice messages saved to my phone where she's saying she wishes I were dead and then she wouldn't have to worry with me anymore. In another message, she said she wished I'd just give up my rights and I'd still have to pay child support. I'm not giving up my rights to my children.

    I"m taking my paperwork Friday evening to go and try to get the kids for the visitation. I just want to make sure I"m doing the right thing in doing that. I know the deputies will not come out. If all else fails, have a show cause issued on her?

    I just miss my kids!

    Thanks for the help!
    I agree with the other advice you received but there were a couple of things in your post that trouble me. I have bolded those things above.

    Its a serious no-no to discuss anything regarding custody or court in front of the children, and it is a no-no to say anything negative about their other parent. So, I hope that is not happening at your house.

    The other bolded paragraph is confusing but also could possibly give you some grief.

    When filing for contempt against the other parent, its really important that you yourself are not doing anything that could be construed as contempt.
  9. #9
    fordman418 is offline Junior Member
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    I meant that I couldn't hive a definite return time as checkout was at 1pm but we weren't leaving that early. Had no issue taking kids back to her. She wasn't sure at that point if I was to bring the kids to her place or her moms. Her boyfriend called and said that she didn't want to tm to me about anything. The things she's saying we talked about wad I told my dad that my girlfriend had sold her truck and bought a new car. Daughter went back and said I sold my truck. Other comments made we took z cruise which we did.t. but I was wearing a shirt from a friend that had cruise stuff on it. We never say anything negative or discuss court. I try to keep the peace and not fight with her.
    Last edited by fordman418; 11-29-2011 at 05:54 PM.
  10. #10
    The_Non-Mom is offline Member
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    You and Mom both need to learn to deal with each other and leave your new boyfriend and girlfriend out of the equation. Do you have any way to contact Mom besides the boyfriend's phone? If so, do that. Do not continue to use the boyfriend (or the kids for that matter) as a go-between.
  11. #11
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordman418 View Post
    I meant that I couldn't hive a definite return time as checkout was at 1pm but we weren't leaving that early. Had no issue taking kids back to her. She wasn't sure at that point if I was to bring the kids to her place or her moms. Her boyfriend called and said that she didn't want to tm to me about anything. The things she's saying we talked about wad I told my dad that my girlfriend had sold her truck and bought a new car. Daughter went back and said I sold my truck. Other comments made we took z cruise which we did.t. but I was wearing a shirt from a friend that had cruise stuff on it. We never say anything negative or discuss court. I try to keep the peace and not fight with her.
    Well, one piece of advice that I can give you for the future, is to make firm commitments about time, and then stick to those commitments. An easy way to have avoided the time problem was to commit to returning the children at a specific time, and sticking to that commitment. If you get expanded visitation officially, you will have a scheduled time to return the children and you will be required to stick to that time.

    As far as the other items are concerned, mom stated that the children's feelings were hurt...you haven't explained how those items hurt your children's feelings. You may have to address these things in court, therefore you have to be prepared to do so. On the time issue, that is fairly easy. You and mom were not sticking to any kind of strict schedule, therefore you did not realize that it would upset mom not to commit to a return time.

    On the other...I cannot help you as you are being vague.
  12. #12
    fordman418 is offline Junior Member
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    It's hard to put everything into writing as to what goes on.

    Mom didn't know if she'd be home or if we needed to drop the kids off at her mothers. I had no issues taking them to either place.

    Mom said that because "I said I sold my truck" which did not happen, that daughter's feelings were hurt because apparently we had money to take a cruise. Again, as I said, a friend of ours had gone on a cruise and brought back a t-shirt for me. I was wearing it that day. I don't feel that I should have to explain my every move to the kids mom. My child support is paid on time every month. Anything extra the kids need, I make sure they get it.

    Mom doesn't have any other phone except the boyfriends. He turned off her cell because neither of them are working and he couldn't pay the monthly bill. Their mother refuses to talk to me because in her own words "she would rather I was dead that be the kids father." I have that on my voice messages. My girlfriend doesn't talk to her or her boyfriend. And the kids are not used as a go between.

    As far as no set time, you're right. We haven't followed our court order in so long. I'm all for a set time to pick up and drop off.

    Last night, got a phone call from the boyfriend's phone. I didn't have a message, so I called back thinking it was my daughter. Boyfriend advised for me not to show up on Friday evening because "they" had already told me they were not allowing any visitation with the kids anymore. I said "well ok then, thank you" and hung up. I checked voice message and he had left the message that the kids were not going to be having overnights with me anymore nor would I be seeing them on Sundays anymore, and they would have my daughter call me once a week.

    I will be going up on Friday evening with my court documents and the sheriff's office on speed dial. Come Monday morning, I will be filing a show cause on her.
  13. #13
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordman418 View Post
    It's hard to put everything into writing as to what goes on.

    Mom didn't know if she'd be home or if we needed to drop the kids off at her mothers. I had no issues taking them to either place.

    Mom said that because "I said I sold my truck" which did not happen, that daughter's feelings were hurt because apparently we had money to take a cruise. Again, as I said, a friend of ours had gone on a cruise and brought back a t-shirt for me. I was wearing it that day. I don't feel that I should have to explain my every move to the kids mom. My child support is paid on time every month. Anything extra the kids need, I make sure they get it.

    Mom doesn't have any other phone except the boyfriends. He turned off her cell because neither of them are working and he couldn't pay the monthly bill. Their mother refuses to talk to me because in her own words "she would rather I was dead that be the kids father." I have that on my voice messages. My girlfriend doesn't talk to her or her boyfriend. And the kids are not used as a go between.

    As far as no set time, you're right. We haven't followed our court order in so long. I'm all for a set time to pick up and drop off.

    Last night, got a phone call from the boyfriend's phone. I didn't have a message, so I called back thinking it was my daughter. Boyfriend advised for me not to show up on Friday evening because "they" had already told me they were not allowing any visitation with the kids anymore. I said "well ok then, thank you" and hung up. I checked voice message and he had left the message that the kids were not going to be having overnights with me anymore nor would I be seeing them on Sundays anymore, and they would have my daughter call me once a week.

    I will be going up on Friday evening with my court documents and the sheriff's office on speed dial. Come Monday morning, I will be filing a show cause on her.
    You're doing the right things (as for the italicized part).

    As for the bolded part, you really need to learn to ignore it. If you want to tell Mom that a friend gave you the shirt, feel free, but no need to do so if you don't want to. Your ex will try to annoy you at every turn and if you let it bother you, she'll continue. Just ignore the petty jibes. My ex did all the same things and was constantly pestering for more money. Now, my daughter just rolls her eyes every time my ex brings up money issues. Kids aren't stupid.
  14. #14
    fordman418 is offline Junior Member
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    Went to pick up kids tonight, no one was home. Left voice a message on boyfriends phone that I was there to pick up kids and notice on door with a copy of court order for her. Boyfriend called, left message that because I do not live in that county anymore, the court order is null and void. I still live in va.
  15. #15
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordman418 View Post
    Went to pick up kids tonight, no one was home. Left voice a message on boyfriends phone that I was there to pick up kids and notice on door with a copy of court order for her. Boyfriend called, left message that because I do not live in that county anymore, the court order is null and void. I still live in va.
    Did you get some kind of proof that you had been there? A receipt from a convenience store near Mom's house?

    The court order is NOT null and void because you no longer live in the county.

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