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Did I open a can of Worms? HELP!

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J

jenson

Guest
What is the name of your state? CA

I think my fiance and I have some miscommunication. First of all, if he would take care of his own case by himself, I guess we wouldn't have a problem. But since I take my own time to help him, I am getting blamed for making mistakes.

I mentioned before that my fiance has been out of the country trying to make some money to pay for his cs. He is paying for cs right now while he is away. He hasn't been able to see his son while he is away. Obviously. He does not want the CP to know where he is nor the DA. When he gets back, he will have a job.

This hearing is for cs mod. on 6/12/02, which he can not attend. He was on standby for a flight back to CA on 6/10/02. So, I called the court calendar (and conferenced my fiance in on the call) to reschedule the hearing for him and they said that we had to get the CP and the DA to agree to the hearing before they could reschedule the hearing.

I called the DA's office first, and explained to them that I was his fiance and that I was going to conference him in on the call. But the person I spoke to was not the one on the case, but he told me that he would pass the msg on to the person handling the case. I guess I did mention to them that he was out of the country and couldn't get a flight back in time. They said that the court clerk was mistaken and that the DA's rep was going to appear in court and let the judge know that my fiance contacted them and that he could not be at the hearing. Then the man asked me to get a plane intinerary so that they could have proof to show the judge on 6/12/02, as to why my fiance could not be at the hearing.

When I told my fiance this, he got mad at me because now they know he was out of the country. He told me that the last time he was out of the country, they asked him where did he get the money for the ticket. I don't recall this or him telling me because I was not at the hearing. He said that the DA's office records their phone conversations. And now if he faxes the plane intinerary, it only shows that he has not seen his son for 2 months and they will not let him see his son in the future. I told him that the judge will not order something like that. Am I right? How can the judge sign an order where he can not see his son.

The person I spoke with at the DA's office told me that it would be good if I was at the hearing. I won't be able to speak, but I may be able to explain why my fiance isn't there. And so that hopefully the motion won't be dismissed and to be rescheduled.

Did I just open a can of worms by letting the DA's office know he was out of the country? What is your take on this? I think I have done all that I can.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I think you should let your fiance clean up his own mess before you consider marrying him. This is his responsibility - no matter why he is not present to deal with it.

My take? He's happy to have someone else do the dirty work 'cause then he's got someone to blame it on when it doesn't work out the way he wants. You'll always be at fault.
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
When I told my fiance this, he got mad at me because now they know he was out of the country. He told me that the last time he was out of the country, they asked him where did he get the money for the ticket
Hmmmmmm.. two thoughts here:
#1 - so who cleaned up his mess for him last time?
#2 - I think the court has a valid ? there in asking him how it is he can afford international travel but can't afford to pay his child support......

Oh, and as for the court knowing he hasn't seen the child in two months and so will take away his visitation -- well, if he knew there was a risk of that happening why did he leave the country for that period of time? Honestly that sounds a little fishy to me as I am not aware of a court considering two months sufficient time to take away visitation UNLESS there is some prior even that has made that a part of the deal............
I'm sorry, I know that you probably feel he is the best guy in the world (or you wouldn't be thinking of marrying him) but I think you need to take this little situation and look at it long and hard - if this is how he treats his responsibilities (knowingly doing things he KNOWS he shouldn't and then having other people clean it up for him) perhaps he isn't ready to be an adult and a husband just yet..........be glad you have the chance to see this now and not later.............
Good Luck and God Bless
 
J

jenson

Guest
Yes, I know

Yes, I do know that being involved w/ a person that has a child involved in court battles is terrible. Thats why I have held off marriage for 4 yrs now. But this seems to be the last straw for me. We do have miscommunication problems, and this is just one of them. His financial problems becomes my own, so in regards to his cs, it does become my problem when my money goes to pay for other things he would have to pay for.

I know couples have problems all the time. Its just how you deal with it, and maybe I let myself be too involved that it has become another problem. Maybe if we broke up, and he met someone else who didn't let themself get involved as much, things would actually work out for them.

I am giving this a lot of thought (its been on my mind for years), thanks for the concern.
 

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