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  1. #1
    cliche is offline Junior Member
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    Divorcing my mentally unstable husband HELP!

    Hi I live in Colorado and have just recently been put into a situation at which i must ask for advice on what the next step I should take is. 4 days ago i finally couldn't take it anymore and called my husbands mother and had her pick him up because we were at each others throats. She had told me that she was going to take him in to the hospital and have him evaluated (I had taken him to a real mental health facility weeks before where he had stayed for 4 days) I was happy that he would be getting help and that we would have peace at the house. But the next day a close friend of both my husband and i called me saying that apparently when my husband was checked into the hospital they gave him a urine analyses which came up hot for marijuana. And that based on that social services would be coming to check the home. When the social worker arrived she informed me that they were called because I smoke marijuana all day. (This is so far from true) So what really happened was his mother took him and got his old script filled (sever depression meds) an then she called social services spouting lies about me! The fact that my husband would allow his mother to do this has made it clear that i was not married to him but his mother and now i want a devoice! the problem is I am unemployed and have a son to think of. I can not let his father have unsupervised visits with my son I couldn't even allow it when he lived with us. And I am afraid if I do what the social worker is telling me and print up my divorce papers and take them down without any legal representation that my husband and his mother will have 50-50 custody. I can not allow this to happen to my son. I would hire a lawyer but I am unemployed and in school. I went to the Colorado financial aid building and they told me that they are booked up on divorce custody cases and told me to do it on my own. I am so scared for my sons future I don't know what to to. His father is unable to take care of himself much less his child and his mother is no help in getting help for his mental health issues. Please tell me what to do!
  2. #2
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cliche View Post
    Hi I live in Colorado and have just recently been put into a situation at which i must ask for advice on what the next step I should take is. 4 days ago i finally couldn't take it anymore and called my husbands mother and had her pick him up because we were at each others throats. She had told me that she was going to take him in to the hospital and have him evaluated (I had taken him to a real mental health facility weeks before where he had stayed for 4 days) I was happy that he would be getting help and that we would have peace at the house. But the next day a close friend of both my husband and i called me saying that apparently when my husband was checked into the hospital they gave him a urine analyses which came up hot for marijuana. And that based on that social services would be coming to check the home. When the social worker arrived she informed me that they were called because I smoke marijuana all day. (This is so far from true) So what really happened was his mother took him and got his old script filled (sever depression meds) an then she called social services spouting lies about me! The fact that my husband would allow his mother to do this has made it clear that i was not married to him but his mother and now i want a devoice! the problem is I am unemployed and have a son to think of. I can not let his father have unsupervised visits with my son I couldn't even allow it when he lived with us. And I am afraid if I do what the social worker is telling me and print up my divorce papers and take them down without any legal representation that my husband and his mother will have 50-50 custody. I can not allow this to happen to my son. I would hire a lawyer but I am unemployed and in school. I went to the Colorado financial aid building and they told me that they are booked up on divorce custody cases and told me to do it on my own. I am so scared for my sons future I don't know what to to. His father is unable to take care of himself much less his child and his mother is no help in getting help for his mental health issues. Please tell me what to do!
    Start here:
    [url=http://www.courts.state.co.us/Self_Help/Index.cfm]Colorado State Judicial Branch - Self Help[/url]

    It's not his mother's job to get him help. Frankly, it's YOURS. He's your husband, the father of your child -- you are his legal representative as his wife. But if you are giving up on him, start at the self-help site and go from there.
  3. #3
    Zigner is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    Start here:
    [url=http://www.courts.state.co.us/Self_Help/Index.cfm]Colorado State Judicial Branch - Self Help[/url]

    It's not his mother's job to get him help. Frankly, it's YOURS.
    Gotta disagree. He's a grown man. Ultimately, it's HIS job.
  4. #4
    cliche is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    Start here:
    [url=http://www.courts.state.co.us/Self_Help/Index.cfm]Colorado State Judicial Branch - Self Help[/url]

    It's not his mother's job to get him help. Frankly, it's YOURS. He's your husband, the father of your child -- you are his legal representative as his wife. But if you are giving up on him, start at the self-help site and go from there.
    I did take him to get help at a Spanish peaks facility. I got him on medicade and kept him reminded to take his meds and go to his therapy but he was still none compliant. A zombie at our home who i pushed to do SOMETHING ANYTHING but he refused. he never took his meds consistently enough for them to take effect and he did not go to his meetings at spanish peaks causing them, to deny his medicade making his meds unaffordable to us.

    I called her out of a last resort despertation act. It was that or the police were going to get involved and i didnt want to do that to him because he is in violation of his probation from when he insisted that his mother take him to his court date. when they found out he had been avoiding probation for a year they told him to get back to his po and get back on probation. he has a court date about that soon and he still has not gone to probation.

    I did sooo much for him and now with my son to look after I can't handle holding his hand and making him do every single thing he has to dowhile the whole time he resents me for riding him. I now have to worrie about supporting my family without his help.
  5. #5
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zigner View Post
    Gotta disagree. He's a grown man. Ultimately, it's HIS job.
    I can agree with that.

    Unless he is as ill as she says: in that case, she's as irresponsible and unkind as if she left him in a heap at the bottom of the cellar stairs.
  6. #6
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cliche View Post
    I did take him to get help at a Spanish peaks facility. I got him on medicade and kept him reminded to take his meds and go to his therapy but he was still none compliant. A zombie at our home who i pushed to do SOMETHING ANYTHING but he refused. he never took his meds consistently enough for them to take effect and he did not go to his meetings at spanish peaks causing them, to deny his medicade making his meds unaffordable to us.

    I called her out of a last resort despertation act. It was that or the police were going to get involved and i didnt want to do that to him because he is in violation of his probation from when he insisted that his mother take him to his court date. when they found out he had been avoiding probation for a year they told him to get back to his po and get back on probation. he has a court date about that soon and he still has not gone to probation.

    I did sooo much for him and now with my son to look after I can't handle holding his hand and making him do every single thing he has to dowhile the whole time he resents me for riding him. I now have to worrie about supporting my family without his help.
    Then use the self-help link I gave you.
  7. #7
    Zigner is offline Senior Member
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    Yes, I guess I'd have to expand on my answer. There is definitely a moral obligation...but not a legal one.
  8. #8
    cliche is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    Then use the self-help link I gave you.
    Thank you. I missed that in the first post.
  9. #9
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cliche View Post
    Thank you. I missed that in the first post.
    You're welcome.
  10. #10
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    There is a saying that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. The same can be said about dealing with a mentally ill person who refuses to take meds. A person can sometimes only do so much.

    I wouldn't panic yet about the 50/50. You need to document, document, document. That he tested hot for marijuana may or may not mean much in family court, but it can mean something in criminal court.
  11. #11
    ecmst12 is offline Senior Member
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    His mother won't get any kind of custody at all. She is not a party to the case.

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