Do I have a case?

[missmybaby]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I don't know where to really start. lets see. My ex hubby left our marriage by way of Adultrey. despite all harsh feelings I was able to put all that to the side & focus on a Parenting relationship with him. we decided on 50/50 split joint custody, no child support, we swapped our son weekly. in the mean time I re-married. & We (new hubby & myself) had a HoneyMoon baby/pregnancy. I had a ROUGH & high risk pregnancy that resulted in me not being able to work. with that**************we were NOT MAKING IT financially!!! we could not afford food nore clothing & could not guarantee a secure roof over our own heads. It actually hurt me more to have my son 1/2 the time knowing we could not proivde for him.....it was heart wrenching to watch your child eat Grill cheese & eggs all the time.....It gets OLD!! I called my ex & explained the situation & he took on more fulltime care for our son as being he had a GOOD job with a HOUSE. (Ex & I have been able to remain VERY amicable)

In the mean time my present hubby & I were trying to come up with plans to better our situation. We were in danger of foreclosure the bank was looking for our cars, credit cards were not getting paid. basically all we could afford was the mortgage & elect bill. & one car payment after that there was just no money left for ANYTHING! EVERYthing just SNOWBALLED!!! neither one of us had degrees. college was out of the question as much as we wanted too so we could obtain good JOBS......job security......financial security......retirement security! but the truth was......without degrees we could only climb the corporate ladder so far...& 10cents a year for pay raises was not going to cut it in the long nor short run! so my hubby being an Air-Force Brat all his life had the thought of him joining....at first I was not on board because i knew it could result in being seperated from my child & or a HUGE custody battle at which we could NOT afford! i knew my son's daddy would not just let us take him into the military life, especially when there is the long distance factor. wether we'd be in another State or another country. BUT then again**************we really had no other alternatives! at least in the military we'd get free housing, medical, prescriptions, Utilities, College**************so with a heavy heart I agreed for him to join BUT that there was no way we'd be able to take my son with us.....we could not afford a custody battle..& besides that our recruiter was telling us that we couldn't take with us into the military life because he was not my hubby's biological son, that the military would not fight any legal battles it is a pre-existing cond. the list went on! so...I told my Ex hubby EVERYTHING. & even HIMSELF with a heavy heart agreed to take on Primary custody. we went to the mediation office & got it all written up. my present hubby went off to basic-training**************we are now almost 2 years into this life. Our first duty assignment has landed us in Japan. we've been here for little over a year. I have consistently kept in touch with our son he is 6 going on 7 this year. I've sent MANY care packages, cards, & E-mails. My husband & I have put ALOT of money into technology to better keep in touch....we are set up for video confrecning,Voice over Ip/PC to PC calling......it is identical to talking on the phone except it is over the comp & internet & it is FREE....BUT....unfortunately my ex has lacked in keeping up with the times. so I only get to speak to my son physically when he is with my parents for a weekend at which he is usually there everyother weekend. anyhow being out here it has been a LONG & STRESSFUL, & EMOTIONAL year for me & my hubby. we've run into sooo many other military divorced families all with unique situations like ours. in some cases 50/50 split..one year on, one year off or 6mo on & 6mo off. rotating the kids from out here to the U.S. where the other parent resides. I called my ex.....telling him about these other situations & asking him if we could come with something. because I MISS our son SOOO much! & I KNOW he MISSES US too! I hear it in his voice as well as he tells me ALL THE TIME! he has gone as far as to tell me that "mommy if I live with you I wouldn't miss you" well.....my converstation with my ex didn't go well. we didn't raise our voices, or get into a bad argument. but he just WAS NOT ALLOWING our son to come out here & live with us for one school year**************.not even everyother school year. I gave him ALL THE PRO"S! that our son would have the best of both worlds. as he would emotionaly & mentally KNOW for sure when he would see us both...instead of this .....having no idea when he will see his momy next & for how long & if at all!! he's a kid....& I KNOW this stuff goes through his head! I pleaded with him to please understand where I was comming from as a mother & how infact it would benefit our son. but NOPE**************so I finally just told him "ok....its ok...I understand...don't worry**************I thought i'd try..I knew it was a long shot....& I'll call you with our vacation plans in a few days." we ended the call on totally ok terms. He did say if we lived in the States he would consider it but as long as we are overseas the answer is NO. In our current arrangement the paper work reads that he has "SOLE Parental Responsibilities" what does that mean?! HAve I screwed myself? & my son unwhittingly? & we did not have any set visitation we had it written up that it would be decided amognst the parties. We figured that was best because I'd be moving every so often & circumstances would change so we sort of left it open. I DON"T want to take my son away from his dad. I figured everyother year would be a perfect solution. doesn't my son have the right to know what its like to live with his mother? doesn't he have the right to be able to REALLY bond with his mother as well as his 1/2 brother? I am a stay home mom**************.I have 100% flexability to give him 100% one on one attention to his education, extra carriculars etc.....my ex has currently lost his job & gotten another one but has had to sell his house & is living with his mother in law (he has been remarried for over a year now....& not to the "other woman" another gal....a NICE ONE ) but anyway, she works & goes to school, has a son from a previous relationship, my ex has another child......an illitigament one...while we were divorced he got another girl preg. while dating his current wife) ANYWAY**************.putting all that drama to the side....when he did have his house**************.3/4 of the time him & his wife had roomates....even when we were married the ENTIRE time we were married his friends lived with us.....against my will. Our son LITERALLY DOES NOT know what it is like to live in a home where it is just the mother, father unit..& siblings. the 6 years he has been around has been very chaotic for him the poor thing. & now**************finally**************..I can give him a GOOD WHOLEOSOME, Christian FAMIILY...NO DRAMA home!!! I have friends & family that can testify as whitnesses that the life my son has only known is a chaotic one! SOOO considering ALL of this!!!! would my chances be good? do I even have a case? the one thing that bothers me too**************is being on BAD terms with his father. for the sake of my son.....I want us to get along....I'd like for my son to have as normal of an upbringing as possible full of Love, security & stability. I'm not asking for primary or sole cust. .....I want to work it out to where he can BOND with both his parents during his entire upbringing.....physically, & emotionally. I missed out on his 1st day of school. I just want the oppurtunity to get him ready for school, homework help, taking him to church with us, taking him to Tokyo Disney & Universal studios!!! when we decide to vacation for a spring Break or a summer. to be able to plan a Birthday, bake cookies for Santa & the Easter bunny, tucking him in at night. doesn't HE have the right to experience this with me while he is at this age? anyway**************....sorry this was LONG......I just need some advice. I have a gut feeling my ex has the upper hand......legally speaking. The mediator made it clear to us that ONLY A JUDGE had the power to take away parental rights!!! that I would NOT be giving up all my rights.....that my ex basically would be his primary care taker. BUT it reads "SOLE Parent Responsibility." any advice?! Thanks!

[casa]

Originally Posted by missmybaby

What is the name of your state? Florida

I don't know where to really start. lets see. My ex hubby left our marriage by way of Adultrey. despite all harsh feelings I was able to put all that to the side & focus on a Parenting relationship with him. we decided on 50/50 split joint custody, no child support, we swapped our son weekly. in the mean time I re-married. & We (new hubby & myself) had a HoneyMoon baby/pregnancy. I had a ROUGH & high risk pregnancy that resulted in me not being able to work. with that**************we were NOT MAKING IT financially!!! we could not afford food nore clothing & could not guarantee a secure roof over our own heads. It actually hurt me more to have my son 1/2 the time knowing we could not proivde for him.....it was heart wrenching to watch your child eat Grill cheese & eggs all the time.....It gets OLD!! I called my ex & explained the situation & he took on more fulltime care for our son as being he had a GOOD job with a HOUSE. (Ex & I have been able to remain VERY amicable)

In the mean time my present hubby & I were trying to come up with plans to better our situation. We were in danger of foreclosure the bank was looking for our cars, credit cards were not getting paid. basically all we could afford was the mortgage & elect bill. & one car payment after that there was just no money left for ANYTHING! EVERYthing just SNOWBALLED!!! neither one of us had degrees. college was out of the question as much as we wanted too so we could obtain good JOBS......job security......financial security......retirement security! but the truth was......without degrees we could only climb the corporate ladder so far...& 10cents a year for pay raises was not going to cut it in the long nor short run! so my hubby being an Air-Force Brat all his life had the thought of him joining....at first I was not on board because i knew it could result in being seperated from my child & or a HUGE custody battle at which we could NOT afford! i knew my son's daddy would not just let us take him into the military life, especially when there is the long distance factor. wether we'd be in another State or another country. BUT then again**************we really had no other alternatives! at least in the military we'd get free housing, medical, prescriptions, Utilities, College**************so with a heavy heart I agreed for him to join BUT that there was no way we'd be able to take my son with us.....we could not afford a custody battle..& besides that our recruiter was telling us that we couldn't take with us into the military life because he was not my hubby's biological son, that the military would not fight any legal battles it is a pre-existing cond. the list went on! so...I told my Ex hubby EVERYTHING. & even HIMSELF with a heavy heart agreed to take on Primary custody. we went to the mediation office & got it all written up. my present hubby went off to basic-training**************we are now almost 2 years into this life. Our first duty assignment has landed us in Japan. we've been here for little over a year. I have consistently kept in touch with our son he is 6 going on 7 this year. I've sent MANY care packages, cards, & E-mails. My husband & I have put ALOT of money into technology to better keep in touch....we are set up for video confrecning,Voice over Ip/PC to PC calling......it is identical to talking on the phone except it is over the comp & internet & it is FREE....BUT....unfortunately my ex has lacked in keeping up with the times. so I only get to speak to my son physically when he is with my parents for a weekend at which he is usually there everyother weekend. anyhow being out here it has been a LONG & STRESSFUL, & EMOTIONAL year for me & my hubby. we've run into sooo many other military divorced families all with unique situations like ours. in some cases 50/50 split..one year on, one year off or 6mo on & 6mo off. rotating the kids from out here to the U.S. where the other parent resides. I called my ex.....telling him about these other situations & asking him if we could come with something. because I MISS our son SOOO much! & I KNOW he MISSES US too! I hear it in his voice as well as he tells me ALL THE TIME! he has gone as far as to tell me that "mommy if I live with you I wouldn't miss you" well.....my converstation with my ex didn't go well. we didn't raise our voices, or get into a bad argument. but he just WAS NOT ALLOWING our son to come out here & live with us for one school year**************.not even everyother school year. I gave him ALL THE PRO"S! that our son would have the best of both worlds. as he would emotionaly & mentally KNOW for sure when he would see us both...instead of this .....having no idea when he will see his momy next & for how long & if at all!! he's a kid....& I KNOW this stuff goes through his head! I pleaded with him to please understand where I was comming from as a mother & how infact it would benefit our son. but NOPE**************so I finally just told him "ok....its ok...I understand...don't worry**************I thought i'd try..I knew it was a long shot....& I'll call you with our vacation plans in a few days." we ended the call on totally ok terms. He did say if we lived in the States he would consider it but as long as we are overseas the answer is NO. In our current arrangement the paper work reads that he has "SOLE Parental Responsibilities" what does that mean?! HAve I screwed myself? & my son unwhittingly? & we did not have any set visitation we had it written up that it would be decided amognst the parties. We figured that was best because I'd be moving every so often & circumstances would change so we sort of left it open. I DON"T want to take my son away from his dad. I figured everyother year would be a perfect solution. doesn't my son have the right to know what its like to live with his mother? doesn't he have the right to be able to REALLY bond with his mother as well as his 1/2 brother? I am a stay home mom**************.I have 100% flexability to give him 100% one on one attention to his education, extra carriculars etc.....my ex has currently lost his job & gotten another one but has had to sell his house & is living with his mother in law (he has been remarried for over a year now....& not to the "other woman" another gal....a NICE ONE ) but anyway, she works & goes to school, has a son from a previous relationship, my ex has another child......an illitigament one...while we were divorced he got another girl preg. while dating his current wife) ANYWAY**************.putting all that drama to the side....when he did have his house**************.3/4 of the time him & his wife had roomates....even when we were married the ENTIRE time we were married his friends lived with us.....against my will. Our son LITERALLY DOES NOT know what it is like to live in a home where it is just the mother, father unit..& siblings. the 6 years he has been around has been very chaotic for him the poor thing. & now**************finally**************..I can give him a GOOD WHOLEOSOME, Christian FAMIILY...NO DRAMA home!!! I have friends & family that can testify as whitnesses that the life my son has only known is a chaotic one! SOOO considering ALL of this!!!! would my chances be good? do I even have a case? the one thing that bothers me too**************is being on BAD terms with his father. for the sake of my son.....I want us to get along....I'd like for my son to have as normal of an upbringing as possible full of Love, security & stability. I'm not asking for primary or sole cust. .....I want to work it out to where he can BOND with both his parents during his entire upbringing.....physically, & emotionally. I missed out on his 1st day of school. I just want the oppurtunity to get him ready for school, homework help, taking him to church with us, taking him to Tokyo Disney & Universal studios!!! when we decide to vacation for a spring Break or a summer. to be able to plan a Birthday, bake cookies for Santa & the Easter bunny, tucking him in at night. doesn't HE have the right to experience this with me while he is at this age? anyway**************....sorry this was LONG......I just need some advice. I have a gut feeling my ex has the upper hand......legally speaking. The mediator made it clear to us that ONLY A JUDGE had the power to take away parental rights!!! that I would NOT be giving up all my rights.....that my ex basically would be his primary care taker. BUT it reads "SOLE Parent Responsibility." any advice?! Thanks!

Many posters will not wade through that much rambling information. Just an FYI.

Sole Parental Responsibility basically means the Dad has Sole legal custody and Primary Physical custody...and you have visitation. It would take a "change in circumstance" (per FL law) to change custody. Read up on it, it's not easy by any means. It does NOT mean you have no Parental Rights. Your Parental Rights have not been terminated~ You voluntarily agreed to transfer physical/legal custody to your X.

Son is doing OK with father...and by the time you fought this in court- You'd probably be back state-side anyway.

All the things you mention re; room-mates won't matter. The situation was that way when you were married (You agreed by allowing it) and the situation was that way after you divorced (You agreed by not challenging it)....and now the whole thing is a done deal.

just a thought...have you ever thought of coming back to the states (just you & new baby i know hubby cant just up and go)
i have known other milatary wives/moms who stay stateside while hubby is away just for the sake of their kids plus it sounds like if you were here dad would be much more likely to be flexable about visits or a modification of custody

[stealth2]

As long as the kiddo is doing well in his present situation, the likelihood of a court agreeing to uproot him to live overseas for extended periods is slim. The previous suggestion of you considering moving back to the US may be the best one at this point.