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Do I have to make my son go on visitation if I feel he's unsafe with his dad?

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musiclvr2675

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TEXAS

I can't afford an attorney to address this issue. So I hope to get some useful information here. Are there any Texas Attorneys around for some advice?
His dad has always been a workaholic but never seems to have money to pay his child support. He leaves him at his girlfriend's house or gives him the choice to go to work with him. His dad is an electrician and doesn't feel he's putting him in danger, but from things I've heard from my son I would disagree. There are a lot of common sense situations that his dad doesn't think about but I'm concerned about. My son came home with a flat top buzz cut that he says his dad MADE him get even though I just had his hair cut the weekend before and it was a #1 tapered with the top being 1.5 inches. Unless he goes to work with his dad, my son is usually bored at his father's girlfriends house playing video games or watching TV. He doesn't get much quality time with his dad which is supposed to be the point of the visitations (unless I'm wrong). His dad won't answer my phone calls when I try to discuss it. When he drops him off or picks him up, he'll call him to meet him by the curb and I don't get a chance. Communication and the ability for confrontation was never easy with their dad.We've been divorced for over 5 yrs. I have never held him back from visiting his dad and have always tried to keep things positive in hopes that they could bond. I know his dad has good intentions in general but he doesn't act on them and makes bad decisions. During our marriage and even now he has been an alcoholic, drinks & drives too but nothing I've said or asked has ever been respected on his end. I worry while my son is with his dad. Some of the quality time he does have with his dad is going to his dad's local bar & grill. He gets to play video games while his dad socializes at the bar...then they drive home...These are details you couldn't know but I don't know what to do to stop this. My son has even called me while on summer vacation with his dad to tell me his dad got a DWI. :eek:

I'm always told to get a lawyer but I can't afford one. I feel helpless! :confused: When our divorce went through he conveniently started working for himself, so he would only claim to earn so much and his wages could not be garnished. He has always "cashed" checks. He never deposited paychecks into our joint account while we were married. So on that note, I wish I could have his wages garnished for the child support. When it comes to money, he's never been completely honest and has always tried to do things "under the table". I have my son during the month of June for the summer and he's supposed to go to his dad's for July. I hope to figure something out by then. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to KEEP my son away, but his dad needs to understand raising his son to be a man is important and he's responsible for him and a role model regardless if he wants to be one or not. His dad is not involved at all with school or his life outside their weekends. I have encouraged extra days, school events, etc but he does not choose to get engaged with these activities. My son's number one wish is for his dad to stop drinking.
Does Texas Law allow the child to decide if they don't have to go with the non-custodial parent on scheduled visitations? Our divorce decree states I can't keep his father from visiting our son even if he's not paying child support, but if my son doesn't want to go, do I have to make him? Same question for if I don't feel it's safe for him to leave with his dad? Can I insist on him taking a breathalyzer test before he leaves?
 


Isis1

Senior Member
i'm confused.

if you feel dad is so unsafe, why would you encourage more visitation???:confused:

did the DUI occur while child was on the vehicle?
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
You haven't posted anything that would indicated your are entitled to anything but follow the court order.
 

musiclvr2675

Junior Member
We have joint custody. I am the custodial parent. The visitation schedule was set as standard visitation if we could not agree on one ourselves. I have been amicable and worked with him when he couldn't make his child support payments. I encourage him to be involved in his son's life but would expect he do so at a responsible parental level.
Regardless of the detail I've included (for background info not to be criticized), if I believe my son is not safe, am I legally able to refuse visitation? The divorce decree does not state specifics only that if he doesn't pay child support I can't refuse visitation.
Excuse my "dumb question" but I hoped to get suggestions.
 

musiclvr2675

Junior Member
i'm confused.

if you feel dad is so unsafe, why would you encourage more visitation???:confused:

did the DUI occur while child was on the vehicle?
My son called me after running across some of his dad's mail that read he had received a DWI. He did not state that he was in the vehicle and his dad was pulled over for one.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
My son called me after running across some of his dad's mail that read he had received a DWI. He did not state that he was in the vehicle and his dad was pulled over for one.
then it's none of your business. and tell your child to stop going through people's mail. it's none of his business either.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
We have joint custody. I am the custodial parent. The visitation schedule was set as standard visitation if we could not agree on one ourselves. I have been amicable and worked with him when he couldn't make his child support payments. I encourage him to be involved in his son's life but would expect he do so at a responsible parental level.
Regardless of the detail I've included (for background info not to be criticized), if I believe my son is not safe, am I legally able to refuse visitation? The divorce decree does not state specifics only that if he doesn't pay child support I can't refuse visitation.
Excuse my "dumb question" but I hoped to get suggestions.
You need to follow the court order.
 

musiclvr2675

Junior Member
You need to follow the court order.
so I have to continue to feel my son is unsafe...wow. I shell out hundreds, thousands of dollars that I DON'T have or deal with what I've got. There are no suggestions to possibly involve Child Protective Services or anything? :confused:
 

Isis1

Senior Member
so I have to continue to feel my son is unsafe...wow. I shell out hundreds, thousands of dollars that I DON'T have or deal with what I've got. There are no suggestions to possibly involve Child Protective Services or anything? :confused:
nothing you mention would give CPS a reason to do anything. what would be the point?
 

Isis1

Senior Member
Since when has drinking and driving not been a valid issue?
I'm talking to the wrong people if you don't agree with that.
you already stated the child was not in the car. therefore, has nothing to do with parenting. dad is allowed to be stupid on his own time. when the child is NOT with him.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
My son's safety is my business. If his father chooses to drink & drive with my son in the car, it's my business.
your child needs to BE IN THE CAR and you have to PROVE it. a DWI conviction while the child isn't with him doesn't count.
 

musiclvr2675

Junior Member
you already stated the child was not in the car. therefore, has nothing to do with parenting. dad is allowed to be stupid on his own time. when the child is NOT with him.
That's a given. But the original question is if I don't feel my son is safe to be with his father. If his dad shows up and I don't feel he is capable or sober to leave with my son, Can I refuse visitation?
 

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