Do I have to send food and clothes with my child, when her father gets his visitation

[SWalker1]

NY
I have physical custody and he has visitation. He does pay child support, but everytime he takes her for his every other weekend he wants me to supply all the food. I think even though he pays support, he should be able to feed our daughter himself. Is there any laws?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Tell him to grow the hell up. There is no law that says you must supply food. Do, however, send her with clothes. I'd hate to see you arrested for transporting a naked child.

 

[haiku]

gee...wonder how HE eats?........

 

[casa]

I went through this with my Xspouse. They didn't keep track of clothing I did send and I got pieces or none back at the end of visitation. They would ask me what our child like to eat and that was well after the time they should notice that. What I did is keep sending clothes because the child deserves clean clothes and I sent just snacks along with a list of simple meals our child enjoyed.

After a few years when we ended back in court again the judge stated that my xspouse was supposed to provide clothing at their home for the child. I'd like to say that was the end of it, but it wasn't. I still get the child returned with partial outfits and wait for pieces to come back (mostly hair accessories) but have taken to sending them with outfits which aren't their very favorite ones. And I just keep reminding to return the other parts

Unfortunately my child is younger so this also includes favorite toys or stuffed animals.

It does get better with time.

 

[stealth2]

I send my kids with the clothes on their back, and that's it. But mostly 'cause my ex dictates it to be that way - they are not allowed to bring *anything* from here with them. They used to bring a backpack for the drive up - a book, homework, some personal items. That ended the day the ex rummaged through the packs and threw everything out on the ground (our daughter was somewhat mortified to have sanitary pads flying through the air).

 

[haiku]

I don't have clothes here for my steps, I make do with what they come with and make every effort to see it goes back, though usually I always have a stray sock, or two, or an occasional pair of jeans. they just wait till next time. if the ex is going to go nuts about some socks and pants, something tells me there is really a much bigger issue going on than just clothes.

Kind of not that big a deal, if they come with inappropriate clothes (mostly this only happens if we plan to go somewhere fancy, or the weather has an extreme change) I improvise with my stuff, or we buy something, and I send it home, I don't quite understand why people have to make it an issue on either side. by either hording the clothes (like stealths 'wacko" ex) or making them dress like a pauper (cp's who send thier kids in crappy clothes).

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I send my kids with the clothes on their back, and that's it. But mostly 'cause my ex dictates it to be that way - they are not allowed to bring *anything* from here with them. They used to bring a backpack for the drive up - a book, homework, some personal items. That ended the day the ex rummaged through the packs and threw everything out on the ground (our daughter was somewhat mortified to have sanitary pads flying through the air).

And how he must have felt having to go to the store to buy more, but too bad there must be such a control issue.

 

[stealth2]

And how he must have felt having to go to the store to buy more, but too bad there must be such a control issue.

Nah, he's got a wife for such mundane duties. But we all know he's a whacko. LOL

 

[Kevmar44]

My son (13) also goes with just the clothes on his back. He wears only things he doesn't care if they come back and if he wants to take anything extra he knows there is a great chance he will never see it again. My ex is the king of what he buys stays at his house and oh what the heck what I buy can stay there too! Two years ago they sent my son to school in March with a long sleeve t-shirt because they refused to send a coat with him. That would mean THEIR coat would be the one he wore back and forth to our houses, not mine. His own family now send gifts to my house because of an incident where my ex's wife knocked my son down (with my ex looking on) and ripped a necklace off of him that was a gift from my ex's dad and they didn't want him wearing it to my house!

My ex and his wife also have a new problem with food. They have this thing about him eating everything on his plate and she got so worked up one time she shoved a breakfast sandwich in my sons face because he said he was full and couldn't eat any more! The latest game they are playing with him is that if he doesn't eat everything he has to start bringing his own money to pay for his food! They get my son every other week-end, it's not like he's wasting hundreds of dollars worth of food. I'm aware of what my son likes and dislikes and I feed him accordingly. If they give him food they know he doesn't like or might be questionable, it's their own fault. And if my son is full, he's full. She wants him to eat after he's full and then make comments to him about being overweight! Which he's not, she's just nuts!

 

[casa]

oh boy I had the food issue with my oldest child during visitation They would not allow her to eat except breakfast, lunch and dinner- so snacks (She is growing like a weed as we are both tall and is xtra energetic so needs to have fuel) Then they'd give her portions they chose and she'd have to eat it all even if she was full. It was just ridiculous. This child naturally chooses healthy food, would be satisfied with vegetable or fruit snack- it's not as though she wanted candy.

Turned out in therapy that stepmom was behaving that way because of her own child's weight issues. I had to speak with my xspouse and remind him that my daughter and I have high metabolism and high energy and please nourish our daughter accordingly. It's getting better for my daughter but has resulted in conflict in my xspouse's marriage to his wife. It's ridiculous some of the things that become power plays- and with children!!

 

[SMURFEELAW]

As a matter of fact we just had to deal with this last night. Up until recent it was 50/50 physical so both homes had toys, clothes and food. Well recently my fiance got primary custody w/ mom getting eow supervised. Well last month, mom knew this was coming, mom gave us a small bag of clothes for the child (most of them near not fitting) shes in another growth spurt, I can't keep up. But now mom called last night this weekend will be her first but she has no clothes. The child has school clothes (nicer matching outfits all about brand new b/c we just did a majority of winter shopping) and she has play clothes (some from last year that still fit (not many) and some hand me downs (older female cousin)) Mom always yelled at us when we sent anything b/c it was not her responsibility to watch it, wash it and return it. Now I don't know what to send. We don't have the $$$ to go buy new clothes if her good clothes don't come back and shes got about 8 cold weather outfits that she can wear to school. the play clothes aren't ripped or real stained they are older clothes (lost some color from being washed a lot) maybe some grass stains on the knees or kool aid drips on shirts---> Not dirtball though. If she were wearing one of the play clothes outfits I would not feel it necessary to change her before going to the store or out to run an errand. What to do?

 

[Kevmar44]

Depending on the age of the child some states require the CP to send clothes for the child for the week-end, however food is something the NCP has to provide on their own! Like one poster said, what does HE do for food? The child support he pays you is not for you to buy food for your child while he has him/her. However, if you feel your child is not being fed you could send "snacks" for him/her to eat. I try to feed my son before he leaves and I'm prepared to feed him the minute I get him back.

As for clothes I already know if he goes in new socks I will get socks with holes in them back, new underwear will be old underwear that doesn't fit. I don't mean to dress my child like a pauper but after 2 years of having to replace half of his wardrobe he started wearing things he didn't care if they came back or not. I didn't start the game, but I sure did learn how to play it! One time back when my ex was picking up my son from after school my son had on nice dress pants and shirt and I got him back in sweat pants and a torn up t-shirt. It took 3 months for me to get my good clothes back and when I did they were balled up in a box with dirty shoes on top! And of course they tell everybody that I'm the one that does the things that they do to me. I just keep telling myself that I'm the better person and they will get theirs in the end!

 

[stealth2]

Depending on the age of the child some states require the CP to send clothes for the child for the week-end,

Got a cite for that?

 

[Britlandco]

Clothes

I do thuink it's the responsibility of the primary parent and the one recieving Child Support to provide clothes. Bu tit is also the other parents job to send them back...preferrably clean. The adjustment in Child Support with the amount of overnights provides that the other parent pay for food!

Here are some links...
ADEQUATE AND CLEAN CLOTHING FOR VISITATION 4
http://64.233.179.104/search?q=cache:5DHrb4W-13IJ:www.jud10.org/AdministrativeOrders/orders/Section5/Apps5-20.2/Visitation%20Guidelines%20-%20Appendix%204.doc+ADEQUATE+AND+CLEAN+CLOTHING+FOR+VISITATION&hl=en

Clothing. The custodial parent shall send an appropriate and adequate supply of clean clothing with the child and the non-custodial parent shall return such clothing in a clean condition.
http://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/

 

[kidoday]

(our daughter was somewhat mortified to have sanitary pads flying through the air).

Stealth and your ex is a psychologist?

To OP, send the clothes, I would suggest going to a thrift shop and buying nice things in case they weren't returned.

As Haiku said

gee...wonder how HE eats?........

Unless she is on formula, I wouldn't send anything. And I would be hesitant to send formula.