Doctor order vs Court order

[LdiJ]

They would rather make HIS life more difficult. They got mad cuz I talked him into using his thanksgiving time with her (he ended up canceling so the point was moot), but yes. If he doesn't get her, they consider it a win. They don't think logically.

Plus, they had problems with him when we were married. Given the events of the divorce, he migh5 as well be public enemy number 1. I've accepted it. I do what I can for my child's sake.

If I'm put on be dress, he'll be there for me. But he will not give up being at the birth of his child and I won't ask him to. That includes a c section.

Birth of child: happens once in the lifetime of a child. Birth of his first child is once in his lifetime event. Visitation with father: happens every other weekend.

My bf transporting instead of being at his child's birth is not happening. Besides: I've read other posts on here where step parents make posts. It is quite clear where they stand: legal stranger. Child is none of their business. It's a bit hypocritical to request a person to forgo being at the birth of their biological and legal child in order to play taxi for a "legal stranger". Don't you think?

I think that the two most logical things to do would be to offer to compensate dad for doing all the driving for those one or two visitations, and offer dad the alternative of taking makeup time instead. That way you are giving him two choices. As long as you are doing that, I do not think that a judge is doing to ding you. A judge is going to know that a pregnant mother cannot travel for a short period of time before and after birth. However, you might find that it ends up being three visits that are impacted. I think it will be a minimum of two because you will need recovery time after the birth before you can drive long distance again.

I will also add that I agree with you that it would be totally unreasonable to expect your boyfriend to risk missing the birth of his first child just to facilitate dad's visitation.

 

[Silverplum]

They would rather make HIS life more difficult. They got mad cuz I talked him into using his thanksgiving time with her (he ended up canceling so the point was moot), but yes. If he doesn't get her, they consider it a win. They don't think logically.

Plus, they had problems with him when we were married. Given the events of the divorce, he migh5 as well be public enemy number 1. I've accepted it. I do what I can for my child's sake.

If I'm put on be dress, he'll be there for me. But he will not give up being at the birth of his child and I won't ask him to. That includes a c section.

Birth of child: happens once in the lifetime of a child. Birth of his first child is once in his lifetime event. Visitation with father: happens every other weekend.

My bf transporting instead of being at his child's birth is not happening. Besides: I've read other posts on here where step parents make posts. It is quite clear where they stand: legal stranger. Child is none of their business. It's a bit hypocritical to request a person to forgo being at the birth of their biological and legal child in order to play taxi for a "legal stranger". Don't you think?

It's pretty clear that you don't want to understand. Have a nice day.

 

[Ohiogal]

So, a judge would hold me in contempt for not traveling when it is not medically safe for me to do so? Even riding in a taxi or Uber when close to labor or in labor, would not be safe. What would the consequences be? The child is too young to go alone, so complying would require that I either disobey what a dr tells me is safe to do or trying to force someone who is not a party to the court order to pause their own lives and jobs to transport the child. That doesn't seem reasonable. Nor does it sound like it would be in my child's best interest for me to drive through some of what labor includes (contractions, etc). All this of course depending on timing. The day I'm due is the start of his weekend. I doubt I will go ON my due date, but it would be reasonable to think my Dr will not want me TRAVELING if I'm dilatation and could go anytime.

Yes it says we meet halfway.

Then offer to pay dad the IRS rate for mileage for taking on your duties... after all it is only one visit. That won't bankrupt you. You really are acting petty and seem to want to deprive dad (even though you say you don't).

 

[Ohiogal]

My family hopes he drops out of her life. They will not help "make his life easier." They get upset at me when I do anything to encourage his participation in child's life. Which does happen. I recognize she needs her father. My family, not so much.

Pathetic. That attitude can enable you to lose custody. Which maybe SHOULD happen.

 

[KeepLearning]

I think that the two most logical things to do would be to offer to compensate dad for doing all the driving for those one or two visitations, and offer dad the alternative of taking makeup time instead. That way you are giving him two choices. As long as you are doing that, I do not think that a judge is doing to ding you. A judge is going to know that a pregnant mother cannot travel for a short period of time before and after birth. However, you might find that it ends up being three visits that are impacted. I think it will be a minimum of two because you will need recovery time after the birth before you can drive long distance again.

I will also add that I agree with you that it would be totally unreasonable to expect your boyfriend to risk missing the birth of his first child just to facilitate dad's visitation.

That is very doable. I think I'll offer the make up days first and if he says no, I'll offer what I would pay in gas for the visitation for him to get her. Thank you for the support

 

[Silverplum]

While we're at it on a legal site and Mom brought it up, current bf is just a big old legal stranger to the upcoming baby, also.

 

[Zigner]

While we're at it on a legal site and Mom brought it up, current bf is just a big old legal stranger to the upcoming baby, also.

I don't see that was ever said...the OP has stated that her BF is the father of the child she is carrying.

 

[Zigner]

That is very doable. I think I'll offer the make up days first and if he says no, I'll offer what I would pay in gas for the visitation for him to get her. Thank you for the support

If it were me, I'd figure out what it would cost extra in gas and double it. But that's just me...

 

[stealth2]

That is very doable. I think I'll offer the make up days first and if he says no, I'll offer what I would pay in gas for the visitation for him to get her. Thank you for the support

Optionally, offer to do all the driving for the same number of w/e's after the child's birth.

I don't see that was ever said...the OP has stated that her BF is the father of the child she is carrying.

Not legally, he's not.

 

[LdiJ]

Neither, actually.

What makes for a better co-parenting relationship is both parents putting the child first and both parents being flexible when necessary.

End of story.

I think what she wants dad to do is be "flexible when necessary". She also seems to me to be putting her children first...both the child in question and the one that is soon to be born.

I also think that she is dead right that it would be totally wrong to risk her boyfriend missing the birth of HIS child in order to facilitate dad's visitation.

It is terrible that her family will not help her with anything in relationship to dad, but she has no control over that. That is neither her problem nor her fault, since she clearly isn't following their lead.

 

[KeepLearning]

Then offer to pay dad the IRS rate for mileage for taking on your duties... after all it is only one visit. That won't bankrupt you. You really are acting petty and seem to want to deprive dad (even though you say you don't).

I have never deprived her father and in fact am often the one convincing him to take more time (like holiday time. He is very happy with every other weekend. Unless he works Saturday, then he changes it last minute for me to meet him Saturday instead of Friday and I rearrange my weekend to accomodate).

As for your other post: my ex and my family have been at war since before child was born. They both use her as a pawn. I have documentation of my ex getting angry aND trying to make threats involving my daughter. Specifically trying to use joint custody to say if I don't do this or that then he will use his joint custody to disenable me from continuing xyz--xyz does not in any way impact his time or money--with child. It is childish and I'm constantly searching how the legal system works as a means to keep him from blackmailing me, while still maintaining being the bigger person and accommodating where I reasonably can.

As I said I'm constantly accommodating his last minute schedule changes and attempting to tell him how important it is that he be in her life. I offered to compensate him to come to her swim lessons or blast ball, etc. For the life of me I can't get him to take more than every other weekend--around his work schedule. And when I do convince him to take holiday time he usually "gets sick."

So, if for once I have something that needs flexibility and I'm trying to get my legal footing so I don't get trampled, excuse me.

I don't think this ONE situation gives you nearly enough insight into my child's life to make a determination as to custody. I have everything documented: including showing that I am often the one trying to facilitate his relationship in spite of his attempts at controlling my post divorce life. And I haven't even given everything I have on him.

 

[KeepLearning]

I think what she wants dad to do is be "flexible when necessary". She also seems to me to be putting her children first...both the child in question and the one that is soon to be born.

I also think that she is dead right that it would be totally wrong to risk her boyfriend missing the birth of HIS child in order to facilitate dad's visitation.

It is terrible that her family will not help her with anything in relationship to dad, but she has no control over that. That is neither her problem nor her fault, since she clearly isn't following their lead.

That is exactly what I try to do. It isn't always easy but I do my very best at it.

 

[KeepLearning]

Optionally, offer to do all the driving for the same number of w/e's after the child's birth.



Not legally, he's not.

Fine. Legal father once he establishes paternity. I don't see where playing technicalities would be beneficial to the child. The child I'm carrying is his baby too. Just like my first child is my ex's child too. I'm not going to deny my bf decision making powers. He could easily obtain them for this child anyhow.

 

[AlmostThere]

I have never deprived her father and in fact am often the one convincing him to take more time (like holiday time. He is very happy with every other weekend. Unless he works Saturday, then he changes it last minute for me to meet him Saturday instead of Friday and I rearrange my weekend to accomodate).

As for your other post: my ex and my family have been at war since before child was born. They both use her as a pawn. I have documentation of my ex getting angry aND trying to make threats involving my daughter. Specifically trying to use joint custody to say if I don't do this or that then he will use his joint custody to disenable me from continuing xyz--xyz does not in any way impact his time or money--with child. It is childish and I'm constantly searching how the legal system works as a means to keep him from blackmailing me, while still maintaining being the bigger person and accommodating where I reasonably can.

As I said I'm constantly accommodating his last minute schedule changes and attempting to tell him how important it is that he be in her life. I offered to compensate him to come to her swim lessons or blast ball, etc. For the life of me I can't get him to take more than every other weekend--around his work schedule. And when I do convince him to take holiday time he usually "gets sick."

So, if for once I have something that needs flexibility and I'm trying to get my legal footing so I don't get trampled, excuse me.

I don't think this ONE situation gives you nearly enough insight into my child's life to make a determination as to custody. I have everything documented: including showing that I am often the one trying to facilitate his relationship in spite of his attempts at controlling my post divorce life. And I haven't even given everything I have on him.

Why don't you offer Dad to have your mutual child for the remainder of your pregnancy, with the explanation that you expect to be told not to drive, and don't want to deprive him access to your child.

Then once you have your new baby, and are up to travel, can meet him half way to pick up your mutual child.

You have 15+ years of co-parenting ahead of you. If you make this difficult, he has no reason to make it easier for you when you are trying to juggle the needs of both your children.

AlmostThere

 

[KeepLearning]

Why don't you offer Dad to have your mutual child for the remainder of your pregnancy, with the explanation that you expect to be told not to drive, and don't want to deprive him access to your child.

Then once you have your new baby, and are up to travel, can meet him half way to pick up your mutual child.

You have 15+ years of co-parenting ahead of you. If you make this difficult, he has no reason to make it easier for you when you are trying to juggle the needs of both your children.

AlmostThere

He will not accept that. He doesn't want her on days that he works because he would have to pay for childcare. No I cannot afford to pay his childcare and my hospital bills.