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  1. #1
    MBY
    MBY is offline Junior Member
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    Question Does having an affair affect child custody?

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee

    No judgement here please. I just want an answer to my question. But I have had an affair and I want to divorce my husband. He is saying that he is going to get complete custody of our infant daughter. Can he do that just because I had an affair? Does he not have to prove somehow that I am an unfit mother before he can do that? I have a better job than he does, I don't do drugs, but I do drink on occasion. I just don't want to lose my daughter, but I don't want to stay with him anymore either. Any suggestions??What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
  2. #2
    ecmst12 is offline Senior Member
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    If you have a better job, is he the primary caretaker of the baby? That's going to be the main factor to determine custody.
  3. #3
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ecmst12 View Post
    If you have a better job, is he the primary caretaker of the baby? That's going to be the main factor to determine custody.
    The other lesser factors will mostly center around what is best for the child. See:
    [url=http://research.lawyers.com/Tennessee/Divorce-in-Tennessee.html]Divorce in Tennessee - Lawyers.com[/url]

    In principle, adultery can affect custody, but usually only if it somehow involves the child (exposing the child to inappropriate adult behavior, etc). A discrete affair will probably not (but you can't rule out the chance of a rogue judge who would use it against you, so talk with your attorney).
  4. #4
    sometwo is offline Senior Member
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    Remember in TN also living with your bf/gf when you have children is a big no no also and can affect custody.
    Even after the divorce.
  5. #5
    MBY
    MBY is offline Junior Member
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    @ecmst12, No he is not the primary caretaker. She stays with a babysitter all night while I work cause I work nightshift and he doesn't have a car. He works 2nd shift.

    @sometwo, I am not living with my bf now, but we may possibly move in together in the future. But it will definitely be after the divorce is final.
  6. #6
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Seems to me like the hubby is putting the cart WAY before the horse. Before he starts demanding custody, he better start demanding a DNA test.
  7. #7
    sometwo is offline Senior Member
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    @sometwo, I am not living with my bf now, but we may possibly move in together in the future. But it will definitely be after the divorce is final.
    Doesn't matter if your divorced in TN . Can and possibly WILL be held against you and CAN affect custody. (now OR in the future)

    ETA: in other words if you live with your boyfriend at any time now or future, and your not married to him it can affect custody .
    Last edited by sometwo; 08-02-2010 at 11:58 PM.
  8. #8
    candg918 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CourtClerk View Post
    Seems to me like the hubby is putting the cart WAY before the horse. Before he starts demanding custody, he better start demanding a DNA test.
    Sounds like a really good idea!
  9. #9
    momofrose is offline Senior Member
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    Experience

    YES it can affect custody - especially if your hubby out lawyers you. I was the primary breadwinner and had the affair - he was awarded primary custody and child support (roles reversed). It took a couple of years before I went into court and asked (and was granted) a modification to shared custody, but it was a difficult few years.

    We have now been married over 10 years (the guy I had an affair with) and, as I stated I have shared custody and we have a boy of our own - it took some years and come counseling, but we made it through, but it took a LOT of work.

    Good Luck
  10. #10
    kimberlywrites is offline Senior Member
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    Don't take advice from your STBX. He's just mad (and rightly so)
    That being said, no, he cna't take custody from you. (ETA: You would likely get joint custody) But maybe you could recommend a fair arrangement.
    Meanwhile, don't 'do' your bed-buddy in any way, shape or form when your child is with you until you're divorce is final. Do NOT flaunt your bed buddy, do NOT introduce your child to bed buddy.
  11. #11
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimberlywrites View Post
    Don't take advice from your STBX. He's just mad (and rightly so)
    That being said, no, he cna't take custody from you. (ETA: You would likely get joint custody) But maybe you could recommend a fair arrangement.
    Meanwhile, don't 'do' your bed-buddy in any way, shape or form when your child is with you until you're divorce is final. Do NOT flaunt your bed buddy, do NOT introduce your child to bed buddy.
    The child is an infant. That's not going to be a problem in the short term. However I absolutely agree that she should keep the bed buddy completely away when she has the child. It will lessen the complications all around.

    I would also recommend that she not live with any boyfriend until she is ready to marry again.

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