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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
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    California
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    Does a new relationship/child affect custody?

    What is the name of your state? CA

    My ex and I share custody of our son. Right now it's about a 60/40 time split (our son is with me more) and he is wanting a 50/50 arrangement eventually (which I am open to so long as the ex is keeping his act clean).
    I am also on the verge of being engaged and we want another child. (The new boyfriend does not live with us, if this info is helpful).
    I am afraid that when I make this announcement, the ex may demand pri**** custody of our son and possibly take me to court to try for it.
    I am a bit afraid to enter a new living arrangment/marriage/motherhood if it will at all jeopardize my custody arrangement with my already born.

    So my question becomes, how does my involvement in a new relationship/possibility of a new child affect custody issues?

    Pardon my ignorance. You don't know unless you ask. Thanks!
  2. #2
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    44,482
    Unless your b/f is a child molester or something of that ilk or y'all intend on moving out of state the day after the wedding, it will likely have no bearing.
  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    California
    Posts
    118
    Hi Stealth!
    I remember you from when I posted a long time before!
    Right to the punch, I always liked that about you
    Nope, not up for marrying a pedophile in this lifetime and not moving out of state either.
    Just hoping for some good peace and quiet for all...and also want to just have my ducks in a row/be informed when the necessary discussions happen between me and the ex.
    Thanks!
  4. #4
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    You should be fine. Make sure to reassure him that your new guy is in no way a replacement of him, and that you have no intention of trying to puch him out of their lives. (See, I would have appreciated that type of communication from my ex, rather than my kids telling me that their Dad & fiancee wanted them to call her Mom. They kept their wits about them apparently and responded "Why? We already have a perfectly good one." But it did send a signal to me which way the wind blew.)

    If I were you, I would also take my time before having another child. Give yourself, your (when he is) husband, and your kids a good period of time to adjust to the new dynamic. This will be anough of a change for your kids, without adding a new baby in short order.
  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    California
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    118
    My new love is not my son's father although I think he is a great role model for many reasons.
    LOL And believe me, my son knows who his Daddy is He adores his dad. His dad cannot be replaced. And I admit that his dad has worked very very hard to keep clean, stay employed and control his temper the last year. Woohoo for all. Let's hope it stays that way.
    As for the new baby, you've offered good advice. It's a big adjustment in itself, Marriage is...for everyone involved.
    Admittedly, my b/f and I are both hearing the timeclock ticking because I'm not 20 yrs old anymore....but more important is the best interest of the child in our shared life who is already born.
  6. #6
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by childrenRpeople
    My new love is not my son's father although I think he is a great role model for many reasons.
    LOL And believe me, my son knows who his Daddy is He adores his dad. His dad cannot be replaced. And I admit that his dad has worked very very hard to keep clean, stay employed and control his temper the last year. Woohoo for all. Let's hope it stays that way.
    As for the new baby, you've offered good advice. It's a big adjustment in itself, Marriage is...for everyone involved.
    Admittedly, my b/f and I are both hearing the timeclock ticking because I'm not 20 yrs old anymore....but more important is the best interest of the child in our shared life who is already born.
    Based on what you are saying here, the best advice that I can give you is to wait to live together until after you get married.....or right before the wedding if that makes more sense logistically. Then wait at least six months (if the clock is seriously ticking) or a year (if the clock isn't seriously ticking) before planning to get pregnant.

    Let everyone adjust to each stage before you progress into the next one.

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