Drop pending criminal charges against wife or loose custody of daughter

[rdclark636]

State: Missouri

Filed for divorce after 12 years on the ground for marital misconduct.
-Wife moved Aug. 2009 of house while I was at work and left NOTHING but the trash
-Filed for divorce in Feb. 2010

-Pulled my credit report to only find out a few things were suspicious late due notices I was getting the mail with my name.

-Long story - she had forged my name and used my credit to obtain student loans, credit cards, etc. Almost $200,000.
Including she somehow was getting assistance from the state like Food stamps.
The fraud/Identity Theft, she was using her best friends address.
I turned everything over to the local Police Dept. They are going to be filing charges against her. Just a slow process but the PA has reassured me she will not get off the hook

-She has called Division of Family services on me alleging that I have abused my 12 year old daughter and other stuff. They were all dismissed and sent over to the City Detective for Harrassment. She is being charged with abusing the Hotline and harrassement on me.

-Final settlement conference last monday - Judge stated
"I can not have two parents that are trying to put one another in jail, you have to drop the pending charges against your wife, otherwise you will not get custody of your daughter and I will not leave room open that if she does go to jail, you will not be able to come back and modify to get full custody"

Now with that being said - Blackmail may I say? Has she violated her Judicial Code of Conduct? Has she violated my rights? I am at a lost....any help would be appreciated.

 

[Just Blue]

State: Missouri

Filed for divorce after 12 years on the ground for marital misconduct.
-Wife moved Aug. 2009 of house while I was at work and left NOTHING but the trash
-Filed for divorce in Feb. 2010

-Pulled my credit report to only find out a few things were suspicious late due notices I was getting the mail with my name.

-Long story - she had forged my name and used my credit to obtain student loans, credit cards, etc. Almost $200,000.
Including she somehow was getting assistance from the state like Food stamps.
The fraud/Identity Theft, she was using her best friends address.
I turned everything over to the local Police Dept. They are going to be filing charges against her. Just a slow process but the PA has reassured me she will not get off the hook

-She has called Division of Family services on me alleging that I have abused my 12 year old daughter and other stuff. They were all dismissed and sent over to the City Detective for Harrassment. She is being charged with abusing the Hotline and harrassement on me.

-Final settlement conference last monday - Judge stated
"I can not have two parents that are trying to put one another in jail, you have to drop the pending charges against your wife, otherwise you will not get custody of your daughter and I will not leave room open that if she does go to jail, you will not be able to come back and modify to get full custody"

Now with that being said - Blackmail may I say? Has she violated her Judicial Code of Conduct? Has she violated my rights? I am at a lost....any help would be appreciated.

I would consult with an attorney on this. Bring all relevant transcripts and reports.

 

[CJane]

If there are allegations of abuse against either parent, the judge is required to appoint a Guardian ad Litem to represent the best interests of the child/ren. Has that happened? If not, you need to file a motion and request that one be appointed.

Cite this, if you need to:

452.423. 1. In all proceedings for child custody or for dissolution of marriage or legal separation where custody, visitation, or support of a child is a contested issue, the court may appoint a guardian ad litem. Disqualification of a guardian ad litem shall be ordered in any legal proceeding only pursuant to this chapter, upon the filing of a written application by any party within ten days of appointment, or within ten days of August 28, 1998, if the appointment occurs prior to August 28, 1998. Each party shall be entitled to one disqualification of a guardian ad litem appointed under this subsection in each proceeding, except a party may be entitled to additional disqualifications of a guardian ad litem for good cause shown.

2. The court shall appoint a guardian ad litem in any proceeding in which child abuse or neglect is alleged.


There is plenty of case law in MO to support the idea that if abuse or neglect is alleged, and a GAL is NOT appointed by the judge, the decision can and will be either over turned or remanded back for additional findings/hearings.

As to the judge's statement, I don't think you have any choice but to hire an attorney. Obviously the judge doubts YOUR credibility and believes that the charges you're pushing to have pursued are to punish Mom as a personal and not legal matter.

 

[majomom1]

As to the judge's statement, I don't think you have any choice but to hire an attorney. Obviously the judge doubts YOUR credibility and believes that the charges you're pushing to have pursued are to punish Mom as a personal and not legal matter.

Agreed. If your statements are true, then I am not sure that YOU can drop the charges, and the judge would know that... so something does not fit here. You really need an attorney.

OP can you PM me your county? Both CJane and I are in MO. If you are in my county, or surrounding, I can recommend a couple of attorneys and GALs. You won't get to pick the GAL, but you have an option to reject whoever is appointed. I know a couple you DO NOT want if you are in my county.

 

[rdclark636]

We already have a GAL - she was appointed last June and she has NOT done her job. We are going to file a complaint against her. There has been neglect, verbal abuse, her MOTHER even tested POSITIVE for marijuanna and the judge and the GAL stated that they did not care and that is does not make an impact on their decision.

I have an attorney - He knows everything too. It just seems like ALL what the mother has done, and has not done, this should be a no brainer. I have taken care of my daughter before she was even born. What ever she wants she gets, I am the one to take her to the doctors, dentist, eye doctors. Give her lunch and and pays for everything. Her mother does not do anything. I have everything documented. The GAL has not been concerned with anything I have told her, and better yet!!!! The GAL has never ONCE called me, and I have sent her about 12 long emails over the last year about my concerns, and she replied back one time and said - I responded when I thought it was appropriate. She NEVER emailed or correspended with me except that one email.

I want to find out somehow when the Judge told me to drop charges or loose my daughter, what judicial code of conduct did she violate? I want to file a complaint against her too!

Thanks for ALL your help.

 

[rdclark636]

St. Louis - Missouri

 

[majomom1]

We already have a GAL - she was appointed last June and she has NOT done her job. We are going to file a complaint against her. There has been neglect, verbal abuse, her MOTHER even tested POSITIVE for marijuanna and the judge and the GAL stated that they did not care and that is does not make an impact on their decision.

I have an attorney - He knows everything too. It just seems like ALL what the mother has done, and has not done, this should be a no brainer. I have taken care of my daughter before she was even born. What ever she wants she gets, I am the one to take her to the doctors, dentist, eye doctors. Give her lunch and and pays for everything. Her mother does not do anything. I have everything documented. The GAL has not been concerned with anything I have told her, and better yet!!!! The GAL has never ONCE called me, and I have sent her about 12 long emails over the last year about my concerns, and she replied back one time and said - I responded when I thought it was appropriate. She NEVER emailed or correspended with me except that one email.

I want to find out somehow when the Judge told me to drop charges or loose my daughter, what judicial code of conduct did she violate? I want to file a complaint against her too!

Thanks for ALL your help.

What exactly does your attorney say and is he doing anything? I challenged a GAL and won, but the judge knew our case and knew she didn't fully investigate. My attorney didn't help much on that.. until I pushed her.

Do you know what charges the PA is filing (the code) on your ex?

 

[CJane]

You need to be having this discussion with your attorney.

We're not here to second guess the hired help.

There's a whole lot that's not adding up. But you have to understand how ridiculously common it is for the parent who isn't having THEIR "needs" met by the judge/GAL/attorney to claim misconduct.

 

[rdclark636]

My attorney is doing his best and knows that what the Judge said is not right.
The Judge, her Attorney and the GAL seem to know each other all well. The wife has a long history of records - when she was here at the house living, she had access to the checking account in which all my paychecks were going into. She was the one paying the bills - and little did I know that she was not. When she moved out I got a letter served to me about the house being in foreclosure. I had to take $10,000 out of my stock to get it out of foreclosure and pay all the fee's. I found out a couple of weeks later, that the mail was not even coming to the house. For the last 3 years it was going over to her best friends address. I worked about 12-14 hours a day. I never was here to get the mail. Then she moved into an apartment complex - she was there for 10 months and found out the she was sent a notice for eviction, then she moved to another complex. There is no stability. No matter what we have told the judge or the GAL - they can care less.

This should be a no brainer as I mentioned. But it's about proving that the judge and the GAL has not done their jobs.

Just seems like I am at a loss. There really is so much more - I could have written a book.

Not to mention too, she has two children from a previous marriage. She let the son drop out of school at 17, and now the daughter who is now 17 is pregnant and failing in school (she is only in the 10th because of her failing prior years) My wife herself had 9 jobs in 12 years and quit nursing school twice. She is an LPN - she has nearly $150,000 in student loans - in which $100,000 of them she signed my name as a co-signer and has my social security to obtain credit.

I have found out - there are very little lawyers you can trust and the same with Judges, and alot of people. I have been having and trying to do my own homework so I know what my rights are and what can be done. I am just at a dead block on PROVING what the Judge said violated her judicial code of conduct - or I think. My wife broke the law, and the judge is telling me to drop the charges? When she committed a crime? Like the Detective she has no authority to ask me this.

 

[majomom1]

My attorney is doing his best and knows that what the Judge said is not right.
The Judge, her Attorney and the GAL seem to know each other all well. The wife has a long history of records - when she was here at the house living, she had access to the checking account in which all my paychecks were going into. She was the one paying the bills - and little did I know that she was not. When she moved out I got a letter served to me about the house being in foreclosure. I had to take $10,000 out of my stock to get it out of foreclosure and pay all the fee's. I found out a couple of weeks later, that the mail was not even coming to the house. For the last 3 years it was going over to her best friends address. I worked about 12-14 hours a day. I never was here to get the mail. Then she moved into an apartment complex - she was there for 10 months and found out the she was sent a notice for eviction, then she moved to another complex. There is no stability. No matter what we have told the judge or the GAL - they can care less.

This should be a no brainer as I mentioned. But it's about proving that the judge and the GAL has not done their jobs.

Just seems like I am at a loss. There really is so much more - I could have written a book.

Not to mention too, she has two children from a previous marriage. She let the son drop out of school at 17, and now the daughter who is now 17 is pregnant and failing in school (she is only in the 10th because of her failing prior years) My wife herself had 9 jobs in 12 years and quit nursing school twice. She is an LPN - she has nearly $150,000 in student loans - in which $100,000 of them she signed my name as a co-signer and has my social security to obtain credit.

I have found out - there are very little lawyers you can trust and the same with Judges, and alot of people. I have been having and trying to do my own homework so I know what my rights are and what can be done. I am just at a dead block on PROVING what the Judge said violated her judicial code of conduct - or I think. My wife broke the law, and the judge is telling me to drop the charges? When she committed a crime? Like the Detective she has no authority to ask me this.

It's not that you cannot trust them. Family court does not care about all the other issues. Not that they are unsympathetic but it just is not relevant in family court and they see this bickering in a lot of cases. I know it is important to you, as it is to each of us in our own case but the courts just do not have any of the emotional attachments that we do.

Since you were married and you knew your ex was handling the bills, you may have a hard time proving that you didn't know all of this and if the PA doesn't have a solid case they will not prosecute. With all this in family court, the PA may be dragging their feet. If there is not strong evidence, and this may be what has prompted the judge's statement.

She is not going to do anything illegal, or to violate your rights. There has to be some reason why she is telling you this. If there was a solid case for prosecuting your ex, I doubt the judge would be saying this.

Ask your attorney... it may be that you can drop these issues for now, for family court, and pick them back up later.

 

[CJane]

There is too much involved here - and too many professionals involved - to allow any of us to offer you accurate or helpful legal advice.

Emotional support? Ok, but this is the wrong place for that.

You NEED to deal directly with your attorney. You NEED to direct all questions/requests for information to your attorney.

There is SOMETHING at play here that you have not shared - either because you honestly don't know it's important, or because you do not want to. No one here knows what that is.

And no one - including the Appeals Court - is going to care that "they all seem to know each other". OF COURSE they do. They're colleagues for goodness sakes. "Knowing each other" or even "being good friends" or "golfing buddies" or whatever does not equate to a conflict of interest or bias against you.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't agree with what the judge is doing, but I think that I understand why the judge is doing it.

If you think about it, its hardly in the best interest of a child for one of the child's parents to be sending the other parent to jail over a white collar crime. It would have to put enormous stress/emotional conflict/torn loyalties on the child. Particularly a 12 year old. That's a very vulnerable age. I also think it would be extremely difficult to hide it from a 12 year old.

If the GAL's report is stating that the child is feeling those kinds of feelings that might further be a reason for the judge's attitude.

Again, don't get me wrong, I don't agree with what the judge is doing, but I think that the "why" of it can matter in determining how to resolve it.

 

[majomom1]

There is too much involved here - and too many professionals involved - to allow any of us to offer you accurate or helpful legal advice.

Emotional support? Ok, but this is the wrong place for that.

You NEED to deal directly with your attorney. You NEED to direct all questions/requests for information to your attorney.

There is SOMETHING at play here that you have not shared - either because you honestly don't know it's important, or because you do not want to. No one here knows what that is.

And no one - including the Appeals Court - is going to care that "they all seem to know each other". OF COURSE they do. They're colleagues for goodness sakes. "Knowing each other" or even "being good friends" or "golfing buddies" or whatever does not equate to a conflict of interest or bias against you.

Why does this board seem to send posters away because they have an attorney? I get that we don't want to second guess the attorney, and I hope that posters here are smart enough to check the facts and not rely solely on this board, but there certainly is no harm in seeking information to see if there are any other thoughts.

I had an attorney when I came on here. That attorney thought this forum was stupid. Turned out this forum was more useful than she was. This forum, and you pointed out "flaws" in my attorney. Mind you, I didn't tell my attorney upfront about this board, but when I started asking questions and quoting statutes to her she asked where I was getting my information. I think that made her mad, but oh well... it shouldn't have.

My most recent attorney liked this site. She liked that I was doing some legwork, asking questions and making suggestions AND this is what helped me to challenge, and win, against our last GAL. She wouldn't take on the GAL, which I don't totally understand, but she gave me the steps to do it on my own.

Again, I would never want to tell any poster not to listen to their attorney, but I certainly see no issue with them checking things out and looking for other options.

I think that is what brought all of us here in the first place and some of you have chosen to dig deeper and learn to go it on your own. I commend you for that. I will stick with hiring a lawyer, but I will check them out, not because they are incompetent or untrustworthy, but because they don't have my passion for my case and sometimes miss things.

 

[Isis1]

I think in this instance, where the poster is quite possibly leaving out one VERY important or many important details, refering him back to the attorney is wise decision. Our advice is worthless with missing details.

 

[CJane]

Why does this board seem to send posters away because they have an attorney? I get that we don't want to second guess the attorney, and I hope that posters here are smart enough to check the facts and not rely solely on this board, but there certainly is no harm in seeking information to see if there are any other thoughts.

In my opinion, it is one thing to come to this board and request help finding specific case law, or statutes to help you do "leg work". It is another thing entirely to come here looking for advice on what to specifically do relating to your case.

I am not going to help someone undermine the work of their attorney when it comes to actual case work. It can be seriously detrimental to their case as we do not and will not have all of the information, and it can easily lead to the attorney dropping them as a client.

That's not a responsibility I'm willing to take on for some random stranger on the interwebs.