Educational disagreements after divorce

[ajkroy]

I have checked into that. There are no free online K12 programs for this area. Other programs have high fees.

I have never heard of any homeschool curriculum of any value that was free, either. Many parents who homeschool pay significant amounts of money to do so, in order to have a robust curriculum with enriching experiences that can replace what traditional schools offer.

 

[AdoptADog]

Have you reported him for not paying support as ordered? What does he want? What compromise are you willing to give? I didn't see any. How about forcing him to pay his support and do private school until you can do a charter school?

 

[JennLea79]

I'm not compromising on where I live. He has moved twice, once out of state, without even telling me. There is nobody dictating where he lives, and there shouldn't be anybody dictating where I live. I did not sign away my right to create a life for myself when we divorced. My only option for homesharing is this one. Staying where we are now is not an option. Yes, of course I've tried to get child support enforcement to force him to pay. They get as far as threatening his license, and then he pays just enough to get them off his ass, then the cycle starts again. Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done. Clearly I have to do what I need to do to survive without depending on financial support from the other parent. Staying here and getting our utilities turned off every other month, struggling for basic needs, is ridiculous and to suggest we continue to live like this is also ridiculous. It is apparent that I have a different definition of compromise than everyone else on here. Homeschool for one year, then charter school is a compromise. It's middle ground. Regardless, this forum is a joke. My question was never even remotely addressed. Just a bunch of bored bitter folk on here waiting to pounce someone. Jesus Christ. May you all find some joy somewhere in your lives. Peace.

 

[LdiJ]

Our kids are 6, 8 and 10. The area we are moving to is not dangerous. It's an expensive historic area, most of the children in the neighborhood attend private school. We currently live about 40 miles apart. The move will make it closer to 50. The reasons for moving are plenty, but essentially I have been trying for 3 years to do this alone and it's time to consider other options...such as homesharing.

We will be sharing space with another single mom. It makes sense financially and emotionally to do this, for support and shared expenses. Having a struggling stressed mother is definitely not in the best interests for our kids. My ex skipping child support payments every other month contributes to this. The benefits of the new living situation are too many to list. There will be no issue with having enough space. It's a large home. Neither the living situation, nor homeschooling will be detrimental to my children.

I'm a very involved and good mother, as I've always been. I've homeschooled successfully before. Again, with the full support of my ex. I just can't imagine a judge awarding custody to a parent who has never been involved in any aspect of raising kids, other than feeding them and playing with them on the weekends. However, I've learned that crazy and illogical things happen in these scenarios sometimes. The fact is, homeschooling is legal and there is no proof that it would be a disadvantage to our children. Quite the contrary.

Negative views regarding homeschooling are simply baseless opinions. Everyone has a right to believe what they want, including my ex. It just seems like he would need to prove that this would be harmful. Many many parents are choosing homeschooling these days. It's not that radical of an idea.

If I sound defensive, I apologize. My ex has been controlling me since the day he ran me out of the house. I just want the freedom to create a meaningful and peaceful life for my family without constant ridiculous battles.

I responded to you previously and my response seems to have disappeared, so I will respond again.

I do not understand why some of the other posters are giving you a hard time.

Dad is not paying his child support as he should, its causing you to struggle, you have come up with a reasonable way to improve the living situation for you and your children. It has little to no impact on dad as you are already 40 miles apart and this only increases it to 50.

Dad fully supported home schooling when you were together and is giving no rationale for "changing his mind".

Based on the above the relocation itself is unlikely to cause a judge to give dad primary custody as you are already 40 miles apart and the move will only increase it to 50. Therefore it does not impact dad. Dad previously fully supported homeschooling and now won't give a rationale for changing his mind, therefore, unless the judge is very anti home schooling I don't see that as being anywhere near a slam dunk for dad. I cannot say that its a slam dunk for you either, but odds are certainly more in your favor than dad's.

Its going to be up to him to challenge your relocation in court under the current Missouri statute. Once you formally notify him that you are moving it up to him to take it to court if he objects. Its also up to him to take it to court if he objects to homeschooling. If dad is all about control one of two things is going to happen...either he is really bluffing because he knows that the odds are not in his favor, and therefore he won't actually take it to court if he is unable to intimidate you into doing things his way, OR, he needs the control so badly that he will take it to court even when the odds are not in his favor.

He has a deadline to object to your relocation once you have formally notified him. Per the following he has 30 days to file an objection to your relocation in court once you have formally notified him. You need to formally notify him 60 days in advance.

http://www.moga.mo.gov/mostatutes/stathtml/45200003771.HTML

 

[AdoptADog]

What does your parenting agreement say about education? Must you agree or only discuss it? From what I have learned, no one is dictaing where YOU live, but they can dictate where your children live if you make a wrong move. As CP you need to consider this when you move.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm not compromising on where I live. He has moved twice, once out of state, without even telling me. There is nobody dictating where he lives, and there shouldn't be anybody dictating where I live. I did not sign away my right to create a life for myself when we divorced. My only option for homesharing is this one. Staying where we are now is not an option. Yes, of course I've tried to get child support enforcement to force him to pay. They get as far as threatening his license, and then he pays just enough to get them off his ass, then the cycle starts again. Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done. Clearly I have to do what I need to do to survive without depending on financial support from the other parent. Staying here and getting our utilities turned off every other month, struggling for basic needs, is ridiculous and to suggest we continue to live like this is also ridiculous. It is apparent that I have a different definition of compromise than everyone else on here. Homeschool for one year, then charter school is a compromise. It's middle ground. Regardless, this forum is a joke. My question was never even remotely addressed. Just a bunch of bored bitter folk on here waiting to pounce someone. Jesus Christ. May you all find some joy somewhere in your lives. Peace.

Good luck in court!

 

[stealth2]

The questions I asked are ones you will be asked in court when Dad files to stop your move. You would be wise to consider the questions and your responses carefully. To make your case.

Your ex cannot dictate where you live, but he can certainly try to keep your (plural) children from moving with you. Granted, it will be more difficult if he doesn't live in the same school district, but if he moves within it? Your plan is sunk.

Thing is.... we could sell you a bunch of wine and roses, but that won't help you strategize your actions. Homeschooling is still a grey area for a lot of people - including judges. So you need to build a rock-solid case. For that, you need people to poke holes in it, rather than pat your pretty, pretty hair.

 

[t74]

You are currently living in poverty and claim that working only part time will improve you situation. That makes no sense since it sounds like you are currently working full time. Your intended housemate is not likely to want to cover your expenses. You need a second job not a part time one.

 

[xylene]

Your children will not be killed or suffer in public schooling.

Your "inner city schools my only option is homeshcooling... oooo" sounds like fear-mongering.

 

[torimac]

I have never heard of any homeschool curriculum of any value that was free, either. Many parents who homeschool pay significant amounts of money to do so, in order to have a robust curriculum with enriching experiences that can replace what traditional schools offer.

This is simply not true. There are plenty of options for parents to provide low cost but quality homeschooling curriculum. Khan Academy comes to mind as one option, at least for math and a few other subjects. It requires time and motivation, but it can be done. I have homeschooled my child for the a few years and we have spent very little on the core subjects using the Internet and the library as sources. I have paid for music lessons in the past. I bartered with the theater director by making costumes for a few shows so my kid could participate in theater and have dance lessons (taught by the same teacher). People who pay significant amounts have the money to pay. If you don't you get creative and use other resources like time.

 

[commentator]

Having been a single mother, I can't help the feeling I get that people who want to homeschool want to be stay at home moms, yay for them, but in reality, it just isn't feasible in most cases. A huge part of what single mothers do not have is time.

I have also seen people try to homeschool while working part time, and I have never seen it work well at all. I have frequently seen people attempt to line up jobs and child care to fit their expectations, and that rarely works out in the real world, either.

I agree with other posters, what you will get in court is the same type of questions you are getting here. If you are working full time now, and your children are going to school in a school system that is acceptable to you, why can you not stay here and continue as you are, at least until they are older?

I understand that you may be financially stressed, but I cannot see how your plan to move to St.Louis (where you don't find public schools acceptable ) and house share with someone else and work only part time and homeschool your children is going to relieve any of the financial stress.

And yes, you do have the right to pursue your dreams, but this one doesn't sound like a sound plan to me. You must take reality into consideration. You have three children. Three, which will all be with you for ten or twelve more years now. You can't count on regular well padded child support payments from your ex. Not our fault, you picked him, you had the kids with him, and he may or may not be able to come up with the money (he would probably say he has the right to pursue his dreams too) but you know you may have to pursue him aggressively for the next many years to get money, and you can't count on him. You know this.

You're moving to a new location, in a living situation that depends on your sharing a house, along with your three middle school aged children, with another person who may also have children, I'd not be sure you can count on a roommate situation like this working out well at all. You are, from the sound of things, leaving a job, assuming in your plans that you'll find a part time job that will fit into your plans to homeschool and find adequate acceptable child care to accommodate your schedule on this new part time job, which may turn out to be quite a trick.

Don't be surprised if you go to court and find it's not going to sound like a very good plan to them either.

 

[CJane]

I read through page 1 before deciding to answer.

1) Homeschooling is not, in and of itself, a change of circumstances in MO.
2) A change in distance between parents is not, in and of itself, a change in circumstances in MO.
3) A change of 10 miles is VERY unlikely to be considered a change in circumstances.
4) If Dad is ORDERED to pay child support, and is NOT paying it, and that plays into Mom's ability to live on her own (vs housesharing), then Dad stating that in court is not going to go well for him.
5) The k-12 curriculum online worked really well for my kiddo that was completing her senior year, and is working well for my sophomore who is finishing high school this year and going on to college. But I would NOT use it for younger or less motivated kids.

 

[Ohiogal]

I read through page 1 before deciding to answer.

1) Homeschooling is not, in and of itself, a change of circumstances in MO.
2) A change in distance between parents is not, in and of itself, a change in circumstances in MO.
3) A change of 10 miles is VERY unlikely to be considered a change in circumstances.
4) If Dad is ORDERED to pay child support, and is NOT paying it, and that plays into Mom's ability to live on her own (vs housesharing), then Dad stating that in court is not going to go well for him.
5) The k-12 curriculum online worked really well for my kiddo that was completing her senior year, and is working well for my sophomore who is finishing high school this year and going on to college. But I would NOT use it for younger or less motivated kids.

It is not about homesharing or even moving. The big problem is mom wants to dictate that she is going to homeschool even though the children have been in public school. Dad has joint legal custody. Mom wants to unilaterally make this move without dad's agreement and expects dad to just play along. In other words, she is going to ignore part of the court order to do what she wants because she is the mother.

Moving and homesharing are her excuses why she has to homeschool.

 

[LdiJ]

It is not about homesharing or even moving. The big problem is mom wants to dictate that she is going to homeschool even though the children have been in public school. Dad has joint legal custody. Mom wants to unilaterally make this move without dad's agreement and expects dad to just play along. In other words, she is going to ignore part of the court order to do what she wants because she is the mother.

Moving and homesharing are her excuses why she has to homeschool.

Did you miss number 1?

 

[Ohiogal]

Did you miss number 1?

I didn't number them. I explained where I was coming from. This is not about a custody change to me. This is about what mom is doing unilaterally is wrong and my reasons why.