Educational disagreements after divorce

[JennLea79]

I am in Missouri. I have been divorced since May 2014. My ex and I share joint legal and physical custody of our three children, with me as the custodial parent.

Prior to the divorce, I was a stay at home parent and homeschooled our children. My ex was completely supportive of this decision at that time. The children have now been in public school for over two years due to practical issues with homeschooling as a single parent.

I am planning to move in June, with my children, to St. Louis. We will be in the inner city school district which I do not believe is appropriate for our children. We can not afford private school. Our only real option is homeschooling the first year, and I am open to charter school after that. I am willing to negotiate and compromise with this issue. I will be homesharing so homeschooling is feasible, as I will have childcare to allow me to work part time.

My ex is very adamant that he does not agree with homeschooling now. I am adamant that our kids will not attend inner city schools.

Should he pursue a custody case so they can attend school where he lives, what are the chances he could win this? I've been the primary care provider for all of our kids, stay at home parent, and have made literally every major decision for our kids. He does not pay child support as ordered, does not follow the parenting plan in many ways, has never done homework, doctor appointment or any kind of real parenting work. He does not even give baths or change their clothes on the weekends.

Would a judge give this parent custody just based on the homeschooling disagreement alone? As I said, I feel I've been willing to compromise, offered to submit to him curriculum plans and records of the kids work. Gave him details of all the groups and resources for homeschoolers in St. Louis - there is alot!

Thank you for any thoughts! I just don't want to have to worry about this. Transition is hard enough.

 

[torimac]

Have you considered an online school? That way the ex can feel like there is standard curriculum but you have the freedom to teach the children.

 

[JennLea79]

I have checked into that. There are no free online K12 programs for this area. Other programs have high fees.

 

[LdiJ]

I am in Missouri. I have been divorced since May 2014. My ex and I share joint legal and physical custody of our three children, with me as the custodial parent.

Prior to the divorce, I was a stay at home parent and homeschooled our children. My ex was completely supportive of this decision at that time. The children have now been in public school for over two years due to practical issues with homeschooling as a single parent.

I am planning to move in June, with my children, to St. Louis. We will be in the inner city school district which I do not believe is appropriate for our children. We can not afford private school. Our only real option is homeschooling the first year, and I am open to charter school after that. I am willing to negotiate and compromise with this issue. I will be homesharing so homeschooling is feasible, as I will have childcare to allow me to work part time.

My ex is very adamant that he does not agree with homeschooling now. I am adamant that our kids will not attend inner city schools.

Should he pursue a custody case so they can attend school where he lives, what are the chances he could win this? I've been the primary care provider for all of our kids, stay at home parent, and have made literally every major decision for our kids. He does not pay child support as ordered, does not follow the parenting plan in many ways, has never done homework, doctor appointment or any kind of real parenting work. He does not even give baths or change their clothes on the weekends.

Would a judge give this parent custody just based on the homeschooling disagreement alone? As I said, I feel I've been willing to compromise, offered to submit to him curriculum plans and records of the kids work. Gave him details of all the groups and resources for homeschoolers in St. Louis - there is alot!

Thank you for any thoughts! I just don't want to have to worry about this. Transition is hard enough.

Where do you live now? Where does he live now? How far apart do you live? How far is St. Louis from where you live now? How far is St. Louis from where dad lives?

If dad lives in the same area you live in, and contests your relocation of the children, dad would have a shot at winning primary custody if the relocation would impact dad's time with the children. The school issue in that scenario, would be secondary but helpful to dad. Otherwise, the answers to my previous questions matter.

 

[Silverplum]

Why would you move your children TO a dangerous area? This is not an improvement to their lives.

 

[Just Blue]

Why would you move your children TO a dangerous area? This is not an improvement to their lives.

I agree...Any move I have EVER made was to enhance my childrens life/educational options.

 

[stealth2]

I am planning to move in June, with my children, to St. Louis. We will be in the inner city school district which I do not believe is appropriate for our children. We can not afford private school. Our only real option is homeschooling the first year, and I am open to charter school after that. I am willing to negotiate and compromise with this issue. I will be homesharing so homeschooling is feasible, as I will have childcare to allow me to work part time.

What is the rationale for the move? How is it a positive for the children, over your current situation? How old are the children?

This could definitely be seen as a change in circumstance in the kids' lives, which Dad could use for a custody change, especially if he lives close to where you are now. How is transitioning from HS to Public to HS to (maybe) charter in a year beneficial to the children?

 

[Indiana Filer]

How old are your kids?

 

[JennLea79]

Our kids are 6, 8 and 10. The area we are moving to is not dangerous. It's an expensive historic area, most of the children in the neighborhood attend private school. We currently live about 40 miles apart. The move will make it closer to 50. The reasons for moving are plenty, but essentially I have been trying for 3 years to do this alone and it's time to consider other options...such as homesharing.

We will be sharing space with another single mom. It makes sense financially and emotionally to do this, for support and shared expenses. Having a struggling stressed mother is definitely not in the best interests for our kids. My ex skipping child support payments every other month contributes to this. The benefits of the new living situation are too many to list. There will be no issue with having enough space. It's a large home. Neither the living situation, nor homeschooling will be detrimental to my children.

I'm a very involved and good mother, as I've always been. I've homeschooled successfully before. Again, with the full support of my ex. I just can't imagine a judge awarding custody to a parent who has never been involved in any aspect of raising kids, other than feeding them and playing with them on the weekends. However, I've learned that crazy and illogical things happen in these scenarios sometimes. The fact is, homeschooling is legal and there is no proof that it would be a disadvantage to our children. Quite the contrary.

Negative views regarding homeschooling are simply baseless opinions. Everyone has a right to believe what they want, including my ex. It just seems like he would need to prove that this would be harmful. Many many parents are choosing homeschooling these days. It's not that radical of an idea.

If I sound defensive, I apologize. My ex has been controlling me since the day he ran me out of the house. I just want the freedom to create a meaningful and peaceful life for my family without constant ridiculous battles.

 

[JennLea79]

To someone's question....we have not made all those changes within one year. The kids have spent the last three years in public school. I mentioned charter school after we try homeschooling for one year, and it takes at least a year or two to win a lottery type admissions process to even get in to one. It is an option if things aren't working out. I'm trying to illustrate that I am not completely inflexible as he seems to be. I want to compromise and work things out. When one party won't budge on their position, it makes it quite difficult to compromise.

 

[Ohiogal]

To someone's question....we have not made all those changes within one year. The kids have spent the last three years in public school. I mentioned charter school after we try homeschooling for one year, and it takes at least a year or two to win a lottery type admissions process to even get in to one. It is an option if things aren't working out. I'm trying to illustrate that I am not completely inflexible as he seems to be. I want to compromise and work things out. When one party won't budge on their position, it makes it quite difficult to compromise.

You seem to not be compromising but stating, "THIS is what I am doing -- I AM moving and I am going to homeschool and take me to court if you don't agree."

Then you are wanting to know what happens if he does that.

 

[JennLea79]

I don't have many options. I'm living in poverty. I can't afford to do this on my own. Where I live is not something he should be able to control. I'm glad you think it's okay that he doesn't support his children financially and we should have to suffer for that without complaint and without trying to better the situation. Yes, compromise means neither if us get exactly what we want. This isn't about where we live! This is about educational options. I've agreed to look into charter schools when we can...if this doesn't work out. He has continued to state only that he does not agree with homeschooling, without any logical arguments or options. This is not why I came here. Lol. To defend myself against ridiculous irrational comments. I thought my question was quite simple.

 

[Ohiogal]

I don't have many options. I'm living in poverty. I can't afford to do this on my own. Where I live is not something he should be able to control. I'm glad you think it's okay that he doesn't support his children financially and we should have to suffer for that without complaint and without trying to better the situation. Yes, compromise means neither if us get exactly what we want. This isn't about where we live! This is about educational options. I've agreed to look into charter schools when we can...if this doesn't work out. He has continued to state only that he does not agree with homeschooling, without any logical arguments or options. This is not why I came here. Lol. To defend myself against ridiculous irrational comments. I thought my question was quite simple.

It is about where you live. When that is dictating your educational choices, it is most definitely about that. Why don't you move CLOSER to dad and look for a house share there?

 

[Silverplum]

Your favorite word seems to be 'irrational.' Anyone who questions you is irrational. Anyone who doesn't lead the cheer squad for home schooling is irrational.

Are you moving closer to Dad? Or farther away? By how many miles?

 

[Proserpina]

I don't have many options. I'm living in poverty. I can't afford to do this on my own. Where I live is not something he should be able to control. I'm glad you think it's okay that he doesn't support his children financially and we should have to suffer for that without complaint and without trying to better the situation. Yes, compromise means neither if us get exactly what we want. This isn't about where we live! This is about educational options. I've agreed to look into charter schools when we can...if this doesn't work out. He has continued to state only that he does not agree with homeschooling, without any logical arguments or options. This is not why I came here. Lol. To defend myself against ridiculous irrational comments. I thought my question was quite simple.

My, my, my. What melodrama!

Well, there is another option. Would you like me to expand on that, or have you perhaps already discounted it as being "irrational" or "ridiculous"?